Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen. Please turn your attention to the large screen for a funny video. Thank you. Are they trying to lose . Im not saying you are a terrible person, but i would rather have lunch with nancy pelosi then you. Boehner is number one on the list of people i would like to punch in the face. Bernie sanders looks like he is been tried to start the flux capacitor into his delorean for the last couple of years. Why, why with somebody say that . Kevin mccarthy really can i go again . Kevin mccarthy really needs to work on the whole can i say that one more time . Nancy was a looks like a cup of orange sherbet on cspan. Speaker boehner looks like an angry oompah loompah. I presume he writes his constituents with promises of chocolate and got stoppers. Whatever the hell that means. Kevin mccarthy really knows to work you suck as a senator. I am not a senator. Kevin mccarthy really needs to work on that whole talking thing. What are you talking about . Yo boehner your face wont break and your dog wont die if you smile. Ladies and gentlemen, tonights dinner chair frank forth the fifth. Frank i would like to thank everyone for their help in a video. I just tweeted a link to it, so you can watch it again and again. Feel free to share it. We all have a really big job. We have the privilege of the presenting the American People while we work to hold their elective representative on capitol hill accountable. None of that will be possible without the tireless efforts of the staff in the house and senate galleries. [applause] yeahs, lets give them a hand. They act as the layout zones as the liaisons between the press and the politicians, and without them we would be lost. On the outside, there is olga ramirez, andy elliott, kim otis, anthony kelleher, kinsey harvey, and leah kaplan. [applause] on the senate side, director mike mastery and, alan akers michael lawrence, erin eatmon, and charles markley. Thanks guys. [applause] now we turn to an important part of this evening these years awards for exemplary journalism, both on capitol hill and a broad. The first is the david bloom award. Before there were live views and smartphones, david bloom helped to invent a first of its kind mobile center report through combat zones. Resulting in the famous bloommobile. He passed away suddenly while reporting in iraq. His legacy, innovation, courage and integrity lives on through this award. Here to present this award is one of davids starters nicole. [applause] nicole good evening, so good to be back here tonight. I am usually appear with my two sisters. My twin Sister Christine is abroad in france, and my little sister ava went to visit her sister. So now it is just me. [applause] i can tell you how special it is to be here and remember our data in this way. It is hard to remember yesterday gone for 12 years. Our dad in this way. We currently honor the journalists bringing news to the world. Iraqi forces, along with kurdish troops were the ones initially tasked with pushing back the insurgents of isis. In the early days of these battles, the bbcs paul would traveled paul wood traveled to a key iraqi town that needed to be defended from the events of isis. Advance of isis. I think there is a video. East of baghdad, a strategically viable battle is being fought. These are Kurdish Forces trying to help the iraqi army stop isis from marching on the capital. The next town is in the hands of isis. The kurds believe there is a small number of foreign jihadists, backed by about 600 sunni tribal fighters. At the kurdish base, the general abandoning isis to avoid the bloodshed that is surely coming. It does not work. The kurds know that they have to stop isis here. Or the jihadist will go into the nearby town. The iraqi army is making a desperate spent in that town. The last big town before the capital. Kurds send reinforcements to the front lines. We stay behind in july, the town is secure, they say. [gunfire] paul they stop movement. [gunfire] down here paul bullets seem to come from 23 directions at once. Snipers, they say. The peshmerga thought they had secured his place but they have just been told 75 vehicles of isis fighters making their way here. The battle is going backwards and forwards. Need to find the most available commander you can find. Paul theres panic. They think the jihadis are coming in through the back building. [yelling and gunfire] paul there are right there, he says. They are right behind us, cant you see them . [explosions] [yelling] paul a man was shot to the leg. Through the leg. He survived. Eventually, the fighting starts to die down. It was not the mass attack that kurdish troops feared. But in skirmishes like this in small towns that the fate of i got a be decided. The fate of baghdad may be decided. Paul wood, bbc news, iraq. [applause] as this video clearly them straightt, clearly demonstrates paul kept his cool during the battle. This years david bloom award honors paul wood, which demonstrates that he is a wonderful journalist and one of the best war correspondent available today. We are pleased to present the david bloom award to the bbcs paulww wood. [applause] paul is on foreign assignment so exciting to work on his half is his cameraman who shot the video. [cheers] [applause] wow. Pictures or my strong point, and not words. I will keep this short. Ladies and gentlemen distinguished guests, people, thank you for this award. Paul cannot be here tonight to accept it, but i am delighted to accept it on behalf of all who put that piece on. We did not go looking for trouble that they. That day. As we crossed the street, will probably saved my life. Paul probably saved my life. Youll notice that im filling across my feet in broad daylight. Not a good move. You can hear umar either him, umar ibrahim, to was our security advisor, tell us to come and stay. In between filming, second cameraman, you see him playing the turning it to the peshmerga soldier was injured. Finally, you can see paul calling in the