D w. Ah. Did you get that the sat in the day that she didnt get mad in prison . I wrote my mother a letter. I want to tell you something about myself. You might not want to hear that can. Im sorry. What i want to tell you, i never have been and never will be a woman. The loneliness i experienced in prison and finding myself among oppressed people, i didnt know, has given me the courage to talk about who i really am. Allah, the woman died here and is never coming back and a high level and im, im ali auto with his will and strength and added them. Ill never be as feminine as you. Please dont get upset once i get out of here. No, ill only be ollie and will never be scared of anything any more. And i knew myself, she evident after the 7 michelle lee and wasnt it. My biggest problem here is loneliness long. And i suffer from it along at my hack when i talked to others about it had they dont understand me or my feelings. Well yeah, they dont understand what i went through before i arrived here. Jenny, i dont feel comfortable with anyone. Cool. So ive decided to be on my own layer caught other than nicola. Ah, an tablets men in ne, listen, im tired of pretending im not ali. Although i feel like ali on the inside lesson. And now whenever i form bonds, i feel like theyre not authentic or complete because i cant be myself laughing. Oh that i have to fear because she ah ah or fall at allah among the board go a she if i arrived in mancha book and applied to work for the police here i the 20 can before that i stayed in hub, rushed out for a month oh, not a month you did. Alamos, you, but when i got here, i didnt know much about the city or even much about germany in about a full show us lanelle manya, candidly. Oh me. Oh, well, i signed up for a German Language School to busy myself course and so holly working, but i was shocked. Yeah, me because there was an issue with my name, the mold, while its in referral. How could the instructor call me a woman for an ana give any and okay, the im not a woman the fro. Say they also need i quit the school up. Acton Melissa Mallory had already been valid shame the quasi. After that, it made that i didnt leave the house for 2 months and on our valley at madison in them as we adult. Yeah, madison. And then i feel like i cant integrate into society because of my documents, identity and appearance. All know what out and well do that and then will. Yeah, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la virginia. For when i get mail addressed to miss allah ha midi. It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. Dumb of i think miss ellen, how that will work on emily theater, annie, as me, how should i present myself to my friends . The issue has caused me so many problems and im sick of enough enough. He. There havent been any opportunities for me to change my gender or help myself in any other way since my arrival that its been this been and its been very painful for me. I stay home and cant make new friends. Mother, instead, my old friends come to visit with them, but everything staying the same. So the days are boring and monotonous. Skinny young children, only since there isnt much to do. And magda book it all i do every day is go down to the river to drink coffee and smoke a cigarette. Then one heck, murphy. The hain medina. Ma fishing. Any one i had to show that i cant even find a job as one then nor anna had. I even tried to find one paid under the table, but my name was a problem. Again, my entire life plays out between these 2 identities, hula, and ali. And i just cant take it any more. My landlord got my ah ah. See, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, some i got in touch with the person named. Whoa some 4 months ago the fall ceylon, me . Oh some my dog is shaney hackett. I sent him all my details and told him everything about myself while i was still in syria. Leash and nobody homeless because i wanted to finally find myself with ali the dea. Did i jojo de la. Im longing for the moment when my heart fits together with my feelings sunday and my body. Mamma and we lama. Chatty. My just said the lakisha thought ill change cities and moved to berlin soon in the line. I want to search for ali there. Ali ah ah ah ah ah, ah, had him been now oh no, i did. The conflict between ala and ali, stems from my mental fatigue. Allah, allah has suffered a lot. All her family forced her to get married and she was rate level when i know to anybody, possibly, i dont know if i should feel bad for her or if im sad because of hers, i ha ha oh, beside me num about it. But she Means Nothing to me any more when she, when a sheep that except that she was treated unfairly. And i dont like injustice or people allowing themselves to be treated badly. Hello. Can you be a little heavy . Is lawana law about flush yeah, nan in the look at him. I just dont know what to think about her, the visit when i think back on her. I dont like her know some, but i feel bad for her. Nicole because she let someone use her and her body is little bit. Hey buddy. All in thinking in the heck had those i said christian ebony and ali didnt appear out of the blue. Shy o. Ive had these feelings since i was a child to be out of london when over no, ive known i wasnt normal since puberty. How thou was thought it was tough, and i