Later. Very excited. Aint no party like the third party because the third party dont last night, Hillary Clinton officially accepted her partys unblackination nomination cheers and applause yeah which means its time for the unblackening. That still scares me every time. But, man, kudos to Debbie Wasserman schultz. That lady put together a Great Convention that she couldnt attend because she resigned in disgrace. You did it, girl you did it this thing was epic, really. I mean, last night, the democrats ended what i have to say was the best Republican Convention ever. Retired general john allen. America will defeat isis and protect the homeland. Jesus, jesus god says so much. I worked in president reagans white house. Ronald reagan. Ronald reagan. U. S. A ronald reagan. Ronald reagan. Larry romney 2012 in fact, the d. N. C. Was so republican, you even had a surprise appearance by the constitution itself when khizr kahn, the father of fallen muslimamerican soldier humayun khan, delivered one of the evenings most memorable lines. Donald trump, you are asking americans to trust you with their future. Have you even read the United States constitution . cheers i will gladly lend you my copy. cheers and applause larry wow, if khizr kahn didnt move you, then i dont know. You must be the republican nominee for president. In fact, kahns burn upset trump so much, we actually have footage of his reaction. Khaaaaaan laughter applause larry or cameras catch everything. So pretty much everything you heard leading up to hillarys speech was something you would have expected to hear at past g. O. P. Conventions. Well, except this kind of star power. Heres katy perry. How you doing . Larry now, at a Republican Convention, it would have been, and now, sinese and the Lieutenant Dan band. Or maybe scott baios new band chachi and the mariachis. By the way, look at this guy during katy perrys performance. laughter we dont even have a joke for that. We just felt it was our patriotic duty to show it to you. That was very strange. And right before her big speech, cnns knights of the pundit table speculated on what hillary needed to do. She has to be herself. Reintroduce herself. Contrast herself with donald trump. Thread the needle on policy a little bit. Lay forth a plan for the future. Appeal to independents. Try to appeal to republicans. Larry no, sweat, man. All she has to do is address her weak spots, and hit trump, and reintroduce herself, and appeal to republicans and progressives and independents, and motorcycle jump through a flaming hoop over ten school buses while juggling chainsaws, and shell do great cheers and applause shes going to do great y hillary finally took her place in the spotlight alone. Not as a mother or the president s wife, but the first woman to be one step away from the oval office. And so, my friends, it is with humility, determination, and boundless confidence in americas promise that i accept your nomination for president of the United States cheers and applause larry thats history, man. I mean, i dont care, even if you hate Hillary Clinton, there was no way you couldnt be riveted eyes like a raccoon just soaking up every second of that history. It wont be easy or quick. But make no mistake, we will prevail. Larry that was awkward. Did you see the expression on tim kaines face . Seriously, bill . Seriously, bill . Youve gotta be bleep kidding me oh, wait. Its tim kaine, so he would say, de verdad guillermo . Me estas bleep come on, bill. Your wife is giving the most important speech of her life youre her husband remember . You met a girl . You should be giving her your full attention, like this. Thats how you do it yeah attention. That guys paying full attention. Get him off so after this historic speech, we gotta get some nice unbiased and nonsexist analysis. Take it away, fox. She doesnt understand it. When you speak into a microphone like that, theres such things as amplifiers and speakers ,and youre going to be heard. Makes you feel a little but like youve been called into the principals office. Shes not really going to have a good voice next week after that speech. Shes not the best public speaker, and she gets louder and louder and a little shrill and angry. She has a notsoattractive voice. Larry a woman doesnt have to speak in a demure whisper while shes telling you how she plans to lead the free world cheers and applause at the end of two weeks of watching these conventions, i have two takeaways. One, life is meaningless. And, 2, the nominees for donald trump, much like pearl harbor, awakened the Sleeping Giant. Yes, this felt like a Republican Convention, but only because for the past few decades, the republicans have done such a great job of hijacking patriotism and faith and a sense of american exceptionalism and, by the way, with the complicit aid of the democratic party, who thought that criticizing things like an unjust war in vietnam or not wanting religion