situation to our fabulous producer. Without all of them, we would not have gotten that piece, and wheni would not have been able to get it on the 10 00 news at night. When we were in that basement, it is fair to say that those people do not think they would save the next day coming. I just have to say, on behalf of paul, umar and everyone, thank you, thank you thank you. [applause] thank you nicole. Thanks to our judges don decker, Associated Press television, and reuters television. Next we turn to honoring those who make television happen. The people behind the scenes who shoot the video, capture the sound, and 60 technical problems that make our products worth watching. Six the technical problems. To present the Jerry Thompson award, im happy to announce dana bash and fox news dana i was barely a 20 something working in the cnn tape library. And a cameraman named Jerry Thompson took me under his wing. He showed me the tricks of the trade. He showed me how far you can get in this business by actually being a good person. [applause] im hardly alone when it comes to Jerry Thompson and the impact that he has on his colleagues but also on his craft. He was such a talented photographer. He always went the extra mile to get the right shot, the right angle. He was so incredibly generous with that inevitable quality that he had, which was kindness. He was taken far too soon, far too young. And his wife inez, and his sons jason, drew, and brandon cannot be here today. But i know that they know how much his colleagues still miss them. In the example he set for all of us lives on, because there is an award in his name. Tonight to present the award, the Jerry Thompson award, one of jerrys dear friends and former partner, john wallace. [applause] john the first thing i would like to say a few years ago i had a fundraiser for jerry to help with this medical cause and kids college tuition. I have to say that dana was one of the first people to step up and say what can i do to help . So thank you. It is really meaningful. [applause] as some of you know, jerry and i were not only partners for years at cnn, but we were the best of friends. I loved him as a brother like dana said, jerry symbolized all that is good in this business honor, professionalism, talent and respect. This award honors his legacy. With all of that in mind, it is a privilege to be able to hand this years Jerry Thompson memorial award to wesley scroggs from nbc news. [cheer]s [applause] [cheers] [applause] john i have known wes for all of his time, and i cant think of anyone who optimizes who and what jerry was than wes. Wes is an incredible he talented person. Touches everyone he meets with his smile and his downhome demeanor. It is like sheriff andy taylor came into d. C. [laughter] [applause] he is the guy next door that will get your cap out of the tree fixer cables, stop on the public to fix her tire, pick up some think you dropped. Thats wes. Feel free, if you need a helping hand at any time to call wes. 2023022153. [applause] congratulations to west scroggs from nbc. [applause] wes from the most stressful to the least stressful. If you see wes there he gives the whole crew a sense of calmness. If it is there, i know it is going to work. A switching issue on port number for. Number four. You can see the gears turning in his head. His talents are just crazy. He does all the maintenance of the field at all of our locations, the white house, the capital, at the pentagon. He is the backbone. These buildings need to be connected to the modern world, and he has done it. If you did not build it, he helped. If you do not design it, he probably had input on it. A modern day mciver. Mcguyver. Knowing that he is there getting all the transmission stunt transmissions done, you know everything is going to come out right. He has this calmness and eight southern charm. And a southern charm. Normally when you call summary like wes somebody like wes, it is because something is broken. He approaches the situation where people are already upset or anxious. And he has a way to calm things down and most important, fix things and fix them fast. When we are in mexico and nbc was doing one of the first internet transmissions for a president ial pool. And it was not working. We had the press about to show up and basically no transition. Wes figured it out. Indispensable. Loyasl. Kind. He has all of these skills, but he is also warm, engaging, and a very nice person. Throughout my entire career he has been Guiding Force nurturing and training. You can field passion he has for this industry. He loves sharing the knowledge he has accumulated over the years. He is always willing to teach and help you grow. He is a warmhearted, generous guy;\. I like people like wes who make it fun to come into work the recycle day. I appreciated that he has my back. And he has the lack of this entire news organization. And he genuinely loves what he does and coming to work. He will do what he can for any of us. [applause] wesley to this moment throughout my entire career, i have been able to avoid being the center of attention. [applause] i only like to give microphone check sentiments. [laughter] give microphone checks at events. But this meant so much to me that i had to stand up here and personally thinkank you. In the early 90s, i had the privilege of working with jerry. I think it is wonderful that john wallace led the charge to keep his name and memory alive within us all. [applause] since i havent passed out of here yet. [laughter] i can quickly say that at nbc we have some of the most amazing people. For starters, Ken Strickland and you cannot they are my bureau chief in my deputy chief. It doesnt get any better than that. Every week, i get to go to nbc and work with all of these incredible, amazing people like jim green and Brian Kiernan and a john boat box. David foreman i cant mention them all. I wish i could. My boss, the director of engineering. [applause] youre perfect. [laughter] and i will have your hooked up by next week