You know what they say, those te who ignore the past. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry man, thank you very much. Oh, thank you very much. Such a good crowd tonight. Larry Larry Larry Larry please, too kind. I got my audience ooooooothats how a heart sounds, right . Welcome to nightly show. I am larry, larry, larry. You know what, guys . It is december 1, one month away from january and that means two things. One, its been almost a year since i abandoned my new years resolution membership to bally total fitness. Almost here. Thats exactly how i sweat, by the way. Two, its only a handful of weeks until the president ial primaries so its time once again to see who is trying to denegrofy. Lets check in on the unblackening, you guys. applause i love that the audience is trained to cheer for the unblackening now. laughter the unblackening, larry, yeah denegrofy. Thank you very much. According to the latest fox g. O. P. Polls, donald trump is still leading nationally over every other opponent, including common sense. laughter wait. Gilmore is beating common sense. That doesnt make sense to me. But in an interesting twist, trump set out yesterday to blaeng his unblackening. U. S. President ial candidate donald trump met with more than 100 black pastors on monday. Although, there was some controversy and confusion surrounding the meeting, trump, not surprisingly, called it a big success. I thought it was an amazing meeting. laughter . Larry come on, man. No one has an amazing meet with 100 African American pastors. Unless theyre, like air, 12button suits element. You had an awesome meeting, right . applause laughter okay, so how many did he win over . Look, guys, lets be honest say what you will about trump, he is a master salesman, right . He tells us that all the time. How many of these black pastors or blastors shorten that up how many of meas blasters endorsed him. Im saying 85, 75 on a bad day. You say youre for donald trump 100 . 100 . I believe strong leaders are going to bridge and bring strength back to america. I support donald trump and Everybody Knows it. Everybody knows it. laughter larry okay, three black endorsements . Blendorsments. Sorry, i had to do that. I couldnt resist. Thats not bad. Okay, three black endorsements out of 42 million black people. laughter carry the omarosa. Wow man hes got a ways to go, guys. But im surprised these numbers are so low. I dont understand. I was under the suppression that trump had a great relationship with the blacks. I have a great relationship with the blacks. laughter applause larry in fact, in fact, hes always had a great relationship with the blacks. I have i have always had a great relationship with the blacks. laughter larry thats what im saying. I dont get it. I dont get it. Its clear established the blacks love the donald and the donald love the blacks, right. Plaque community is not the only group trump is trying to win over with his affectionate overture. He rejects charges he insulted a time reporter by imitating his disability. Larry i cant imagine anybody running for president would imitate a disabled person. Not even donald trump. This cannot be true. But it must be, right. The poor guy. You have to see this guy. I dont know what i said i dont remember. Hes going like, i dont remember larry youve got to be bleep kidding me, you guys. That did not just happen okay, obviously trump had to have apologized after this. Not even the donald would try to talk his way out of this one. Donald trump claiming that he did not make fun of a reporter with a disability. In fact, hes demanding now an apology from the New York Times. laughter . Larry he wants an apology hes obviously making fun of this reporter, who suffers from a physical disability that limits the movement of his arms, and trump wantans apology . Look, why should i believe youre sensitive to disabled people . You literally just released a book entitled crippled america. applause i have no reason to believe him okay. All right. I got to hear this. Whats trumps excuse for this one . He wasnt twisting his arm to mimic anything. He was not making fun. He was being gesticulate, which donald trump is. And he was basically shoaght exasperation of a reporter that is holding back on a story. Larry oh, my gosh you guys are just lying. I mean, that is a lie. How stupid do you think we are . Look, if somebody accuses me of making fun of blind people, my skews cant be, look, you know, my neck started hurting so i just started moving it like this, you know and it just it got kind of bright in there so i put some shades on. I was moving my neck. And then my voice eye just started doing thatp. I say hey, hey hey, ho, hey, ho laughter im not making fun of ray charles. In fact i demand an apology from the ray charles estate right now right now applause bleep , man. But, still, still, guys, trump insists he has plausible deniability. Trump says no way, he didnt been the reporters disability. Trump released a statement thursday saying, despite having one of the alltime great memories, i certainly do not remember him. laughter larry one of the alltime great memories . Who is on that list . Rain man. An elephant. Elephant man. I dont know. laughter applause guys, the elephant mans memory was amazing why do you think Michael Jackson ate his bones. Im not making that up, you guys. Im not making that up thats true okay, okay. And now, apparently, trump is relying on that fivestar memory for some controversial statements about muslims on 9 11. Donald trump is Standing Firm behind his claims about 9 11, insisting he saw