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Peters from california joining us tomorrow. Well see you then. Announcer this is the bill press show. [ theme music ] stephanie okay. Thats not working. Hello. Welcome current tv land. I cant hear jacki. Okay. Stephanie all right then. Good morning, everybody we have a new pope. Who wants to throw out the first pope joke . Okay. Ummmmm. A priest and rabbi stephanie you are lucky he even popes for you. He is pope francis. And he has one lung. Stephanie dont cry argentina, the truth is he never left you. He is italian decent. As many in italy are. Stephanie in the meantime here is Jacki Schechner in the current news center. Good morning, we do have a new pope today a lot sooner than expected. The cardinals picked pope francis after just five rounds of voting. He is 76 years old and the first pope from latin america. He is known to be simple and pastoral, but not expected to modernize any of the issues like aborg, gay marriage or allowing women to become priest. President obama congratulated his holiness. Scott proudy could fast become a household name as he is the bartender who recorded and pushed out romneys remarks at a fund raiser last may dismissing and mispair aging 47 of the people of america. He said he struggled for two weeks before deciding he was a coward if he didnt release it to the public. I went back to dad and said thats not going to work. Im going to put it out and make sure as many as people as possible hear it. Cpac starts today. They will hear speeches from marco rubio and others. The rock stars of the moment Chris Christie and governor mcdonald were not invited, but well hear from sarah palin, mitt romney and donald trump. Were back after the break. Stay with us. To the fire. Are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night . Is this personal or is it political . A lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. Staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. Not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. But we do care about them, right . Vo the war room tonight at 6 eastern youre invited to take the lysol wipes challenge. Try lysol dual action wipes and see the cleaning power. Lysol dual action wipes have 2 sides instead of one. A scrubbing side that cleans tough stains better than clorox. And a smooth side for everyday touchups. All while killing 99. 9 of germs. Take the lysol wipes challenge today. Available at walmart. [ theme music ] announcer ladies and gentlemen, its the Stephanie Miller show im walking on sunshine, woe ho im walking on sunshine woe ho its time to feel good hey all right now its a time to feel good stephanie yahoo. Why . Because we have a new pope for us. You are lucky he even popes for you, jim. Rocky Mountain Mike said im not catholic but if the catholics would have come out and seen their shadow would we have six more weeks of conclave . [ circus music ] stephanie i dont know. This just in breaking news Mitch Mcconnell announcing the republicans goal is to ensure that francis is a oneterm pope. I want to make sure hes a oneterm pope. Stephanie he was previously known as jorge Mario Bergoglio. He released this brief statement this morning. Dont cry for me argentina he has a very high voice. Stephanie yes. Especially with one lung. He had his lung removed when he was a child. Stephanie there is a pope fun fact. And some other organs too. Because his voice so high. Stephanie oh, i see. [ applause ] stephanie he probably called home, what up buenos aires. Check me out is that a song . Stephanie yeah. What is new bane buenos aires, im a pope stephanie here is karl frisch. Karl Stephanie Karl frisch bullfight strategies. Com. So exciting to me Frisch Stephanie hit it karl frisch oh the phone is still doing things. Thats going to be bad. Okay then. And i bet ya he had the first chorus all ready. Please stand by. [ jeopardy theme music ] stephanie yeah, they formally announced him as the new head of the Catholic Church yesterday. Now nobody is there. Here are some fun facts about the new pope lets just go with francis. No wonder they changed it. Seems unwavering on matters of sexual morality. Stanchly opposing abortion samesex marriage, and contraception contraception. Enjoy, have fun everybody. He said gay adoption is discrimination against children. Yeah, much better to be an alter boy. Stephanie right. Right. Im just going to try this. Karl is that you . I had to let it happen i think the pope was reading my mind because i was going to sing something from avita, and then my mic wasnt on. Stephanie yeah, what is the name of the song . I dont know the names of the song you know that song from the show. Stephanie you dont know show tunes. All right karl, whatever. You are fired from gayness. I know about the Catholic Church. I went to catholic school. Stephanie the pope only has one lung. Did you know that . My understanding is that he woke up in a bathtub in ice and was missing a lung. [ laughter ] you know what else is interesting stephanie what . It has got gay marriage. And this cardinal fought against that law. Yeah, and argentina has had it for a couple of years now and it hasnt floated off into the ocean. You know what else argentina has, penguins. Gay penguins [ dramatic music ] he fought against that new law tooth and nail. And he is very very against gay adoption. At least he is a dinner pope. He gets his meal at 5 00 instead of 3 00. He is 73. He is not a young pope. Somebody asked me on twitter, everybody was saying that the next pope was going to be from african, and i said Everybody Knows that the first pope after george, with comes w pope. Stephanie all right. Steve doocy. We know this is simply a tactic. The participateresident is not serious about reaching across the aisle, but he saw his poll numbers imploding [ dramatic music ] serving a ploy my friends. Do not trust the black man in the white house. Stephanie yeah, he literally cant do anything that fox news wont find something wrong with. So the president cured cancer. Now there is going to be a lot bigger population on the earth. Thanks a lot. Stephanie way to go. I often said if the president took his daughters ice skating at the National Mall they would accuse the president of trying to walk on water like jesus. Stephanie there you go. Sean hannity. It was one week ago, mark, the app pock lip tick doom and gloom. Now a charm offensive, why dont i believe that. It has been long rumored that the line producers at fox news its really more like mad libs. Insert cataclysmic reincarnation of what the president did, and insert word that ends in ist. Stephanie mark levin. The pope is a pope that cares about the poor. And obama is a president who creates more poor. Ah. You can ask the bishops and others what they say about paul ryan. Stephanie exactly. I think if im not mistaken i think that was a joke. Oh, really . Stephanie i think that is what passes as a joke. Its sarcastic and ultra left wing. Stephanie right. Wouldnt you think he would have some change in the intone nation of his voice . Stephanie no lets hear it again. You know, they actually have something in common. That is the pope is a pope who who cares about the poor and obamas a president who creates more poor, so they have something in common in that reform. [ circus music ] badly written joke. Badly delivered. Stephanie he does of does the leno thing at the end. Yeah. [ laughter ] true story. True story. [ laughter ] stephanie okay. Rush limbaugh. This is not about Free Health Care for people. This is not making sure the poor, disadvantaged or middle class people cant afford to have health care. Its about the government running it. Once the government has control over your health care they control the rest of your life. Health care has always been one of the first objectives of any of the famous total tearian are seems. Stephanie there is it. Hold your calls, we have the first hitler reference of the morning. The hitler the Prime Minister of every country. Is it me or can you find of hear the hitler train coming down the tracks. [ laughter ] Stephanie Jesse lee peterson he is a farright preacher who is a frequent guest on the hannity program. And this is a sermon. It is over for america, women are taking over they are taking over in their high powerful positions, they are running companies, making decisions, and the one thing i know for sure without a doubt, women cannot handle power. Its not in them to handle power in the rightwing. They dont know what to do with it. [ laughter ] stephanie i think you can pretty much put that to rest im a powermad beeoch. Man somebody needs to get laid. Judging from his voice i think that ship has sailed. Ladies and gentlemen, the modern Republican Party. [ applause ] stephanie there you go. He sounds like he had one lung can i just say. He was a little darth vadery. I think he was thinking of a female dominatrix. Yes, mistress may i have another. [ whip snaps ] they cant handle power [ whip snaps ] i forgot my safe word. Stephanie there is no safe word. [ laughter ] i have a feeling that his safe word has something to do with obamacare. Stephanie jim has tried to warn us the safe word is misrati pat [ inaudible ]. What this court case said was young people have the right to engage in sex outside of marriage. Society never gave young people that right. That never happens functioning societies dont do that. They punish it. They corral people. They shame them. They stone them to death. The institution for the expression of sexuality is marriage. Wow. Wow. And the clergy according to some priests. Yeah. Yeah, remember yesterday when you made the talkers 100, and you were number 12 . Stephanie thank you for bringing that up dont tell number 17 Laura Ingraham but what is your point . This is how they get to the top 100. Shows like this. Where you are like, really, they have a show . Im surprised that they dont have a heavy 1,000. [ laughter ] stephanie all right. Thank you, karl. Love ya. I wont see you next week but hal will. Yes ill talk to you soon. Stephanie well be on vaca next week. Thank god. I need it. Stephanie the pope stress is making us all snap. Eighteen minutes after the hour. Kids go to my pc. You are stuck waiting somewhere most of us use our smoertphones your what . Smoert phones. Thats a smoert phone over there. Really smoert. Stephanie my phone is smart, and i use it while im waiting to pass the time. Go to my pc by citric allows me to get work done while im waiting. You can actually do all of those fancy things like edit files. Write proposals that sort of thing. Stephanie right. Turning any phone or kendall fire into your computer. It is the missing link. You any program even though that you dont have set up on your mobile device. Thats some kind of voodoo. It is voodoo. Stephanie plus very easy to use, which is important for me because i know nothing. And you have a smoert phone. Right. Stephanie let me tell you what i did after the break. You did something with your smoert phone. Stephanie yes. Go to mypc. Com. Enter the promo code testifyny and download the free app to your device. 