Suze familiar faces. And also threatened to stop treatment if he did it, but it was wonderful especially the bridge filled ground where i learned to write to a and reid good books. Thank you. Most of you know, me more intimately more than others but i have been working in humanitarian aid for now they and 12 for 13 years and this book takes place over a decade of my life. The in and out titled we talk about coming home and reintegration in so chapters that take place abroad and is the antichaos and always such so wonderful place to come back to because it is so called a and lovely. So i just want to give a few caveat is. I am not the spokesperson for the Aid Community i am one of many who worked in the field some muscle on there than i have spent. I have spent about a dozen years. Maybe twice there are others was much more experience and expertise. These are my personal views and i dont claim to have all of these answers because they are complex but these are the observations that i had. There are a number of different path for weiner to countries i have been zhuzhou for around a lot with my personality and that if it may well lead there is a career path the profession can take people have said to me argue young to have written a memoir . Thats after a good decade to the observations over the 10 years it does cover the reason why the etf started when i went come home having trouble to reintegrate to explain what i was doing overseas. How to wrap up what it was like so with the observations there so i want sid do demystify those perceptions from either the media or just from reading about these places overseas that steve is so scary when there are incredible people over cultures so i wanted to pull the curtain back as professionals do the work but also those of the industry. Some people call it coming of age and it does take place from when i graduated High School Im sorry ive been colleges and tell a few years ago. Thespians my 20s and 30s so i did grow up with the backdrop of the of massive catastrophe. I right about that a lot as well. I know people was Still Standing but i will read for little did he at second i would will explain them before i read them. The book takes place dealing with the flash back then it goes stooge new york into rwanda where i was in interned then i go back to york then choose chapters that take place in darfur and then i go back to new york and then he gave. Thing going to rwanda when i was totally green then i go to rue andy york and reid. Then i go to haiti. So this part that i read now is a have a a very hard time with a place to live but nine years after the genocide it is a very stable country and the organization is said you can come for the internship the fiveyear loan housing so i stayed in a hotel on a measly budget and rapidly running out so i needed to find a place to live and fast but none of the ex pats were helping me surprisingly living in the multistory compound and complex and i was asking around as the new girl people said could block. [laughter] any way you can imagine my loneliness i found a family who would take me in. But finally through friends of friends i found gloria who live downtown she ran of local womens organizations and told me to meet her at the offices after work when i arrived she shook my hand. It is so nice to me you. Lets go. Getting to know her would take time and patience she wore a perfectly tailored dress saying carried as small black purse. She was roundly and her steps were slow. She had a driver who was already sitting in her car and she opened the passenger seat forward so i could get in the back. Skinny ladies in the back. The car side when she sat down for price support of itself by holding on to the back of her car. This is too much. He looked at me. He doesnt speak in english. It had you been there yet . I did not know what it was. I dont think so. That was a neighborhood. That is rare we live. Dust outside came into the car. After 15 minutes pulling onto a side street a short distance from the office and slow down. A young man opened it and as he pulled into the driveway come on. I entered the house of the living room had a black leather couch facing the entertainment, zohar looking as if it came from a Sears Catalog 1987. At the far end was a dining room table with plastic covering on the chair. Then flowers sat on top of the daily. One bold home from the ceiling. We blocked to the back of the house. She opened my room a dresser, a plastic table and the bet with the table. It is part of the of livelihood working ranch went to open a small window. If there is a screen. The problem with the bugs. I accepted the t. Then she walked back to the kitchen to say you will eat with us sandy will be part of the family. She was not married but had two daughters in nairobi and she shared the house with her sister and her family in the sun my a gin grandchildren. She was prominent and was rich with the car and driver and a guard and of made. Later she returned and gloria introduced us. She put out her hand and she did not speak no word of english. Sitting in her living room cover the First Time Since coming through is that i felt at home. Every so often we looked at