You guys are the best. You guys. And we ask the question, is Political Correctness killing america . No . Just gun violence and fast food . Okay, just checking. Get ready to clap because this is the nightly show captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry yeah Larry Larry Larry larry larry thank you very much. Oh, so kind. Larry larry larry thank you, please. Larry oh, were done . I take that larry back. Welcome to the nightly show. I am larry wilmore. Paul f. Tompkins is on the panel tonight. Very funny, very funny man, very funny man. So its a few days past iowa and a few days before new hampshire, and theyre still trying to denegrofy the white house. I guess we should see whats happening with the unblackening. applause all right, guys, okay. I have to talk about marco rubio for a second. So ive noticed a trend in his speeches that is very disturbing. Ensure that our children grow up with the values that they teach in our church, not the values being rammed down our throat by hollywood. The values they try to ram down our throats. In the popular culture, they keep trying to ram down our throat. Ram down our throat. You are not going to be able to ram down the throat. The president should not be ramming down the throat of the american people. Im not going to ram it down anyones throat. laughter applause larry ummm, senator rubio, ummm, since you say youre a man of faith, you might want to tell your children to go play biblesaurus on their ipads, for a second, because i have something indellicate i need to say to you. Marco, hey, man, when you talk about protecting your familys christian values, perhaps it would reflect your own values more completely if you refrained from employing a metaphor that means choking on a huge bleep . cheers and applause ramming it down their throats. Just stop it already. And rubios not the only one talking the nasty on the campaign trail. Shes been running away from federal prosecutors for the last six months. Ill beat her rear end on that stage. And you know what . Larry ummm, youll be arrested . laughter seriously, youre going to beat her rear end. What is it with these republicans . Rubio handles the oral stuff and christie works the ass . No one wants to think about Chris Christie spanking anyone, unless its Chris Christie spanking a smaller Chris Christie wearing a top hat because thats just delightful. Thats just fine. Yeah. applause thats just fun. Thats just fun. Okay, but my favorite thing thats been happening has been a little bit under the radar. Trump apparently has legendarily tiny hands. Im not making this up. In 1988, spy magazine began referring to donald trump in 1988, spy magazine began referring to donald trump as a shortfingered vulgarian. Now, guys, keep in mind, this insult happened 28 years ago, and trump is still responding to it. He told the new york post, my fingers are long and beautiful, as has been welldocumented, are various other parts of my body. laughter this is fantastic, guys. He cant let go. Im not going to lie. This kind of makes me want him to win stay with me, stay with me homeland hold on a second just so when he takes the oath of office, i can see him put his baby hand on the bible. Thats right, trump. Were going to keep joking about this because we know it bugs the bleep out of you. cheers and applause were going to keep on it. Oh, and, finally, the most pathetic thing to date in this campaign has come from the leader of patheticness, jeb bush. Please watch. I think the next president needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that were prepared to act in the National Security interests of this country to get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world. Please clap. applause audience ooooh larry that is the saddest thing since that story of that baby who was born with freakish tiny hands . You know, donald trump . Bam did it again sorry, i just cant stop myself. Seriously, though, please clap . By the way, donald, clapping is when you slap your tiny squirrel hands together. laughter all right, ill stop it. Im sorry. Here to tell us more about jebs sinking campaign is Bush Campaign advisor, liza delgado. cheers and applause thanks for being here, liza. Thanks for having me. Larry sure, no problem. Im just going to say it. Frankly, your Campaign Looks like its in a very bad place. Bad . On the contrary, larry. Everything is going exactly as planned. Larry how can you say that . I mean, you came in sixth in iowa. You got less 3 of the vote. Oh, youre talking about the president thing. Thats not the Real Campaign. laughter larry what do you mean Real Campaign . The campaign to save the bush name. Larry youre going to have to explain that. All right, larry, for eight long years, george w. Bush presided over several failed wars, an attack on america, hurricane katrina, and the worst Economic Disaster since the great depression. Thats a lot of stink to get off the family legacy. Larry i agree. That is a lot of stink. You might even call it stank laughter okay, but what does that have to do with jeb . Jeb is the familys blundering sacrifical lamb. We never wanted him to be president. We just wanted him to go out there and fail so badly that everyone just ended up feeling sorry for the poor doofus, and by extension his whole family. laughter larry wow really wait. You staged a massive president ial campaign, raised millions and millions of dollars, just to try and salvage the bush family name . Larry is there any evidence it works . You tell me. Who is more pathetic, jeb or george w. . Larry oh, my god, its jeb yes, larry, yes you see, you have already forgotten about how awful george w. Was, which means Mission Accomplished larry liza delgado, everybody. Well be right back. Hi, im jordan carlos, keeping black history 100 for the nightly show. Did you know a black explorer named Matthew Henson may have been the first person to reach the north pole . And fun fact until decades after hensons death, a white dude named robert peary got all the credit happy black History Month everybody what would we be without our mountains . Without the things that stand in our way. That make us better. At coors, our mountain is brewing the worlds most refreshing beer. Lagered, filtered and packaged cold. Our mountains make us who we are. Your mountains make you who you are. Whatever your mountain, climb on. Were gonna have some fun now at chilis, our famous 20 dinner for 2 has more options than anywhere else, now with new charcrusted sizzling sirloin. 