i promise. [laughter] by boss, larry our director of engineering. He lets meet design and build and install the latest and greatest methods for transporting our signals. The elite time he raises his eyebrows at my purchase request is because of my massive dyslexia. I have known to order fiber optics trent matters and a blunder. Order fiber optics transmitters and a blneender. I really did that. [laughter] i mix up those numbers. I cant say enough about her. She is our executive Vice President and general manner of technical operations. Her title is a lot longer, but i cannot say it. [laughter] she has guided us through so many processes within nbc. She held her hand through the whole transition from analog to this complex Digital World that we working today. I know she remember this, we are building a sat truck. She said to me, always ask for the moon wesley. Stacy is a type of person, if you show her how to get signals from the moon come she will figure out how to get you there. [laughter] i know i have to quit here. [laughter] throughout my whole career, every step of the way has been my beautiful wife susan. And my boys. [applause] because of her 100 support has made my playtime at nbc so with wild. So worthwhile. I hope i showed you how privileged i feel to work with all of you. Just being mentioned in the same sentence with jerry is an honor. So jerry, cherries to you. I really thank all of you. Here is to you. [applause] by the way, we are live on cspan, so say hello to all of your grandparents. The career Achievement Award is into journalists whose years covering capitol hill as made impacts not on only their colleagues, but congress as a whole. This goes to cbs radios to present the award is cbs news radio executive producer. Charlie im filling in for Pete Williams, who was originally scheduled to do this. He is an assignment in often tonight and cannot be here. Nbob and i have something in common. We both entered college at 16 years old. He entered stanford, i entered hofstra. We both fell in love with our College Radio station, and that changed our lives. Bob, by the time he was a senior at stanford, was covering the patty hearst kidnapping as a freelancer for upi radio. That led eventually to a job at upi. He became the west coast los angeles chief for upi. And spent years covering news to the country for upi. Later went to the nbc and mutual radio networks. In 1998, he joined cbs news radio. We had a chance to Work Together therefore 16 absolutely fantastic years. He got there just in time for the impeachment of president clinton and the subsequent trial in the senate. And extort and restoring and extort and restoring, we will probably an extraordinary storyu. If you have read his biography which is called kidnapped by nuns. Which is a true story and available on amazon among other places. You may have heard of the story of the greatest scams pulled in the history of broadcast journalism. Bob convinced his bosses in new york that he should cover the very beginning of the new millennium, january 1, 2000, in the very first time zone. Because this time zone is right next to the last time zone, at the end of the day, he could cover both the beginning and 24 hours, the end of the first day of the new millennium. So he convinced us that he should be sent to tonga. He wants to tonga he went to tonga. He went to an outdoor location where the king was going to lead the tongalese in hymns at the stroke of minute. He reported live on that. There werent any direct flights from tonga to somoa, where he had to go next. But there was a golf charter. So he took that flew to the other side and covered the last time zone to celebrate the coming of the millennium. And it only cost maybe 30,000. [laughter] maybe. But it was worth it, very good radio. And during the course of his career he managed to cover one story after another. Just extraordinary events. He did his first cbs broadcast on the Television Side as a star of an episode of lassie when he was a little kid. The storyline was, there was a young disabled kid who was sad and angry. And during the course of the episode, he overcame that and realized what was happening. The dog looked great. If you go on youtube, you may be able to find this episode. He actually thought that might lead to a career in television, as an actor. It didnt quite work out that way, and we are all at benefit for it. Bob and i first met in 1988, both in science and government in the governors caucus campaign. He was a candidate against george, the republican candidate. Dukakis was not a vigorous or inspiring candidate. [laughter] but the reporters on that trip, we got to know each other very well. We had a great time and became lifelong friends. I miss so honored to be here tonight and present this award. I think we have a tape with highlights of his career. We cannot listen to this. We can listen to this. He documented triumphs and torments. Bob has been a professional journalist for the past 40 years. But his First Experience in broadcasting came well before that. His voice was first broadcast on cbs 50 years ago. On an episode of the Cbs Television series lassie, he played a boy named jimmy who was angry at his life until he was shown the way. In a special election held last week. Like berkeley the year before, stanford became a flashpoint for the vietnam debate. Bob discovered that the stories keyword conferring that the stories he was covering at a broader market. In 1974, he began his professional career. His work for upi would take him to new york, dallas, and back to his native california. The same dropped that cause problems for farmers he covered every major story in the west. In his mid30s, bob had an easy joining nbc mutual and covering the institutions were followed for the next decades the United States congress. When tom foley was then the speaker. In september of 1998, moved from one booth in the congressional radio tv gallery to the other. Beginning his 14 years with cbs news. He arrived at the network as