Potentially even repeal some other all of those rules. From the internets inception until the day the rules were passed the internet was free and open. There wasnt a problem. As the chairman said there was no controlled internet with i. S. P. s or anybody else interfering with peoples ability to pose content or reuse the applications or look at the content of their choice. Watch the communicators, tonight at 8 00 eastern on cspan2. Comedy centrals sinage provided the entertainment at the dinner. Before the house gavels back in well look at some of his performance from saturday night. [applause] thank you, wow. Oh, my god. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Series Finale of the white dinner. Rrespondents oh, man. My name is hassan minaj. Or as ill be known in a few weeks number 830287. Who would have thought . With everything going on in the country right now to be standing on this stage, for the ninth year in a row, baby. We had eight years of barack. I see you, what you doing right now . Thats cool, thats cool. Thats cool. For those of you who dont know me, i am a correspondent on the daily show on Comedy Central. I see some of you whispering to each other. What is Comedy Central . Its basically an internship for net flicks. Net dflix. Id like to say jeff mason and the White House Association for having me. I would say it is an honor to be here but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this. So of course it landed in the hands of an immigrant. Its how all this goes down. No one wanted this gig. No one. Don rickles died just so you wouldnt ask him to do this gig, all right . Don rickles, the overwhelmed donald with skin thick enough to take that. Thats my only trump joke. I was explicitly told not to go after the administration. I promise you thats my only trump joke. You were not told that. Believe me. It is amazing to be surrounded by some of the greatest journalists in the world and yet when we all check into the hilton on friday we all got a usa today. Every time a usa today slides underneath my door they are saying, hey, youre not that mart, right . Usa today is what happens when the coupon section take over the newspaper. Is this an article about global warning or 50 cents off tide . Either way the pictures are so retty. Tonight is about suspending the First Amendment and the free press and im truly honored to be here even though all of ollywood pulled out. For the record the whca is a group of journalists who cover the white house. They are not King Joffreys goons who im so glad you guys are all here tonight to honor a Great American tradition, we all know this administration loves to leave history faster than anthony weiner. So thank you for being here. Listen, i get it. I get it. We got to address the elephant thats not in the room. The leader of our country is not here. And thats because he lives in moscow. Its a very long flight. It would be hard for him to make it. He cant just make it on a saturday. Its a saturday. As for the other guy, i think hes in pennsylvania because he cant take a joke. Now, for the nine people watching on cspan, there also was another elephant in the room ut donald trump jr. Shot and cut off his tail. You know, a lot of people told me, hassan, if you go after the administration it would be petty, unfair, and childish. In other words, president ial. Here we go. I get why donald trump didnt want to be roasted tonight. By the looks of him hes been roasting nonstop for the past 70 years. Historically the president usually performs at the correspondents dinner, but i think i speak for all of us hes done far too much bombing this month. A lot of people in the media say that donald trump goes golfing too much. He goes golfing too much. Which raises a very important question. Why do you care . Do you want to do do you want to know what hes not doing when hes golfing . Being president. Let the man put put. Keep him distracted. Tell him he has a great body for bobsledding. Playing particular tack toe. The longer you keep him distracted, the longer were not at war with north korea. Every time donald trump goes golfing the headlines should read trump golfing, a populist delayed, take the w. This is great. I love this. Even if you guys grown, i have already hired kelly shell go on tv ten tell everybody i killed. It doesnt matter. But i love that everybodys drinking and having a good time. This is beautiful. You know donald trump doesnt drink, right . Does not touch alcohol, which is oddly respectable. Think about that. , at means every statement ery interview, every tweet completely sober. How is that possible . We all that excuse, havent we . I said what . No, listen, babe, i swear to you i was hammered. Hats not who i really am. What does donald trump tell ma lana, last time on that bus with billy bush, thats who i am. He tweets at 3 00 a. M. , sober. Who is tweeting at 3 00 a. M. Sober . Donald trump, because its 10 00 a. M. In russia. Those are business hours. You know, now that a professional wrestler is our president , anything is possible. You know that statement anything is possible used to have a positive connotation. Anything is possible. Now were, anything is possible. Anything. The news coming outs of the white house is so stressful i have been watching house of cards just to relax. Its like, oh, man. A congressman pushed a journalist in front of a moving train . Thats