to be a part of politics meant that they had to turn the volume down on their love of country. Look, both democrats and republicans love their country. But now, after a week of listening to mango mussolini saying america sucks, the Sleeping Giant of democratic patriotism has been awakened. Well be right back. cheers and applause i had that dream again that i was on the icelandic game show. And everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. But nobody knows the box behind the discounts. Oh, its like my father always told me put that down. Thats expensive. Of course i save people an average of nearly 600, but whos gonna save me . [ voice breaking ] and thats when i realized. Im allergic to wasabi. Well, i feel better. Its been five minutes. Talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay. Would suffice for jordans Bachelor Party. I dont need a sword, im a firemaid. Ding dong im going to give this place a killer review. I dont know, i just always thought maybe my Bachelor Party would be a little less grated. Wench ahhh ahhh hahaha. Oooh Party Time Party boy ok, ok. Mm hm, party time. Hmm, mmm, mmm. Isyou run here. You run there, against the clock . Until everything comes to a screeching halt. Tick, tick, tick. Now is the time for a 5hour Energy Protein shot. Twentyone grams of protein, the energy you need for the rest of your day, and one hundred little calories. Its not lunch. Its energy and protein, and a lot faster than fast food. 5hour Energy Protein shots Energy Protein one hundred calories. No, im scheduling time to go oto the bank to get a mortgage. Ugh, youre using a vacation day to go to the bank . I know, right . Just go to lendingtree. Com. Get up to five loan offers to compare side by side for free. Wow, thats great. Wait, how did you get in my kitchen . Oh, i followed a raccoon in through your doggie door. [chittering] [gasps] get a Better Mortgage on your schedule. Not the banks. Lendingtree. When banks compete, you win. Just think of him as a big cat. [chittering] with rabies. yelling have a reeses. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Hillarys historic nomination broke a long tradition in politics, so we sent grace parradown to philadelphia to tell us about another tradition in politics that doesnt seem to have changed a bit. Lets take a look. A woman for president. In philadelphia this week, democrats were all about empowering women. Standing up for women women women. Hillary clinton. Girls. Women. But Donna Brazile wasnt the only lady dancing for democrats this week because where did hillary delegates go after a long day of crashing glass ceilings. Kiddie bars. Thats why i had to go to a Philadelphia Strip Club to root out this disturbing trend. Have you guys seen a lot of about the businessthis week, meaning more business than usual . Five to six times more. Believe it or not, he is not the secretary of the department of agriculture. He is the manager of a philly strip club seeing much larger crowds since the d. N. C. Is in town. Is this because theyre democrats . Theyre politicians and everybody is horny. Do you think there is something hypocrital about supporting someone for women but coming to a strip club . I dont see a relation. The dancers claim to be excited but something in the way they cloroxed bodily flewids off that pole told me theept to clean up the democratic party. And fetishes. Feet is a pretty big fetish. Republicans like feet . Yes, stinky feet. No yes. Sweaty feet, usually. What yeah. I have a customer who will pay at least 1,000 for you to poop on him. Is his name Newt Gingrich . And philadelphia isnt even americas fetush capital. D. C. Is known mostly for their torture chambers for politicians. What a lot of highend politicians, businessmen, too, like to get tortured and thats what excites them and keeps them going every day. D. C. In itself is kind of a torture chamber. They release all of their power to someone else to torture them instead of them torturing everybody else. Good point but how sleazy do politicians get with their reckless spending . Customers like to have financial domination. Meaning they give girls complete control over their bank accounts. Thats what excites them. Its not sexual but it excites them and who is to say anything is wrong with that . Why have i not met one single man in my life like that because that sound awesome. That got me thinking about the difference between these two ageold professions. Which do you think is the smarter career path for young women, politics or stripping . Stripping. Why, you can drink and lie and not get in trouble. Theyre strong, independent women. They live by themselveses mostly. They provide for their families or for themselves. They put themselves through school. And theyre not doing anything illegal. So maybe strip clubs dont demean women as much as i thought. If stripping set women backs he would never say its a better career path than