crowds in new jersey celebrating as the towers came down. Thousands and thousands of people were cheering. Larry now, donald, i dont want to compete with one of the greatest memories of all times, but, no, they werent. Youre lying again. Now, trump claims he saw this on television but he wasnt the only one watching tv that day. Right . laughter but reality, facts, and the truth just dont matter in the trump camp. Observe. How do you explain that theres no evidence, no Video Evidence for what mr. Trump claims he saw on television. Mr. Trumps memory is fantastic and ive never come across a situation where mr. Trump has said something thats not accurate. There are seriously . Yes, seriously. laughter applause larry jake tapper couldnt even hold it. Seriously . That is the most apliegz i had ever heard since the same guy said trump wasnt making fun of the disabled reporter earlier. I think trump just found his running mate. That is if he hadnt already picked out a twocarat gold bust of his own head. The republican frontrunner out and out lies about make fun of a disabled reporter, even though the service on the video. And then he wants us to believe he saw a video of thousands of Muslim Americans cheering about 9 11. So dont believe the video weve seen but believe the video that doesnt exist. His bending of the truth, this has to be shake his supporters. Bends the truth . Un what . He may, but hes still gonna get things done. Audience ooooh larry un bleep able. Trump 2016. Well be right back. For a short time, only one place will have this seasons best deal. Its applebees. Introducing the taste the change menu for 10. With dishes like crispy chicken, brisket enchiladas, and steak in stout gravy. Get a taste before its gone. The taste the change for 10 menu. Only at applebees. With tmobile and the incredible iphone 6s you can reach more people in more places than before. Whether youre at home in the basement on the open road or pulling the late shift at work. Youre more connected now because tmobile doubled its lte coverage in the past year. And our extended range lte goes two times farther than before and is four times better in buildings. Get iphone 6s for zero upfront and just five bucks a month. uniqlos revolutionary thin fabric converts body moisture into heat and retains it. heattech. Super thin, super warm. cheers and applause larry welcome back now, a lot can be said about texas, the stars at night are big and bright, the oil flows like sweet texas tea. And the one thing texans like more than white picket fences is whitewashing history. A few years ago the school board made changes that have now taken effect. The Texas School Board passed controversial new textbook guidelines. Even some vocabulary has been changed. References to the slave trade would be changed to the atlantic triangular trade. Larry come on, you guys remember the atlantic triangular trade, dont you. Thats when americans had a surplus of triangles, and the triangles helped build this nation and in turn received separate but eclateral treatment. Come on. That was wrong. That was bleep . But the atlantic triangular trade is just the beginning of Texas Historical twostep. They wont mention the ku klux klan or jim crow. Faz that wasnt enough, texas is giving the school books the second coat of white washing. The state just passed a bill that wont let academics fact check their text books. This is the workforce thing that happened in texas since j. F. K. Was killed in 1965. I learned that in a texas school book. Its true, trust me, its true. Ut textbooks are used across the nation and since they wont be change forward 10 years i thought i would talk to some Elementary School kids to let them know what theyre going to be missing. Hey, kids. Im mr. Wilmore. And its story time. Yay larry how many kids have heard of the book Good Night Moon . Im going to read you a book about things that some people are trying to white wash. Its called good night slavery. laughter okay, lets start. In a big red state, there was a textbook and a debate. And too many knaves, and one big cave. Ask a book that is shut and a path full of smut. And a cranky conservative with a stick up his butt. Good night, slavey. Good night, bravery. Good night, the things we find unsavory. Good night, k. K. K. You gotta go. laughter good nightrgood night, facts. Good night, jim crow. Separate water for drinking. Good night to culpability. Good night hiroshima and nag salk pep its funny because its sad. Good night japanese internment camps because americas story needs a revamp. So good night to wrongs done in this nation. Good night, native american defamation. Theyve got casinos. Good night paths, we should admit, hello textbook full of. Uh, dodo. applause good night, reality. Good night, air. Good night bad behavior everywhere. Never going to learn that, sorry. That is story time yay applause a prght cant get a hand . laughter well be right back. Heres something to shout from the mountaintop. Crickets plans start at 35 a month, after 5 auto pay credit. With more 4g lte coverage nationwide than tmobile or sprint. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. Nightly show contributor ricky velez. And nightly show contributor holly walker. And his album american beauty american psycho is on sale now, and his band fall out boy goes on tour in february, bassist pete wentz. cheers and applause and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. Earlier in the show we were talking about trump, trump, trump, and trump. Lets continue with trump now. I showed you this thing where he definitely made fun of the disabled New York Times reporter. Yup. Larry lets show that again. Now the poor guy, you gotta see this guy, oh, i dont know what i said i dont remember. Hes going like, i dont remember. Larry i know, its so horrible. Its laughable in the worst way possible, right. And someone even asked from the audience, at what point is going to take for people to say no to trump . At what point . Its so frustrating, man its insane. Mech is so assbackwards when it comes to what theyre mad about. Its incredible. If i were to get on stage as a comic, i do comedy five night a week, when i got up there and game over game over new career new career thats laying carpet. Larry you were laying carpet . I didnt know that. Ridiculous larry why copeople not care i mean, hes obviously lying. Why dont people care gidont it feels like you can dp with dumb and then you double dumb on the dumb and its like i dont know. People seem to go i feel like the hair is running the show, kind of. I think people dont care because trump is the bully that they wish they could have been in high school. You know what i mean . Like, hes just hes a horrible person, but hes the bull wemoney, you know what i mean . Hes, like, biff from back to the future. Right . applause . Larry was that one rich . He was rich, right . Yeah, he was the rich one. He was the rich bully. Larry rich biff. Hes biff 2015 and they want to be friend with the rich bully. Larry cow think people are just tired of political correct . Ns because he doesnt do anything politically correct. But hes not politically correct or correct. Larry thats true. Hes not correct in any way. cheers and applause if theyre going to dump political correctness, at least be correct about something. I just dont understand how america decided to treat Donald Sterling a certain way and not trump . I think its a very odd Donald Sterling talked bleep , but he did it privately. Larry hold on. Youre defending Donald Sterling. Compared to donald trump. In his announcement, mexicans are rapists. He called them rapists. I dont get it. Larry its only because he wants to build a wall, ricky. But what youre saying is they should treat they should treat crump the way they treated Donald Sterling. Yeah, Donald Sterling cant even go to a game anymore. He cant even go to the game anymore. He cant go. This man is running for president applause cheers . Larry i dont know. Okay, then let me ask you this. Then who to you think i know we think its just it cant be just dumb people or we say, well its racist. No, no, no. There are a lot of people who weoon people that you know who might be voting for trump. Who are these people . If anyone know meas and we hang out and theyre voting for trump, we should not be friends. applause larry what if its somebody in the band . I mean, gods sake. Larry fall out boy, and they go, trump youll be like, get out i think that the people that are that like trump are just like him. Theyre really . Yeah. Larry or they want to be like him . Or want to be i think theyre racist. I think theyre sexist. I think theyre alarmists. Hes rallying the idiots. Hes rallying the idiots, the same people that thought the Confederate Flag shouldnt come down. People on the side of the road, you shouldnt get married. Youre on the side of the road, go home. People have Nothing Better to be upset about. Its like the personification of internet comments. Im the best larry finally, comment is running for president. What are you going to do about iraq, comment . bleep i mean, he actually this is how much of a bully trump is he actually they have to pay 5 million for the next debate. Did you guys hear. This . Js. Larry 5 million, and he said i would donate it to the vets. And everybody like, yay the vets. Is he some kind of evil genius, rick. You gotta give him that. Hes evil but hes not a genius. Larry the fact that hes in first might make him an evil genius. I dont know if hes evil. Larry if he becomes president will you give that to him gicant even fathom of him being my president. Its such a crazy idea. That dude is going to bleep . I think he is a genius. I think somebody who someone hois running it kind of is. He picks and chooses what forums and how he speaks in certain mediums. He says that when wh he is talking to supporters but when hes in a debate hes meek and wont talk about anything. He picks and chooses. We keep talking about him. Everybody is talking about him. He doesnt need media relations. Its happening for him. bleep viral video. If hes a genius, we are all in trouble. If thats what genius is, then were yeah. Larry america is in the apple store, and hes behind that genius bar. Hes the only one we will be able t to go to. And he wont give us headphone glz no, nothing. We should have bought apple care. Other wireless carriers make families share data switch to tmobile now and get 4 lines with up 6gb each. Just 30 bucks a line and no sharing. Plus get the Samsung Galaxy s6 for 0 upfront and 10 bucks a month at tmobile. cheers and applause expwhr all right. Thats our show. I want to thank our panelists ricky velez, holly walker, and pete wentz. Stay tuned for midnight with chris hardwick. Goodnightly, everyone 59 seconds. This happened on Youtube Batman vs. Superman dawn of justice is still four months away, but the train of trailers and teasers wont stop until every last one of us is writhing on the floor with blue balls. And blue like the color of super man super tight super suit. The latest glimpse hit the internet yesterday it looks like the man of steel is pissed off at the man of bat. Ya, share totally going to