Definitely stick around for that. And you know, before we start, have i to talk about this mets dodgers thing. So i was on the one train coming to work. laughter cheers and applause . Larry no, no, no. But heres. People are upset because the other night chase utley layed into ruben tejada, a controversial play t changed the game, tejada broke his leg, its horrible. Look, we shoot the show here in new york but im from l. A. And i feel caught between a team that i love and holding on for my life. But since im living in new york i feel like have i to Say Something for the new yorkers. So dre, can you give me the new york. Yo dodgers, that was a dirty play, yo. Remember 50 odd years ago when you ran to l. A. With your tail between your legs. Youre about to do it again messing with the mans fib you la. L. A. Cam, please, that was awesome man. At least i heard it was. I left at the 6th inning to beat traffic. Sorry about the leg, dude. Not cool. Yeah, go [bleep] yourself, l. A thank you very much. New york los angeles, thank you very much, thank you very much. cheers and applause okay. But tejada wasnt the only one getting busted up on National Television over the weekend. Steve kroft tried to beat the secret muslim out of president obama on 60 minutes. Last night, specifically for his take on syria and russia. You said a year ago that the united states, america leads were the indispensable nation. Mr. Putin seems to be challenging that leadership. In what way . Larry did you guys see that . Kroft, i think you just got obamas stank face. Can we see that again in slow motion . laughter . Larry the [bleep] let metel, obama has got this middle east thing under control. You cant trip him up. Ask him any question. You got a half a billion dollars from congress to train and equip 5,000. And at the end according to the commander of centcom you got 50 people. Most of whom are dead or deserted. He said four or five left. Larry okay, first of all,th. And secondly, youre saying our president spent 500 million and ultimately only funding five people in syria. You know what, i see what is going on here, i see it, our brother is about to leave and they have to find a way to cut him off at the knees just making [bleep] right . Huhuh, i need to hear the truth. I need to hear from a general, you know, a black general. Can you tell us what the total number of traifned fighters remains . Its a small number. And the ones that are in the fight is were talking four or five. laughter . Larry et tu black general . Ad of the dont snich policy. So just to reiterate, were spending 500 million on arming a syrian millisha and only four dudes, possibly five, are showing up . Come on obama, you cant take on isis with five guise, even the expendables had nine. To be fair, their budget was 600 million. All right, this is obviously a huge screwup on obamas part. But i want the truthment i dont want president ial spin so joining me is one of the five syrian fighters trained by the u. S pleeses welcome code name shadowstalker. How are you doing. applause all right. I want to get a little truth here. So shadow stalker. Isnt the syrian Training Program like a huge fail your failure . I would like to think president obama has done everything right. He has funded a fantastic group of folks. Yeah. Look at me. Im a triple black belt ninja, that is as good as a thousand men. Larry u m, a triple blackbea thing. No, its as much of a thing as this deadly katana blade i keep hid then my sash, also as real as obamacare. Enrollment for which is coming up soon. So dont miss out. And if you are already siend up, renew. Larry hold on, hold on, hol. Your voice sounds familiar. Are you sure you are syrian. Oh, for sure. I i love syrian folk. Larry okay. So 500 million dy five soldiers, that is a complete waste. Is it a waste . Is it . Okay. Lets look at the 6 million man. Larry the 6 million man . He. Now with inflation, obama brought you in under budget, classic obama. Larry okay. I really dont k. Hold on, do not Mitch Mcconnell me now. Larry how would you knowabo. Let me talk. Im going to im going to bring up one of the bright stars of the supersuccessful americanbacked effort. Get in here, young man. Come on in. And dont be shy. Yeah. Hello. Hi. Larry so why did you join u. My friend, i thought it would be like the m tv spring break, lots of people to hang out with, apartments, sand, but very little by keenee meat. I should have joind isis, they are giving away a toyota truck. Okay, we can get you a truck, believe me. How about a chefy silver addo. Now gm owes me big time. Yeah. Larry gm what does that hav. Its isil. Larry see no one says thatb. My friend, the truck is not my only incentive to fielt. Isis has hotel. I want hotel too. Okay. I can spring for a weekend at the resort at Walt Disney World plus a fast pass at the lilo and stitch right, how about that. Okay, lilo and stitch, i love lilo and stitch i will fielt for lilo and stitch. This will be great. I got one. No one in my neighborhood will believe it. Because there is literally no one left. Larry guys, this doesntsee. Got to go, larry. That is the call for prayer. Not that im a muslim but my character is. And not that there would be anything wrong with that if i were. Larry i dont believeanythie you obama. No, no, nobama. Larry well be rigkd back. cheer oogum, oogum boogum, boogum boogum now baby youre castin your spell on me i say oogum, oogum boogum, boogum boogum now baby youre castin your spell on me hey, wha okay, that it . Thatll do it. Excuse me. Hey, man. Huge fan, man. Oh, thank you. All the touchdowns. And the wins. And the passes. Yeah, you know, i dont like to dwell in the past. But thank you. [ cell phone ringtone ] aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbeliev ends abruptly i dwell in the past. I would, too. I dont blame you. Okay. As long as you are you, its miller time. dootrick or treat mmm thank you mmm mmm of our burgers with free refills nighof fries for just 6. 99. Yup, youll finally look forward to mondays with our biggest, juiciest deal ever. Monday night is 6. 