didnt understand what made me differently. Shake embassy, and id heard of transgender people. And although i didnt want to be like them, i couldnt help it for a month and i never could identify with allah. And so i decided to completely give her up. Well about a follow up with. You should 1st go to see mac mood. After mac mood will make an appointment with the doctor, so he can give us some advice. To be honest, the procedure takes a long time. And alicia, for you for we dont want to. Yes, it does. Hello. Well visit the nurse and this will, hes a friend of mine on the urologist le. And hell have an idea of how long it takes and fees. But linkable official is of the thumb. It promised me that this will stay between the 2 of us will be not. No, not. Yes, of course, if you havent gotten us too much too so unemotional. I dont know him. But if you know he wont be open about the issue. I dont want to consult him. Love this dish out front of the calendar. Yes, i know you want someone very open minded. This will stay a secret as usual, and no one will find out that you are actually lula and no ali more. I mean, im not allah, im ali. And yes i knew but no, no, buts its your issue is that its not my business in that one. Yes it is. And because i dont see myself as allah, there is no alo tubes. Its what your documents say. I dont care about the documents, theyre not mine them. So i know its not part of our agreement, but how can we change this . And then we have to change your name 1st, right . Theres a procedure to be follow along with me to change your sex. Right. We need to know the whole process. Soft. Jonah. I go on to them. Sure, sure job. Take them off the stew. Theyre done. Yeah, they need a bit longer. So i oh i i must have them to jenny with abilene. Ive never worked with cars before, was and i still dont, but im working here now to beef up my body. I flint, hey man, this isnt really my kind of job. And my la la, im not Strong Enough with deed because it takes muscles, isaac, to you. I carry around things that way more than i do up there in can. I also like all kinds of car parts and even engines on. And i wouldnt have been able to handle that before, but i can now i love it. Ive been working here for 2 months. And mr. De la. Oh, when im home now honeymoon, my co workers here are tall and strong at all. And they often ask me how i can do this work with such a small body shop that had i understood in a shuttle who was just mostly which order ah, you have to put your weight on it from behind a candle and a half sally, i did talk on yesterday. I feel like im stronger than most normal men. No chabad. Or maybe i just think that to prove to myself, im a normal man leisure chevalier. Im a man, a man along with my job and goals and everything that goes with that. Shell be in the dia, the, the wrenches and positioned right. The should be straight. Ah more, more. A good job. Ah, ah, i had that belief, although i had had more subtle. I started taking hormones 4 months ago, panorama and thank god the treatments showing effect, city j. O ish, that ive also started learning german. Oh la la, i since im alone, elani memories of my time in prison come back to mind. Fearful horrible details of my imprisonment to basil images of the people i was therewith nothing weakened. Now when i took out the blush i shudder i fan. I was detained on october 12th 2012 notes that they caught me on dora highway with us. I used to smuggle people from damascus to dora and from dora to jordan. We would get them fake i ds and use the ideas to smuggle them across the border and only listen amanela. I was attained. Asana mean old and later transferred to dora, and in dora, they put me in solitary confinement lives. There were mirrors everywhere in the cell, meaning your every move was watched and that they bought a day and it was very cold. Or if he had done that, i felt like i was losing my soul. Yoman and i couldnt feel my blood can navigate the land. Huh. No one gave me any food or took me to the bathroom for 2 days. I thought it and nina and no, i mean they just gave me an empty bottle. When i entered the cell, la fi, a norman and water and left it. There is no mercy and no god inside the prison ever. Danny . A she, she thought thought it was horrible. Seeing the broken women get beaten by men, actually at the la shabanni or the jazz doodle toleta. And they dont been to be had thought here when they would take us to the bathroom and we had to jump over dead bodies, voyages as there was blood all over the walls. Get, let them not, hey, the bodies were wrapped in blankets, sunny and we had to jump over them them. Goldman ford sto ah, get to show after 2 months the beating stopped and i was taken out of solitary confinement. Ah, getting an animal hulu at home rather, philip comes away when they opened the door of the prison. Oh, i saw around 25 women, a clothes line, and a bucket really thin. It smelled very bad over them, hair had on this one is in the middle of it all the women were eating, smiling, trying to have fun and singing her sod. Dylan killed, bernard to apply remain stuck inside for a long time while women came and went to lauer for too many were released to the d. That is eunice, but i stayed in prison solid rather than one on the side that then how will it . Id imagine at some point i was put on trial and my case was finally discussed. Ill only ignore at a 100. 