Im so excited to have this conversation with you. You know, as a fellow saint louis and i followed your political career and you actually represent the district that i was raised in. Oh, wow. Yeah, like im from florissant. Yes. Yes. I used to live in floors. Yes, i have heard. So im just excited. And so lets just dig in. Im talking to you about your new book, the the forerunner. So i want to talk about this, the opening. So you go in really deep, really quickly with the book about some of the pain and the trauma that youve experienced in your life. What made you decide to open the book with what many could consider to be one of the worst experiences that you had had in your life up to that point . Yeah. You know. Its something that you know, i still im still working through it, but its something also that affected me so, so deeply because, you know, the the Sexual Assault that i experienced before, most of it happened around it was like my early twenties, late teens, early twenties. It was when i was still like trying to, you know, find myself, quote unquote. And i blamed myself. And i went through the next 20 years blaming myself every single time that happened. Oh, it was because my shirt was cut short and my, my, my shorts were really, really sure. It was because i was out walking with friends when i met them and you know, and i was dressed a particular way so that, you know, so thats why it happened. So when they took me out on the date, they just assumed that thats what i wanted. Or, you know, like i, i made all of these excuses for what happened to me and all of the blame fell on me. So when that happened, a few year back in 2016, i have a book begins. I was wearing scrubs. I had just come from work. You know, i, i was, you know, and so i was over. I was 40 years old, you know, i had just turned 40, i believe. And it was, you know, it was just that mindset that, hey, like, i blame myself because of all these things before, but this time those things werent in play. And so so ive just been really trying to dig through that. And so it was important to start with that because that also happened right after my first run for office. And so it was i was just so much as my life was changing and i was finally thinking i was getting my life together and moving forward and things were starting to make sense that that just like crashed everything all at once. Now so much of the book, especially youre talking about your experience with Sexual Assault, both as a young woman and years later after your first run. I was really not. I was saddened, but not surprised because your experience is a lived experience of so many black women. Yes. Who have been touched by trauma and violence and abuse and Sexual Assault during the during the chapters that talk about your youth, you write quite a bit about how black women are sexualized at an early age that thats what happened to you and that you took a life as you said, you took on a lot of blame for yourself for why, you know, older men or boys were coming on to you so hard or reacting violently towards you. How did you get out to the other side . How did you come to the conclusion that these incidents werent your fault and that it wasnt about how you were dressed or how you were behaving at the time that this was really more about toxic behavior and about the actual men who perpetrated it . Yeah, i think that some of it came just from you know, over the last several years of highlighting, you know, that, you know, how prevalent Sexual Assault is, just the work of organization and even, you know, when people have become public, you know, speaking out against, you know, people who are celebrities or, you know, politicians and just hearing just just that rallying cry that has that has been pushed forward. Those advocates speaking out that i believe her. And then just really just just putting it in front of us more. But it wasnt until i went to therapy, i went to therapy, you know, immediately following. I think the i think the following week or the week after i was in therapy, at least 1 to 2 times a week. And thats where i learned the most. And thats where my so my therapist started to dig through that to say like, hey, why are you thinking . You know . And so she helped me to see that that i was holding onto it and how much i had internal lost everything that happened to me even down to the calls you know i talk about in the book, you know how this this this older man i was a teenager and he said, you know, if youre old enough to be old enough for me, you know, and id like that was the mindset, you know, like that that i would encounter a lot. And not just me, my friends. So and it was just the usual regular thing. And now i understand that best not okay, but where do we speak out against it . Like how often do you hear that spoken out against like, hey, thats not how you thats not how you talk to a you know, to women and girls. Thats not how you talk to anyone actually. And so, like turning it around. And thats one thing that i have. I have tried to highlight, not in the book but just in my work is, you know, where are the folks that are speaking out . Where are the men speaking to boys . You know, about, you know, where are the consent converse actions and those things have to happen. Yeah. And im glad that you talked about therapy because often in the africanamerican community, sometimes it can be taboo to talk about how you might need help and to seek help from a medical professional. Did you struggle with some of that same mentality where you felt like somehow you were being weak or you werent acting in the best way by seeking out help . Because often were told not to seek help for these types of things. Yeah, absolutely. And for me, i grew up in the church and i grew up in the church. You know, i am a pastor, even though im not, you know, pastoring a church right now. And so being, you know, a minister myself, i you know, that was a there was a it was a fight for me, especially when it was first brought to me like, hey, you need therapy. And it was my friend that i talk about in the book by the name of chris. It was him saying, hey, you are not yourself, you need therapy. And i know someone that can help you, that can help get you connected to this therapy and and he did all the work to get all of it set up. And, you know, forget waiting list like she needs this now. And that is thats how thats how that