president clintons menstruation was getting the constitution a thorough workout. Former president clinton i did not have sexual relations with that woman. He got the best handled in podcaster was in. Handoff in broadcast journalism. For the ladies, we go to bob fuss. Then came the big surprise. House Speaker John Boehner can believe fuss is leaving his congressional home from home. Fuss himself has had no common on this, probably because hes on a Remote Island on thailand, taking enough and not answering the phone ever again. He signed up for the last time thursday, may 8, 2014. Bob bob fuss, cbs news, capitol hill. By the way, that was the only newscast Walter Cronkite did in his entire career at cbs. Im honored to introduce the winner of the career Achievement Award, bob fuss. [applause] bob thank you. I am very honored. And thank you, charlie for that wonderful introduction. And thanks to Pete Williams and alisha for putting together that video tribute. I looked good when i was tan. Onto to think frank and the members of the executive committee for this unexpected and wonderful honor. As you heard, before i came to washington, i worked in a los angeles. I covered to the Academy Awards for many years. At the oscars, the lifetime Achievement Award always went to the oldest person in the room. I looked around, and i am not really sure that is me. But i am thrilled, and very honored. This has special meaning coming from my colleagues. I also want to thank all of the people at cbs news for their support and friendship. I want to say one serious thing, which is that covering congress can be challenging. Explaining to our listeners and viewers what congress is doing is not always easy. But i do believe it is a vitally important work. To function properly, our democracy depends on voters knowing what their elected leaders are doing. Doing for them, and in some cases doing to them. It was a privilege spending years at the capital trying to do that work. Is gratifying to note that are so many traffic reporters in the room tonight doing that still. So again, thank you so very much. [applause] now for the final award of the evening. The word for here to present the award is cbs news phil. [applause] phil it is very nice to hear about the lives of people in whose honor these awards are named. They were special people because of their achievements, and because of their personalities. Because of who they were. In her career at cbs news, joan went from researcher during watergate to executive producer of face the nation. And she was barely 30 years old. That was in 1977, when there were very few women in any kind of executive positions at the networks. She got the job cuts she was really in politics wasnt brilliant in politics and because she worked harder than anyone else. Was brilliant. She battled cancer for 10 years and many of us do not know what she was going through. Our lives were better from having her as our friend. With that thought, the joan award for excellence in reporting on National Affairs and Public Policy really represent the best work in our craft. Here is what the judges say about this years winning entry. It broke open the tragic reality of delayed health care and secret waiting lists at va facilities in phoenix and around the nations. It showed real people who died before they could see a doctor. The winning teams coverage sparked nationwide outright nationwide outrage, led to congressional hearings, and ultimately to the resignation of the secretary of veterans affairs. One judge noticed that the piece embodied the type of enterprise reporting that is a rarity in these days of the 24 7 news cycle. In case you havent figured it out, the winner is cnns drew for his reporting on the crisis in his apartment of veterans affairs. [applause] drew is on assignment, so Patricia Decarlo is accepting on behalf of true and the entire investigative unit. On behalf of drew and the entire invested of unit. [cheers] u. S. Veterans are dying because of delays in diagnosis and treatment at va hospitals. Drew this internal document, obtained exclusively by cnn, says at least 19 veterans have died because of delays in simple medical screenings. Drew tonight three 60s was a, the most disturbing it. 360 exclusive, the most disturbing yet. Veterans waiting many months just to get a doctors appointment. Cnn has learned at least 40 veterans left waiting for care, many were on that secret list, are now dead. In the case of a 71yearold u. S. Navy veteran and thomas breen, the week ended much sooner. He started leading in his urine. Drew this is a copy of his the gate medical chart, va medical chart, clearly saying emergency. That he should be seen within a week. Did anybody call . No. Sally kept calling through late september and november, then she no longer had a reason to call. Thomas breen died on november 30, 2013. The bleeding was from inoperable bladder cancer. They told me on the sixth, he said he was dead already. She goes, we have a primary for him. I said really, you are a little too late sweetheart. It took six months of your reporting to get their attention. Drew in the end, the president couldnt trust that Eric Shinseki couldnt recognize the problem under his own nose. Hes not the person to lead the va out of this debacle. He was trusting the very people who were lying to him and ignoring the many voices were trying to tell him the truth. [applause] patricia i want to thank you for this award. It means so much trust. Drew is not here tonight because he is working on the latest installment of our investigation, first part that ran last week. This award is a result of hard work by a lot of terrific journalists, including two main producers who are behind me. It is a heck of a first project for your career. We first and working on the the investigation in july of 2013. On the va investigation of 2013. Is not how it started at all. It was an idea that we went for and it turned out to be one of the biggest stories of all of our careers. What we uncovered was