Presence breathing the same air . Maybe three minutes. It was totally worth it. None of these stories on red eye tonight. Oark my goodness. Oh my goodness. Now lets welcome my guest. They call him the water pipe because he is hot and brassy like a water pipe. I am here for the reporter of kttv. In los angeles. And it is her party and she will wine if she wants to. Born 46 years ago today it is joanne nosuchunsky. It is amazing what surgery can do. That was her left happened on her left hand on her right arm. And he is back again, andy levy. And he is happy we cant fire him. Sitting next to me, anthony c comea. A block. 9lede. Thats the first story. All right. All would be lost if they dont stay soft. Yes our nations biggest drunks are keeping the alcohol industry afloat. It is time for a new segment. According to the new book paying the tab the top 10 of boozers in america account for well over half of the whole consumed in any given year. 24 million adults have on average 74 alcoholic drinks per week which comes out to 10 drinks per day. Thats amazing. The author notes that the Beverage Industry depends on these alcoholics. And if they somehow can be enduced to curb their consumption level total sales would fall by 60 . You know who does president need alcohol . Thats americas dog. Lauren, i go to you because basically this is about you. Do you realize how important your drinking is that you are actually you are like tboone pinkens of booze. You put in so much. What a patriot. I am keeping the alcohol industry afloat. They say alcoholics are primarily keeping this. What are we considering an alcoholic out of curiosity . I think 10 drinks a night. Which actually is a lot. I think it is a lot. It depends on how long your night goes. Thats true, thats true. Look, we make tax money off alcohol like we do off cigarettes. They are not going saw way anytime soon. You are welcome, america. I am helping keep us afloat and i am floating. I can tell. Anthony, you do your part. I certainly do. Once again i am part of the small minority in america that is keeping the burden. It is the burden of booze. I see people all the time physically capable of drinking on a daily basis. It is a small percentage doing most of the work in this country. They are liver loafers. Thats true. 9 jc this economy would do so much better if 30 of americans, adults dont drink at all to anthonys point. Another 30 have less than one a week. 30 have less than one drink per week. That is not even i have one drink per week by accident. I walk into a drink. How can 30 have less than one i think after a highly stressful day a half a beer goes down nice. It is true. This is obamas america. You have 30 of the people basically they are the welfare people of drinking. They are depending on people like lauren and anthony and birthday girl. We have to do our fair share. You are actually drinking for millions of people. Exactly. It is guys it is disgusting. Obviously it is your birthday. Do you not drink on your birthday if you drink every other night . I should probably do that though so i can remember the birthday. Why do that . I am just getting older. They market the u. S. Booze industry typically you see these ads and it is 20 somethings looking suave. But it is actually the alcoholics who are purchasing the booze. What, so alcoholics cant be 20 and suave looking and attractive . It is a good point you accidentally raised. Why do they bother advertising . You dont need to advertise. You are correct. Oh i forgot i need to buy more. It says no alcohol. Alcoholics can be 20 and suave and good looking. The problem is they are probably not 27 and suave and good looking. It does age you a little bit. Scwhrie i will dispute that. Alcohol does not age you if you drink wine. I feel it preserves you. It is like pickles. Your organs are definitely there. Sometimes you are talking and it is like it is frozen. The good news about this is the quantity that they describe there are 24 Million People drinking 10 drinks a day. How is that possible in a country that essentially well 10 of the adults are not doing anything, but they are drunk. One in 10 are drunk. Number two i forgot what it was. It made me feel good because i am not a drowning then. Thats not what it means. Thats why we loved these stories so much. I am not that bad. I still have a long way to go. I do four nights out of seven. Four maybe five if i am on vacation or something fun will happen. The moon is out. The moon is out or i walked into a bar. It was so windy. I drink a bottle of wine and thats four drinks. If you do the math that is four times five and that is 20 drinks a week. This is 10 drinks a day. Thats 70 drinks. Thats like math. It is a common core question for substance abusers. There apparently is this thing called perritos principal. For every business the top 20 of customers account for 80 of all of the sales. Right. So this is this is from the Washington Post and he said this is not out of line with pretty much every product that is sold. This is the way it works. I bet that is the same with music and pornography. Dead people make up the driving force behind coffin sales. You should be a business reporter. Have you thought about doing any work . I think you need to own a phone. And stop crashing on strangers couching. Couches. I leave it at the bar. They think apple is full of crapply. Apple and google, whatever that is i think they are the names of Gwenyth Paltrows kids. And now they have taken steps to make the phone data more secure which is supposed to be good. The fbi thinks they may have gone too far. The director says the Companies May be compromising Public Safety by usingen description that makes it extremely difficult