20 minutes after the hour, right back on the Stephanie Miller show. This is too weird man. Announcer its the Stephanie Miller show. Can become major victories. Im phil mickelson, pro golfer. When i was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis my rheumatologist prescribed enbrel for my pain and stiffness, and to help stop joint damage. [ male announcer ] enbrel may lower your ability to fight infections. Serious, sometimes fatal events including infections tuberculosis lymphoma, other cancers, nervous system and blood disorders, and allergic reactions have occurred. Before starting enbrel your doctor should test you for tuberculosis and discuss whether youve been to a region where certain fungal infections are common. You should not start enbrel if you have an infection like the flu. Tell your doctor if youre prone to infections, have cuts or sores have had hepatitis b have been treated for Heart Failure, or if you have symptoms such as persistent fever bruising, bleeding or paleness. Since enbrel helped relieve my joint pain, its the Little Things that mean the most. Ask your rheumatologist if enbrel is right for you. [ doctor ] enbrel, the number one biologic medicine prescribed by rheumatologists. I think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. They can question whether im right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. Announcer Stephanie Miller. I like what youre doing to me stephanie uhhuh. I love disco, i hear it is caming a come back. Stephanie you are not allowed to make that joke every again. Kelly carlin live in studio in hour number 3. And jim has to leave early you know why . Because no one caring about his dad. [ applause ] stephanie no, but kelly carlin has an amazing show. My dad was a fan of George Carlin stephanie see it is magical. And we have some terrific bass on the show today. Yes, representative karen bass can we have a moratorium on that joke. [ buzzer ] stephanie no you didnt. Im going to inflict the disco version of dont cry argentina on you for that. Our good friend glenn sent us this. Stephanie everyone. Do the disco dance. Wow stephanie wouldnt that be awesome if all of the cardinals had like a dance routine behind him. Oh, this is awful. Stephanie i love it. [ applause ] stephanie love it. They are all dancing in those little red slippers. Stephanie all right. Pope ladies and gentlemen, pope francis. And the people on this journey for the roman Catholic Church is it a journey of friendship, of love of trust and faith. Let us pray always for one another. Let us pray for the whole world because let us have a big brotherhood. Stephanie all right. And scene. [ applause ] what is the matter with you . Stephanie gotano respect. Why cant jim and i get a job as a translator. Wouldnt that be more entertaining. Of course. Stephanie and also thatsaspicya balla. When the moonahitsayour eye. Who would like some pope fun facts . What . Snap out of it stephanie right. Thats what he is going to say. We have got to snap out of it wow. I dont think that is going to happen. Stephanie a bunch of pope chers singing dont cry for me argentina . Is there a pope crowning what happened . He is already pope. Stephanie he is poped . Why is there no ceremony . Why all the costumes if there is not going to be some big musical or something . Dont they present the pope they did it last night. Stephanie thats it. Thats it. He is already poping. Stephanie no pope chairs, no roller skates nothing . They dont fly him in like sandy duncan. He appears out of the floor like in zanadu. Right and then do rhythmic gymnastics. Stephanie right. There should be a royal thing core nation. Stephanie like a new queen. A wheelie nitro funny cars sunday sunday sunday stephanie right back on the Stephanie Miller show. Viewpoint digs deep into the issues of the day. Do you think that there is any chance well see this president even say the words carbon tax . With an open mind. Has the time finally come for real Immigration Reform . And a distinctly satirical point of view. But you mentioned great leadership so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. laughter . Watch the show. Only on current tv. Announcer Stephanie Miller. I must say ever since you started having regular intercourse your mind has lost its a keen edge. You should reflect on that. [ laughter ] wait . Stephanie what . Thats the same time you got a smort phone too. Right . Where is my smort phone at . What . Its not so smort if it cant tell me where it is. Stephanie did you want me to tell you the dumb thing i did with my smartphone yesterday . Yeah. Stephanie you were trying to teach me to send text to my email, and you have to mark everything separately, and then someone called and i hit decline, and they all went away. You demanded answers right then and there, so there might be a way to check if they are still there stephanie i barked at you. All right. 1800steph12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. Charlie called Stephanie Charlie pierce called and said if we play that disco dont cry for argentina in honor of the pope again he will stab his eyes out. Stephanie dont taunt me like that charlie, i will do it. You know i will. What is it nausea . Stephanie no there is a popeathon. An invocation on tuesday. And president obama is going. Stephanie its not a popeathon. No. Stephanie what it is . An invocation. Stephanie a Little Something for the people. It needs to be exactly like the final scene of zanadu. Stephanie exactly. Zanadont. Stephanie i would like that other song i like what is new buenos aires maybe done on ice skates. All right who would line [ inaudible ]. He likes the argentinas. Stephanie who would like some pope fun facts . [ funfacts music ] stephanie he is 76. Aragain tinnia Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio he is just francis now. Yes frank. Stephanie hey, yo frank why dont they name a pope Something Like pope ed. Pope fred. Pope jake. Pope dick. No, thats probably not kosher. [ laughter ] stephanie what . No. He is now named francis. Were any other names considered or only francis . I believe he is named after francis of asesee. Stephanie oh. He is the first jesuit and noneuropean pope since the first century. Stephanie frank sure. Stephanie has affirmed Church Teaching on homosexually and contraception. In 2010 he stated samesex adoption is a form of discrimination against children and samesex marriage is a scheme to destroy gods plan in a real and dire an throw poe logical throw back [ scoobydoos huh . ] stephanie huh . They twist themselves into pretzels stephanie maybe its the one lung. Not enough oxygen to the brain. Stephanie right. He strongly opposed legislation in 2001 by the aragain tinnia government to allow marriage equality. He has dedicated his life to helping the poor but not the gays. Oh, god no. Stephanie he continues to say snap out of it stephanie the contempt of rights of individuals and peoples [ inaudible ] drugs corruption trafficking people and long with children morality and poverty are big problems. He is thinking of the children but not the alter boys. In 2001 he discouraged people to spend the money to fly to rome to celebrate with him when he became a cardinal. He lived in a simple apartment, cooked his own food and traveled by bus instead of chauffeured limousine. And he would ride his bike. Stephanie he cant ride his bike with his hat now. One of the first things he did after he became pope stephanie how long would it take him to get on the bus come on, i got to get to work . Bong. Im telling you cannot get on there with that hat. One of the first things he did after he became pope . He went back to his hotel and paid his bill. Stephanie oh. That is probably the last bill he have to pay. Stephanie knocking on the door of the vatican [ knocking ] stephanie i know you are here. You would think that the vatican would have an extra room that these cardinals could stay in. Yes, but you dont get hotel porn. Stephanie no, because you have the old pope hanging around. He is probably hanging around in his underwear watching hbo. The vatican has awesome porn channels. Its a almost like being in utah. [ laughter ] stephanie hey, did you eat the last of my cheese doodles . [ inaudible ]. Stephanie okay. All right. And more fun facts . Stephanie yes, i love the headline [ world news tonight theme ] Stephanie Pope with one lung shouldnt affect duty. This is the funnest of the fun facts. The new pope has daunting challenges. Ranging from the church of the sex scandal and reinvigorating the flock and he will have to do it with just one lung. He is a little bit slowed by it but he is okay these are fun facts. [ funfacts music ] okay. Stephanie doctors say it doesnt necessarily compromise the popes life or reduce his life scan, but it does reduce his physical exercise level. Get off of my machine stephanie maybe he prefers the incumbent bike. He has gone past the 30 minutes. And you didnt wipe the sweat off stephanie he probably wont be able to run marathons but i dont think that will be on his schedule. He didnt think the papal schedule would be too difficult for a pope with one lung. His rib cage look alarming but is understandable once you understand what is happening. He said back when francis had his lung removed the antibiotics werent as powerful. She said physicians even used to stick pingpong balls into peoples lungs in an attempt to starve the lung of oxygen to kill the box tieria oh, my god especially the pingpong balls that come from thailand. Stephanie okay. Now that was sack religious. [ circus music ] stephanie they did all dirty now. Okay. Carman porn in the vatican wasnt sack religious. Stephanie i didnt say that. Caller hello, stephanie. Stephanie hello karma. Some people say karma is a bitch, but im defending [ circus music ] caller darling believe me. Karma is a bitch. [ laughter ] caller the number one thing i wanted to say to you before my education is i want to thank you for educating me on what a stupid government we have in d. C. , and if we could take the serious republicans out of there and get some people in the real world we would be better off. Stephanie yep. Yep. Control but my question is i have worked all of my life paid in to Social Security and then later on paid into fica stephanie you are acting like you have entitled to it in some way whatever caller is it an entitlement or did i pay for it and it is mine . Stephanie yeah, dont you love that. It is our money. You feel like you are entitled to Insurance Plan you paid into. Stephanie its like putting money into the bank and then you go to get it and they are like oh, you are a moocher. Caller i am sick of this. And the other question i have for you, isnt there a place in our constitution that says there will be no taxation without representation . Stephanie i believe so, yes. Its on all of the license plates in dc. Stephanie it really would be like the atm if you put it in no, we spent your money. Stephanie we need to cut your entightments you moocher. You expected your money to still be here . Geez who do you think you are . Stephanie 47 er. All right. Fortyfive minutes after the hour. Right back on the Stephanie Miller show. That is great radio. Announcer its the Stephanie Miller show. [ male announcer ] its red lobsters lobsterfest our Largest Selection of lobster entrees like lobster lovers dream or new grilled lobster and lobster tacos. Come in now and sea food differently. Visit redlobster. Com now for an exclusive 10 coupon on two lobsterfest entrees. Current tv is the place for true stories. With Award Winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. Real, gripping, current. Documentaries. On current tv. Announcer Stephanie Miller. Yes sir feeling hot, hot, hot feeling hot, hot, hot oh lord yeah [ laughter ] stephanie can my life get any better . There is hope. And i have made what is this radio equalizer again. [ world news tonight theme ] brian maroney. Stephanie oh, hi brian. Im sure this video will be played stephanie oh ill be on leftwing hate speech again this week . Yeah. Stephanie awesome. Thank you brian. Its a nice picture of me. Liberal radio host wonders if Laura Ingraham likes her hair pulled during sex. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie i as i recall was actually defending, Laura Ingraham and saying the Stephanie Miller show has no information that he likes her hair pulled you two were saying she did. I defended her. And say he is might not like it. She also might like a little slap on the ass. [ buzzer ] stephanie the Stephanie Miller show has no although she seems like she might like that. Stephanie the Stephanie Miller show has no information whether Laura Ingraham likes a little slap on the ass during but i know i do. Oh stephanie make sure you include that in rightring world, hannity when your number is 17 you are below the slap on the ass sure. Stephanie when you are number 12, you do, at 17 you dont have the selfesteem [ laughter ] stephanie she needs a copy of talkers next to the bed. [ laughter ] stephanie okay. Oh god. Stephanie okay. Could we have because i love when they include a transcript. They do. Stephanie this is probably what youll see tonight. Stephanie i appreciate it when they include it because i dont get a chance to enjoy the show. And this way i read it and go, oh, that was funny. Okay. Stephanie miller all right you guys can debate Laura Ingrahams orgasm you goaded us. Stephanie co hosts lavoie and ward make whining sounds. Jim ward more to the right. Chris lavoie do me. Do me. Wow they are good. Stephanie Stephanie Miller she is already mad. Why not make her madder. Chris lavoie just eat this whole bag of snickers. Stephanie miller we dont actually have any information that she enjoys having her hair pulled during sex. Chris lavoie i think she does. She you screw it up again. Jim ward it couldnt surprise me if she did. Stephanie miller please dont do it without asking her. Jim ward right. Theres very little danger that im going to find out, if any that thats true. Yeah, thats right. They are going to run the slap on the ass part from today. Stephanie thank a lot. Because thats news. Yeah, we broke news with that. Stephanie thats what is stopping the governess of the country stop saying it what . Stephanie jonathan in indianapolis. Caller hey, momma. Hey mooks. I wanted to mention that the gop the party of big bangs and Insurance Companies would have a problem with paying into something your whole life like Social Security because you would have a guaranteed payout. They are fine with you paying into insurance, but if you you can pay into an insurance policy your whole life, but if you didnt read the fine print or if they can find a reason why they dont have to pay you back that is like 100 profit for them. Stephanie yeah exactly. Its the last big tranche of money they havent gotten their grubby paws on. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie hey, its official. Republicans are losing the sequester blame game that goes along with their 72 disapproval rating. Would you support or oppose cutting military spending in a more targeted way. Question as part of a budget agreement that would replace the across the board budget cuts would you oppose proposed cut in spending on medicaid. 71 oppose that. Leave medicare and medicaid out of the sequester game. This is consistent with all of the polling that has been done keep low and middle income people safe the American Public has said over and over and tax the wealthy, but they are still pushing with their latest manifesto, this years paul ryans premium support. Stephanie very good. [ applause ] stephanie very concise analysis of what the people want. The president yesterday. Obama ultimately it may be that the differents are just too wide. Between the two sides. Stephanie right. Because the Senate Democrats put out a plan Patty Murrays plan which makes sense, as paul ryans budget makes no sense whatsoever. So they are way far apart. Stephanie remember that piece i read from the daily beast yesterday, the president was like no, im not going to do that. Literally thats the thing its like go play on paul ryans home field. He said no. No. My job is to get people back to work and however and not to deal with this nonsense. Stephanie exactly. They were talking about entitlement reform, one thing they could do is lift the cap on Social Security so people making above 115,000 would pay into it. Stephanie right. Patty murray has stuff in there there are wayses for savings that dont involve i cannot believe he is back with this ridiculous voucher plan. We said no. [ booing ] a Voucher Program and kill the post office. Stephanie its like the kid asking for a skippy pop. I said no. A what . A skippy pop . Stephanie i dont even think that is a thing. Skippy pop . Stephanie skippy cup . No, sippy cup or stephanie i think im having a brainrelated event right now. Quick pull her hair. Stephanie could someone give me a little slap on the ass jim thats your territory. Im not getting anywhere near her ass. Stephanie all right. Much more to delve into as we continue on the Stephanie Miller show. [ theme music ] stephanie hello hour number 2, current tv land Jacki Schechner remember how taylor swift said there is a special place in hell for women who dont like other women . Yes. Stephanie i believe i was being helpful. What did you say . Stephanie i said the Stephanie Miller show has no information on whether she likes to have her hair pulled while having sex. And i said please dont do it without asking her. That makes you a helper. Stephanie i am helping a fellow women against these two neanderthals. Just trying to keep it interesting. Stephanie jacki and i help each other. I have more people they would rather help than her. But thats just me. Good morning, everyone the Senate Judiciary committee is planning to vote this morning on the assault weapons ban. Even though it is likely to pass committee, is likely to fail on the floor of the house. Senator Dianne Feinstein sponsored the bill which also would limit highcapacity magazines. Once the ban gets through committee, the nra is well prepared to lobby against it. The ban is also not likely to go anywhere in the gopcontrolled house. Vice President Biden is going to lead the u. S. Delegation to rome for next weeks formal installation of the new pope. This leaves president obama to keep his plans to travel to the middle east as scheduled. He is going to jerusalem next tuesday. This afternoon, president obama travels up to capitol hill again this time to meet with senator and house democrats. House Speaker Boehner has a response up today. He says he appreciates the president s outreach but has heard the proposals before. He calls for president ial leadership but at the same time accusing the president of not conceding to his partys balanced Party Approach which ultimately be punish the middle class. Nancy pelosi is going to be unabducted into the womens fall of fame. The ceremony is october 12th. Were back with more show after the break. Stay with us. Billy zane stars in barabbas. Coming in march to reelz. To find reelz in your area, go to reelz. Com youre invited to take the lysol wipes challenge. Try lysol dual action wipes and see the cleaning power. Lysol dual action wipes have 2 sides instead of one. A scrubbing side that cleans tough stains better than clorox. And a smooth side for everyday touchups. All while killing 99. 9 of germs. Take the lysol wipes challenge today. Available at walmart. [clucking]. Everyone wants to be the cadbury bunny. Cause only he brings delicious cadbury creme eggs, while others may keep trying. Nobunny knows easter better than cadbury [ theme music ] announcer ladies and gentlemen, its the Stephanie Miller show im walking on sunshine woe ho im walking on sunshine woe ho its time to feel good hey all right now its time to feel good stephanie yes, it is, the Stephanie Miller show, welcome it to, six minutes after the hour. Kelley carlin live in studio with us next hour. 1800steph12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. Stephaniemiller. Com the website. Sexy liberal sexyliberal. Com that website, april 13th chicago theater, hurry tickets going very fast. This hour brought to you by go to my pc. Access your smartphone or tablet like we do. Try it free for 45 days with this special offers, enter the promo code stephanie. All right. By the way oh someone tweeted us that the vatican might not have porn channels but they do have emaculate reception. [ circus music ] stephanie all right. Everybody gentle down on the pope. All right. We have lots to get to including budget and sequester stuff. The president met with House Republicans yesterday, we check in with representative karen bass of the great state of california. Good morning, representative. Good morning. Good morning. Stephanie thank so much for taking time with us. Absolutely. Stephanie it is not encouraging thus far looking at paul ryans budget and then senator murrays budget is it . We are pretty far apart . Exactly. I was disappointed in paul ryans budget. He went much further to the right, saying we were going to balance the budget in ten years. Stephanie yeah, you are right, representative, maybe we shouldnt be surprised, but it really is pretty stunning that he just lost a landslide election, and not only he back with the voucher thing, he was cam page saying the quester cuts were going to be devastating and now he includes the sequester cuts in his budget. Its just further evidence as to who really rules here. The Tea Party Caucus has a strangle hold on the Republican Caucus, because i cant think of a faction more extreme than that. And clearly