happened. But even so, he m pushing me because if it wasnt for him pushing me, honestly, i would not have ever gone because i was having that battle. You know, it was, okay, you need to go to church, you need to go to church and and you need to pray about it. You need to ask the the members. You need to ask the mothers, you know, reach out to this past the friend, you know, and just have everybody pray for you, you know, and youll be okay. But i did go to church and i remember i went to church one day and i was sitting in i was sitting in the church and they were talking about, you know, like, oh, you know, god is going to bless you in ten days. And like it was this whole thing happening and people were jumping up out of their seats and, you know, and, and the person say, like, turn around three times and, you know, and then say this, you know, say these words and those people were turning around and everybody was, oh, you know, and im sit ing there in the midst of it, bleeding on, you know, on the inside, feeling like i was bleeding and i was about to lose it. And i couldnt believe why everybody was so happy and cheering and praising god around me. But nobody noticed me sitting in the midst of them hurting. And so i jumped up out of that, out of that seat and ran out of the church. And ill never forget, i ran out of the church and someone stopped me. Im like tears are just my faces wet and tears are just falling from me. And im running out of the church. And someone stopped me that was at the door and she said, hey, wait, wait, wait, stop. Have you signed up for the Marriage Ministry . And ill never forget, im like, you still dont see me like my faith is wet and im running. And so i ran out of ther ran do p lot and was trying to figure out how i could kill myself right there. Like i was sitting there thinking, okay, if i take my car and i go and i stop it at this point, right . Soon as i pull out the parking lot, there was a major street like i could not. The thing that stopped me was when i put my hands on the Steering Wheel to get ready to pull off and there was this flash before me of the faces of my children, and it was the faces of my children. If they found them hearing that i was no longer here and i couldnt bear that, and so death would stop me, that is an incredible, incredible story. I mean, i appreciate you sharing that level of detail. Its something that i can definitely relate to. I suffer from Mental Illness and your honesty about your Mental Health journey and the fact that you admitted that it took something believing in something bigger like your family basically to hold you, to keep you as part of this earth is tremendously insightful. So i appreciate you sharing that. That is so, so honest. I want to pivot a little to this talk about growing up in saint louis, the chapters about your childhood were so relatable to me as a little girl who also grew up in saint louis in the eighties and nineties from like watching the cosby show in a different world to, you know, eating pizza and, you know, the types of music you listen, you talk about, like doing a dance routine to Bell Biv Devoe poison. Yeah. Which was like one of my favorite songs as a kid that definitely got me to the dance floor. But what i also found really touching and relatable was that your family taught you your history, which is with this black history and the richness of our culture and our struggle here in the united states. Can you tell me a little bit about the impact your father had on you in wanting you to know your history . Yeah. So my dad, for me my dad for me was this strong man, you know, when i was when i was a kid, you know, like, i just i looked up to my dad as this, like, who just kind of like you know, he was very afrocentric in in his in his, like, just the way that he raised us. Not necessarily. Not outwardly. So much so. So, like, he wasnt like like where and dashikis and stuff like that. It wasnt like an outward thing, but it was more just the way that he raised us and what he taught us in the home. Ill never forget my dad wore an afro with a part on the side, but it was an afro and he would keep his black fist pic in his head. He wore that everywhere if he wasnt at work, but you know, we had pictures. We had Jesse Jackson and dr. King and the great kings and queens of africa on the wall. We had all kinds of, you know, books on or in black, you know, black americans and in, you know, and it wasnt the usual folks that you may hear about. You know, when we celebrate black history, he took it deeper than that. It was like, you need to know, you need to know who. I remember him at one point teaching us about kwame today and teaching us about free it hampton. And so like those werent names that we were hearing all the time, but time with dad, if we were going to watch tv, you were watching and no joke, like as on the prize. Yes. You know, roots, you know, so, so stored documentaries and stories. That was our time with him. But but it meant so much. I didnt realize it at the time because it was, you know, i wanted to watch, you know, i wanted to watch mtv. Like that was the thing at the time. I wanted to watch, you know, i had all stuff that i you know, that i wanted to watch tv shows and he but for him, it was, no, you dont need to look at those things. This is what you need because you need to be able to you need we need to fortify you at home because when you go out there, there is a different world outside. But one thing that my dad taught me that i will never forget, and it has meant so much to me. Two things actually. One is that my black was beautiful. You know, he my dad never made my sister. We look so much alike. But my sister is shes light skinned. Im dark skinned. And but my dad never made a difference. He never. We didnt. You would not have known that there were color differences like, my mom is a different shade than all of us. You would not have known that he taught me that my dark skin was still beautiful in it. Never hold my head down for anyone. But also he taught me every single day before we walked out of our home and they drove us crazy as kids. But now i get it, he would say. He would sit us down before we walked out the door and he would say response, stability, responsibility, responsibility, responsibility. You are a leader. You will not be a follower. You say, but a good leader knows how to follow. And then you could walk