[laughter] >> i tend to say it between appetizer an main course of a first date. i drop a tear and she doesn't say i threaten self-harm. [laughter] >> no -- i think it is men say is first buzz guys see it as a way to keep a woman and women are afraid too fast it will chase a guy away so i think that's a thing too when do you say if a guy wants to keep somebody but blow it he's going run away and afraid if i say it too soon. >> it is all a power struggle >> i'll be honest lyme the old one here where i've been married for 12 years and i don't remember who said it first -- when we said it -- but i still say is because i love him very much but i would say that historically speaking, i'm that coldhearted snake and probably was him who said it first. and i'll tell you there are nights that i still don't say it right now if he does something to piss me off. >> all right what's the worst thing that's happened when you