forgotten veterans, dying because the government failed to give them simple tests that could have saved their lives. In the dozens of stories that we did, we learned about dying veterans all across the country veterans dying while they waited on secret list, or on no list at all. Veterans died because of their managers needing to get and of your bonuses or because they wanted to Tell Congress that there was no wait times. It was shocking, but not a ratings grabber. Which is why we want to thank cnn, Anderson Cooper 360, and others for never giving up on this project. And knowing that our duty to uphold the constitution and the right to a free and aggressive press is very important. [applause] as it is so important to honor the 21 million American Veterans with sacrificed so much to defend that right for us. [applause] patricia thank you so much. Have a great night. [applause] okey dokey. Lets get on with it. To say that the castro brothers catapulted onto the political scene would be an understatement. After graduating from stanford and then harvard law together in 2000 these identical brothers have become a force in washington and in their home state of texas. Joaquin served on the Texas Legislature before elected to the district in 2012. His older by one minute, bort rother, served on the San Antonio City Council before being elected mayor of that city, then being chosen by president obama to be the secretary of department of housing and urban development. Joanquin was promoted to deputy whip. And julian has been named as a possible vp pick for Hillary Clinton if she surprises us and decides to run. Eva longoria authorities rd sold a tv series based on the two. While i cant tell you which one is which i am honored to introduce Joaquin Castro and his brother julian castro. [applause] joaquin good evening. We are the castro brothers. No one gets whos who . Frank, we know the travel restrictions from cuba have been lifted. Who wanted to make sure you meant to invite the right castro brothers. [laughter] for those of you that dont know, i am joaquin. Julian and i am julian. Both there really are two of us. Joaquin the notorious rbgg. People ask out details about all the time. We are as different as left shark and right shark. For instance, im a little bit more laidback, little more relaxed. That is because joe biden give you a shoulder massage. Dont knock it until you try it. He recently gave each one of us in the name. I am clean. And i am her take a lead. Articulate. Still, some people do struggle to tell us apart. Remember that time that we met Hillary Clinton . Yeah. She took one look at us and said i must have hit my head harder than i thought. For the record, that was joaquin who who said that. I would never make a joke about Hillary Clinton. Joaquin she sends her best wishes. As his open of gratitude, made sure everyone at this dinner had their own server. Julian again, that was joaquin. She was at the state department. You think you get a lot of emails from nigerian princes . Joaquin you respond to one of those nose and he really could end up dead broke. Julian hillary, i want to apologize to my little brother. I would never say anything about do. They really joke is people talking about her making you are running mate. Joaquin you dont think i would be a good number two . Julian there is a something that reminds me of number two about you. Joaquin you can see why i sympathize with jed bush. I know what is like when you dont want to be associated with your brother. Julian tell me this, mr. Secretary. If you are in charge of housing, how come so many of my colleagues are sleeping in their offices at night . Joaquin we have been over this. I will not use my vouchers on people who refuse to work. [applause] joaquin what is really important for the future is which one of us speaks more spanish and that is clearly made. Julian as the media reminds us, neither of us speaks spanish. Spanish content starting now. You are on. Joaquin como estas . Yo quiero taco bell. Jose cuervo. Ted cruz. Julian dude, that is not spanish. That is canadian. Joaquin henrique dont cry for me argentina. Julian enough of that. Lets get back to ted cruz. There will be an open senate seat in texas when he becomes president. Joaquin yeah but, that campaign did not have the best launch. His website did not work. People were fined if they do not participate. Even republicans said it was a bad idea. Julian sure. He is not just on obamacare, he is obamacare. Joaquin that is why it is time for texas to turn blue. Julian seriously, texas is so red that they approved a textbook that lists moses as a founding father. Joaquin that is not even the joke. It is true. You can see how moses is someone to look up to. He is a light guy. He only believes in 10 guys. The only reason he has name recognition is because of a bush. Joaquin maybe that is why ted cruz thinks the world is on fire. Julian he and his colleagues are not the best at being diplomatic. Joaquin the first draft of the letter was directed to dear angry turbine dudes. It is not just the senate. Our colleague just resign from his office. You listen to David Gregory talking about what it is like to have to leave the state. It sounds like these guys have heard that one before. [laughter] julian there are a lot of characters in congress. Dont worry. Now that wed is legal of the district, you guys might not be the least productive people in town. Joaquin o please. What is so special about being a cabinet secretary . Julian i am 12th in line for the presidency. Joaquin i thought you were 13. Julian it turns out sally is british. But, who is counting . Joaquin he has always been a bit defensive. You see, i was born at 2 40 a. M. And he was born at 2 41 and so we when we were kids, on her birthday, i would wake up and say, i am a minute older than you. Joaquin why are you still talking about this . Julian as taylor swift wants that shake it off. Haters are going to hate. That emergency call comes in, we will both be ready. If it