00. I was then released on bail said either carefully away, cuz she would go get shandy academy and apply for that at and i left the country walk lod ah ah, ah oh ned, allah, the woman total my died here and is never coming back. I have nothing left to lose mother because i dont know if i will ever breathe fresh air again. Lets not get her theseus detected. Mm hm. Indiana. But in spite of it all, im sure im your son and not your daughter. Bad last night. I know its very hard for you to hear that its hard to say, but its how i was born. And i love all and im ali with his will and strength and added and laughing. Ill never be as feminine as you for that. Please dont get upset once i get out of here hall, ill only be ollie and wont be scared of anything any more myself she ever ah, this may be got out of mack m a badly. I changed my name through a court order in berlin at the court and brought the medical report to the judge that sure, by then our 20th caught, i had to wait 6 months for the court to recognize me as transgender will. Would. I want to let us, i went to france for my 1st trip after i was recognized as transgender min leash, zika for had a name on my passport, was finally ali hattie. And it was the most satisfying thing ive ever done. Said b, how he had thought it back then my id still said allah, i would get scared whenever i had to show it. I can. But now i can show my id with confidence. Carlos, im incredibly happy. Accidental thought. I had a study away and no, i mary beth, asleep in the future. Ill. I want to have a little house with my family, hannah lynn, and gave all my feelings to some one who was really deserves it. Oh la, wont get it when not a foot. Well, im stuck it by. Im also thinking about adopting a child. Then. No, andy. Andy a shuttle agile. Ive always had parental feelings. We yes, but i never felt i could be a mother. She had let alicia and let the family damage. Well, i met her, how was i able to live in that body before . Thank keith and i definitely did the right thing isnt to along with love and i will keep on going. Well best. Who would, i guess its me, ah, me my i spent many great days with my aunt, damascus when im hayden, and i will never forget how she was, how she looked at him the way she would think when she lived in damascus. Like the 40, i spent my whole childhood with her for cotton, although i li, county for corner beula and the think the same way and nothing has changed for me between the 2. Not even fill out the spill. I had no appearance may have changed when she transition from a woman to a man. And it was strange for me at 1st. But ive worked on accepting it and no one can, you know, sways really been this been a leave us and i dont know how to meet a minimal war. I also live in exile and have no one here except my aunt, uncle and cousins. I have to maintain my family bonds, we need to talk to you on for an allows him. Kuhn doesnt think she is mostly among the in macon, georgia. I dont think about what would have become of me if i stayed in syria. She houghton, i live in germany now. So guns that got people are equal here than whether theyre male or female. And things are different in syria and throughout arabic, society, anna and son. Im a human being, i have the right to live high in and i have the right to be happy and accepted chicken for be a little bit j head us or a horn and a to had unless ive become older and this great city who had medina it teaches you that youre a human being with your own identity. Dinna fi at the hand that you can live normally, actually on the internet. And thats all i wanted from my life safe chicken, toby. I didnt do anything to make myself an outcast athletic. Quite to the contrary. Im surrounded by friends who love me. Cool and i love them, hugs and, and they respect me to you and i respect them instead one will get to the morning, can she . Ah ah ah ah ah ah, i live ali is more than a friend who is like a brother to me. I and im like his older sister really. We are very close or he talk about our problems together. And sometimes we understand each other without even talking a forward on that is so i hadnt heard much more less than had benefit by busting to bob nodded from but now im not in full. As in my goal is to study photography, fun bottles for diamond inducted well pick theory and had been going about if that that of the swale i 2001 after the finances. And we should finally focus on the important things until the end of the year. But youre already doing so many things. You have to play the fill them in the surgery. You really want more. The sat, yes, i want more. I still have time to spare duet with as i look at and dam aaliyah and 2 days i will have a breast operation and it will be my 1st surgery and to sleep. Im a bit distressed but not because of the procedure itself as an im afraid the same thing might happen as last time. When i came into the operating room, they told me the surgery wouldnt happen. A family, my lemon hail meadow, akin that all my documents are fine and ive received all the approvals which are very hard to get and im still stressed but very happy at the same time. Oh, im counting the minutes until the operation. Oh, grandma