out the door. He would pray, and then you could walk out the door. No, i love it. I love it. I had a very similar upbringing. I watched so much of eyes on the prize. My father came home from work at mcdonnell douglas, which i think had been bought by boeing. Yeah. When he came home from work and said to me, oh my god, youre going to turn into a militant. And this was this is what was encouraged in our house. The same thing watching roots and knowing your history. Yeah, we had the kings and queens of africa read poster to. Yes, we had the same poster in our house and i also felt the same pressure that you felt, you know, to succeed academically and to do well in school. But i want you to talk a little bit about how unpopular that was in the nineties in, say, louis as a young black woman. The fact that you were a bit more bookish and a bit on the more studious side didnt always work in your favor and tried to fit in. No, it was not. It was it was. You know, being cute in, you know, wearing lip and being able to wear lip gloss, you know, color. You know, the color, lip gloss and having having the the ladies guess jeans and, you know, polo clothes and all of that. Like that was the thing. You didnt it didnt matter if you were smart or not. Like, none of that was like people didnt care about that. Like, in our, like, in our, you know, age group, it was about the look, you know, and so but for me, i want to both like i want to look this way because i like it. But i also loved books and i loved school. I loved the knowledge and learning like that was my comfortable place. It was like i under it was like i could relate to the books because i, you know, i dont know how to best articulate that, but i just felt like, you know, i needed to attain as much knowledge as i could and like, one of my favorite things was vocabulary words, learning vocabulary. It was just it was its own class in elementary school. And i loved it. But, but it wasnt always you know, it was more like being singled out, though, you know, because in class it would be, oh, cory, answer this. Oh, cory, quackery knows that. And it started to make me feel like, you know, i just want to be like my friends, like dont single me out and then so it was like, i just want to be like everybody else, but but i still pushed on in it and in excel because i knew that that was what was expected of me as well. From my parents. From both of my parents and but if you couldnt be if you couldnt be also the the it girl my mom used to call it miss pop. If you could be the miss pop, you know, then then your peers wouldnt necessarily see you exactly. And you talked quite a bit in the book about when you started high school and the amount of like racialized bullying and hatred you often received from other students. That was just seen as just part of school life as opposed to something that people felt compelled actually do anything about. Can you talk a little bit about that . Yeah, that was the told to ali just unexpected. Like i, i went to this school thinking that what i saw before me in Like High School night, you know, in in, you know, when we would have students coming from other schools to come and talk to us about their schools, like all the the, the love and the, you know, the school pride. Like, thats what i thought that i was going to be walking into. Never once did it cross my mind that i would endure something completely different, especially because most of the racism that i had seen was in the books and in the the archive of footage that i watched in in all of that. It wasnt because i was young, you know. And so by the time i got to so the point to where i was going in high school, i just didnt think that that was something i would see in high school, you know, because basically racism, it was almost like racism was over, you know, or or, you know, the part of it that was so overt at least was over. But walking into the school, it was a completely different thing. And, you know, i just remember not understanding what was happening to me when the administrator, you know, i talk about in the book how i, you know, took my interest exam and in i took the interest exam just like everyone else, we went into this big auditorium. All the freshmen, we took it together and then when they called me back and said, you know, you need to come back and retest, i didnt understand. But when but ill never forget. I walked into the school the day to retest and the administrator. Im looking up at the room at the administrator. I remember he was taller than me and he looked right at me and he said, we dont believe. We believe that you cheated. We dont believe that you did this well on your own. And and sent me back into this huge auditorium to take it again by myself, you know, and then how how kind of like unnerved he was when i walked back out and they and they scored it, he said to me, you know, that i did better, you know . And so he was. But the way he said it, you could tell that he was a little , you know. So i got to stay number one in my class in there. So just starting there, it was, you know, i didnt just feel isolated and and just feel i didnt just feel that discrimination from my peers. I felt it from, you know, from staff. If i felt that from administrators and what, 14 i was 14 and i had just turned 14, you know what what kids should have to go through that. No, i definitely agree. As someone i went through you predominately when you talk about go into catholic and religious schools and st louis, i actually went to Public Schools in saint louis and had similar experiences. But what was probably what you just described was what was the hardest for me was when teachers didnt believe me or listened to me because of my race and because i was specifically a young black girl. I id like to hear you talk a little bit about how adults choosing to not believe you or question you when you like, do well on a test and how that even trickles down to like your interactions with the health care industry. As a young woman, you talk in the book about, you know, ending up terminating two pregnancies and the level of dismissal, dismissiveness and harshness you received from the medical professionals who worked with you. If you would, talk a little bit about what that does to a young black woman, when you repeated early not believed in dismissed. Yeah, i think i think part of it goes back to, you know, even as, you