the end smile. One is a man but who are they . Sheikh first pointed to herself then to the ground. Gloria said they were killed in a the genocide. Her two grandchildren who she was wheezy has said jiggling im prodded close to her face as she concedes that she had been animated smile. This is you . She shouted something in french and she said the you are very pretty. Thank you yes i looked pretty with my a hair and makeup by a ran my hand across my face of course, she doesnt recognize me. She pointed to my mother and father i wanted to say how do you say my mother died in french . I appointed to the pitcher then to the ground and she knew that this strange expediency with not speaking the same language. That was in rwanda. The next it takes place in darfur. And i wanted to read this because it captures the feeling all lots of us feel that there are, you are confronted with needs all around you on a macro scale but you are forced to block out the individuals because that is not how we work so we work on projects that help thousands and it is hard to devote energy to signals when there are thousands just like them. Kit is a constant internal struggle and i am still quite young and naive this is a part where i am confronted with an individual who needs help and i have a personal connection so it crowds my professional judgment. So us was said i was seeing a camp there was 24,000 people there. My job, it sounds impressive but its really there are 20 organizations that work there with water, sanitation and, health, schools, i am the messenger between the of camp to manage the and that a Community Like of the water breaks i tell someone to go fix it so i have Close Relationships in that camp. Oh no. This fell off. I am a little too animated. So i was close with one of the camp leaders. So after months of weekly camp meetings we were friends and it was hard to know how old he was says his head was wrapped in nature been he carried himself as an elder and retreated him as one even the we communicated we had a and spoken in understanding sometimes i knew what he was saying by his tone resulting of the theft and bribery and internal politics i always felt that ahmed was straight with me after the overt to an agenda with the overcrowding and he said my nieces it. Can you see her . I said i am not a doctor he said she needs help. I suggested he take her to use the clinic and i already have. I said i will come tomorrow for our promise. The next morning i was meeting with an agency they were taking pasture on the piece of land that they were having a prayer space. Ahmed was waiting for me that i remembered. Your neece i will come after this meeting. He waited patience italy. Lets go. We drove to his tent he planted shrubs to make ted gate and i almost got stuck and i tripped. He pulled back a plastic sheet and his sister sat on the floor covered by a towel and looked up her face losses stoic. Of ahmed said something to her them made the infant daughter she was tidy and frail the head twice the size and it looked like a balloon. Then nose was distorted her cheeks and forehead were bags of fluid. Her neck was too weak to support and she let out a gasp. I had never seen anything like this. To retake heard to the hospital . They cannot do anything. There is says surgery but only in khartoum. Then she has to do get there. Yes. It was repeated in english. We will get her there. I said it to his sister and i went back to the office so i called the only doctor i knew i could reach. Data. [laughter] he she has hydrocephalus they usually catch it in euro. He was sitting on the beach will she died . She is not treated, yes. They need to drain the fluid from her head. Is huge. How much time . But she needs to get treatment soon. There was an urgency. Perhaps of personal relationship with ahmed but it put me into action. Everything was out of my control but a sick child i could do something about. There is of girl in the camp that has hydrocephalus. What is that . Her head is huge and she needs treatment the family has exhausted treatment she has to get on of plane to khartoum. They cannot be put on the flight. You know, that. I said it can we pay for her for a commercial flight . We cannot do that. We cannot pick and choose. Then i will pay. You cannot do that it seems as coming from our agency because you are employed by us. I call the office with the same response. Last month there were a few heart conditions and we could not do it. We cannot send some and not others. I talk to the house coordinator who said the same thing. There were people with long issues so we could not take them. What happened . Two of them already died. I have not dent confronted with this type of clinical detachment before how do i tell him that there was nothing we could do but he would have to watch his niece died . Tavis dreaming of exploding headstand during my a day w. Foy degree to get her on the flight. Not what they had come to do so they were not responsible. These programs are developed for tens of thousands of people the working of the individual level case by case is not what we were in the business of doing. I talked to a debut nhl Health Care Emergencies certainly it was