politics. Which profession would you feel more comfortable with your daughters getting into, politics or stripping . Probably politics. Wow, zach changed his positions quicker than hillary. I realized strip clubs and political conventions arent so different. They both attract huge crowds. They both trade in dirty secrets and they both bring in that sweet, sweet money. cheers and applause thanks, grace. Well be right back with libertarian president ial candidate before gary johnson right after this. What if i told you there was a car companyawards. That received all of these awards . One company won an award in all of these . Chevy. Ahhhh chevy chevrolet is the most awarded car company over the last two years. I love it im just going to stay in here, is that okay . This summer find your tag and get 16 of msrp cash back on select remaining 2016 vehicles in stock. Thats over 3,700 cash back on this allnew 2016 chevy cruze find new roads at your local chevy dealer. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Conventions are over republicans had their week. Democrats had their week. But many people are still left undecided. Here to tell us why the third party is the party where we should be at is libertarian candidate, governor gary johnson. cheers and applause have a seat. Very nice. Very nice welcome there, gary. What is libertarianism . And is libertarianism as kooky as libertarians . applause you know what im saying, right . I do larry spell it out for us. What exactly is libertarian . I think libertarianism does reflect most people in this country. Keep government out of my pocketbook, out of my bedroom. Lets stop with these military interventions, lets bring the world togetherring with free trade and diplomacy. Nonaggression principle. Look, dont use force unless unless force has been applied to you. Larry so its get out of the bedroom, get out of the wars get out of my pocket. Larry get out of your pocket. What do you get into . laughter liberty and freedom. Always come down on the the side of choice, that we as individuals should as you be able to make choices in our lives as long as those choices dont adversely affect others. Larry what do you think are the the three biggest issues were facing right now . And as a libertarian candidate, how do you propose to address those issues . Well, government is too big. It takes too much money out of our pocke pocketbooks. So lower taxes larry does lower taxes itself reduce the size of government . It reduces the ability of governor to do the bleep its ineffectively doing right now. Haugh laugh applause . I think you hit on it. Any of us believe that government is running on all eight cylinders . No. Were headed to a fiscal cliff if we dont address some really big issues and thats going to be the entitlements. We can can do this effectively. We can still create a safety net. Nobody goes without. But thats issue number one. Issue number two, liberty, free, personal freedom a womans right to choose. Marriage equality. Lets legalize marijuana. cheers and applause larry a lot of people like that. Legalize marijuana seems to be a big deal with libertarians. Why do you think the weed vote is so important . laughter . Well, it hasnt it hasnt amounted to anything to this point. Larry is it a growing constituency . A growing constituency. Larry would you like to see marijuana legal all the country . I would. And i think california is going to vote to do it in november and i really think thats going to be the tipping point. Yeah. Larry how much weed do you smoke a day . Um, what was it, 10 weeks ago, somebody asked me, when was the last time you consumed marijuana . Consumed. I have an aversion to smoke glg there are many different opportunities to specify the many different avenues it enters your system. Two weeks ago that question was answered 10 days ago. I dont think you should show up on the job impaired and would you be high as president . No, i wouldnt be. Larry be honest. Dont you like to me. Seriously but how awesome would thae if one day theyre waiting for you in the rose garden and its a half an hour late and they cut to you in the west wing and youre like, sorry, dudes. Never, never, larry. And, look, the job of president is 24 7. So i dont want to be on the job impaired. Ive made that pledge. laughter applause larry good, good. Go ahead. Well, tell the truth and you dont have to remember anything. Larry correct. Dont make up a lot of bleep and nobody can follow it and all of a sudden, youre at the head of the republican ticket. cheers and applause who do you think who do you think is driving the energy for a third party more, donald trump or Hillary Clinton . I think its equal. And keep in mind really, you think its equal . Oh, definitely, confidential. Larry really . The two most polarizing figures ever the way you said that. You like that, too. No, its gotten to that point. I dont like it. I dont think any of us like it. I