know, as youth, we are seeing are treated, you know, that as being oversexualized first it starts so early you know so and then that whole like mother like that matriarch and that matriarch in a respectful way necessarily. But but that whole idea of that that mammy type thing like were were seen so early as this grown woman, you know, even at as at 14, even at 12 or at ten, were seen as basically a grown woman. And and and i think that that place plays this part of, you know, i dont have to be soft with you or i dont have to treat you with dignity. I dont have to, you know, treat you like you are deserving of peace. You know, i can treat you like you are this threat because basically i think a lot of it comes down to the not knowing, not understood, adding that understanding the core of us but you know as i got older though so from that moment i started to just really understand like things that i had heard in my childhood at school, like, wait a minute. Oh, i remember kind of feeling this way when, when this teacher said this and now i realize that, you know what that really was. But and then you know, years later, not being just the whole idea of not being believe and not being hurt, you or being treated like you, you are automatically less then, not less than me. Youre automatically less than us. Like thats the that was the thing when i was in that Abortion Clinic and that the person that was supposed to counsel me instead of, you know, her speaking to someone that was in this situation that was really, really tough for her instead of looking at that like this is a way for me to help this person, to help help give them whatever they need in this moment. They took it as the moment to to knock me down and back me into a corner to tell me, you know, how i wasnt enough and how i would never be enough and and what the thing is. Because when we are given the opportunity to shine or when we take back for the opportunity to shine our brilliance is so amazing that i just feel that it just, it people connect with it like understanding, like, you know, how is that . Because we look at especially when we look at black women being the, you know, the most educated group, you know, in this country. And they had all the struggles and hurdles that we have to get past. We have to be three and four times better at whatever were working on in order to at least be considered average age. You know, for us to do do it, even do things even greater is a testament to who we are. But it also falls puts us into that that whole you got to be strong, you got to be the matriarch, the matriarch it in. You know, its its really it you know but speaking out hopefully will help future generations. I definitely hope so. I hope that when other black women read your memoir here that they feel is seen as i felt seen reading it. And one of the parts in the earlier chapters that really resonated with me was how open and vulnerable you are about the relationships that youve had. A particularly starting is, you know, as early as you know, when you were in junior high and high school and those, those first heartbreaks and of those first feelings of not being enough and feeling disrespected like you tell a story about your first boyfriend and how you were a cheerleader and how you would do a special jump whenever he would score because he was an athlete at your school. And then to find out that he was actually seeing another girl at the same time that he was seeing you, then feeling crushed and internalizing that as im not enough. Can you talk a little bit about how this feeling of im not enough was repeated over and over and over again . Often in your relationships, especially with the long term, what that you had as a young woman with that the man to with that eventually developed into an abusive relationship. Yeah so. You know, its funny because at home my father made a point and my mother made a point to make sure that i knew that my brother, that my sister, that we knew that we were enough made a point. But, you know, but that was at home. So once we once you crossed the threshold of your of your house, then it was whatever the streets say, you know, and i think that is so i think thats where i was able where it started to be smash from me a bit, especially because in school at that time, you know, if you were dark skinned and i dont really talk about this in the book, but if you were dark skinned like you were like you were the ugly ones. Like it was all about light skin, you know, a shout out to my light skinned, you know, you know, family, but, but like, that was the thing, you know, you, you know, you have wavy light skin with wavy hair was the thing thats where, you know, the guys wanted to date, though. They wanted to or they call those girls cute. Thats who they wanted to be. Their girlfriends and all of that. And then those dark skinned ones, you know, we were the ones that the guys would just run up and just hit you on your behind, you know . But they didnt want to be your girlfriend because, i mean, your boyfriend because, you know, they wanted the light skin. So it was all of those pieces that just started to pull away at that myself esteem early so that i started to believe that i wasnt enough. And so with that being my very first boyfriend and then with him doing that to me and it just happened in a matter of months, it was so fast, you know. And then i did. So there was nothing to combat that. Like there was nothing to come at the same time when that was happening to come back and tell me like, no, you are enough. Like there was that never happened. And so then it was the next, the next guy who did the same thing. And then so where is the piece that comes that tells us because people dont want to talk about you 12 years old, you got a boyfriend, you 14, you got a boyfriend. People try not to talk about that because, oh, youre too young. But but tell somebody theyre too young. Does it stop it . So do we put are we putting measures in place for you to be able to talk about that heartbreak, to talk about whats actually happened, happening to them . Oh, totally. I mean, not to belabor the point, because there were lots of points in especially in the early chapters of this book where i was just like, is she like actually just has a mirror into my life . Like, how did we live such a similar life . How were you talked about the repeated times that the the boyfriend that