Speaker Boehner has decided to bow to them and now so has paul ryan. Stephanie yeah the president said unfortunately the differences may be too wide. So where do we go from here do you think . Its a very interesting question, it seems as though, and well see what plays out in the next few weeks, but it seems as though the house leadership hassed a woe gaited responsibility to the senate and he did that most recently and i think hell do it again meaning he throws his hands up in the air. We will pass a budget next week but it will be a budget that everyone will understood will have dead on arrival in the senate. And then well wait for the senate to send Something Back here. And then i hope well break his tie to the hastel rule and then allow it to pass with democratic votes and not hold the line that saying the only he will put up is a bill that the majority of the Republican Caucus will vote for. Stephanie yeah, and there is the president again reaching out. He went to their own turf to mete with House Republicans yesterday, and the details that have leaked out, representative do not inspeier confidence, lets just say. James langford republican of oklahoma, your colleague, he he had a q a with him and you think gee are we going to get any closer on these important issues. What he asked is how come the president called steve israel on Election Night instead of john boehner. And the president said that wasnt true. He had called boehner, and boehner had gone to sleep. Boehner said the president was right. Oh, my goodness. Stephanie and another one asked why the white house decided to suspend white house tours. [ laughter ] stephanie because of the sequestration that you just voted for. Those are real earthshattering issues. Stephanie yes, you think were waiting for the white smoel has anything hand on the budget . And literally that is what this is about. The first term it was about making sure he didnt get reelected, and i do believe that my republican colleagues continue to be disoriented, they havent found their sea legs. They didnt have a plan b. They were so convinced that his election the first time was anomaly that they were just going to correct things the second time. And they have not come to grips with the fact that the majority of the country supports the president and his policies. So we all have to push for them to come to reality. Stephanie i agree. Did you see paul ryan on with Chris Wallace on fox news of all places. When he says your budget supposes the repeal of obamacare, and he says yes, and Chris Wallace said that not going to pap. And paul ryan said well we think it should. Exactly. And Speaker Boehner after the election, he sounded reasonable. He said the people have spoken, the Supreme Court has spoken. And every time that man says something reasonable within a half hour he retracts it. But he pretty much has decided he is not going to lead. Stephanie yeah paul ryan this whole interview, i think republicans have a better chance of triumphing after obama takes effect. What . Exactly. But i do have to say i always think about the Bigger Picture and what comes down the road and we will have another election, and i certainly hope that the American People will see as long as they are in place, we are not going to move forward as a country. We do need to understand that the tea party did not come to washington to govern. They came to washington to dismantle and destroy. We need to come to grips with that and make the change that allows our country to move forward. Stephanie yeah, its incredible. I would wait to be you right now, but you are doing the best you can. And thank you for updating us. Thank you. Stephanie she seems chuckly for having to work with the likes of the budget monitor. Can i have some hopeful music. Okay. Stephanie paul ryan expressed optimism about the republican position in the wake of president obamas reelection. What would give him a sense of optimism. Stephanie that seems like delusion to me. Uhhuh. He is like living in oppositeland. Stephanie yeah exactly. Just because the election didnt go our way that means we have supposed to change our principles . Well, yes. Go to principles are us. Stephanie yours lost. A budget is supposed to be a vision. Our vision is a World Without obamacare. And unicorns that [ farting sounds ] stephanie and leprecons. Thats a ron christie like vision. Somehow counter intuitively. Ryan said republicans are now much better positioned to advance their position. We ran against the Obama Policies before they were implement implemented. No, he actually ran on a lot of things he already got done the first time. In the second term, i dont want to say were going to enjoy going around the country saying i told you know but were going to have to say we toll you so and here is this. And well trach out one of your lungs. The pope special. [ buzzer ] stephanie its the end of your story it little eddie. The chapter were entering is one where conservatives have a better chance of triumphing. Whatever stephanie that is so wonderful, eddie. Isnt that wonderful, eddie . I wont go i wont i wont i wont you cant make me you cant you cant here is the same piece of dung in different packages. Stephanie let me rewrap it. Stephanie he regifted his Voucher Program. Oh, come on, eddie. Come up with a new program. [ applause ] stephanie everybody is a little overly excited about the new pope including rocky Mountain Mike. I left my tune with Pope Francisco in roman hills thats all i got im sorry thats all i go. [ laughter ] stephanie thats good, micke thank you. I left my lung in argentina. Stephanie he did. It is just a little displayed according to that one doctor and that moves your rib cage over. He should also try to get that pingpong ball out of there. Stephanie yeah. I hope hes not planning on shagging at the inauguration or what is it . Innotification. [ whip snaps ] stephanie kids you plan on backing up your computer files regularly, but things dont always go as plans. Carbonite, quick and easy to set up, then your computer files will be backed up to the cloud automatically and continually whenever you are connected to the internet. Listen . See doing it right now. In silence. Stephanie right. Unlimited backup space for one computer just 59 for one year. Plus carbonite has affordable plans to back up multiple computers for all of your small business. Like we do here. I have a disco argentina that is protected in carbonite. [ magic wand ] stephanie go to carbonite. Com, the offer code is stephanie. Announcer as it turns out the revolution will not be televised. It is on the radio. Its the Stephanie Miller show. [ male announcer ] its red lobsters lobsterfest our Largest Selection of lobster entrees like lobster lovers dream or new grilled lobster and lobster tacos. Come in now and sea food differently. Visit redlobster. Com now for an exclusive 10 coupon on two lobsterfest entrees. This show is about being up to date, staying in touch with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. In reality its not like they actually care. This is purely about political grandstanding. I love announcer Stephanie Miller. So put another dime in the jukebox baby i love announcer Stephanie Miller. Going take some time and dance with me stephanie theres i dont think you can repeat that entire headline. Stephanie well its [ censor bleep ] encrusted its another Carnival Cruise ship in the caribbean, passengers are being forbidden from leaving the cruise ship left in st. Martin. [ farting sounds ] aint we got fun. Stephanie here is another story about poo. Okay. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie pennsylvania 17 tons of human waste spilled in a pennsylvania truck crash. A truck hit a ditch and crashed on the road spilling 17 tons of processed oh, at least it was processed of human waste. [ farting sounds ] is that like processed cheese. Stephanie yeah, poovita. [ circus music ] stephanie the week before vacation the best of the worst ever. Just weird brain farts continually. Kevin in chicago writes chris if you and jim stop sexually harassing stephanie or anyone i will stop listening. My life evolved around sex and sexual talk. And we found out that you have to tickle your butt to pee. Stephanie thats right. Nothing but nerve endings down there. Stephanie yeah. Hi, dave. Caller hello. Love your show. Stephanie thank you. Caller paul ryan being thought of as one of the intellectual bright lights of the Republican Party is like being prom queen at a leapter colony. The people of romneys hometown rejected the romney ryan ticket but then turned right around and gave little pauly another seat in office. Stephanie thats right. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie he conceded to George Stephanopoulos the differences with the Congressional Republicans may be too wide admitting the gop will only accept new tax revenues unless the condition that deep cuts are made to medicaid and medicare, and Social Security we are probably not going to have be able to reach a deal. The boner yesterday. You know how real differences. Between our two parties like issues jobs balancing the budget and trying to get our economy moving again. Stephanie why wont the president help us kill more poor people . We have a mulch shortage in this company. Stephanie why wont the president compromise on that. Make sure there is more money for bronzer. The republicans want to balance the budget, the president doesnt. The republicans want to solve our longterm debt problem, the president doesnt. We want to unlock our Energy Resources to put america back to work. The president doesnt. But i hope these kinds of discussions can continue stephanie that made no sense at all. We need more oil spills and more dead poor people. But it was a good start. Stephanie how it is a good start. The boner one more time. I thought we had a very candid and Frank Exchange of ideas, and frankly i think it was productive. Frankly. Productive. As long as we get rid of more tax cuts for orange rich people. Stephanie margaret in texas. Hello margaret . Okay. Scott in massachusetts. She was enjoying the show at least. Hello, scott. Caller hi, stephanie. I love the show. Im so glad to find it. Im glad you are not talking to the pope so much stephanie are you eggs me on. Dont make me do it, scott. Caller im not going to troll either way on that one, but i just wanted to say when i was growing up i finally talked catholic friend of mine who was a little bit older, and he explained to me that the Catholic Church does not allow contraception, but he and his wife didnt want anymore children so they started wearing condoms, and he would just go in and take a confession. So one of the things that drives me crazy when we have groups going in to comment on the contraceptive or gay marriage they always say they speak for catholics or protestants, they dont. They speak to them. Stephanie thats right. They speak at them. And i think