in their mandate. He said we have requests to go every day free to everyone we could not operate. I know. It is sad for a free fly this girl for free have to retell the next person we cannot fly them . But shouldnt we be . Shouldnt that be part of our job . We are here to save lives . We cannot save everyone. They had appointed and i may have been naive i could understand in the abstract but my personal relationship was blurring my logic but with the few bars of soap and medical care and education this was the best we could do . With all the resources spent to get us here dont even bother and let this one go. It will not happen in. To not worry your head. Of the time you spend and this girl you to be helping other people. Get back to your job mark told me when he space was still obsessing about its. I was determined to get this pearl to khartoum. Matter what bureaucracy had to navigate or the people behind the desk who said no. I had heard that many times before we did not have the funds to purchase Sanitation Equipment or could not transport rice to a sister camper. But i found that bending rules and mandates with creativity was the only ingredient required to turn the impossible into the reality. You will have to read to see what happens. [laughter] you can now imagine end with a situation like that then to come back home, would be a little bit jarring. This little vignettes takes place i went straight to share after the tsunami then i came home. And this takes place six days after i get home. I returned three days after the wedding shower of a friend from high school ive looked for verge to is the party that by then i was dreading it died just wanted to lie in bet. Lie in bet. Law in order reruns. I was not prepared to put on a dresser make small talk but i was a day bridesmaid and i had a line to read and i went to washington d. C. When i arrived i saw a the long staircase to the room decorated in a pink and white. Everyone was perfectly dressed i was wearing the only pair of shoes i could find favor the pair flats i or tuesday piano recital in eighth grade. She clearly lost weight and her body seemed overwhelmed by the attention. It is so good to see you she said. I have not gotten a haircut. You look amazing. Howre you . Honestly i am having a hard time. We will get into it later but not here. I know i said i embarrass. She turned away. Around me women were earning delaying and the bench was stacked high with ribbons and paper. Along with colorful hoarders i grabbed one. I could not remember the time i had seen these women i saw one old classmate and made my way to her. How were you . She tried not to spill her during court dropper feared. I am good. I am okay. How are you . I want to hear about you. What was it like . It was hot. It was hard. Is in bad shape than this and on the response is so complicated. She was nodding their eyes were wondering although she may have been interested my friend did not have the words to talk about it. She just wanted to know how i was doing i was struggling to put sentences to gather. I did not have party appropriate anecdotes but most mornings i had trouble to bring myself to get out of my pajamas. I deflected the conversation back to her. How were you . It is nothing compared to what you do. I heard you were away. Rebecca told me for these tsunami . Yes. How was it . Was it fun and more devastating . Win a question in like that of the most publicized natural disasters come from a graduate of Yale Law School their private educated women who were well paid who eats at private restaurants and book clubs so these conversations cut me off guard i did not know how to respond. She will bin guest from of cutlery to rue crockery and then we read eaton on brownies sundays. Another classmate looked at me is that i havent had anything this good in months. Heidi stays so thin . She said she lived in ethiopia that is how. [laughter] i did not bother telling them i had never visited ethiopia. This last wine is from when i was id heydey. Obviously it is in the backyard of the u. S. So there is very well intentioned people whod came down to help out after the earthquake. This is about the people that were there and myself as well. Look at those people a colleague said one day to me to americans matching it shirts and pants and cameras hanging around their neck. To get it right we need to stop encouraging to pick up a shovel to come down here if it was thought your family would you want amateurs . Is like giving people shotguns sending them to afghanistan to fight to the war. With other emergencies there are restrictions the length of the flight, the fact it would end with them landing in a war is known combined that with stopped humanitarian as from dropping in but it was a onehour flight from miami and did night require the entrance visa for those who wanted to help out for one week. Those commemorating the trips they were on and the haitians knew they were there to help clean up and the groups new so those tshirts for only there to we mind the weekend friends what a good deed they were doing. Haiti project spring break 2010 most or did worn by groups. Angel missions, relief recovery, like keeping hope alive