comes in at 2 40, only i will be ready. Joaquin it is interesting jon stewart is leaving his longtime home of a daily show less than a month after larry will more moved into the next timeslot. Julian as secretary of housing this to have to report white flight now extends to cable. Joaquin speaking of white flight, why are there no republicans speaking tonight . Julian i heard they saw three minorities on the program and decided to filibuster. Joaquin it was mostly marco rubio. [laughter] julian there are a lot of powerful people here tonight. Julian Joaquin Joaquin thank you for making my brother chief deputy whip. My mother was very happy once she learned this is not a 50 shades of grey thing. We grew up in a family that had a profound respect for public service. So it makes sense that we actually went to college with dreams of becoming journalists and we spent the spring break of our sophomore year in college back in san antonio at the local abc affiliates talking about internships. Joaquin somewhere along the way, we ended up aiming a little lower. One thing my brother has spoken a lot about is building an infrastructure of opportunity. An infrastructure that makes it possible for each person in our nation to reach their full potential. Julian it is no secret we believe government has the crucial will to play in building a infrastructure. We also believe an equally Important Role laid by a free and inquisitive press. You will does accountable when those investments in our future are not commit, when opportunity is denied and when our elected officials ball short of promises. Joaquin even comedic promises. Julian so thank you. Your love of country shines through in your work. Even Rudy Giuliani would agree with that. Thank you very much. Joaquin thank you. [applause] the castro brothers. All right, all right, all right. Im not actually excited to introduce our entertainment for this evening. An active and comedian and widely known for his work as the senior, foreign looking correspondent. He has dozens of credit editors we developed a comedic series in an effort to counter islamic phobia in america by using humor. Please join me in welcoming him. [applause] thank you. Thank you for inviting me here and making me follow the dancing mexicans. [laughter] you were great. I am honored to be here in a room with so many esteemed radio and tv correspondents. I am sure some of them will get here soon. [laughter] no, listen, you have a tough job. Reporting on congress. It is not that tough. Ive walked around the sea a lot and i have seen scaffolding that covers congress that are then you guys. [laughter] i am sorry, that is a tough joke. To be fair, i did not even write that joke. I dont know how that joke got in your. The thing is, i dont read the jokes before i sign off on them. So, i cannot be expected to read all of the jokes, ok . I mean, there are a lot of jokes. I dont know if it is one of my staffers that put the joke in here. Maybe you are saying, why would you not read the jokes . Isnt that your job . To what i would respond by saying, now you decide to ask tough questions. And yes, even though not reading the jokes under musick productivity of the very government weakland to care about in favor of partisan politics that we claim to care about in favor of partisan politics not talking about a Human Trafficking bill. You might draw that parallel and shame on you for doing that. [laughter] it is astounding, isnt it . You would think that reading would be a basic requirement to be a congressperson. A butcher cannot be a butcher is even that the site of love. A bus driver needs to know directions. That sight of blood. Sight of blood. It is a top job you guys have. I dont mean to make fun. I feel for you people. Firstly, everyone inc. They are a journalist these days with twitter, instagram. Your job is becoming obsolete. This might be the last fancy debtor at a marriott you get invited to dinner you get invited to. I would steal that plastic silverware right now. It is a moment of this evening. It has to get really boring to report on the most an Effective Congress in 100 years. I mean, nothing happens. Come on. There is nothing to report on. I will write you a copy for the next three years. A bill fell apart today after republican split off from boehner are democrats complained there was not enough funding for homeless fish. You are done, go home, that is it. [laughter] nothing is happening. Reporting on congress is like me writing a tell all book about my sex life and the eighth grade. [laughter] it is a lot of grandstanding spend hours 20 Pay Lip Service trying to Pay Lip Service. [laughter] [applause] finally, the day ends with me in my room alone filibustering myself to sleep. [laughter] congress has a ridiculously low approval rating. I mean, ridiculously low. But americans hate congress and yet, it seems Congress People get reelected 90 of the time. It is one of two things. It is one, indicative of a tragically flawed campaign and election system which includes gerrymandering and big money. Oer two, it is number one or two, it is number one. The most exciting thing that happened recently was when the Prime Minister of israel came to the to congress, right . That was exciting. Say what you will about president obama but it took a black president to make republicans finally wish for a jewish one. [laughter] you know, however, i wonder if netanyahu is aware there is only one republican jewish congressman. Only one. The republicans love israel but the jews, not so much. [laughter] we will give them our money but our votes, that is going too far. I am also excited to be on cspan. [laughter] yes. Thank you. Heres the thing. I am not going to take the bait. Everyone rags on cspan. I will not do it. I wont stoop that low. Also, no one is watching cspan so who cares . In fact, the only people who would watch cspan are in this room right now. But i give them credit. What they do is hard. An unfiltered view of the workings of congress and federal government. No