99 burger night. New and only at applebees. Tsomeone who can handle six things at once. Sker. Someone like. Jorge hi, boss. Starbucks doubleshot. Theres no match for double the you. Larry welcome back. I recentk with nancy pelosi who was once smeak speaker of the house back when this country used to vay speaker of the house. So i wanted to take her to some place where no republican would ever go. Big gay ice cream in the west village. So take a look at my day with minority leader nancy pelosi. That is some big gay ice cream here. Big gay ice cream. Larry lets look at the men. Im going for hot fuj sundae with whipped cream. Were you surprised by boehner resieng. A big surprise. I was surprised, yeah. Larry you and boehner here. T all that orange goo off of your face . Four years. Larry are you going to miss. Its a funny thing. We completely disagree on so many issues. But you have the respect. He was very loirl. Larry really . To his memberss caucus. Larry it seems likerepublic. Well, they said to him either you shut down government or you give up the gaffe el. And he gaffeel and he responsiblably gave up the gaffeel and kept government open. How is your relationship with obama, with the president. You would have to ask him. Larry do you ever wince whe. His mom jeans . Larry you know what imtalk. They kind of hike up to here and the flat front. Lets talk about if you would the upcoming election, a couple of things. Lets talk about the democrats. I think we have all good candidates reasoning on the democratic side and one of them would be a good president. But Hillary Clinton is the person who will be nominated. Larry would you be upset ift happened on the republican side or would you still be okay, girl, i dont dont agree with you, but you know, we still got it. laughter okay. As far as the gop of the republicans, who is the least crazy over there . That is a hard congress test. Larry is it really. I would i dont want to get them in trouble in their caucus. Larry no, you would, lookwhs christie. He touched the black president and now he cant be president. Well, he has other problems. Larry the inaugust racial op would you would be project aisle voimenting or in your mouth. Its not going to happen, he is not go to be president and he knows that. Larry you think he knows. Of. I think this is about book sales and lecture fees, i mean for all of them. Maybe not jeb bush not for him. Larry du have any regretsbe, do you ever wish man, i wish we could have got that done. One regret, is that you have to address the issue of gun safety in our country. Larry what do you think istg anything. Because it seems like nothing ever happens. Its very disheartening to people that want to see something. What do you think is the biggest stumbling block . The national riefer El Association and the gun owners of america. Larry they think people wan. Nobody wants to take away their guns. What we dont want is people who shouldnt have a gun to have a gun. One time when i was in a Child Care Center in my district, we were playing on the floor, and this four year old children. And a balloon popped. And one of the children said drop. Larry wow. Isnt that. Larry four years old. Four y. So something is very wrong. Larry its in the culture. S. Political survival or the survival of children in newton, college kids in oregon. Larry one more question. You, keeping it 100 percent real. If you do, you get a sticker. I. Okay. Larry keep t so here is you. So are you in a hot air balloon are you falling right now. Why, because we have too much weight. There are three other people in that hot air balloon and you have to get rid of one of them. This happens every day. Larry every day. Only relatap it a hundred who do you throw over, mitch mcconel, john boehner or donald trump. All of the above. Larry i have to give youbot. There you go. There we are. Larry thank you so much fore cream. laughter . Larry thanks again toms. Pe. laughter . Larry thanks again toms. Pe. Well be right back. So i need to collect your phones so you cant post pictures. [screams] okay, how does it feel to not be connected . My chest hurts. Well let me give you your phones back. [laughing] let me show you a better way to keep connected. The 2016 chevy cruze offers built in 4g lte wifi ® that connects up to seven devices. So this thing puts out its own signal . Yes. What . This is next level chevy. 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Last week new York Magazine featured an article called the par a doks of the first black president. Asking whether obama has done enough for the black community. So my question is has obama done enough for the black people and is that his job. I definitely dont think its his job. Its his job to be the president first. Larry but it could have bee. Maybe a second job but definitely not his first. He has to fix the economy, health care and things like that before he can just focus on a particular set of people, you know what i am saying. I dont think its fair to him just because he is black that he is juses the black president , everybody is president because they deserve it, by the way, you know what i mean . No, im sorry. I didnt think i dont think we showed up in record numbers to vote to put this brother in the white house because he needed a place to stay. No. We got some issues that we need addressed. You know. Larry you think there is ape obama is black. Without a doubt. If he was the 7th black president i wouldnt be mad. But the first one, go to work. Wait, wait with. 7th black president , you have a lot of nerve. The first six should have dealt with the issues. If it was the 7th. All right, do your thing. I mean he is in the house to make change. So lets who to change, everybody. Not just change for black people. Where is your change. But by the way, you are absolutely rightment i felt the same way. I didnt see a lot of change. You know what i mean, he has still got two years so he better go to work. One. Yeah, right. He has 12 months. Larry helping the economyano help everybody, right. Obamacare, donald. That say big win. That sunday his watch. That is under his watch, he killed osama bin laden. Yeah. And