Holy crap, marty shes idiots are about to make donald trump president lets go back to 1985 lets do it, america this is the nightly show. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause cheers and applause larry thank you very much. Welcome to nightly show. I cant do that impression. Marty. Anyway, im not doug brown. Im larry wilmore. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Tony crews will be joining us on the panel. cheers and applause very excited. Cant wait. But we begin with some brauz from earlier today. The big question that has been plaguing everybody with a job in tv news it and everybody with light social calendars have been will joe biden run for president . As you may know, biden had a scheduled rose garden announcement today to finally answer this question. But like a labradoodle in a tennis ball factory, cnn could not handle the anticipation. Joe biden plans to make an announcement. What the Vice President is going to say today. Presumably is the day. Hes going to announce hes running. No, im not running. Could this be that message . Thats all sheer speculation right now. Hes going to tell us hes not running and it could be he is running. What is going on here . Larry why dont you just wait five bleep minutes five minutes just wait. Thats all youve got to do. Hes about to tell you. You dont need to predict the news. laughter youre just supposed to report it after it happens. Before it happens, its not even news yet. You cant minority report the news. cheers and applause not, not how it works. Slow down. Okay, so did he or didnt he . I believe were out of time, the time necessary to mount a winning campaign. Larry wow. Maybe if it you werent so focused on mounting it right off the bat. Maybe if you spent a little time wooing the campaign first. You know, take it out to dinner. laughter ask it what kind of music it likes. Un, show america youre interested in the campaign before you go barreling towards mounting it. All right, well now that biden is officially not mounting, its safe to say we know who will get the democratic nomination, lincoln chafee. laughter you heard it here first exactly right. applause get out of here get there you go all right, lets move on. Big news in the world of computer hackers this week. Sources confirm a breach in the accounts of c. I. A. Director john brennan and Homeland Security secretary jeh johnson. Okay, now i know it sounds bad, but the good news is the hackers were only able to penetrate brennan and johnsons personal accounts. Their work accounts are safe, and more importantly their netflix accounts are safe. Which means they can still invite bae over to chill. I have to say, youre laughing, but the only problem with netflix and chilling is 50 minutes into is it he looked at you like this. I have no idea what that means. But despite being brennan and jawnsobs personal email accounts, there was sensitive Work Information being passed around. Prince, brennans a. O. L. Accounts yielded the names and Social Security numbers of several top intelligence officials and it also contained his 47page security clearance application. Um, quick note to the c. I. A. Maybe somewhere in that 47 pages, you can find room for the question, why douf a damn a. O. L. Email account . A. O. L. seriously, america this is the c. I. A. cant we do better . I mean, i dont care if this is brennans private email. What, did they think it was patriotic to be on America Online . Oh, we need to go online, and this is america. What should we choose . How about America Online. Who said that . Johnson, youre on fire. America online. Are they using dialup too . Now its time to play c. I. A. Theater, john brennan c. I. A. Director goes online. Eeehh. Errrrr. Arrrr. Megan get off the damn phone your father its trying to get some intel. cheers and applause ehhhahhh. And how does having an a. O. L. Email account at this high a level not raise a red flag in 2015 . I look at a. O. L. On an email the same way old white people look at the name deshawn on a resume . All right . I mean, sorry, deshawn. laughter its so unfair to deshawn, too. I mean, at the very least, get some gmail with twostep verification. And in this day and age, unprotected email is just like unprotected sex. Sure its easier and theres it less to think about but its a good way to end up with someone in there you werent expecting. laughter applause is thats true babies are just natures little hackers. Thats what they are. Hackers. But forget all this. The real question is who are these guys . A Group Calling themselves w. C. A. , is taking credit for hacking into their private email account. Larry hmmm. laughter c. W. A. What does that stand for crypto warfare anarchist. Cyber warriors of america. Cyber warfare anonymous. No, wait, cyber