you were with, you know, got other women pregnant and was disrespectful and just really just he didnt show up for you, you know, like he didnt show up, like, for School Dances and he just wasnt a real, like, loving, caring boyfriend like you would pictured, you know, in the tv shows in the film that youd watched like sweet 16, like 16 candles and things like that. And i related so much to that because i too had a similar situation happen to me in high school where i was in love with a boy. He never made me his girlfriend. And then eventually he got some other girl pregnant. After i went off to college, i was just devastated, just completely heartbroken. But there was no one really to talk about it with because of the fact that when youre that young people dont want to talk about heartbreak. Right. And how it actually impacts you. Pretty much the only message you get as a black girl is just dont ever have sex. Yeah. Yes, thats right. Was that just dont do it. Dont date. Dont look at a boy. Dont talk to a boy because dont do it because dont bring a baby out. Exactly. Exact way. Exactly. And so i really appreciated your honesty in these chapters, especially about the abuse that you suffered, because i feel like that happens to so many women because we internal eyes the views that society imposes on us about our worth as black women. And were told repeatedly that were not worth as much. Were not valued. Were not as loved. Yes. How have you countered that narrative as an adult in your life . You know, it some of it came from well, a lot of it came from me finally, you know, giving my life to christ and then learning, you know, just going to church, hearing the world, just getting just soaking into the word and just getting built up in who i am. Just as as a human being, you know, and as a child, a guy like that is what helped to that help to, you know, like give me strength as far as just like im worthy because i breathe, you know, type of thing, like just just starting with that. And so once that really just healed certain parts of me, then i had to also contend with, but what about you . Because that, you know, but youre still this black woman, you know, living in this in this world, raising a black daughter. So i had to then soak myself into some stuff that i learned when i was in high school. Actually, i went to this amazing High School Kind of rate of college prep and which is still amazing. Now, actually, they have like they got like 40, i think its like 40 black teachers at their school or Something Like that. Right now. This is the school you attended after you left the school after. Thats yes. Yes. Is is an all black College PreparatoryCatholic High School and. But they have this Leadership Class and in that Leadership Class, like you learn so much of your history like it was all about leadership, black excellence and. So ive went back to that that i had learned about angela davis, you know, about assata shakur, about so many, so many others, about Shirley Chisholm and you know about harriet tubman. I went back to that and was able to see like myself in them a whole different way. And so that has helped me over the years, but also i kind of had to put it on the back burner for a while, like even caring about like how i was feeling and just my focus really turned to keeping my son alive and, and raising my daughter, keeping my daughter safe. So it turned into that. And just so then that went for years, like, just kind of like hyper focused on, on that and it but it was through movement after Michael Brown killed in ferguson in 2014, it was through movement building, it was through a learning together that that we put so much back into one another. So it wasnt as were fighting for black lives, if were as were fighting to get accountability for every Single Person that lost their lives at the hands of police is were fighting for all of that were fighting for ourselves and i was able to see like, hey, this is what you need because Aiyana Stanley jones was a black girl, you know, because sandra bland was a black woman, you know, like because we, you know, we got a you know, we got to remember that that we can get lost in this conversation. Like you got to be whole to exactly, exactly. And so this this pivots nicely into where i want to what i want to talk about next, which is about the ferguson uprisings. Can you talk a little bit about our hometown and how segregated it is and the history that st louis has with Police Violence . Yeah, just to give people some context as to why ferguson happened the way that it did, because often people dont realize. St louis has long history of discrimination, racism, segregation, housing discrimination. If you could go into a little bit of that. Yeah, sure. So. So saint louis is you have saint louis city and then you have Saint Louis County. So you got you know, its like this is saint louis city in this is all Saint Louis County. You know, and then you have the river on the side of us. So saint louis is made up of, of course, like i say, saint louis city, but then Saint Louis County county has over 90 municipal cities within it. So all of 90 over 90 municipalities, somewhere around 92, 93 and many of have their own governments, many of them have their own police departments. And i remember back during the protests when Michael Brown was killed, i lived only 6 minutes from where he was killed. But i travel i would travel through three municipalities to get to to get to the protest in that in that six minute drive. If i had a broken tail light or or, you know, Something Else wrong with my car that would flag if i had, you know, like something wrong with my windshield that would flag a Police Officer to stop me. I could get stopped in each one of those municipalities, which means i could have a ticket in each one if i couldnt pay them, then i could have a warrant in each one. You know. And it was so but the but through the years cause us having issues, saint louis having issues with policing. Its not a new thing. One of and one at one thing about that is there are two police unions. There is a police union that is is majority white. I would i would say is probably or a if a majority white police union, then you have the black police union called the Ethical Society of police so that tells you already a lot about what policing looks like in saint louis. But i grew up thinking that because in my neighborhood for