for Law Enforcement to search suspects phones. What concerns me about this is Companies Marketing something expressly to allow people to place themselves beyond the law. And a former fbi gentles the wall street journal that applesen description is, quote, use this. You can have people defrauded, threatened or even at the extreme, terrorists using it. The bottom line, consumers love their iphones as much as dogs love birthday cake. They wanted it to be such a special dinner. They have been together for so long and after a couple hours it gets turned into fights. We all know that. We have all been there. Law enforcement, should they have access to suspects phone . Thats how they catch criminals, of course. I dont think smart criminals are using smartphones and having everything put up to the cloud and all of that. We learned about burners from the wire. Thats true. By the way, one of the greatest shows ever. How did it not win awards . I dont know. It is like shakespear for television. That was deadwood. What is the british guy . It is charles dickens. This is what white liberals do. They talk for days about it until everybody leaves. What were we discussing . The phone and the security and whatnot. People that need more security are actresses with little bits of dignity left. Thats pretty much it. I think the normal regular joe guy is putting out more perm personal information. He brings up a point that you would like to get your phone hacked because it could boost your career. That was the point he made. Well, this is the fbi is upset with apple and google because they say these phones are too secure now. They cant get they cant tap in and get their information. Everyone wants more secure phones after they had their naked pictures leaked. I think maybe these actresses and all of us who have naked pictures on our phones, we should take one for the team and let that stuff leak out and everyone gets a thrill and we forget about it soon so we can make our country safer. Thats incredibly fill an throp pick of you. Was that the right word . I am just saying, you can do your part. Her idea of a patriot is getting drunk and taking her clothes off. You know what, there should be more patriots. Can i ask this poor girl a question . It is her birthday. Should private companies bow to publicafety . I think they should. Well, bowing means you must bend and bengate is happening. Did you see what i did there . Here is what i dont understand. Someone has to create the technology. Someone knows how it works. So why doesnt the fbi just hire people secretly from google and apple who know how this stuff works. I feel like no matter what security measures you have in place someone will be able to hack it. If you invented it, dont you know how it works . Why are you laughing . He also sat on a tiny rock and it moved. I am your tiny rock. Whenever you are feeling down you come to me. Tiny rock. It is like an elton john song. You have been a tire less supporter of Law Enforcements right to look at your phone whenever you want for whatever reason. Obviously you support the fbi on this . Obviously. Here is what the new encryption does. It means apple cant access your stuff. In googles case it means google cant access your stuff. The fbi doesnt like this because they were able to go to apple and say give us the data for this iphone. And now apple will be like we cant. It is encrypted. That is a great impression of apple. I dont want apple knowing my information anymore than the government. They are actually protecting you not so much for the government, but that is a nice side thing and they are protecting you from them. And they are protecting themselves. The government cant go to them. You think they cant get to it. Thanks to the heroic efforts to patriot liked ward snowden, we know that when it comes to privacy, the government does what it does everywhere. It abuses the power we granted, greg. And if it hadnt done that nobody would be sitting there caring. That was about 35 seconds you need to edit out. I encrypted that. The era of snowden ended with the era of isis. Nobody thinks about him anymore. It is called adult thinking. You should look into it. I am a free market dude. I like catching terrorists more. You cant have a private sector if you have terrorists bombing the private sector so you need to make the private sector safe by catching the terrorists. You cant have it if you are catching terrorists. It is not even private anymore. Do we have time for this story . He is running as an independent and the owner of shotgun willys gentleman club. And he has friends in hip hop. On wednesday he released his video. He lays out his libertarian position while laying down a dope beat. I am convinced that we are in a trap that wont let me stopwatching. Collectors thinking he is a cancer and with liberty our guide we can find the answer stop pick up freedom women can throw their bodies keep the government out of it almost done. Is this almost over . The producer said we are almost there. Anthony, i would vote for this fella. It is an original thing. I liked the video. Cage goes in the water. Sharks in the water. I liked him better in the commercial. What votes is he trying to get . I dont know. Is it a prison vote . He is a libertarian. I dont know anything else. Too many people are imprisoned. Thats a good thing. I guess it is a good thing, but who will vote for that except the people in prison. Arent we all imprisoned . We are all in the metaphor cal prison. The only way to get out of it is giving me money. Lauren, thoughts, if you have any . Well, i mean, look, i dont pick my rap music based on politics, so i am not going to pick my politician based on his rap music. But he