he freed mcdonalds breakfast. Yait. Freed it. Is that right after the Lily Ledbetter . I had no idea. But i will say, this i think the black community, we expect special attention, yes. Be a president for all of america, but show us that love because we were out here trapping to make you president. We were et going people to vote. I cant i wanted change like everybody else, you know what i am saying, but until hes out of the house, im going to give him that. If he gets out of the house and i dont see the change that i expect, i am going to feel the same way as everybody else. The house everybody says the house. By the way, i said i was like you know this he are going to act like this is all your fault. Larry he gets blamed for al. Let me ask you this, from the black community, how do you think the reaction has been to obama reaction to the incidence of black violence. Do you think black people are leap with his reaction. Not at all. Larry do you think he hasbeh malcolm x. He has to be a little bit of boft. That is the thing. Hold on guys. You know, i get it though because sometimes when are you in those situations, its still politics. Sew cant take his personal opinion and say okay, this happened to trayvon martin, michael brown, this is how i feel. He is stilt speaking for the nation. [bleep]. I agree. I agree but i i would like him to not be as safe with his comments. Hes very safe and measured. I need my black president to be passion, show some passion when bad [bleep] happens to black people. Come to that press conference blasting bmx. You all making me lose my mind. So you know he feel it you know what i am saying. Larry what you are saying he one term black president. No, no, no, listen. His first four years i agree. He should ago like this. His first four years, but the second term is when you are supposed to come in, its on now. Its time for our hookup. When your yoi gets the job at foot locker keep your job the first year. But after the second year, i need my free jordans. By the way, just so you know, hes going to be [bleep] fired, right . And then he wont be able to get a job nowhere else. So. After eight years hes out of here. On the 8th year i need my free jordans. I tell you, from my point of view, there is so much bureaucracy when are you president. Your first four years are really just learning how to get through that. So there is the example of obama is probably more important than anything else. As a kid, a black man couldnt even lead a Football Team when i was a kid or a black quarterback. But now its not even a question for little kids they accept the fact that a black man can lead the country. Its not a question. cheers and applause . Larry the legacy is prettyb. I just want to add that. Do you think the black lives matter movement, do you think that is just a reaction to obama not doing enough or do you think that is just an inevitable movement. I think definitely that is the call of the people. One thing i do because i am a black man is that you can only push to the wall so much before you react for ourselves. I think that is something that we have to fix ourselves. Do i believe if you really want to keep it a hundred [bleep] obama cant fix it [bleep] for us, we have to fix it. Ourselves. We got to be there and get them out and show them the way before we can blame something on another individual. Cuz his kids are straight, him and michelle did a hell of a job. Straight meaning cool, they good. I wish barack would just worry less and do more. I feel like he was worried about being the president that the critics were expecting him to be. And he wouldnt talk about race as much as other president s because he didnt want to be too black of a president. And i feel like man, be black. When are you on a date with a woman you want to have sex. You can pretend you dont want to have sex but she knows that you want to. We know that you care. We know it matters, at the end of the day we know are you black and are affected by these things. Dont dance around the issue and cater to everyone but your people in order to protect your job. Larry my last thing i thinks out in the how do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wicked small fighter jets to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Cest toi qui abandonneras it takes guts. Hey siri, take me to piazza navona. La fievre jaune te tend les bras hey, wha okay, that it . Thatll do it. Excuse me. Hey, man. Huge fan, man. Oh, thank you. All the touchdowns. And the wins. And the passes. Yeah, you know, i dont like to dwell in the past. But thank you. [ cell phone ringtone ] aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbelievable aikman, touchdown unbeliev ends abruptly i dwell in the past. I would, too. I dont blame you. Okay. As long as you are you, its miller time. We all know that directvs better at this whole tv thing. So, to beat them, were gonna get bigger. Were gonna merge with cableworld. exec 1 cableworld . I cant stand those guys. exec 2 theyre the worst. exec 3 theyre totally incompetent. exec 4 that company stinks and i mean they smell. I used to work there. I had to breathe through my mouth the whole time. cole shh, shh, shh, theyre here. newhart this is gonna be fun, firing everyone. vo get rid of cable and switch to directv. Call 1800directv. cheers and applause . Larry thats our show. Thanks davis and jeezy, and thanks to nancy pelosi for having big gay identity crease for me. Stay tuned for midnight with chris hardwick. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central trevor welcome to the daily show. Welcome, welcome. Im trevor noah. My guest tonight from the new movie crimson peak, Tom Hiddleston is here. Yeah cheers and applause but first, but first, the big, big news. Last night, i watched my first democratic debate. Yeah thats right. Im no longer a debate virgin. Whoo you hear that . Im a man now. Now, the debates took place in las vegas and it was an exciting time to see all five Democratic Candidates on the same stage at the same time ready to battle it out. Especially because there were only five candidates and after the bl