such a long time, dad was, you know, was in politics. So the police were come into our home all the time. They came by once a week to drop off a letter to them. And then they just knew us in the neighborhood. We grew up with the police, knowing who we were, who we were. But that was us in this Little Community of 5000 people. Once you step outside of that, which i didnt do a lot of that without my parents, you know, at a young age, i didnt see a lot. But as i got older and spent more time with my friends outside of the community, thats when i really started to see policing being different because now im now im around other Police Officers that dont know me and but but you were still made to feel like if someone was brutalized by the police, it was their fault. But they automatically had to be doing something wrong, like they they it was it was all of them. And then years later, i started to see my friends that i knew and like know these that know these folks. You know, i started to see them brutalized by the police. You know, they were getting shot at and all kinds, you know, are getting stopped all the time on the side of the road. Like i would see so much. And its like they werent doing anything. And so thats when my mind started to see. Thats when my mind started to shift. And i started to wake up just a little bit. So you were also abused by the police during the ferguson protests, during the year that there were so many black lives matter protests that spread across the country after what happened to mike brown and what unfolded in ferguson if you could just talk a little bit about how that experience personally impacted you, but also talk about it within the context of saint louis. Its history of saint louis often racist history. Yeah, again, any type of protests you know, i often tell people that growing up, i never saw anything like what happened in ferguson the entire time i lived in saint louis as a young woman. Right. And my parents before me had never seen anything like that before. If you could kind of put all that into some context. Yeah. So it was. By the time that incident happened when i was brutalized by the police, so we had been protesting Michael Brown was killed august the ninth, 2014. This was. November 24th when this happened. We were we had been waiting to find out if. If the ferguson Police Officer who killed Michael Brown, darren wilson, if he would be indicted and we that this this answer was going to be it was either going to cause, like widespread protests or it was going to, you know, maybe just finally give us in the families some you know, type of, you know, relief in like maybe things are starting to change so we prepared for it and that night i decided not to just be out there as the protester because i knew that there would be so many people from all over the world that would be there, that never experienced tear gas before. So i had all of my stuff. I had a book bag full of, you know, just all types of, you know, medical supplies and everything, even a hazmat suit. It just a bunch of stuff. And as bad. And anyway. I, i remember just feeling like like i need to take care of whoever needs help out here. And then when the opportunity, when that, when it came time to actually help someone, i remember i didnt want to help them because i thought it was an ambush. We had dealt with that before. Many where someone with like call your name out or try to lure you into an area and and things like what happened. And so i just didnt so i just didnt think that it was real. But but helping. So im helping this woman and its in the book, but helping this woman that i thought was having a heart attack. Her her daughter thought she was having a heart attack. The people around her thought she was having a heart attack. As i was standing up trying to standing for this woman, trying to help her, you know, i just remember not realizing that knowing that the police had picked me up and threw me in the air. I just was i remember saying to the police, yelling at the Police Officer, im a nurse and im trying to help her. I need paramedic. You are not skilled to help her. I think shes having a heart attack. Can you get me the paramedics who were behind them . Literally right behind them . I could. Im looking at the ambulance. Would you get them . And i said, im a nurse. Im just trying to help her. And nick, next thing i knew, i saw stars. I saw the night sky in stars. And i couldnt. And i just remember wondering why do i see stars . I didnt feel the lift. And then i realized when i started to come back down, like the gravity, im like, wait a minute, stars. Oh, my god, im in the air. And then i started to come back down and i just remember the impact, started to see the ground coming towards me and there was nothing i could do but brace for the impact. And then when i hit the ground just me just going from one side to the other because im being kicked by this, these Police Officers. Well, im also Police Officers by Law Enforcement and then they tear gassed us while i was still on the ground in. And lisa, i believe, is her name. She was she had to be right there on the ground to me, it was. But the fact that were not told that story after words, i was most often told what, you shouldnt have been there. You shouldnt have been. That was your fault. You know, the stuff that we heard out there on the ground, oh, youre a terrorist. Go get a job. All of those things. And and when we would talk to the police, even out there on that front line, we would talk to the police and say, hey, why wont you listen to us . Why wont you do anything like, you know, why . Why are you standing for this . Why are you standing for how protesters are being brutalized out here . Why are you you know, and what we would hear was its a job so and i dont want to lose my job. This is how i take care of my family and i have to keep my head low. So the fact that they that we heard from officers, that is because of who is the higher up. Not that i agree with this and that is one of the his that is part of that history that we have in saint louis is the leadership. And so thats their training. And it teaches you to keep your mouth closed if you want to keep this job. Exactly. Exactly. And so one of the things that i was struck by in hearing your story, you know, youve been a victim of Police Violence. Youve been a victim of domestic violence. Youve been a victim of