might have thought it that the to morrow i have an appointment with the Plastic Surgeon lebanon. Well, of course, i could have never ever done this in my home country because the topic is taboo, whatsoever them yes, legacy. Im ready and prepared for anything he had to show because its what i really want from the bottom of my hearty and i want to leave my old life behind and move on to the next step. I want to finish what ive started. I could never go back. Its impossible to turn around almost the hey, i want to keep going with the gift. Oh, ah, [000 00 00;00] me, [000 00 00;00] ah, me me. What are you doing today . Ali and im having my breast surgery as my thought that way. I thought that they scared that no, im not scared at all. Im not even cared about any complications that might arise. Im just not scared of the operation. Im going in there with optimism that has if she has what, what i can do. But this is the 1st time in your life, youll get rid of physical parts of that an a hey, thats what im particularly happy about. Hey, anecdotal sophia, and back and before the operation and i had to shave my chest salute of shoddy, allow for little hag. The day i did a lot of things for the last time in my life. Hey, i got a letter from my mom and paula and im moving on to new things now. It had no 90 c had. Im happy that from now on. Ill look the way i want ices chicken video. Im scheduled for the atlanta n q 50. Ill go back to the gym and work out again. Dba hennessy, give me a shout. Alady out on me. A little handy kensington theater. Money lab. His own i have a lot of t shirts. I used to feel too shy to wear it, but now ill finally feel comfortable wearing them. Oh, in the sun nobody. I how i may feel a bit stressed and agitated mentally, but definitely not physically. I banjo for the in this more or less. Ah. Ah sure you wont regret somebody. No, im not scared. Ill regret this operation. But im starting to feel a bit afraid of the surgery and especially the anesthesia. I want this very badly and i wont regret it. Mm mm. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah, i live rock theres, im only has a very good so and it will not die like i like when i met him. I didnt notice anything strange about him. So busy can i . It was like meeting a man with a womans memories, united in one soul, mcgruther in one body of home after 3. I mean with time, i better understood how someone can be a man with the memories of a woman or the cbi. I think there would even say no, this makes aaliyah banks. A man has the quarter because he understands women well and knows what he needs in life and where hes going. He has adapted his body to be the way he wanted it. Hello, and thats a beautiful thing i did about or like i said how. A liberal, i saw her live like that and i was, i didnt think i could ever be with a man. But alley changed that because he used to be a woman and knows how to treat women. Right. And all worked on over. He tries not to make any of the typical mistakes men normally do with women. And hes replaced the negative aspects of men with something positive, the whole making him the perfect man for me on file. I dont, ive never found these qualities in any other men. Ive met and administer in the perspective and um, other than me, well, as i got out of dolly, he knows what the problems are in our society far and especially the ones related to the concepts of men and women can live in. And hes trying to resolve them through his body and so a little never seen anything like that. Hes learning from himself, sophia helene, and understand that he has the ability to change his body untold millions, but keep his memories as a woman intact, while progressing further. William, shell end up with ah edi, i bet on my forearm is basically made of silicone. Now a source of a tube goes into and out of my forearm every day. For 7 months. When its used to take flesh from my arm, which will then be replaced with flesh from my stomach to refund, who did it food, the silicone tube and the tissue surrounding it will be used to create my new genitals. And the aim is further urethra to pass through the silicone tube. During the surgery of my forearm will be cut open here and here and later sewn back together. And the flash removed will be used to make my genitals when they grow the head here, which will be 3 centimeters. And from here they grow, the testicles is also 3 centimeters. It wouldnt chrissy then and theyll take flesh from my thigh to reconstruct my forearm. Well eat, but then my genitals will be created and grafted yes. This model and ive been undergoing these operations for about 7 months now shifted adul, tardy. And the next one is my final surgery, the special im so yeah then, and about a year there will be almost no scars visible snapshot. Ah ah said amelia sally. And after the last operation, my roommate started to ask about us out in the neighborhood when she might have had fan i replied that she is my wife. Z as to minor pow manifold. Thanks. But we dont actually want to put a label on our relationship below the nose that underneath the fat tid leaving me. And shes my wife, my lover, jani. My sister kim and i love my mother and that deal feature and many other thank lucille and me, lou could a shallow m less and the application fee, but it