web assassin. Something like that. C. W. A. , or crackas with attitude. laughter larry crackas with attitude . These are the people breaking into the c. I. A. Who is your leader, eazymail. Crack as with attitude, im just joking, man. Dont hack me. laughter all right, so what else do we been these guys . Can you give us any indication of your background . I mean how old you are . Are you in the United States . Im the age of 22 years old, smoke pot. And you smoke pot. All day, every day. laughter applause larry all day, every day. And they breached secret information on both the head of the c. I. A. And Homeland Security . Thats freakin awesome, man. I mean, dont get me wrong. Its a bummer about the National Security stuff, but come oall day, every day . I mean, not several days of times a day. I mean not when their buddies from college are in town. Not when theyre watching a movie or playing a video game. Just all day, every day. That means when theyre not high, theyre asleep. laughter this is either a mark of extraordinary genius or we have some horrible bleep National Security. All right, so if he smokes all day, was this teen hacker high when he did this . You think you might have hacked the director of the c. I. A. While you were high . Probably. Larry are you not listening to him . He said all day, every day. Thats when he smokes weed. Another so the hacker said he was able to hack into brennans email via social engineering. Thats a nerdy way of saying he called verizon and talked them into giving him brennans personal information. This explains time warnerrary me slogan we keep you on hold until you get bedsores but at least we dont give out your Social Security number. Very successful with that. Speaking of email scandals, i wonder why im not hearing for the calls for brennans or johnsons heads in the same way im hearing the calls for hillarys . cheers which is strange, considering johnson and brennan actually had their sensitive personal email servers hacked and clinton did not and she is set to testify before a hostile and politically driven congressional committee. Im not saying agree with hillarys decision to do what she did with her emails but one thing she did do, she was trying to make her communications more secure. And here these guys in charge of government secrets are almost going out of their way to make things less secure. Ironically, this story will probably be forgotten by the end of the week if the outrage about hillary will last until the people doing it have succeeded in her not being president. But if 22yearold savanity stoner hackers cant find her emails, maybe this person should be the one in charge of the c. I. A. Well be right back. cheers and applause [ ding dong ] hey little m ms wow great costumes. What are you guys like four or five . Fortysix. Alright, yeah ok. Here you go. You dont understand, slick. Were here for the party. Whoo yeah, thats cute [ laughing ] put your hand down. The most advanced iphone yet. Get the new iphone 6s at tmobile. The network thats doubled its lte coverage in the past year. Our new extended range lte signal now reaches twice as far as before. And is four times better in buildings. Get our lowest price on iphone 6s with tradein. Zero upfront and just 5 bucks a month with jump on demand. Get it now at tmobile. Music lively orchesyes score kids never get this excited about cleaning teeth. You want a greenies . But dogs do. Watch them go wild for an irresistible treat that fights tartar and freshens breath. Greenies dental chews. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. Nightly show contributor, holly walker. Hes executive producer and host of the new Huffington Post series now what, journalist ryan duffy. And you catch his shows Brooklyn Ninenine and worlds funniest. This man is working all the time, actor tony crews. Yeah. Tire and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using the hashtag tonightly. The big news today, joe biden not running for president. Do you think he should run . Do you think he missed out . What do you think . No, for me, i think that, you know, people have now taken a sports attitude to politics. So its kind of like, you know, when lebron didnt go back to miami. You know what i mean . Thats their cheering on, like, biden was our boy hes gone. Now what do we do. You know what i mean. He was our first round pick. Its over. Its more than that but i think its not end of the world. I dont think he should have run. He is 72 years old. He shouldnt be running after anything. laughter . Larry i thought he was 74. He might be older than that, who knows . Larry a friend of mine thinks there was some backroom deal between hillary, obama, and biden. This is true. Like in it 2008, theyre like biden, its hillarys turn next. Do