assault. Youve dealt with so much insurmountable in some cases, like very debilitating racism towards you. Youve dealt with medical racism, lived in your car at one point. Youve dealt with being under house. And i thought, what more perfect person to run for Congress Like she is experienced everything that is about how our government often fails us. Yeah. Yet when you decided that you wanted to first run initially for the senate, you had some pushback from other protesters and other organizers in the saint louis community. Can you talk a little bit about that . Yeah, it was in it came out of left field. You know, for me, just as it did for them. So i know they were probably i know it was probably tough for them because we had been you know, we had been angry at local politicians saying, hey, why why werent you out there . Us, you know, wow, wow. It was while we were out there protesting. Why arent you out here . You know, so so to then for me to run, you know, i know that it seemed to some of them like youre just trying to become one of them now. You just want to get you know, you just want to become some, you know, celebrity and but and so it was hard for me because i was like you. Yeah. You all know me. Like, you know what my character is. You know my history. You know who i am why would you think that i was trying to become something other than somebody thats actually trying to change this community. And so that was was it was tough, you know, the first that first run, we didnt have lot there were a few that supported us. And and and was with us, but the for the most part, many were not. I even had some come to me and say, you know, i cant believe youre doing this. Like we dont do electoral politics. And that was tough, you know, but but. When people started, see how much not only me, but there were two other activists who ran that were from the ferguson uprising, bruce franks junior, who ran for a state rep seat in one, and also shane aldridge, who later took over bruce franks seat. They, you know, just seeing that we held to our values, we held to the reason why we ran, the reasons why we ran and we were able to at least effect change locally, you know, and even me on us in some ways on a national scale, because bernie sanders, you know, did, you know, open up opened up some doors for me. I people were able to see wait a minute, youre right because the people who vote or people who write these bills, they cant come from your community. They can be like you. And b, but you know, and support the things and advocate for the things that that the community actually wants and needs. So that started to turn the tide. Yeah. And its just like to me it made sense. You know, you talk in the book about fathers past political ties and how in his how active he was in the community and the impact that had on you. And so to me, it was like when you started talking about both starting your own ministry in the book and then later getting involved in the protests movement out of ferguson like this. Just seemed like a natural extension of your efforts to try to make the world a better place, not just for saint louis as a whole. Yeah, but for women and girls like you who look like you had similar experiences to you of your own, but you wanted to basically represent the people. So that really struck me. But you were up against quite the machine since as we have already discussed, were both saint louis and youre actually my fathers representative. Oh, my god, yes, i bet so you were up against william lacy clay, who was a legacy. Hes the son of bill clay, who was the representative for saint louis for a very long time, one of the founding members of the congressional black caucus. Can you talk a little bit about the machine that you had to go up against as a grassroots organizer . Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So it. So first of all, i had no desire to run for office again. I was still recover. I was still in treatment after the Sexual Assault. So the Sexual Assault happened january six, 2014. I mean, january six. Lord thats a whole other situation. It happened september six, 2014, and so the next four months i was in deep therapy. I had not gone back to work because i couldnt work yet. I was struggling, you know, just just to be well at that time. And that january when i decided, okay, my job was like, hey, we cant give you any more time, youre going to have to come back to work. I was trying to figure it all out. Then a few people from the Community Came to me. The people that werent necessarily talking to one another came to me and say hey, we really want you to run for this seat. And i was just like, why . Like, you know, im still trying to get well and but i realize that through all that i had gone through with my rape kit sitting on a shelf for several months with my, with me not getting any type of justice, without there being any type of accountability, i couldnt even an order of protection against the person who assaulted me. So just thinking about that and i was thinking about like how many others go through this and have no advocate, like how like how do we highlight those things . How do we, how do we get help for victims of Sexual Assault how we you know, what can i do . And that was that was one of those things. But when i also thought about my son and my daughter, like, do like accomplished the goal, did not accomplish the goal the last time. Like if something happens to them, like will i then say, oh, you could have done more, you know . And so i said, you know what . Im just going to go, just going to run. And, you know, ill continue to get help as im running. But what people would say when i first started saying that i was running, so first thing was i knew my dads connection to the clay family. My dad had worked for both clays, you know, help, help both of them on their campaigns. I worked on their campaigns as a kid, matt, not the the father, but the son. And so i knew the connections my dad is talked about in the senior clays book we so there was this Family Connection their pictures with us together. I knew that that that that may be an issue for my dad but i knew what i had to do. So was that was the lord gave me the light go ahead. I knew i had to do this to make this run. But what people would say is, first of all, the biggest thing that kept being tossed at me was youre a black woman. Why were you going to run