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If youve been watching this election closely, you may have noticed a theme emerging on the g. O. P. Side. The big problem this country has is being politically correct. We need to take a step back and chill out a little bit as it relates to the Political Correctness. Everybody should stop being so politically correct. Political correctness its destroying our nation. Political correctness is killing people. Thank you. Larry really, wolf . Thank you . Not how the bleep is Political Correctness killing people . I mean, i know its politically incorrect, wolf, but you should have gone with that. Now, i will admit, this whole p. C. Thing is a very complicated issue. It deserves a lot of unpacking. So to help us sort through it, please welcome our resident egghead, felonious munk. Hey, felonious, doesnt Political Correctness just limit free speech . Brother larry, the very notion of Political Correctness is a misdirection to rival the great canards of old. It is naught but a diaphanous veil, a sop to the hidebound electorate who, being inculcated to their own privilege, joyously sojourn in a blinkered dearth of humanity. laughter applause larry right. So youre saying what are you saying . Police correctness is bleep , larry. It doesnt exist. Larry hey, i understood that but how can you say it doesnt exist . Its a major theme for these president ial candidates. And, please, keep your answer simple. Of course, brother larry. Spy how the proverbial goalposts decamp and stir to suit their environs. Larry here we go. Why, in the very examples you profferred, jebford bush wielded the Political Correctness mitigation as an aegis against his use of the dehumanizing calumny anchor babies. laughter larry right, jebford bush said people criticizing him for saying anchor babies were being too p. C. Be there an echo, brother larry . laughter for that is what i just said larry i know, im just trying to donald trump throws up his bloviations about p. C. Culture almost daily with his microscopic metacarpus. cheers and applause larry tiny hands. Okay, im with you. Very nice. That was nice. That was nice. And Chris Christie invokes Political Correctness when challenged re his chauvinist strategy of striking Hillary Clinton on her rear end. For ted cruz, it shields him from imputations of islamophobia. Larry right. Imputations. Yeah. Right, right. So its like if someone calls out these candidates for saying something offensive, they just accuse them of Political Correctness . Now were expatiating laughter larry expaishating, yeah. Yeah, expaishating. Its like getting out of being an officein asshole free card. Larry but its not like everybody whos fed up with Political Correctness is crazy. I mean, everyones outraged all the time. You cant say anything these days. Is it that one cannot speak, or that one hears more . With the advent of socialized media, those happy few who once held avaricious clutch onto the reigns of communication are now subjected to vox populi day in, day out. And their animus towards said democratization manifests in their creation of a fictive golem. Namely, Political Correctness. In short larry oh, thank god. laughter sorry. Continue. When i hear p. C. Culture, i think, s. T. F. U. Larry oh, i know that one shut the bleep up no, you shut the bleep up larry oh, i thought thats what the letters sorry. S. T. F. U. Stands for silencing treachery falsehoods understood, a mantra i propogate to all who will listen when the subject of Political Correctness arises. Larry okay, right. Can you please, please dumb this down for me. In the parlance of the nightly show, these candidates need to nut up about criticism and stop blaming Political Correctness. Not saying anchor baby or that youre going to spank Hillary Clinton or calling all mexican immigrants rapists isnt being politically correct. Thats just correct. Larry felonious munk, everyone well be right back. cheers and applause larry now i got it kids, juicy fyeah. Gum with starburst flavors . mmm. mmm. zipper noise zipper noise baby rattle shaking juicy fruit so sweet you cant help but chew. Into the frozen wilderness. The scent of his jerky attracted a hungry wolfpack behind him. To survive, he had to remain fearless. He would hunt with them. And expand their territory. Hed form a bond with a wolf named accalia. Become den mother and nurse their young. James left in search of his next adventure. How far will you take the allnew rav4 hybrid . Toyota. Lets go places. Four score and seven years ago, our [train horn blares]th. To the continent. [claps]. A new nation. Announcer dont wait until president s day to get a better nights sleep. During sleep trains president s day sale save up to 300 on beautyrest and posturepedic, get three years interestfree financing on tempurpedic, plus sameday delivery, and sleep trains love your mattress guarantee. Sleep trains president s day sale is on now. Your ticket to a better nights sleep cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. First up, nightly show contributor ricky velez. cheers and applause and nightly show contributor franchesca ramsey. cheers and applause and hes the host of no, you shut up on fusion. Season four is airing right now, actor and comedian, paul f. Tompkins. cheers and applause and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using the hashtag tonightly. After this week the Republican Party clearly a divided meas. The candidates are all oaf the place. Its so funny to me because the republican establishment hates ted cruz. The conservative establishment hates donald