catholics speak in one voice when they say dont cry for me argentina stephanie all right. You are welcome. I dont know west africans sing like that. Stephanie twentynine minutes after the hour. Right back on the Stephanie Miller show. Dont cry for me argentina the truth is i never left you honest. They know that im not bsing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. When the democrats are wrong, they know that im going to be the first one to call them out. They can question whether im right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. Announcer Stephanie Miller. Ha oh, boy that laugh is infection. Hah. Hah. Its fun. Stephanie it is the Stephanie Miller show. Lets see if margaret is still laughing. Caller hi. Love your show. Love you. Love all the guys. Stephanie thank you. Thank you. Caller the enemy these days is the republicans settling to say they are trying to get rid of everybody that isnt rich. Stephanie yeah. Caller yeah. They i guess they are going to have their own food inspectors . Stephanie oh boy. Caller like for chicken fish. Stephanie oh, boy. Caller i heard there is a man that had a plant processing chickens in california big plant, had to shut down because there wasnt going to be any food inspectors, but i guess it was republicans the republicans have especially the senate and House Republicans have their own meat inspector . Their own food inspector . Stephanie really, wow . Caller and they think maybe i dont know are millionaires are we going to see millionaires going to the fields to pick crops. Sure and clean their own toilets. Stephanie yeah, right. Just inspect your own food for gods sakes, who cares. It turned us into a nation of can you taste that bad . Does that taste bad to you . Nanny state people 47 ers want to have food safety. Stephanie professional food inspectors, whatever. Oh, did you fine it, really . Uhhuh. Stephanie this is in honor of the new pope. Uhhuh Ben Buenos Aires the businessco version. [ applause ] stephanie yeah, well, she margaret loves our show. This guy not so much. Somebody named chris regarding underarm sweat on muscle head and stephanie. Im guessing that is you. And you you are stephanie. Chris rights i would think the producer would notice as to the sweat under their arms. Is there no air in there, or are they that nasty. How many more viewers have you lost . We have no control over the air conditioning in here. They lock it down. Stephanie listen it is menopause just shut up chris. That chris not you. I have going through menopause too. Wouldnt it be womenopause in your case. Stephanie hello, david. Caller i work for the department of defense, and i dont know what the world is coming to when republicans dont care about National Defense anymore. The sequester is hitting our agency in april. Well all be forced to take off one day a week for 20 weeks, and it will make it impossible for us to fulfill our mission. Nobody is going to try to attack on those days. Stephanie right. Caller i just dont know what the swoerldworld is coming to. They just want to blame everything on obama. Stephanie but what they do care about is white house tours. Thats right. Stephanie which is what . The president having to answer that question. Obama i have to say this was not a decision that went up to the white house, but what the secret service explained to us was they are going to have to furlough some folks. What furloughs mean is that people lose a day of work and a day of pay. So thats why they want white house tours. They want to make it dangerous for the president and his family. Stephanie thats right. Jay carney. The white house runs the tours. We the tours are of the white house. The secret Service Staffs the tours. The secret service came to us with a decision that because of the sequester cuts, it would be in their view impossible to staff those tours. So we got our tour just in time. Stephanie yes, thanks god. Thats all we care about. We got ours. Screw yous. Ezra client or as i call him ereza. Republicans have within pretty unimpressed by the sequester. Boner called the cuts devastating. Romney and ryan warned that the sequester would be devastating. Oh, its no big deal. Sequester sylvester. Stephanie the republicans love spending cuts except the one they dont like, which is white house tours. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] Stephanie Eric bolling, sean hannity have offered to pay for them. So they dont want poor people to get food stamps but they want vacationers to have tours of the white house. Stephanie right. Loui gohmert said no more golf trips until they reopen the tours. What an idiot. Stephanie and so ezra described one of the things they do is stand guard during the tours so no one cuts off and tries to attack the president yeah. Thats why we need white house tours every hour on the hour. Why dont republicans care about the president s safety. Stephanie first of all it is people that are connected. Its not ordinary people. You can call your congressman and have it arraged for you stephanie but most people arent able to do that. Thats what he says, it depends on who you ask . The folks losing unemployment checks dont tend to know their congressman, and they dont come to d. C. , they are hurting but not in a way that the Political Organization sees. The tour over the white house the gop want to ease the political pain of the sequester, their great fear is that it will hurt someone the media will tinlisten to. It sure sounds like they want to endanger obama and his family. Stephanie karen in new jersey you are on the Stephanie Miller show. Caller good morning. Im calling because Mitch Mcconnell about ten minutes ago was on the floor of the house and the senate stephanie yes. Caller and he wants today to be named john mccain day in honor of his 40th year free from captivity. I want to review that. I think they should have kept him. [ laughter ] stephanie the Stephanie Miller show does not endorse at least if they had he would be staying at a real hilton in hanoi stephanie the Stephanie Miller show is going to pretend that jim did not just say that. Charlie in aurora. Hi charlie. Caller stephanie mooks hey what is going on. Im just the correlation by the way im calling from Jan Schakowsky country. Love you from Jan Schakowsky. She is awesome. Chris crawford in south carolina, even though he pretty much let it slip on how it was pretty much sheik to go against the black guy. What im noticing is ever since day one of the first term i think no matter what is going on with the sequester and every other appointment and idea he has ever had, if its anything Obama Stephanie right. Caller im saying i mean them saying them saying it is not racism is just pathetic. Stephanie well, yeah caller this is just the way it is going to be. Stephanie yeah, and here is the other thing. Again, you look at everything that is just unprecedentedly obstructionist, and the nominees getting filibustered unprecedented in a closed door lunch meeting yesterday, the slow walking and filibustering of nominees urged them to address the issue on the ongoing gop obstruction of obama nominees including filibusters just weeks after the reform. Its saying no no anything that obama wants. My entire motivation is to deny the president a third term. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie exactly. Elizabeth warren excorerated republicans for refusing to leave the agency. I see this is nothing more than an attempt to delay the agency. Its bad for anybody trying to offer an honest market. The public need to worry more about people who have cheated on this is how 43 republican senator have written a letter pledging to block the confirmation of the director unless they agree to weaken the authority. What is the point . That leaves democrats with the dilemma, they will have to overcome the filibuster i mean its i i get jeff merkley on the phone. Lets go where the filibuster reform. Fortyfive minutes after the hour. Right back on the Stephanie Miller show. That is great radio. Announcer its the Stephanie Miller show. And a distinctly satirical point of view. But you mentioned great leadership so i want to talk about donald rumsfeld. laughter . Watch the show. Only on current tv. [ male announcer ] heres a word you should keep in mind. Unbiased. Some Brokerage Firms are. But way too many arent. Why . Because selling their funds makes them more money. Which makes you wonder isnt that a conflict . Search proprietary mutual funds. Yikes then go to etrade. Weve got over 8,000 mutual funds, and not one of them has our name on it. Were in the business of finding the right investments for you. Etrade. Less for us. More for you. The funds prospectus contains its investment objectives, risks, charges, expenses and other Important Information and should be read and considered carefully before investing. For a current prospectus visit etrade. Com mutualfunds. vo she gets the comedians laughing and the thinkers thinking. Ok, so theres wiggle room in the ten commandments, thats what youre saying. vo shes joy behar. Current will let me say anything. You cant always get you want but if you try sometime you just might find you get announcer Stephanie Miller. Oh yeah whoo stephanie uhhuh. 50 minutes after the hour. 1800steph12 the phone number toll free from anywhere. Kelly carlin joining us live in studio next hour in just a few minutes. Eric in tampa. Hey, eric. Caller hey stephanie. Just got the volume off, you would have hung up on me. Stephanie okay. Caller you just talked about harry reid agreeing to reform filibustering, and im wondering how harry reid feeling about that handshake that he gave him over that. Stephanie yeah. Yeah. Caller but what i really called about is can you and all of the other people that do what you do stop talking about these republican crises and start getting into peoples heads that if we dont attack these republicans for not doing it it is them shutting up that would stop these crazies. Stephanie all right. We just mentioned it. There you go. With a bell. Yes. [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] stephanie and Mitch Mcconnell is a bag of pus. Okay. Jim in chicago. Hello, jim. Caller yeah hi stephanie. Love your show. You guys crack me up. Stephanie thank you. Caller for sure. The democrats have to get with it and create a policy thats going to take bring the voters to the polls because the republicans answer is tax breaks. I. E. It has all been were going to cut your taxes, where the democrats have to come one up on that so they can get through the other policies that they want, and thats to be reciprocal with the taxpayers money and create jobs by giving the taxpayer back a portion of his money to create jobs by creating demand so its reciprocal reciprocal, so its his money coming back to him so it will reinvigorate the economy. And it will drive them to the polls because everyone will believe in that. People will vote democratic and bury the Republican Party. Stephanie i hope so. [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie our friend patty murray senator democrats unveiled a new budget call thats for 1 trillion in tax revenues. It blends about a trillion in modest cuts with an equal amount in new revenue claimed by closing tax breaks, but because democrats want to restore the 1. 