one cares. You might as well just but a gas station security camera. No one cares. Cspan needs to be more like cnn and just forget about the news. [laughter] [applause] seriously, lastly, i find up in the bargain break into the situation room with breaking news Anthony Bourdain break into the situation when with breaking news about a philly cheesesteak. The only way we will care about the budget is if the budgett suddenly mysteriously disappeared. Then, you get a budget simulator, get a panel, you put me right in the middle of the nonaction. I am riveted. [laughter] or you go the fox news route. You get the budget to shoot an unarmed black kid and rush to the budgets defense arguing the budget was written on white paper and that is why this is happening. [laughter] i dont care how this goes tonight because tomorrow it will say, muslim bombs and a muslim kills. It is bad for me either way. [laughter] [applause] i am just saying, scare me, yell at me, show me that being reasonable is treasonable. That is what i want. For they can cover it like msnbc but their ratings are so much better it does not even matter. Just some advice. My larger point is im not going to make fun of cspan. [laughter] i am also honored to be representing the American Muslim Community tonight. [applause] thank you. The two muslims allowed in here. [laughter] there are not a lot of muslims in the media were government. Wolf blitzer ate a falafel once. [laughter] Brian Williams said he interviewed the profit mohammed but i dont know about that. [laughter] im just saying besides those guys, myself, and the present, there were not a lot of muslims in the public eye. We know he is a muslim. [laughter] you dont. We do. You think he is black. He is not black. Wait until two years from now. Full beard, four wives lamb cologne, the whole thing. [laughter] he is not here. [laughter] like he would be in the back, i dont know. [laughter] he cannot be here. Too many muslims in one room and you dont know what happens. We might start doing the terrorist fist bump, the handshake, and pretty soon, we pass sharia law. God knows where that would end. Although it would prove to congress it is possible to pass a law. Actually, i dont think obama is a muslim. You know why, because he is a terrible hagler. If you was a muslim, he would have haggled that budget. You would have haggled the closing of guantanamo. Every member of congress would have gotten a suit from his cousin at 50 off. [laughter] i dont need to make jokes about the president. Before i came up your, i was assured by 47 senators that any joke i made about the president will be no land void as soon as he leaves office. Null and void. Talking of sharia law, we could never pass it in this country because of the constitution also because they cut off your hands for stealing, cut out your tongue for lying. Washington, d. C. Will come to a standstill. Without those perks, no one will run for public office. [laughter] as a muslim american, i also want you to know that i denounce terrorism. Ok . Can we get that off the table now . I denounce it, it is done. We are always denouncing things. Whenever someone does anything i muslim does anything that is that come all of the other muslims have to come out and denounce everything. I am used to it. As a comedienne, i can denounce care top. As a new here atcarrot top. I will denounce it, what ever. I am used to it. We are used to denouncing. You should try it, it is quite cathartic. I will stay stuck and you will denounce it. Ready . Not so into it . Dont like that idea huh . Not so into the denouncing. I feel you. It is because you are not used to it. Especially white people. White people never have to denounce anything. I will make it easy on you. We can start with barbershop quartets and khaki pants before we work our way up to big step like crystal meth and depleting the worlds natural resources. [laughter] it is tough, then. One must mamnn. N. When muslims commit violence, it is immediately islam that is bad. A white person can read a christian manifesto, have a bomb in his car and it is bad parenting. He is mentally unstable. He went off his meds. Why cant i be mentally unstable . I want to be mentally unstable. I will not be mentally unstable would love to be mentally unstable. [laughter] i get it. I get it. Being told that god is on your side and given an ak47 when you are 12 as part of what it means to be american. There are people in afghanistan and iraq that killed the same way. All im saying to what people is stop hoarding the crazy. It affects the way i think about it. The white person run out of a building other day. I thought, that guy is a jerk. If a muslim person ran out of a building, i think that building is going to blow. [laughter] i see what person with a beard and i want to buy his artist no honey artisenal honey. I see a muslim person with a beard, i hope he is getting pulled out of line at jfk. I read a statistic recently that only 32 percent of americans know a muslim person. Amazing, right . Here i am, people. [laughter] i want to be your muslim friend. [laughter] to that end, i went one step further and emailed a bunch of highlevel individuals in media and government and asked them to ask me anything they want to ask a muslim american. I got some interesting responses. First person that emailed me back was joes car scarbro. I didnt read it. I dont think anyone does. [laughter] then don lemon email me back. He said, i dont know much about islam but i was wondering if the koran tells us whether that dress is blue and black ore white and gold. Hillary clinton emailed me back. It is not the first time she and i have corresponded, actually. She responded using only emo tocons on facebook messenger. Former president george w. Bush wrote to me. He said, i am constructing a diorama about islam. Would that be called a ramadanarama . [laughter] i have got a very touching email from sean from fox news. He said, i would like to know more about american muslims. I will look to