Follow was to get publishing is, schedule updates, author information and to talk directly with authors during our life program. Twitter. Com booktv. No matter where i went there would always be some relative to the. Uninvited in my life bringing along the memories i tried so hard to of literature i was ashamed of myself and my pettiness and for letting history overcome what shouldve been a joy the moment. Despite the tone of our conversation i truly felt iraq was trying to be honest with himself. And with me focusing on reaching a higher level of self understand. In the presence of such honesty it is imperative to respond in kind but the shock of it was like being dipped into a lake of ice cold water. This offkilter image of myself sitting across from me was my brother. I felt i could hide nothing from you but there was nothing in my life i experienced he had not. For him the results might have been different. He looked so like me in some ways, his gait, his face, even his voice but his was deeper than my. I shouldve been happy to see him but i was not. Like me who is mixed race and must of been rejected like i had. He had been educated in an ivy league university. Like me he came from a broken family. Unlike me be wholly embraced his african side. Unlike me he was attempting some sort of reconciliation, something for somebody even acknowledging me and my mother. Thoughts tumbled through my mind. Yet this big brothers going to harvard, then why cant i i thought . He is probably smarter than me and can discern lies from the truth including money. I felt afraid and exposed like a something dirty about our kinship, that it was founded on a lie, we been dealt a fragile deck of cards of which to grace our brotherhood. Yet the quest the barack in later i would embark upon required honesty, however brutal it was to ourselves or others close to us. So with all this in the back of my mind i lashed out at him. Wide range of all that garbage about my father . He was a drunk. He beat us. I learned to move on. Life is hard enough without dwelling on all the problems. Barack seems to flush and almost imperceptible movement, i saw his eyes turn hard as he stared at me. Is as though he did not understand. After a moment of silence he continued with his questions. Have you not hurt my outburst . I was astonished. A part of them seem to shut me out. It was as though he was pretending i had upsetting but in this way we were both blind. Where as the time i could not see any of my fathers virtues. Barack might inform high opinions her father and even idolized them. No one had told him the truth. The shameful details of episodes of anger and drink. It was as though he had conditioned not to explore these matters having already formed an opinion. Clinically and without passion. His demeanor was cold. I felt then he was an arrogant bastard who was too polite to face it. I did not injured being treated as a research subject. I did not want to be pitied or ignored by members of my own family. What i need is someone to tell me when i was being a jerk and need to straighten up. That wouldve been okay, and we could still have shared a beer. How would i have loved for him to throw his arms around me and said, brother, your big brother is here. Im looking out for you, man. Ipod wouldve cast his arms aside but it would have broken up inside. Instead, he said i see. I was succeeding academically but id already started sewing the seeds of my own. A big brothers advice might of helped me been. I wanted to hit the ball back like a tennis ball. That wouldve woken me up but it was not to be. Be. You can watch this and other programs online at booktv. Org. Heres a look at some upcoming book fairs and festivals happening around the country. Next on the communicators, ftc commissioner Maureen Ohlhausen on issues involving the federal trade commission and the internet. Then louisiana governor Bobby Jindals remarks at the values voter summit. After that, live at nine a. M. , the Washington Institute symposium on u. S. Relations with the middle east. Cspan, created by americas Cable Companies 35 years ago and brought to you as a Public Service by your local cable or satellite provider. Host and joining us this week on the communicators is the senior republican on the federal trade commission, maureen