2 the sequestration cuts the blueprint actually increases spending slightly. Which is why they are screaming, republicans. [ baby crying ] stephanie on the other house the house barrelled ahead we the exact opposite approach promising sweeping cuts to medicare and medicare while promising to balance the budget within ten years. Its hard to identify the layers of awful in paul ryans budget. Yes. Stephanie even as democrats controlling the senate and strongly conservative house moved in divergent directions president obama again travelled to the capitol to have talks with lawmakers where he was asked mostly stuff like why have the white house tours been cancelled . Why didnt you call speaker boner first and he was obviously in a deep purple haze. Yes, boner did confirm that. Stephanie Everyone Needs to confront the political barriers to reigning in he said your people dont want entitlement reform either. Go home and poll them. [ giggling ] stephanie yeah, it really is incredible. This is yet another flip flop. Ryan campaigned against the sequestration, talking about how awful these cuts were until they figured out they could blame it on obama, and then it was, oh we love it. And he revives his controversial voucher plan. [ magic wand ] its a serious plan. Stephanie he proposes slashing medicaid by more than 700 billion over ten years. Oh, my god. Stephanie he promises to eliminate 1. 8 trillion in subsidies in the president S Health Care plan. Which is not going to happen. Boy. Stephanie here is the kind of disarray [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie it is all summed up at cpac. Which starts today i think. [ sighs ] stephanie right. Right. The daily beast, heresy hunters and gop Chris Christie need not apply. [ circus music ] stephanie its a clown show. Who qualifies . Chris christie not one of us. Were open to centers. Newt gingrich is a speaker, donald trump a center too, but he believes the president might be born in kenyon nevertheless he is an American Patriot popular with the American People. [ applause ] stephanie arent they precious . No. Stephanie dave in tucson. Hi, dave go ahead. Caller how are you doing . Stephanie good. Caller yeah, i love you guys show by the way. A little background about me im an active duty [ inaudible ]. I have been for about eight years. Im in charge of about 50 soldiers and [ inaudible ] actually, and maybe i can understand all of this craziness. Stephanie yeah. Good luck with that. Caller yeah. Monday morning i go to reregister for new courses and i was told my Tuition Assistance is gone. And i had been following this, and i knew there would be some things at the dod, and we had been getting emails about the cuts and furloughs and a lot of things like that but i guess another segue to that is i think republicans are so against anything that this president does that they would rather vote against someone who is good for the country even if its someone that they supported, i. E. , someone like chuck hagel who a lot of people in the United States military wanted him to be secretary of defense, and they drug their feet on it. And its completely ridiculous and shameless. Im im a u. S. Soldier, and we need leaders not have bickering partisanship. And the cia director we needed someone in that position. Stephanie yep. Caller its ridiculous. Stephanie they are trying to make points about things that have nothing to do with the actual confirmation in front of them. Its one political skit after another. Its a stunt. Snoot its sketch. Boner isnt good at sketch comedy. He needs to cut that out. Stephanie yes. Kelly carlin live in studio next on the Stephanie Miller show. [ theme music ] stephanie hello hour number 3 tv world. Kelley carlin live in studio with us. She has a fabulous show, jacki, its called the carlin home companion. Where is this . Stephanie thank you for asking. At the acme comedy theater. Its live show. Stephanie exactly okay. Im fine now. You okay . Stephanie yeah im good. No, she does video footage and family memorabilia and stories about her dad. How fun. Stephanie when you say you are a fan of her dad, who isnt . Right. George carlin is a legend. Stephanie remember, when he said oh, shes funny ill come on her show. I make them tell yes George Carlin said you were funny. Thats a tremendous compliment. Good morning, everybody, the first lady is appearing on the cover of vogue magazine for the second time. The april tradition is traditionally the shape magazine. Her first cover was back in march of 2009. In this edition which is out on news stands on march 26th she says that her daughters are her number one priority. A new gallup poll shows that americans are not happy with government and that displeasure is at its highest since watergate. Gallop every month since march of 2001 ask people what they think is the most important problem facing our country . The economy or some facet of it so usually first, and thats the case this month, but coming in second is dissatisfaction with government. It is the highest it has been since late may early june of 1974. The white house has been warning us of ways that the sequestration was going to have an impact on every day americans lives. It seems now that washington insiders are starting to fielt. The Huffington Post reports that Senate Staffers are complaining that the lines to get into Senate Buildings are too long. He sent a note out saying that Capitol Police have to work shorter hours, which means fewer Security Officers which means they have to close some entrances, and thanks to sequestration there are no longer lines. And he doesnt expect a solution any time soon. Were back after the break. Excellence. Where ever the story is we will go there to get it. We dive deep into the topics that we cover. It doesnt get anymore real than this. And on the next vanguard how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy . Christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. This was once built to be a paradise Vacation Land . Dude, i need your help fast. Well, clearasils fast. Yeah, but is it this fast . Faster how about this fast . Clearasils faster this fast . . Faster woh that is fast fix breakouts fast with clearasil ultra. It starts working instantly, sending the max amount of medicine allowed deep into your pores for visibly clearer skin in as little as 12 hours. Yeah, its fast. Clearasil, the science of clear skin. [ theme music ] announcer ladies and gentlemen, its a the Stephanie Miller show im walking on sunshine woe ho im walking on sunshine woe ho its time to feel good hey all right now its time to feel good john boner sucking on moon shine. Stephanie Kelley Carlin what are those whacky dances you are doing over there . Im trying to wake up. Stephanie you are doing whacky hand dances. Its adorbs. Thank you. [ applause ] stephanie this is in honor of the pope, we have the disco version of dont cry for me argentina. Wow, the disco version. This is going to be stuck in my head all week. Stephanie is is from argentina. He is. Im very excited about the francis. Stephanie here we go. Dont cry for me argentina its so hopeful. [ laughter ] did we need a disco version of this . We need a disco version of everything. A disco version of the [ inaudible ]. Stephanie thats it. Speaking of wildly entertaining kelly carlin will be this saturday next saturday. Stephanie oh pardon me. Next saturday. Tell us about it. I will. Im moving to hollywood with the show. I have been in santa monica forever. Which i love, but a lot of people in los angeles wont go to santa monica on a saturday night. Stephanie yeah, i wont go. So they will get to see my show now. Where the parking is slightly worse than santa monica. That is true. [ overlapping speakers ] and the [ inaudible ] is right on the brea. Kelly carlin what are you doing here . [ laughter ] so, yeah im excited i have been doing the show a lot. I play some video of my oh so lovely daddy. Stephanie who was your dad . Richard pryor actually. The melinon didnt i know. The lovely and subdued mr. George carlin. I hear the wores coming on. [ censor bleep ] [ censor bleep ] stephanie as you know i had your dad on a lot, and im like thanks [ censor bleep ] a lot that i cant say [ censor bleep ] because you had the spotlight on it. Yes he never ever will live that one down. But i play some videos but mostly its just me storytelling. Its like when you pull the curtain back and theres the wizard and this one you pull the curtain back and there is the carlin family. Especially in the 60s and 70s when my parents were such good fine citizens. Not breaking any laws. Stephanie that wouldnt be a show, and then we turned around and ate dinner again. And then went to bed. Stephanie [ inaudible ] said maybe she is a little bit too honest. Yeah, my dad was a little bit uncomfortable with the autobiographical nature of my work. Richard pryor would go on stage thats why i feel like im more related to richard, richard pours his guts on stage, and thats where i am more. Your dad talk about swinging through sewage. Stephanie he did. Revisit that bit for me. He talks about how everyone is so germ phobic in this country and always washing your hands, but if you do that then the super germs get real defensive, and what you need to do, like his friends did the poor kids of manhattan in the 30s and 40s they swam through the river in suage, and none of them got polio. And they inoculated themselves against everything. And he would talk about how they would take a rock and throw it out, and it would create a clearing in the water so they could jump in oh isnt that a visual . Its like parting the red sea. Parting the brown sea. Exactly. Stephanie they became really fast swimmers just in time to clear the [ censor bleep ] go go while its clear. [ laughter ] stephanie they had to outswim the [ censor bleep ]. They certainly did. So i in my childhood did not have any of those kinds of stories. We have a clean Swimming Pool in the palisades surrounded by like governor Ronald Reagans best friends. Next door we have a National Security council bigwig which i think was installing the shaw of iron at the time. And his daughter would come home with all of these persian treasures, and when i grew up im like wait a minute. And then we have had an iran executive across the street. Wow. I remember dad turned to me and said hey kelly, look at all of the aholes over there, so they could all hear. They all stopped quiet turned, looked at dad, and im going hi. Kind of the political version of swimming through sewage. Yes. He would throw manure into