looks good. He has a fireplace. He is a successful guy. Thats what i like. I like the fact that he has cool friends, unlike you. No, i hang out with you. Barely. This guy owns a strip club and a church. Nobody is more american. The awful raping aside this guy is awesome. People should vote for him. We need to get to there is a bigger point. People who cant sing usually know they cant sing and they dont sing for the most part. Everybody thinks they can rap. Do they think it is just talking . That is why there are good rappers and bad rappers. You have got to know this. He means like bad . Bad meaning bad. Does this help or hurt his policies . It could help. It will get the actors vote. If he will do more videos like this he has to cast them. I am just wondering why my agent didnt call me in for this. I think i would have played convict number four very well. Convincingly. For reasons we cant get into here. Coming up, are hot dogs trying your sleep . The report you may not be alive to hear. Is your College Degree useless . Not if it makes a great paper airplane. Is your ba, bs . Apparently recent College Grads are finding their degrees are pretty much useless. One woman who graduated in 2011 summed up her post College Experience to the Huffington Post thusly, i am 23 years old and has 60 grand in debt and make about 10 bucks an hour working as a cook and live off 20 a week. After i cover represent and other expenses cover rent and other expenses when people see i have a degree it is like i dont have anything. Is she right or is she not wrong . A poll found 11 of Business Leaders strongly agree that College Students are prepared for the workforce, but 60 say they are definitely hotter. I dont know about that. What is it like being a recent grad in this economy . I dont know what that is. If it is asian it is a fetish video. That freaked me out. If colleges are not preparing people for jobs and it cost a ton of money will people stop going . It is fun. They keep doing it because it is fun even though it puts them in debt. Greg, look who you are talking to. Not only do have a bachelors degree, but i have a graduates degree. I can barely pay my rent. I am like Valet Parking cars on the weekend. This girl in the article says she is working at Panda Express and living check to check with a degree. I wish i could work at Panda Express. I love animals. It is amazing. They can get you a panda in under a half an hour. Well they use pneumatic tubes. They fire the panda from china. When it hits it is a splatter. Listen, you dont want to know how it gets on your plate. You just want to eat panda. By the way, i will say this, when i was 23, i had no money. I am trying to remember you are all broke. Jng what she is talking about is something we have all been through, anthony. I didnt go to college and look at the Success Story you are looking at now. I love the fact though that Young College girls are in huge debt. I see that as advantage anthony. It is terrible, but so true. I wouldnt know. Couldnt a real problem be in the fact that there are so many. Less majors. Pointless majors. I believe she was a film student. You need to know what are you getting yourself into and needing a job and needing a work. It is not about the degree. It is about who you meet and how you use that and who you sleep no really i do think we will see more trade school stuff happening. You are guaranteed a job for the most part and employers dont care about the degree. They like to see that you stuck with something for four years. That says something more about dedication. Like a reality show. I want to see you have been on a reality show. Or like a first marriage. I see gregs point. We were all broke at that age. 23. And a film student, that describes almost all film students. Imagine getting kicked out of your house and support yourself and then you are also instantly 60,000 in debt. Thats the key. The problem is not going to college. The problem is the cost of going to college which is completely out of control and it is driven by these government student loans, another lovely uninend ited consequences of Big Government liberalism. A degree in Film Production is not as worth while as working in Film Production or working with a producer. I think because of these loans that were easy to get it created the debt. What is the solution then . You need to be a good kid in high school so you get scholarships. Or be left handed. The cost of college has gotten out of control because they know they can get loans. Thats my point. They have to stop the loans. It is 60,000, 70,000 a year for college. Thats insane. Are you a wealth of i i dont even go to the movies anymore. I wouldnt know what to major in now. Engineering. Engineering is probably the best. Computer information systems. That would have been my pick. I dont know what that means. I dont either. Engineer. I agree we need more trade schools. I would say you should be able to go to school for tool and dye. What is tool and dye . English. I have been told foff and die. And called a tool. Thats true too. Usually it is die you tool. All right. I was trying to point out that i am so stupid i dont know what these terms mean. That was the problem with america. We are making more of me and less of them. Lets get rid of english majors. I have no money. I was living at home and i was trying to find work. I wasnt making that much money either. Anyway, why am i talking . Coming up, a song about climate change. Wore worst idea or worst idea. Our sponsor, time travel airways can transport you back to an age where leg room was ample and you can Smoke Cigarettes in the cabin. The good old days can now be yours with time travel airways. Can the perfect song