think thats reflected in the fact that right now everybody that goes to register to vote, 50 of everybody that goes to register to vote now is saying theyre independent. Well, where is that representation . Hillary on one side, trump on the other side. Its going to be worse than ever what if you had a couple of former governors, libertarians in the middle just reaching out to both sides . Hiring democrats and republicans and reaching out and saying, hey, come on, come on lets come together on these issues . Which scenario i dont know, which scenario might work the best . Larry who do you think has the chance of grabbing more, the republican crumbs castoffs . I dont know if there are any field of burns embers that are going to blow their way over to libertarianism, do you think . I think its going to be equally from both sides . Larry you think so. Arent more republicans libertarians than democrats . No, really, its a 5050 split. It really is. And we wouldnt be doing this if there werent the opportunity win, but to win we have to be at 15 in the polls and i think that will transpire. Larry theres a chance you can be in the debates. Very much so. Larry do you think its going to happen . I do. Larry what do you need to do to make that happen . Ma. Being on this show is going to push it to 17, i think. Larry there gu. Thank you, thank you. I want to show a clip you guys had your convention, was it in june . End of may. Larry end of day, june, let me show you a little clip and i want to ask you a question. Yeaahhhhh my lions of libertyyyyy larry it looked like they were having a lot of fun. What is your message to america, gary . This is your chance. Go for it. I think Smaller Government really is important. When government tries to accomplish things, it takes too much. It costs too much. And that takes money out of your and my pocketbook, and you i should be able to make choices in our lives regarding our own lives as long as we dont put other people in harms way. And lets stop these wars. How long are we going to be at war with afghanistan. applause . Larry all right there you have it governor gary johnson. And he left out the weed he left out the marijuana. Well be right back. Here come the last of the 2016s i love this part stylish prius. Sporty camry. Fun corolla. Adventurous rav4. Theyre all here. 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A girl discovered magic. A revolution began. Welcome, to the wonders that happen, everyday. Welcome, to it all. Comcast. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with governor gary johnson, and its time for the game we like to call keep it 100. Heres how it works. Im going to have you a question. You have to keep your answer 100 real. If you do, you get a nice little sticker, if not we throw weak tea at you. The tea is not what you think it is. You cant smoke it. Ready . This is very easy . Of the two major candidates donald trump Hillary Clinton this ising no apersians on you which one do you think has done the most drugs . And which one needs to do some . Keep it 100. Im going to take trump at his word that hes never done drugs you believe him. Or alcohol. I do. Larry i believe him about the alcohol but you believe him about the drugs. I do, yup. Larry hillary . That she has done more drugs. But who needs to do drugs . Trump. Larry trump needs to do drugs . Thats pretty good. cheers and applause he answered it pretty straight forward. I have to give him 100 for that. Thanks for being here. Governor gary johnson. Thanks for watching. Thanks, governor. cheers and applause centrald trevor from philadelphia, democracy, we did it its the 2016 Democratic National convention. Lets not get crazy night four can we please just vote now . cheers and applause trevor thank you thank you so much welcome to the daily show what an exciting week we have been covering the Democratic National convention here in philadelphia so much fun. Everyone, thank you so much for having us. This is officially our last show here and were ending the week with a great guest, new jersey senator cory booker is joining us, everybody cheers and applause lets get straight into it. Last night was officially the end of the Democratic National convention, and hillary was excited that she was finally the nominee, and bill clinton was just as excited that there were balloons laughter look how happy he is he looks high look at his face laughter he says, i cant believe all these balloons. Wow, the blue ones hes so excited. You know what, after recent events in the news and the negative rhetoric of the conventions, especially in cleveland, i feel we all need balloons in our life, you know, because i understand bill clinton. There is no situation in which a balloon is a negative thing. Balloons bring out the best in us. We laugh, we feel like kids again. Maybe instead of dropping bombs in the middle east, maybe america should try dropping balloons just once, see what