gives you the feeling of greater enter stability if you can label your relationship. Ayala hello to hey, ive had Good Relationships and know nice people in my life that blood su, su, gave me true stability on little high for example, when i come home, i know theres some one who loves me waiting for me there. Understand nanny, the head need another hello. Mm hm. I dont know a ladder. Its nice sitting here in the sun. Miss williams from small darville russell. This is a bit cold here. The guy you called a bit is why, why didnt you tell me . Its no big deal. And la dekota, london, i left the netherlands and came to live here with ali i i didnt really have a plan on see her again. Her fathers let her but we decided to live together after the cove at 19 pandemic broke out in hazardous ha ha ha ha i knew of sloth in there and include the color. Though if you were to decide to get married, would you be afraid your families and Society Might not accept you from most of us 3 . Well, lets go gather the little dog. Oh, let me, let me one will anthem older, all gentlemen in the family members that i care about and who care about me and who i have a Good Relationship with are all fine with it. Oh yeah, theyve met ali, weve talked and, and in the end i have the freedom to choose what i want in my life rather for without being pressured from the outside. And the heavy, it does. So this i was a hair to im still transport her mom. I transport medical samples for labs and doctors you by. I pick up the samples from doctors and take them to the central lab in berlin to be analyzed. The next day i pick up the results and bring them back to the doctors law. I work 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, about it. But im happy because i dont have to carry anything heavy. She knew that after i got the body i wanted, i moved into a house in berlin and i now have a girlfriend and a steady job sovereignty bitterly. I feel that my life started in berlin stuck, couldnt. Every shot i was born in berlin and everything id ever dreamed of all happened in berlin. If she linux fancy collateral syfy better. Mm hm. For ah, ah, ah ha honey. Oh, now hon. At once. I made peace with myself. Had i was able to love my former self. Allah lucia valley had that aim. I respect her and am sorry for her because she always survived everything that had in her all the difficult chapters of her life. And when i ran away from my familys home, when i left the country, when i was forced to marry but ran away, i took when i was detained and later i got out of prison human i always. She always survived here. The station, gannon. D for dish i love that she has missed out on so many things since my transformation i with had so i decided to make up for it and she and i got tattoos cut it in the middle here. Ill show you them mama, neil hank, this is the tattoo with that tool. Thats ala. And this is ali o allies week here, and ali is hugging her and giving her strength. Im got the hon. Unfortunately, thats because we live in a male dominated society. So if im a man, so i have to be strong, even if i dont want to be. And i have another tattoo beandee that with any other school in this tattoo diamond than nothing, i will always hold her hand and thought out and help her up. Then alumnus in the kind of in a cont, whom im helping myself to deal with the situation with said a deal. And i did. He had a sheet in a little can if i hadnt had all those operations and had stayed and syria lamishia alba lit, i no doubt would have had to fight for my life. But here, let no, because allah never could have survived it. It can semester. But he, him, when i said i picked the right path for allah and ali can, can, can, because otherwise my life could have ended like that of many other women who took their lives due to the abuse society condones to my and i probably would have done the same thing, it wouldnt have been a sign of weakness, but simply a decision. Ah, what making the headline stand . Whats behind van d w . News africa. This shows that the issue is shaping the continent. Life is slowly getting back to normal. Yeah. Well, in the streets, to give you enough reports on the inside of our correspond that was on the ground reporting from across the continent. All the trends doesnt matter to you in 30 minutes on d w o. Oh, they want to know what makes the germans do just in the gym. Loved about anything that way, but im not even know how to work my own car and everyone with later holes and every single day. Just kidding, are you ready to meet the gym and then join me . Right. Just do it on d. W la has no limits. Love is for everybody. Love is live. I love matters and thats my new podcast. Im evelyn char, mom and i really think we need to talk about all the topics that new divides and denied that. And this i have invited many deer and well known guests. And i would like to invite you to an end ah ah, this is debbie news light from berlin. The head of the World Health Organization declares the monkey pox outbreak a Global Health emergency. He fears the disease could spread rapidly to more countries but hopes. The declaration will spur a more coordinated Global Response less than a day after you crane and russia sign a deal to allow grain shipments. The Ukranian Army says russian missiles struck the