I have shaken the lot of pants today. I dont wash my hands after the bathroom. By wash my hand. See the difference . A play on words. Plural. Last what helps to extend to eight the elephant in the room is my nipples stick out of my shirt and i cannot help that. Accepted at and lets move on. [laughter] i tell jokes to disarm the situation. [laughter] because you have no arms. You should have seen my logo so lets get started here is the picture of my daughter and my wife have a pretty good life negative of bonn airplanes a Staff Sergeant everything goes my way. Igo on my next appointment. Anybody from ohio . I m from michigan. Of various small town. To stoplights and one mcdonalds the best place ever. I have an older sister and younger brother. Said top left picture their best day of their life with this bundle of joy came into the world. The first kid they said not what we wanted. Back to the drawing board. They nailed the formula and they got me. Perfection. And like people do they get cocky and plot i think we can duplicate travis the when my brother came out to be is not what we wanted. My brother and sister are not excited about those jokes i tell them nationally and i dont care. I love to paid sports allstate my senior year and for city capt. Everything was going my way. Did we pekin highschool texts the best are behind us and thats okay. This is being and highschool. Iran touchdowns. Is the going to get it . Know. That i we get the cheerleader. He was a good cheerleader. He led the team in highschool bed i could play baseball ive got to college and found out was not the best player of the steven that is hard to swallow after the first semester berger of france said you should move called a good school with me i thought that was a great idea of the coach said he should go plays baseball be the starter. And then i met my girlfriends boyfriend so that was really weird silent to the recruiting station to get out of town from her and her boyfriend so the reason i have no arms and legs clacks her. She did it to be. I cannot tell you theyre her name is amanda about what an awful person. If she felt that may well well, whenever laugh laugh so igo to the recruiting station he says. Guest to be a marine . Maybe. So what can i do for a job . He said i cannot give you a certain job for good tuned to be an electrician i can make to a plumber. If you set up with us again and 24,000 signing bonus is the hold that thought i said what is your siding bonus . He said honored duty respect. I get that. But what did your bonus . I had to remind him that i know thats not nice but that picture on the lowball the have the same poster would never plus 24,000 so i joined the army laugh laugh to know where the money is today . Me either. Was never. Everything was going good. Boy so they said i could deploy i started to take supplements from germany. By with my netiquette he goes home in september. And then i get on my space request with this picture. But it turns out he has of little sister rethought was goodlooking so why except. We start to chitchat and by november i decide we should hang out. That is a great plan than they said might feel like i deserve a vacation. So we go to mexico. By did not ask her brother or parents. That got weird. I flew into dallas i met her father. I will like to publicly thank my fatherinlaw not to kill me. He had every right. He is in the box you cannot see him. He is my righthand man. We went to mexico had a great time negative rollcall at 3 00 the morning she said wake up my daughter i have to talk her she wanted to make sure i was the serial killer. After went back overseas i was held up in a land of the city would come hangout . And now you can see where my money went. The next morning she is crying crocodile tears she looks at me and says i love you. Im no immediate. I said i love you to. The next thing remember she said want to marry you. With no hesitation i want to marry you also. And i got myself onto the airplane. Look at that. Twentyfour hours later i land i give her call and she says the wedding is planned. [laughter] now we have issues. So i have to buy her a ring. Inside information we got married at the courthouse. Big wedding in june we move to fort bragg negative got the apartment two weeks go by the we get a dog. Negative since the best. He is number one. He is nine years old and i say sit when you want. Come over here when you are done doing that. Stop barking when you feel like a. He cost me 29 to put in the electric fence. That is how good he is. He is the best. Now igo one another deployment no big fancy jim this is the weight room that was a lot of fun i grew a lot as a leader berger i took for showers in one year but now i take it by choice is so good for your skin. Let cal i radiated is amazing. I give my wife a call to say and coming home. She said hell never guess what i did today. She said i bought a house. What . Technically you bought a house. You signed power of attorney so she could operate in my name so we bought a house. I was excited to. Four months later that mince we would have a baby or she would indict get yelled at. My daughter was born i had to name her closely because my exgirlfriend name was closely but it was in demand a. Just joking. The man have orders to take us back overseas. Ashley is said ft. Hood taxes i said no i have those of look up to me that i have to take care of it is unfair so i canceled my orders in went overseas. What in india. And india. I am Senior Member of the platoon. We got a phone call on april april 10th that said we have by edies in the city. Check it out we swept the ground i took off my bag and saddam of a ground when it hit underneath it was the idd. And ripped off my right arm in may right leg minnesota left leg left arm blown out that the rest my fund index and middle finger were still there. And hit the lefts side of my face i looked at the aftermath i said i need you over here i had a bomb. I said dr worry about you wont save me. I said go save my guys they got hurt the reeling in pain as if you