trump. And the Republican Voters hate marco rubio. Yeah. laughter . Larry but its so pathetic that other people whos the most pathetic right now in this race . Is there a question . I think after that jeb bush speech, i would say hes the most pathetic. And the reason no one clapped is they didnt know the speech was over. It kind of ended like a wet fart. I think he should have taken the exclamation point off the logo and put it at the end of the speech so then people would actually know it was time to clap. Larry was it the end of the speech or was he trying to make an emphatic point . I think it was supposed to be wait till they get a load of this. Larry i know. Im getting chills just thinking about me saying it. Jeb bush always strikes me, whenever i see him speak at any of these debates, it always seems likes hes got, like, hes already to go, and as soon as he starts talking he loses all confidence. Yes. Like, he thinks his own voice is going to sound different than when it comes out. Oh, i thought i sounded like i had a deeper, more commanding voice. Larry its like hes talking and his words cothis and a tree gets in the way mumbles . He cant get through a whole thought without derailing, every time. Larry every time. You just ask what he had for breakfast. This morning i had. Eggs. He reminds me of the kid that didnt want to play a sport but his parent brought him and made him do it and they said, youre going to finish out this season. I bought that bleep uniform. Youre going to finish out the accept. Glvment and his brother played and his dad played. Were a president family larry w looks like the clever, charismatic smart one. Its really, really bad when george bush makes you look bad. You almost feel sad for him until you remember that he is a multimillionaire, comes from a political dynasty. laughter then youre like im glad no one clapped. laughter . Larry right. What about carson, though . Ben carson is also very pathetic to me. Its so sad. I mean, the fact that he runs all the way to florida to get his clothes. Hes the elchap oaf candidates right now. I heard sean penn doing an interview with him. Its going to be great. He is awful. Bep carson is, like, the black friend every racist calls. I have a black friend i swear i have a black friend. Thats why i really cant stand him. Hes just the token for everybody. I think were going to find out something is neurologically wrong with ben carson. Larry really . Yeah. Larry oh, my god. And its going to be one of those things, oh, i feel bad. I laughed at him. I didnt realize he was sick. Larry how could he have been that brilliant of a surgeon but every time he talks i go, no way hes operated on brains. It makes me think if maybe i took a youtube tutorial, i could do brain surgery. Maybe its not that hard applause . Larry i feel like i feel like is trump imploding right now . It feels like hes getting a little like all the patheticness is starting to come out in him. It is the best to see how thinskinned this guy is. When he had to do that concession speech in iowa. Larry he hated that. He couldnt help, you know what . I love it here. Im going to buy a farm. Then i hate you people. You stupid farmers. Can you imagine me living here cheers and applause he couldnt get through a gracious moment. I love that trump code is buying telling you something that means the opposite. Exactly. You just have to look at his face. And the next day, he couldnt even go 24 hours long cruz stole it. He stole it he cheated and he fooled me. laughter he tricked me, everybody, he tricked me. I said two corinthians. Why didnt they believe me. Larry is he going down now . Or it still doesnt matter . If it still doesnt matter i dont know, man. He has momentum. It cant keep going up. There has to be a crash at i think hes going to stick around for a long time i think im not agreeing. I dont want him. Believe me. Because im saying a statement. Larry right. bleep with you. Politically correct. Theyre ruining this panel applause larry are republicans, are they going to be creeped out by ted cruz or not . Because i think its got to be just a matter of time. I think hes tricked republicans the most, seriously, he has. Yeah, hehe. Im a christian, yeah. Hes too gointo it. Hes too into being a christian. Even christians are like, hey, its just a religion. Take it easy. cheers and applause even jesus has acted like his daughter going. I feel like they theyre going to have no choice but to get if they got behind mitt romney who was just as weird as ted cruz in his open way, i think theyll just have no choice. Larry oh, mitt romney seems so ordinary compared to all these people. Isnt that strange . Larry mitt romney was clean hes got a heres the thing. Heres whats hilarious about mitt romney. He didnt run because jeb was going to run. Well, jebs going to take all the votes. Mow, mitt he could have had it all. Not my fault. Well be right back. 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And thanks to felonious munk for being here. cheers and applause were almost out of time, but before we go, im going to keep it 100. Tonights question is from natburner03. They ask, would you rather wear cam pants to your wedding or a vote for trump shirt at a Cinco De Mayo party . Thats hilarious. Okay, this is going to be an unusual answer. I would much rather wear the shirt at the party because im a comedian. That would be hilarious. All right, okay. Larry is that keeping it 100 . Its hilarious. Thanks for watching. Dont forget to ask me your keep it 100 questions on twitter. Challenge me, guys challenge me good nightly, everyone its 19 seconds. This happened on uproxx. Super bowl 50 is sunday, and the league is finally cracking down on its biggest problem. Not players with confessions. Little baby freeloaders. Though, both have soft heads. Apparently, the broncos punter wanted to bring his twoweekold daughter to the game and was told hed still have to buy an 1,800 seat. Can you believe how expensive its gotten to destroy your
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