you think that kind of thing happens . I love that theory. Larry it sounds interesting. Im on board with that. I like that theory because it suggests a method to the madness. It just gives me a level of comfort that, sure, there are backroom deals to all of it. Fine, great. I believe it. Larry you cant imagine, all right, hillary, you got next. Its like sports you know what i mean . They do it for teams. They do at all times time. Backroom deals happen every day. And if there was a backroom deal there probably was one but well never know about it because we cant see those emails. laughter wow, wow. There probably was one. Larry it do you think biden could have beantown hillary . I think biden absolutely would have. He wanted to he would have beaten hillary. Larry really . Because people like him more than hillary. People trust him more than hillary. Right. Unfortunately with the loss of his son, he would have gotten the sympathy it vote glu think he messed up . You think he really could have beaten her . Well, it worked on scandal. Like its true you have a point. Shes right it did. Because fitz was down in the polls, and then it his son died of this, like, secret injection of a rare strain of bacterial meningitis. Horrible. I remember that, girl. Exactly. Youre exactly right. Thats true. cheers and applause right . Thank you. Thank you. That is true. Larry who would have been more fun, who would have been more fun bidentrump or hillarytrump . Which one would have been more fun . Bidentrump would have been a lot of fun. Can i reject the fundamental premise of that question and say im not ready to assume donald trump anything. He wasnt ready i do think like goofy and dopey or. It would be tweedle dee and tweedle dumbass. Larry biden is not tweedle dee. I think there is an interest interesting parallel if he had run. You look at the candidates who are resinating beyond hillary. Trump god help us all. Even berniey, right . These are guys who, you know, frank, brutally honest, outspoang, whatever it is, theyre authentic. Theyre outside the political spectrum to some degree. Biden has always had that about him. And sometimes they manifest in weird gaffes and the stuff hed rather get away from but he is kind of an earnest, bluecollartype guy so i think he would have had traction. Larry i think it would be hilarious if sanders asked biden to be his Vice President again. Hey, man he could do that. Larry do you think sanders has a chance to beat hillary at this point . Sanders has, he still has i think sanders still has im sorry, i think hes one of those candidates we wont know nothing until people start voting for sure. We really wont. Its like the trump thing. Guy in the audience, you got mad when i said trump. I dont want to imagine it. I understand that, but, guys, im telling you im almost throwing up in my mouth already. I think something unexpected happens in this election and i dont think we should count out people like bernie sanders. Bernie sanders is touching a nerve in people. The reason i say that, if people are feeling so much they want somebody likeed by nen this race, why . Because they think somethings missing on this other side, right . Yeah, and they can trust bernie. I think people trust bernie because bernie keeps it 100. He keeps it one had been. Hes telling you truth right off the bat, all the time, whether you agree with him or not and i do think he has the a. A. R. P. Vote locked up. The truth is that the more you hear something, the more you tend to accept it. And i think the more they hear him and the more you see him, it becomes more acceptable. Thats what happened with trump. Thats what happened. The more he talked, the more he was out there, the more he became acceptable. Larry the difference is trump is like whack. laughter and the more people listen to it, he got more famous, and then bernie speaks the truth, and the more people listen to him, the more theyre getting on board. Its truth versus confusion. But you have to understand but you have to understand how people think. People dont care about the truth. They want thor what they want to hear. You can see something thats really, really horrible, and you could be but look at that one great thing in there that is really what i stand for and it doesnt eye mean, the truth is really not what were talking about here. Especially when were talking about politics. Larry im going to throw up in my mouth. Well be right back. cheers and applause door bell rings trick or treat mmm thank you mmm mmm hooves on gravel i gotta ask, man. Whats it like living without the internet . snap its alright. I just get photos of your mom through the mail. Snap into a slim jim tsomeone who can handle six things at once. Sker. Someone like. Jorge hi, boss. Starbucks doubleshot. Theres