quaint. Now its not just the president who decided not to show up. His entire administration is not here. Betsy devoss going to be here . Shes busy trading her collection of childrens tears. A lot of people think shes out of touch with working class america, but you which isliesen to me and listen right now, every morning betsy devoss is up at 5 00 a. M. Putting your children on their flight to school. So dont you tell me shes out of touch, ok. Hey, has anyone seen rick perry since he became Energy Secretary . I have a feeling hes sitting in a room full of plutonium waiting to become spiderman. Thats just my hunch. A lot of people think steve ban none is the reasonable donald trump dog whistles to racists. That is just not true. Ask steve ban none. Is steve ban none here . Bannon here . Do not see steve bannon. I do not see steve bannon. Not see steve bannon. Ot see steve bannon. Ot see steve bannon. Frederick douglass isnt here and thats because hes dead. Someone please tell the president. Mike pence wanted to be here tonight but his wife wouldnt let him because apparently one of you ladies is ovulating. Good job ladies, because of you we couldnt hang out with mike pence. Ivanka trump is not here either. I wish she was because i would ask her the question we were all thinking. Why . Why do you support this man . Because i get it. We all love our parents. But we wouldnt endorse them for president. Its like hey, fun. Shouldnt dad be president of the United States . d be like my dad . The guy who tries to return used underwear to cost could he . Cost dr. O costco . No. Jeff sessions will be here tonight. He was busy doing a precivil war eenactment. On his rsvp he wrote no. Just no. Which happens to be his second favorite word. He even Hillary Clinton couldnt be here tonight. Hillary clinton . She could have been here but i think someone told her the event was in wisconsin and michigan. So what . What . You guys. Nate silver told me that joke would kill. There was a 74. 1 chance of that killing. I believed you, nate. You hear that grown . I believed you, man. Enough about house blithering. Were here to talk about the fruit. Its 2017 and were living in the golden age of liing. New is the time to be a liar, and donald trump is liar in chief. And remember, you guys are public enemy number one. You are his biggest enemy. Journalists, isis, normalized ties. And somehow youre the bad guys. Thats why you got to keep your foot on the gas. Especially with sean spicer, who is not here tonight because i think hes at home googling how to fake his own death. But i love it when you give it to sean spicer. Sean spicer gives press breevepings briefings like somebody is going through his browser history while he watches. Just panic, know, wait, stop it, stop it. Stop t stop shaking your heard. Stop shaking your head. Well talk about this tomorrow. It is the best. You guys are laughing, but realize, sean spicers been doing p. R. Since 1999. He has been doing his job for 18 years. And somehow after 18 years his goto move when you ask him a tough question is denying the holocaust. That is insane. How many people do you know that can turn a press briefing into a fullon mel gibson traffic stop . Only the spiceman. Only the spiceman. You know whats crazy . Every day on the daily show we do these jokes all the time. Were like the administration lies. Trump flipflops. It doesnt matter. His supporters still trust him. It has not stopped his momentum. Almost as if the daily show should be on cspan. It has left zero impact. It was true. I realize something, maybe its because were living in a strange time. Where trust is more important than truth. And supporters of President Trump trust him. And i know journalists, you guys, are definitely trying to do good work. I just think that a lot of people dont trust you right now. And can you blame them . I mean, unlike anderson cooper, you guys have been far from perfect. Remember Election Night . That was your steve harvey, Miss Universe moment. The look on your faces at 11 00 p. M. On Election Night. It was like walking into a pa neara bread it was like your sixth grade teacher has a parttime job there. Hat . I guess you dont have all the answers. Because it was all fun and games with obama. You were covering adults who could speak english. Now you are covering President Trump. So you have to take your game to a whole new level. Its like stripper cops had to olve a real life murder. Fox news is here. Im even amazed you guys showed up. How are you here in public . Its hard to trust you guys when you bash a man like bill oreilly for years but it finally happened, bill oreilly has been fired. But then you gave him a 25 million severance package, making it the only package he wont force a woman to touch. In oreillys defense, she was told by a close friend when you are a star they let you do it. You can do anything. You guys are having a hard time with jesse waters, too. Hes on a break right now. Right. Hes on a break. Just like my childhood dog is staying at a farm upstate. I get it. Know that move. Hassan, how do you know so much about fox news . As a muslim i like to watch fox news for the same reason i like to play call of duty. Sometimes i like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my familys heritage. Msnbc is here tonight. Im glad youre here. That way if im bombing, Brian Williams will describe it as