cannot solve this problem for quite have been overseas long enough i had seen people go for a lot less. He started to put it the tourniquet on me. Please stop bleeding they checked on the two guys. They were falling. Then they put me on a helicopter and flew me to hospital. When i got there we had been no more of while they are so good that 99 Percent People that get their alive leave alive which is a true testament to medical technology. I am trying to get back up. Im trying to set up the of one guy upholding the down. Is the widow know how you are still awake you need to go this league. I just kept thinking saving private ryan. I did not want to show freer the last memory was the m yelling at the medic and that the last memory was them freaking out. So they get ready to knock me out. Fe go to work on me. Fourteen hours of surgery and nine doctors over 30 blood transit chance fusions the basically theyre donating straight to me they didnt have timeto clean the blood to keep me alive but i am good. So they worked on me. That was april 10. April 12 they moved me to afghanistan where brotherinlaw was over there proposal who will bring your body home if you die . It is pretty morbid. Who gets the money. Sewed josh flies over then they cut off my left arm and then todays later they wake me up for the first time the first thing out of my mouth is where race soldiers my brotherinlaws said everybody is so k. Parker my paralyzed he said no. I said i can feel my fingers are toasted by paralyzed he said no purple you dont have the many more. Wright was pushing the sky paid me per car was angry are was sad i pay my taxes and serve my country. But then he said call your wife. Call your parents and said hey whats up i love you a good did viper or didnt want to talk. By a levy one fine. My mom said happy birthday. I said i will see you in a bit. Than i rolled into the hospital was april 17 my wife said happy anniversary week later bring up the 17th i said not to davey will talk about that in june. The city were in charge of his medical care. If you dont takeoff 2 inches and he will die if she said pull the plug. Just joking. I was thinking of how much of a burden i would be. Than my wife came into the room was stable and they said you dont have to do this. Take chloe and go take the house and the money in the cars financial level fund you everything is yours. Dont let me drive you down. She said i thought about that but Handicapped Parking want the from row laugh laugh so she stayed. Disease said that is not how this works. We will do this together she truly is amazing. So after this in 20 minutes i will meet everybody but igor around the nation to talk about Health Care Technology in perspective motivation how to get motivated to get better. How will i get motivated . An amazing life you will be there for me. My little girl comes in to room for dad is the biggest monster but it turns out on and pull story she has ever been given short forms and short legs and a fuzzy just die ma teddy bear. I am coming ashore to. But my little girl. I will get better for them. By how . And not the first relapsed quadruple amputee. This second came walking into room in the first thing out of his mouth was welcome to the club berger said the one to be in the club band he said to late. I live in misery i drive i do everything i want to do. You will be from nine. If you are healed up the enough a workout with you tomorrow out 1 00. I said i will work go with you tomorrow and the next morning my doctor said you cannot workout today. I said today it 1 00 if he said no really. You can die said of know what you dont get but i will work out. I called every halfhour finally he said okay. I did realize he called the head tuesday dont let him do anything. I laid out my stomach stretch of my pelvic for 20 minutes that was the best work i had ever done. I keep that regiment to this day you can probably tell. I am married. Stop. So then igo me to my therapist downstairs this says we need to give you some goals. Shes then realistic goals. I entire did people putting food in my mouth in publican i will do that myself. So strapped on my arm for the first time in eight lasagna. This is so good and then i said give me milk it is burning with perot. When next goal is that i want to walk again if you sit in a wheelchair and somebody is talking in a wheelchair you are trapped. But wanted to be able to walk again. Then it was able to take my first upset walter reed. That i wanted to take one lap face said one laugh by did relapse i said i m as tough as they come she said put the crunch is on the ground and i fell in she said that is what you get. But i was walking again. Win tide came to room for limeade and other pro call per glycols my guys overseas. I was singing and of beat and happy cns said i will be there to meet to you when you get back from afghanistan. The bottom right picture is me hugging my magic. My tall lakeside got them that morning i drove six and a half hours to me to the ramps side. Thanks for what you did i appreciate you and i am thankful to still be here. But they brought four firefighters from new york city and he said they put one now in december and we will push you and i said no. We would just walk get. You have not even worked out yet price said that is okay i will walk out. Night went ahead and stripped my legs. I got this. It is paid volume in the tunnel i think i have to sit down so i got out of the tunnel with those firefighters and thought no matter or how rob my latest is if those did go up after the walk guy went up on the stage. But it 20,000 people strong and there was a quarter across the stage. If my toe pitches that would hit 20,000 people and then to swoop in and he does not realize that and he drops me. [laughter] we he is not deterred. He is determined. He picks me of this second time my legs dont walk out. Again. The third time he drops me again. Then i say by need to interfirst this is getting awkward. [laughter] and the compensation is what i call it. We very careful. I of unlawful driver perc 34