know about their beliefs and their customs, their exact locations, their contact lists, email passwords, weaknesses. I do not see that coming frankly. I dont even know what he means, weaknesses. There is lot of islamaphobia right now. I try to see a silver lining. I know that there are lot of americans burning korans. At least they are buying korans. That has to be. I know there Many Americans who are protesting the building of mosques. For the first time, those americans now know that building is not a mexican restaurant. And that is good. [laughter] i have fun with the whole thing. When i get on a plane, i know i dont have to look at ways suspiciously before i put my luggage in the overhead compartment but idea. It is fun but i do. It is fun. [laughter] i know i dont have to count my steps from my seat to the bathroom in an arabic accent. [laughter] onei do it. Scares whitey. [laughter] i figure if people dont make the distinction between a muslim and a terrorist, why should i make a distinction between good scared white people and racists . Why . Since i was setting up all of these emails to highlevel people and im a muslim, the secret service got in touch with me. I think that is a good thing. That means they are doing their job. But i got email at four clock a. M. That just said yo man, you up . I didnt answer. At 4 30, i got another one that said seriously dude, are you up . I said yeah, i am up. Then i get another email back that says yo buddy, how much do i tip her, she wont get out of my room and what is the Exchange Rate in colombia . I am freaking out now. I get another email with a lot of mrs. Spellings that just said dude i am boning and emailing at the same time right now. I just shut off my computer at that point. It is actually been rough for the secret service. Theyi actually wrote a letter to the president in support of the job they do. I was going to mail it but instead, i hand wrote it and ran across the white house lawn and gave it to them in person. You can do that now. He has not gotten back to me. I got an email from representative aaron schock he just resigned because i cant financing scandal. What an office he resigned. His entire office was decorated like beutel was in show downtown abbey. It is true. To be fair, you are all hypocrites because everyone in washington is doing the same thing aaron did. We are talking about the way he decorated his office. Many notables are decorating their office based on famous tv shows. Joe biden decorated his office like hot in cleveland. Mitch mcconnell, duck dynasty. Lindsey graham, 19 pictures of aaron schock. He has great abs come on. I got the most interesting imo from the Vice President joe biden. Email from the Vice President joe biden. Everyone wants to know about the 72 virgins. This is something i can answer because it is an interesting point because as some of you may not know, 72 virgins are promised in heaven if you die as a martyr. However, recently scholars have discovered it is not virgins at all. It is actually raisins. This is true. There was a translation mishap in the old arabic and raisins were very rare at that time. There are no virgins but we have a lovely fruit plate for you. Im always trying to think of ways to bring our country together to overcome prejudice and racism and it think it is time for muslims in this country to come together and do what americans did a number of years ago when they did the million man march. It is time for the million muslim march. In my right . Imagine that. The million muslims marching down broadway in new york city with the beards. But, we dont tell anyone where are going to do it. We just do it. Rap yourself and they can. They cannot touch you. We marched down around fox news. Just to watch bill oreilly p his pants. Pee his pants. It has been a pleasure talking to you this evening. I want to leave you with this. I know you might feel like the congressional dinner is the university of the white house Correspondents Dinner and that is probably because it is. Otherwise i wouldnt i dont want you to fret. There is hope for you yet. I want to look how well it they are doing now. I want to leave you with this. Remember congressional correspondence, if isis can do it, so can you. Good night, thank you. [applause] that was really fantastic. Thank you. Before we leave, i cannot leave without expressing my gratitude to a number of people who made this knife possible. My amazing team on capital hill, kelly odonnell. You guys rock. I want to thank Anne Strickland can strickland and the countless others ethically got who make me proud to be a part of the team. Thank you to Allison Jackie for helping to get our detainment. Thank you to ivan goldberg. Thank you to the marriott for hosting this event. Last but not least, i want to thank someone who inspires me to be a better person every day of my life. My beautiful and amazing wife jillian, you are my rock, the singular person, the singular reason i am here today. I love you. [applause] it really has been an honor to service the chair of the executive committee and i am deeply humbled to have been able to represent all of you. It is time to pass the gavel. It is my distinct honor to hand over the gavel to the chair for next years dinner cspans fret however stick fred. Take it away. One click thank you back to frank for putting this together. [applause] we will wrap it up quickly by saying we will like to see you all at the after party upstairs. Thank you very much. With that, we are adjourned. [applause] him and him groups next, that congressional Gold Medal Ceremony honoring golfer jack nicklaus. Then it issues important to young millenials. And another chance to see the congressional Correspondents Dinner. On newsmakers, and news New Hampshire republican chair in iowa laquon party chair discuss their stage roles. Land operations for 2016. Candidates circulating the so far in which issues and groups to watch. Sunday at 10 00 a. M. And 6 00 p. M. This sunday on cue in day erik larson on his book