against a black man like, where are you supposed to be supporting him . Not running against him and my thing was, where is the support for regular people, regular everyday people like me . Where has that support being . Why did i have to go . What why was my life about, you know, always struggling, you know, like who fights for us . Who will . Im going to the payday lender because. Because i cant afford to take care of my kids without having, you know, without taking out a loan all the time. And, you know, child care is way too expensive for me to be able to you know, im working just to pay child care. And, you know, who all speaks for us. And so i was i talked a lot about that. And people were just like, yeah, you cant youre a black woman. You cant do this one. And one of the things also was like his dad, people talked about his dad, you know, you know broke this glass ceiling. His dad was the first black congressman in in the district. And so in the st louis area. So, like, how can you why would you mess up that legacy . Like, you should be standing for the legacy. And i was like, i, you know, it, we have to be people over legacy. You cant, you know, and so that was that was a thing. So it took that first run for me to really help people to see that this was not about a black woman running against a black man. It had nothing to do with that. It was just me wanting for those that hell felt left out and neglected and underrepresented to finally have some representation. And so it was. But that was that was money, you know, a lot of money. I wasnt able to really raise money. So it was money and, you know, it was the machine of everybody in place. All of these, you know, whether politicians, business leaders, Community Leaders like, you know, all of these folks were still like, you know what, even if i like you, im not going to go against the machine because itll hurt me if you dont win. Speaking of the machine, when you were talking about this, it made me think a lot about how in your book you talk about how you and other Ferguson Protesters were treated by establishment types more prominent ministers, more prominent, organize leaders who basically came in and told you guys that you know what youre doing right . That your Movement Work wasnt authentic Movement Work and you werent doing things the right way. And i imagine you got some of that same feedback on the campaign trail when youre running against william lacy clay, because you are someone who was actually of the community and you are truly grassroots and that you have experienced a lot of the things that your constituents are concerned about. So tell me a little bit about what it was like tried to counter this narrative that. Ferguson protesters are disorganized and not fit to actually be leaders. Yeah, it was who we hurt this so much. Oh, you are a leaderless movement. You know, and it just always made me every time i heard that it would just make me think about, like, you know, it would take me back to the bible. And im like, you know, if you take if you take out the cane, you know, or like looking david and goliath, you know, they took out the lions. And what happened, you know, you know, you cant like so if theres only one, if there is only one head, if you know, if you know, then that could cause a whole movement to to fall apart, you know. But for us, we had a leader for a movement because we all had something that that was our thing. And that when we brought those things together, we had this for movement. And if they took out one, our movements still kept going. So that was the amazing thing about what we were able to do. So this the ferguson uprising withstood more than 400 days of constant protest. And so so to call us leaderless, you know, did we make did we do everything the way people thought we should do . No. But also, i would people. Where is the playbook . Like, where was the playbook . Where was the instruction manual . And why did you give us the instruction manual before . Happens is, you know, all the things why didnt you let us know . Like if this happens, this is what you do. You know, we had been many of us had been to like a boycott, like it was the boycott. Dillards in. Like it was just like things locally in the community. We had gone to those stores of some of those actions, but in the boycott, dillards, i believe, was way it was when i was small. So but but a you know so we had seen we had been a part of some of that but this was something different. This was our whole like this was, you know, this was us. Like it happened to somebody. You know, during our time where that body laid on the ground uncover it for almost four and a half hours. You know, in our community. And to tell us that this is how we should behave, you know, and what was what was also said was some folks really felt like, you telling us how to behave yourself us what we should do. But i dont know you. Ive never met you. So why werent you in the community with us before . You know, because then maybe we could look at you in and hear what youre saying. But now youre coming out making yourself to be this big person. When weve never met you before, youre no greater than i am. Exactly. Exactly. Well, representative bush, i truly believe that you have demonstrated what the true qualities are needed for a leader that so many other activists that were involved in the protest movement out of ferguson show that you guys had a movement that may have appeared leader last but was actually quite leader full. Yes and its amazing amazing that you took that experience and managed to create Something Wonderful out of it by representing your district. And so i want to thank you for this book and for this great conversation today, which i hope was really illuminating for those listening. Yes. Thank you so much. Good evening, everybody. Name is e. R. Anderson. Im the executive director of care of circle care circles, the nonprofit programing arm of care has books and cares books is the south oldest independent feminist bookstore. We are delighted to be here with all of you tonight, wherever youre watching from. We know weve got a lot of atlanta folks in the house, lot of new orleans folks in the house. This is kind of old home week because Linda Villarosa been a friend to us for at this point. We have celebrate lindas work across many genres and we are really, really, really honored to get to celebrate this book