the pool every once in a while just to relive the old days. Exactly. Stephanie [ inaudible ] you are on with kelly. Caller hi staff, hi mooks hi kelly. I was wondering what you thought of my favorite quote of your father. Because i realize how hilarious, wise and astute he was. This is my favorite quote of his i was just going to say is this something you can say on the radio . [ laughter ] ill let you figure it out. It goes like this women are crazy, and men are aholes, but women are crazy because men are aholes. I loved that about him. He actually was very much a feminist. He always supported women and saw that it was you know, the crazy men on this planet who were making the women crazy, i guess, is the point he was making there. Yeah, i love that quote. Thats you know, its funny. He he did have a thing a love of of women and he really his big fight always was about the men, you know . And what they are doing to screw up this planet, so especially the white males in power. Stephanie he just did that to get laid i imagine. Yeah, its true. Stephanie you are not fooling us george. Men just fake feminism to get laid. [ laughter ] nice. Stephanie nice. Lets go to deb in california. You are on with kelly. Hey, deb. Caller hey, guys good morning. Good morning. Caller your dad was great and still is frankly. Yeah, he is. Caller were constantly thinking about him. And frankly because he had some of the best concepts. His rant on his hbo special where he was kind of rapping. Yes, the modern man piece. Caller oh, my god that was just total brilliance and it also makes you cry because its so true. Yeah. Stephanie he did. He made what is the thing i always love that we all need to keep [ censor bleep ] each other until were all one color about racism. Right. An interesting back story this is kind of what i do in my show about the modern man piece is that hbo show was the second to last show and i hadnt seen my dad in a few months and i showed up at the theater in new york where he was going to be shooting and my dad was suffering from Heart Failure at the time. And he was very puffy. He looked shorter. He could barely breathe backstage and i really thought, wow is he going to make it through this show, and then he went on stage and did that modern man piece. Stephanie wow. Wow. And its a like this evergreen, every Lasting Energy he got on stage. Stephanie yeah. He knew he was aware of the heart yeah, he and he about a month later he ended up in the hospital, and he said i have been having these symptoms but i just wanted to do my hbo show and he was so dedicated and driven by his work. Stephanie in honor of your dad, when we come back well talk about what is the world [ censor bleep ] off to. Masturbating. Stephanie right. Watching peoples thinks. [ laughter ] stephanie announcer for a good time call now. 1800steph12. [clucking]. Everyone wants to be the cadbury bunny. Cause only he brings delicious cadbury creme eggs, while others may keep trying. Nobunny knows easter better than cadbury current tv is the place for true stories. With Award Winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines. Real, gripping, current. Documentaries. On current tv. Announcer Stephanie Miller. I jew jew juicy ah, ah, ah juicy stephanie there she goes kelly carlin rocking out in studio with us. Sue in chicago you are on with kelly. Hi, sue. Caller hi. Hi stephanie. Thank you so much for taking my call. You are such a blessing to so many people. And i also wanted to say thank you to kelly for her incites and humor about her dad. I am an ordained minister and people have been telling me how much my sermons remind them of your dad. Oh, how fabulous. I want to go to your church. Yeah. So that so honors me and honors what god and jesus are all about. Stephanie do they call you preacher potty mouth or [ laughter ] caller yes, we are a fun church. Wow. Caller we are the ultraliberal stephanie awesome. Caller we love everybody. Stephanie what kind of church is that . The seven words you cant say in aer is month. Stephanie kelly what the [ censor bleep ] is the world off to. Porn search site pornmd and we every country around the world. Let me just say there are some superfreaks. [ porn music ] stephanie lets start with us. America. Lets own it. Stephanie number 1, milf. Thats good to know as a middle aged woman. Stephanie nicely done. Teen. Oh, other direction. Stephanie cream pie. Dont go there. Stephanie massage. Asian porn. Po pov. Like you are holding the camera. Stephanie number 8 amateur. Oh, dear. Thats interesting. Were all amateurs. There was that whole page of hustler where people would send in their own pictures of themselves completely untrimmed and no makeup no fake boobs stephanie straddling a die dienet set. Yeah. Stephanie compilation. I dont know what that is the best of your porn. Yeah, just the highlights. For those are sport at attention span. Stephanie and my favorite the back door kind oh that other side there. Stephanie lets move to iran. No. Stephanie their number one their number one [ censor bleep ]. [ laughter ] stephanie which i assume does not mean watching cat videos. Which is also very popular here in the states. Yes. Stephanie remember on the dinner jacket he said they dont have gays there. Interestingly, number four, five, six, seven, and eight top are gay. Really . Strange . Stephanie just for research. Right, of course. See this. Dont do that. Stephanie right number 4 daddy love, gay. Five harry, gay. Six Hotel Businessman, gay. Thats a pretty specific scenario. Stephanie eight is shower gay. And then number 9 is [ censor bleep ] job which may or night be. Could be. Goes both ways. I love the Hotel Businessman. Stephanie i had hoped to bring peace to the middle east at one point. But im just saying palestinians, really . Your number one porn search is family . [ buzzer ] oh, no stephanie the number one porn search in israel. Prostate [ bell chimes ] [ applause ] does this look infected to you. It taint true is it. You see what you did there. Stephanie number 8 is mom. [ buzzer ] [ buzzer ] maybe they dont know about milf. Stephanie yeah. Prostate porn. Im thinking Hotel Businessman does concierge go with that . Thats very strange. Room service . Stephanie hello . I am a gay Hotel Businessman. [ knocking ] stephanie might i come in. Walkawalkawalka. We have no gays here in iran. Stephanie no we do not only Hotel Businessman gay. [ bell chimes ] Stephanie Rob you are on with kelly . Caller was anybody scared how quickly chris knew what pov was. There is actually a pbs series called pov, and it is point of view. Caller yeah, sure, chris. Kelly, gorge did a special in 91 right after the gulf war, and scary because you listen and he talks about bush and cheney and the war, and if you play it after the iraq war, it really works. Yeah, the man was a profit. He really was. His very first saturday night live he talked about airport security, and wondered where it would lead some day, and it is like wow, how was he thinking about these things. Stephanie he was the psychic comic. Caller everything old is new again. Thats very true. And thats why he talked about america as the freak show when you are born you get a ticket to the freak show, and when you are born in america you get a front row seat. Stephanie and imagine if George Carlin had been president instead of gorge wbush. Yeah. Stephanie jim has to go to a voice i have another yob. Stephanie he actually said he has to leave because no one cares about his dad. I was going to say your new best friend is going to be on later tonight. Stephanie awesome, and he is going to sit over here in a few minutes. Can we go touch him . Stephanie right back with kelly carlin on the Stephanie Miller show. Excellence. Where ever the story is we dive deep into the topics that we cover. It doesnt get anymore real than this. And on the next vanguard how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy . Christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. This was once built to be a paradise Vacation Land . [ male announcer ] its red lobsters lobsterfest our Largest Selection of lobster entrees like lobster lovers dream or new grilled lobster and lobster tacos. Come in now and sea food differently. Visit redlobster. Com now for an exclusive 10 coupon on two lobsterfest entrees. I dont mean to stair but your announcer Stephanie Miller. You were by boyhood idle well, you and gene gene the dancing machine. Stephanie you are right, kelly what happens when you turn safe search off in iran. What happens to your porn search . [ laughter ] stephanie yeah, this chart im so fascinated stephanie yes, with what the world is [ censor bleep ] off to. The chinese kind of self hating. Their number one porn search japanese. Well, it is that forbidden fruit thing. Stephanie right, and chinese is second, because once you watch chinese porn then an hour later you are [ circus music ] stephanie thats very sad. South korea, number five is [ censor bleep ]. What . Stephanie yes, number 10 is [ censor bleep ]ing. Wow. Stephanie thats just wrong. [ buzzer ] this is a fascinating peak into different countrys psychky. Its true. Stephanie one is its already there and the other one is as you are making it . Oh, wow, you know stephanie now back to questions about George Carlin. Dad would be so proud right now. Stephanie steve in massachusetts you are on with kelly carlin. Caller hello. Love this conversation. This is great stuff. This is funny. Stephanie thank you. Thank you. And i tell you what stephanie. Its awesome. You guys are just great. Its the best radio team i have ever heard. It is just brilliant. Stephanie thank you. Caller thank you just for being you. Stephanie oh, love that. Caller anyway question for kelly, im a big music guy. Im a musician and always curious what peoples musical tastes were. I never got to hear what george was into. And also two partner, i wanted to know what made george laugh. Great. Great questions. Dad had a rich, rich musical background. He grew up in the Upper West Side of manhattan what he used to call irish harlem. So he was very influenced by the black culture, so boogie woogie was very important of him. And there is a clip of him playing and singing cherry pie. But loved folk music, a lot of jazz. He grew up listening to jazz and going to see the great jazz artists in new york city. He has all of the autographs of all of the great people. I have his vinyl collection. And when i was very little she said this is your collection kelly, im collecting it for you. Stephanie oh, wow. He wasnt into rock or led zeppelin or Bruce Springsteen until later in bruces career. But real eclectic taste. And what was the other question caller what made him laugh. Yes, and also did he like the beatles . Yes, we have all of the beatles on vinyl. Caller okay. One of my fondest memories is being about 4 years old and the white album playing and me dancing around the living room to bungalow