right every wrong . Maybe what climate changing needs is a great pop song. Thats the headline. The writer peter webber says pop songs in the 1980s like 99 red balloons transforms how the west viewed the cold war did. He writes, quote, giant marches are great, but they only rely on a few hours. If the song is a hit you cant get rid of it. The words will eventually catch up and sink in. It sounds like a disease. Many esteemed songs have had that effect. Here is one of his biggest hits. I want to meet those guys that do those. I want to know who they are. I want to marry them. Shouldnt you know there is something with your argument if you need a gimmick like a song . Absolutely. It is very gimmicky. First of all i never thought of nanas song. I think they should. I think all celebrities should do a we are the world theme. They all have carbon footprints the size of clover fields. Do they know its christmas was a good one. Didnt they solve poverty . The farms are all good enough for farm aide. But wait a second, i know you are being air was stick, but sirmixa lot raised awareness about butts. Maybe you should wreck yourself. I enjoy a big booty in my face now. Do you have thoughts on this topic . I think the songs can be used for good and bad. You brought up sting for example. We can probably trace the illegal problem we are having now. We celebrated the alien. I didnt know that. It was an alien. There was an illegal alien from phil collins. And he said it is no fun. It was no fun. He was right. He said it was no fun. He was dressed as like a mexican with a sombrero. That would never fly now. By the way, phil collins is probably sleeping with a beautiful model. I dont know why i thought of that. Maybe i just thought of phil collins and how rich he is. What if your hero, billy joel, did a song. I am so conflicted. Oh man. I would download it. I would lien to it privately and pretend i never did and i would enjoy it secretly. How about we take something that is already done. It is a song that has already been out there. We tweak it. So aretha frank lynns respect. Sock it to me, sock it to me. You do an activist version of weird al. You take songs. And thats the issue. This song would be cheesy. You cant parody songs that sound like parodies. Singing in the acid rain. That would be a good one. It sounds like one of those twitter hash tag games. Rock bands thought about doing climate change. So anyway. Russians as you pointed out, it is an awful song. I dont hate sting. But that song is awful. It also had nothing to do with ending the cold war. It is bad history. The cold war was ended by jesus jones right here, right now. Thats true. Standing here waiting, waiting. And then it happened. They were standing there waiting and then the wall came down. That was about arson. That was a plea. What was the song . It begins with who . The scorpions song. Wind of change. Yes. Thats a great song. I dont like protest songs. Except for war. What is it good for . Also one point before i go, none of those songs were successful. We won the cold war. 99 balloons, that was about nukes. The whole point of russians was to let you know that russians love their children too. We knew that. It is the liberals who defended communism which was oppressing children and families in russia. They are the ones that didnt know that. We knew that. Music causes noise pollution. Thats true. All of the kids with their potties. They had noise footprints that we need to quench. No, stop. What is going on in my head. I am talking with no reason at all. Sometimes something goes wrong and i think about muffins. Delicious muffins. Try one today. I always had a lot of bottomless coffee. It is better than finley. Students discount protests for women. And it is not cool. It was on the best seller list. You still havent bought it, have you . It is better than killing patents, says bill oreilly. Autographed copy at g gutfeld. Com. Should they charge less if you wear a dress . Students at the university of North Carolina are protesting discounts for dames at a bar near campus. Thats the subject of tonights is this sexist . We had a question mark as we forgot to put that there last time. The viewers caught that. Good for you, viewers. It is in a no spin zone. I hope that is a no spin. It fits right in your pocket, andy. On country night tuesdays, country night is the name of the bar. On country night tuesdays, a bar called deepened charges a 5 cover for women and 10 for men ages 18 and up. How dare they . A group of unc students held a silent protest to end the ladies night which they believe object geek tau fies objectifies women. It treats women as sexual objects. Were their silent voices heard . When our customers start complaining, i will do something. Thats disgusting. I love the title deepened of a bar. Lauren, you are a woman. Ladies night discount sexist or not sexist . Once again, why are we blaming women for this thing . Dont wear short skirts. Stop asking for it. Dont get a discount at a bar. We are being penalized because a couple of jerks are ruining this . I dont think the women should have to pay during the door because you have a problem on camera. They are protesting 6ism. I think it is going to enrage people that take women out and realize that now you have to pay twice as much for them that might anger some. Yes, it would. I think thats the end of thattent which. This is the logic. This is the way logic i think works. This is where greg breaks out the math. Bars need customers. Men like to go to bars unless there are not women there because they want to meet women. The bars have to compete over the girls with discounts. Bars get more women and then the guys pay how is that demeaning to women . It is actually saying that women are actually valued. Absolutely. They are valued. We want a bar full of drunk women. Or just women. I bet the women that are complaining about this come on, you are one to talk. I am a guy and i have mine. I am willing to pay. 5, 10, whatever they need. You are such a charmer. And with looks to boot. Joanne, you worked at a bar and will be there again because you love working with people. Do you think this is a legitimate complaint . It makes no sense that it is two men complaining about this. They are saying this is sexist. These women, they are worth more than this. They are not just a commodity. They should be complaining. Why do we have to pay double . Why report they arguing why arent they arguing to get theirs reduced . Getting equal, equal pay, so to speak. What is the most absurd thing is i never pay covers. The fact that a woman would say yeah, i will pay to get in, thats what is wrong. Dont pay. Make sure a man pays for you. Honey, some of us have to pay. Some of us have to scratch around for that 5. Jay get those couch cushions up. Can you just move off to the side. Joanne, how are you doing . We have tables waiting for you. Leo is here and he has been asking for you. A giant lion. It is a bar that has lions. It never went over well. If bars had discounts for cat owners would that get you out of the house . No. No, it wouldnt . A male cat owner could get together and have a few pops. You know, among themselves. A few suds. As you know i am a feminist. You know what, you are a proud feminist. It seems only fair women should pay less considering women make less. Well done. I like the idea this is a silent protest. I like the idea that first of all it is silent and it is guilty remnant. If your protest is being organized by a dj it is a bad protest. You know what, i dont know what happened. They have to play an instrument. They did. And make 20 million a year. Thats the depressing part. I am just jealous. We have to take a break. This is my favorite story of the week. Is that a turtle in your pocket or 51 turtles in your pocket . Didnt see that one coming, did you . Thats why i am on at 3 00 a. M. Do you have videos of animals . Send them to us. Look at that arrow over there. It is scary. When you compare the top speed of dsl from the phone company with the top speed of comcast business internet. Well, theres really no comparison. Why pay more for less . Call today for a low price on speeds up to 150mbps. And find out more about our twoyear price guarantee. Comcast business. Built for business. Last story. Thats the last story. Viewers hate that sound. The show and the fun is almost over. You risk going in fertil for the turtle. A canadian man, arent they all, was recently caught at the border with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and crotch. He is this weeks red eye hero. Thank you. Wildlife agents knew something wasnt right when they saw a regularly shaped irregularly shaped bulges in the guys sweatpants. It could be natural. Kai and his accomplishes were smuggling the american turtles into canada to be sold on asian food and collector markets for up to 1500 apiece. Apparently thigh sweat adds to the flavor of turtle soup. How is this even possible . This is like an olympic event. This guy should win a prize. 50 some odd turtles in your pants . I like overpriced turtle soup as much a the next guy. I am glad we are stoping people at the border in sweatpants. Lets face it. We have enough people in this country who have given up on life. We dont need more divorced dads wandering around in jackets. I have to say that you cant put turtles in jeans. Thats uncomfortable. They bend like the iphone. I like it. This is the first draft of midnight express. It was very dramatic. This is something you want to look forward Homeland Security should look into this. There was a plan to put dynamite on turtles and have them slowly march into buildings. It is a fiveyear plan. It is a long plan. Thanks for helping the terrorists. Joanne, would you ever eat a turtle . It seems smelly and horrible. I think that is the last thing a turtle would have to worry about is being eaten. I wouldnt eat it willingly. Glad to clarify. We think of borders so like canada and then like down south, very different. Turtles, and then people. I like the fact that there is a demand for turtle soup in canada. Who knew . It is not here. I got it backwards again. They are coming from canada. I thought they were going to canada. They are canadian turtles. Canadian turtles down here anymore . Would you do this with cats . Why not . I had a rough day. Look, i hope they werent snapping turtles. I am glad they caught him. I dont like the fact that fish and wildlife agents were suspicious because of the irregularly shaped bulges. That sounds like body shaming to me. It is body shaming. Some of us i have friends and they tell me that they know people who have irregularly shaped bulges. You are lying when you say you have friends. Is this the next cause for the colorado Gubernatorial Race . I love turtles, but they smell. I like the way they look. They have unusual smells. I like bulges. Thats why we love you. Always a pleasure. Andy levy, whatever. Joanne nosuchunsky, happy birthday. Anthony, always a delight. Thats it for me. Im greg gutfeld and i will see you next time. Im kimberly gillfoyle. Its 5 00 in new york city and this is the five. Has the terror of isis just reached our shores . That is a question being kd around the country as a 54yearold woman was brutally beheaded earlier today. Listen to the unbelievable 911 tape from the scene. Shut the doors. 911, wheres your emergency . We have someone attacking someone in the building,