no match for double the you. We are a Marketing Research company so i need to collect your phones so you cant post pictures. [screams] okay, how does it feel to not be connected . My chest hurts. Well let me give you your phones back. [laughing] let me show you a better way to keep connected. The 2016 chevy cruze offers built in 4g lte wifi ® that connects up to seven devices. So this thing puts out its own signal . Yes. What . This is next level chevy. Larry welcome back all right, its time for the segment we like to call keep it 100. I know. Everybody that doesnt know that, it means keep it 100 real. Keep it 100 or keep it onehunah. Either of those ways. Ron youre going to be first. If you keep it 100, you get a sticker, if not i throw weak tea at you. Im ready. Larry you keep it 100 in your work all the time. I try. Larry you do all your work. Youve been in a lot of dangerous situations all over the world. This is also the anniversary of back to the future. If you could go back in time and stop one famous assassination, which k would you say, j. F. K. , r. F. K. , or m. L. K. . Keep in mind, youre on a panel with three black people. What is that, man . Yeah, which one is it . Larry i want you to keep it 100. You cant pander. Which k . Im not it pandering. Im just trying to walk out of here. M. L. K. , but that is that is independent of anything else. Larry why do you say m. L. K. . He always had his dream. I think there is if we look back we have no no shortage of politicians as we have all seen, as weve all talked about. Larry the Kennedy Family like. Not a shortage of politicians. Tha there is not a great wayo answer that thank you. applause very good. Larry terry. Im scared. Larry its all right. You did a very popular movie actually its very popular in this building called the expendables. Yes. I mean, listen to the cast, sylVester Stallone, arnold schwarzenegger, steve austin, mickey roarke. Which is the most expendable of the expendables . Keep it 100 im going to keep it real00. Mickey roarke, mickey roarke. We asked him to come back, and hes like,iment, i want to gete money than anybody. You have to play with us, man larry thats keeping it 100. You also get an expendables question. Oh, boy. Larry this is a bleep kill situation. This is how we play the game it, by the way. Arpold schwarzenegger, civil Vester Stallone and mickey roarke. SylVester Stallone, arbarnold schwarzenegger. Im killing mickey roarke. SylVester Stallone, and arnold schwarzenegger, i am not marrying him because of what he does. That means im bleep , bleep , bleep . And im marrying sylVester Stallone. Larry well be right back. door bell rings trick or treat mmm thank you mmm mmm the indomitable nature of the human spirit. Thats whats happening here. Because theres something out there Something Better and bigger than here and with 80 thousand people to help you realize your wildest dreams. Well get you there. Because there is no stop in us. Or you. Only go. What beer we drinkin . I dont know boss. What about that redds apple ale . Youre a genius, tiny this apple sauce is the bees knees. The cats pajamas hits ya right in the kisser emm. Redds apple ale. Also in strawberry and green apple. M cheeto catapaults . cheeto hits fan way off girl eating cheeto a little more to the left fire all four. Bullseye four flavors, four shapes. Cheetos mixups. Im a Customer Relationship im roy gmanager. Ith pg e. Anderson Valley Brewing company is definitely a leader in the adoption of energy efficiency. Pg e is a strong supporter of solar energy. We focus on helping our customers understand it and be able to apply it in the best way possible. Not only is it good for the environment, its good for the businesses bottom line. These are our neighbors. These are the people that we work with. That matters to me. I have three children that are going to grow up here and i want them to be able to enjoy all the things that i was able to enjoy. Together, were building a better california. Be part of the conversation. Queen. In a good way. With all the latest episodes of your favorite dramas, xfinity on demand lets you catch up and keep up with fall tv. Dont get voted out of the tv gossip. Be part of the conversation. With all the latest episodes of your favorite reality shows, xfinity on demand lets you catch up and keep up with fall tv. cheers and applause larry thats our show. I want to thank our panel. Holly walker, ryan duffy, terry crewsterrycrews. Stay tuned for midnight with chris hardwick. Good nightly, everyone. Chris this happened on nex flix. Com. Neem defines inthirnt slang for inviting someone over for sexual purposes. In my day, wed say lets make5 it a blockbuster night. cheers and applause come over and watch a videotape. And youd get a sloppy hand job