bill. But the making me laugh part, i remember being a kid and watching Carol Burnett show with my dad and newhart, Peter Sellers and the pink panther movies, i remember my dad crying and laughing so hard. So he liked the slapstick. Yeah he did. The Marx Brothers and three stooges they really influenced him. Wow. But that is totally not his type of humor. Stephanie and then, steve, of course . Later years announcer Stephanie Miller. Stephanie oh, chris, dont bring that up again. [ laughter ] stephanie great question. Susan in washington you are on with kelly. Caller hi, when i was a teenager a friend of mine and i just came out of a matinee and we passed the merv griffin show and george was one of the guests at that show, and he was still wearing a suit and tie, and this was in the 60s now, and i still remember him talking about doing a takeoff on a toothpaste commercial and with a goofy voice he would said their side has 37 fewer cavities but three of our girls got pregnant. [ laughter ] caller and that was the first of many times i got to see him. Thats beautiful. Stephanie even people with really bad delivery really could sell that joke. [ laughter ] caller i dont claim to be a you did great. Stephanie you did great. Dad would be proud. He would. Even during those straightlaced days, you see his work, and it was still always you know questioning the status quo and trying to poke holes in it in a most wholesome way when he was on the tv there. Stephanie yeah. Yeah. Did your dad ever have any thoughts on religion . No he had no opinion. Stephanie my favorite when will jesus bring the pork chop. Yes he loved that because he offended all mono thetrical religions in one sentence. Stephanie i love this gawker have you ever met anyone who doesnt like Jennifer Lawrence. He decided to give some hate groups a ring and see if anyone could put a stop to the Jennifer Lawrence love group. He said the west whoever answered the phone said i think most of the people in our church saw hunger games. I think they liked that. She just kind of bursted out on the scene, and when reminded she was nominated for winters bone. He said that rocked. That is an rrated movie. Stephanie yeah he was the sam champion all of a sudden the weather man . Stephanie no. [ inaudible ] the entertainment reporter . George . Stephanie no, i have lost you. You cant help me now. You know what is great entertainment, google fred phelps, George Carlin. Fred sat down and does a news story with my dads picture in flames and talks about how my dad is going to hell. Its amazing. I laugh throughout the whole thing now. Dad would have loved it. Stephanie i frequently called the reverend fred phelps buzz he would always forget who i was and then he would take my call. Why do you pick on gays. The ones who turn into a propaganda in order to advance their filthy stephanie you need to step in. This dialogue is going to be elevated with a bit of seriousness, or this conversation is over. It has been awful nice talking to you stephanie dont you want to talk to some callers . No, dont. But i love you. [ explosion ] stephanie bastard. Take care then. Byebye. [ laughter ] stephanie that was the longest i ever kept him on. Yeah, it is. He is so such a loving christian. Stephanie so awesome. Yeah exactly. In another edition of wow is that random. Dennis rodman as you know went to north korea, and now isnt he at the vatican waiting to meet the new pope. He says he will go wherever he is needed. He is needed anywhere as i pointed out. Clearly things are not going well with north korea now, so im really curious, what did you do i can imagine him getting all chummy with him yeah, john kerry on the phone with you. What is going to happen at the vatican now . Stephanie yeah. Steven segal is hanging without with vladimir putin. Oh. Stephanie last August Putin A Joan judo enthusest honored segal at a mixed martial arts tournament. [ laughter ] wow. Stephanie must we send our most random yeah random b thats not even b right. C. Stephanie we need a second tody gust that. Yes. Stephanie bark with the remaining moments of kelly carlin live in studio. Hello. Here is something we hope you really like. Announcer its the Stephanie Miller show. Honest. I think the audience gets that i actually mean it. Michael shure this show is about being up to date so a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. Joy behar you can say anything here. Jerry springer i spent a couple of hours with a hooker joy behar your mistake was writing a check Jerry Springer she never cashed it vo the days events. Four very unique points of view. Tonight starting at 6 eastern. Break the ice with breathfreshening cooling crystals. Ice breakers. Oh this is lame, investors could lose tens of thousands of dollars on their 401 k to hidden fees. Is that what youre looking for, like a hidden fee in your giant mom bag . Maybe i have them. Oh thats right i dont because i rolled my account over to etrade where. Woah. Okay. They dont have hidden fees. Hey fern. The junk drawer . Why would they. Is that my gerbil . You said he moved to a tiny farm. Thats it, im running away. No, no you cant come [ male announcer ] etrade. Less for us. More for you. Its the documentary series that raised the bar for excellence. And on the next vanguard how could kids doing drugs in england be enslaving prostitutes in italy . Christof putzel goes around the globe in search of answers. Announcer Stephanie Miller. [ inaudible ] stephanie it is the Stephanie Miller show. Welcome it to. Kelly carlin live in studio with us. Yay still awake. Still awake. Yeah, you were up late last night. Yeah, i was doing a podcast late. Stephanie all of the kids have the podcast. I have the podcast. What is your podcast . Its a called waking from the american dream. [ bell chimes ] i like that. I need to add that in my life. Can you follow me around in my life and make that noise. You just google me if you go to kellycarlin. Com, all of my many many many things are on there. Isnt it amazing how everyone has a website with their name on it. Stephanie yes, and you can read about it on stephaniemiller. Com. [ bell chimes ] stephanie you can see kelly carlin live next saturday at the acme comedy theater. Yeah, im dragging the carlin family to hollywood. Stephanie get the car. Get in the car everyone were going to holly weird. Stephanie steve in texas. You are on with kelly. Caller hi how yall doing today . We got a yall. Caller well, yall i would like to hear ms. Carlin talk about his relationship with lennie bruce and the story of him being arrested at i guess the show where lennie bruce was hauled off of the stage and george was protesting and got hauled off too. Ill let you all talk about that while i listen. Thank you. Stephanie well take no further questions. Yes, lennie was very influential to my dad. My mom met lennie before she met my father. In 1961 my mom and dad are in chicago. Lennie is on stage. Lennie gets arrested. They start questioning everyone in the club and the cops are asking everyone for id and my dad said i dont believe in indication. And they promptly through my dad in the back of the paddy wagon with lennie. And my dad is so proud of himself, he stood up to the man. And lennie looks at him and goes what are you a schmuck . [ laughter ] and my mom talks about chasing the paddy wagon all the way to the precinct to find out how much the bail was. Stephanie oh wow. Matt go ahead. Caller good morning. I have been a fan of your fathers since i was 12. And when he died i cried for three days. He was like a father almost that i never met. Yeah. Caller but i saw him back in 1997, and he said that was his first show back since his then summerfest from the seven dirty words. Yes. Caller and i wanted to know more about his thoughts and feelings on that ban, because he vaguely touched on it. Yeah, i dont know about his opinion about being banned from there. I didnt know it was that long actually. I was there the night he got arrested on stage. I was young. I was nine years old, and it was very, very scary for me. The promoter new the cops were around and were going to come and get him, and my mom knew that my dad had drugs in his pocket. So she had to figure out how to get on stage to warn him to empty his pockets. So she shows up with a glass of water on stage. And he is like what are you doing here . And she let him know what was going on. And they had a quite large bag of cocaine. And my mother hid it in the base drum of the band that was going to go on stage next. So the drummer was very happy when they discovered stephanie he is probably still drumming. Yeah, i ended up having to stay the whole weekend with the promoter and his family. Terrified my dad was in jail but fascinated that they had this thing in the backyard an above ground pool. Stephanie what . Yes. [ magic wand ] stephanie being a Southern California girl, i was like what is this . Having no understanding of how the ground freezes. Stephanie right there you go. [ laughter ] stephanie it is interesting what he said because i remember i cried too. That must be weird to have something so deeply personal personal personal strangers all around the world cried with you. A lot of people tell me that. At it just it hits me and made me understand that my dad was like a dad or an uncle or, you know, the guy you hung out with kind of guy, and i think he really held for all of us this like oh, good he is coming back and he is going to tell us the truth stephanie thats it. I think he was such a hero that people really felt the loss. Yeah. Stephanie like oh, know were not going to hear what George Carlin is going to say about this. Yeah. He was like every guy, and the thing is what is interesting to now people say to me what would your dad think about bump bump, or bump . And its like i cant answer that question. Stephanie yeah. My dad died in 83 and i can say what i feel as a daughter in my heart about the kind of man he was and what he would think, but you are right, that has been a long time i cant say what he would think. Yeah, and there is so much material we can still watch, and it is still fresh so you can say go to this or that stephanie i think we can extrapolate he would think paul ryan is a douche bag. I think thats a safe bet. Stephanie okay. Dave in illinois. Caller yes stephanie and kelly thank you for taking my call. Wanted to point out his bit that he did on global warming. He basically said the arrogance of man to think that they have any effect on this worth and that any time the earth wants to all it has to do is just shrug its shoulder and takes care of all of mans problems. I think that is very insightful. And i want to kind of steer you clear a little bit there. My dad was talking about environmentalists. He wasnt talking about global warming. He was talk about the arrogance of people wanting to try to change the direction of things

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