stunning. Its hard to trust you guys when you send up so many mixed messages. On one hand you tell us the Prison Industrial Complex is the problem. Then you air five straight hours of lockup. You cant be mad at corporations profiting off minorities in prison when youre a corporation profiting off north in prison. Minorities in prison. One quick request, msnbc, please tell rachel to chill about trumps tax returns. I dont know what you think youll find, but there isnt going to be a line item that says bribes from russia. Thats not how it works. I found a 1040ussr. It doesnt work like that. You are the liberal news outset. We dress the same. I look like a melody version of chris haste. Every night you are like the russians are after our elections. Meanwhile everybody in latin america and the middle east is like, ah, a Foreign Government hammered your elections . What is that like . Do tell us, msnbc. Just pump the brakes. Were only on day 100. By the end of the year you guys are all going to have tinfoil hats and jars of urine all over your desks. Ow, i had a lot more msnbc jokes, but i dont want to ramble on. Otherwise i might get a show on msnbc. Last but not least, my favorite Entertainment Channel is in the building tonight. Cnn is here, baby. Now, you guys got some really weird trust issues going on with the public. Im not going to call you fake news but everything isnt breaking news. Defconone to because an jay had a new moisturizer. Every time a story breaks, you guys go to nine boxes on the screen. Im trying to watch the news not pick a player in street fighter. Its giving me anxiety. Nine experts on a panel. Whattle is your barrier of entry . Talk about transportation infrastructure is my uber driver, gary, what do you got . T says gary point eight stars. I dont know. Thanks, gary. Go to the next countdown clocks. All you guys do is trump up conflicts. Every time i watch your show it feels like im watching a reality tv show. Cnn tonight should be called, wait a second. Now hold on, stop yelling with each other. Ith don lemon. You know your news, right . Come on. Every time i watch cnn it feels like you are assigning me homework. Is trump a russian spy . I dont know, you tell me. Tweet us at atp 60. No, you tell me. Im watching the news. But it feels like im watching nn watch the news. Just take an hour. Figure out what you want to say. Hen go on the air. Id turn you guys on it feels like a little midget ran into the room and trying to tell you a story. Read. Take a minute. Drink the milk. Hen tell us the story, wolf. I know im a bunch i dont have a solution on how to win back trust. I dont. But in the age of trump, i know that you guys have to be more perfect now more than ever because you are how the president gets his news. Not from advisors. Not from experts. Not from intelligence agencies. You guys. So thats why you got to be on your a game. You got to be twice as good. You cant make any mistakes because when one of you misses up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority. And i i dont work twice as hard for half the credit . Remember, youre a minority. You guys got a lot more experience than me, but i got three decades of being brown. If you want to survive the age of trump, you got to think like a minority. Now that you are a minority, oh, man. Everyone is going to expect you to be the mouthpiece for the entire group. So i hate to say it, but somewhere right now all of you are being represented by geraldo rivera. See now that you are truly a minority there is a distorted version of you out there. You know, taco bell mexican culture, Panda Express for chinese culture. And then when he actually managed to do great work, you get hit with the most condescending line in the english lang wg. Hey, you are actually one of the good ones. Then you have to smile and say thank you. Kind of sucks, doesnt it . By the way, you guys arent a minority, you are super white. We got our minority card. No. Your work is invaluable, i mean that as a fake journalist. I am rooting for you. Were 100 days in, 1,360 days to go. You guys are running the marathon. And im at the half mile mark giving you tape for your nipples. While wishing you nothing but he best. You chase. Long way to go. This has been one of the strangest events i have ever done in my life. I feel like im tribute in the hunger games. If this goes poorly, steve bannon gets to eat me. I was asked to not roast the president and the administration in their absensea. I completely understand that. Were in a very strange situation where theres a very combative relationship between the press and the president. But now that you guys are minorities, just for this moment, you might understand the position i was in. Its the same position a lot of north minority kids feel in this country. Do i come up here and just try to fit in . And not ruffle any feathers . Or do i say how i really feel . Because this event is about celebrating the First Amendment and free speech. Free speech is the foundation of an open and liberal democratcy. [applause] from College Campuses to the white house. Only in america can a first generation indian american, muslim kid get on this stage and make fun of the president. [applause] the orange man behind the muslim ban. Its a sign to the rest of the world. This is a tradition that shows the entire world that even the president is not beyond the reach of the