i send a specific gratitude to 20 people. >> tucker: what does that mean gratitude list? >> i don't think that it gets loaded. to me say this, whatever i tell: myself is the truth, and i think that's the truth for everyone so we have to be careful what we say to ourselves. so i made some dirt don't answer and things my truth. one is that a grateful attic does not get loaded. i'm an addict. i'm always going to be an addict. i'm not an addict in active use. so i make a decision to be grateful for my life. on those are the things that are hard. the things that i don't want to face. the things that are happening and feels like to me, so that i can gain skills to be a stronger person. so i write this gratitude list and i send it out to more than 20 people. >> tucker: what does that mean, what is on it? >> i could probably pull my phone out. >> tucker: i don't want to embarrass you. >> i'm not embarrassed. i'm so transparent, i am an open book. it would take a lot to embarrass me. so like i am grateful, like today. i'm grateful that my luggage was