Youve got that long brown hair thing that i like larry tonightly, Russias Vladimir Putin launches air strikes in syria. Hes really gotten obamas attention. Though if you asked me a giant edible arrangement could also have worked. Just saying. A lawsuit says Donald TrumpsCollege TrumpUniversity May have been a total scamment which probably explains why im such a horrible surgeon. laughter i didnt know. I didnt know. And former students are suing trump for failing to provide them a real education. Meanwhile, millions of inner city kids are like wait, you can sue for that . What the [bleep] those are stats in america. This is the nightly show cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry man, thank you very much welcome to the nightly show im larry wilmore. Larry, larry, lars larry i appreciate it. Such a good crowd here tonight. Man such an amazing crowd. You know its a good crowd when youre not going to do any hurricane jokes and they dont care. They just dont care. laughter thats the kind of crowd we have thats the kind of crowd that is tonight. But so youre welcome. Are you going to do any hurricane jokes . She was so nice so nice so nice. I understand i understand. Actually, before we begin, on a serious note some of you may not know here in the studio audience, there was a terrible shooting at a Community College in oregon. And i just want to say our thoughts and prayers are with everybody there. And its always tough to do comedy in these types of days, but hopefully you know, we can still be of some comfort to the people out here. So thats our job to do some comedy, so lets try to cheer america up. What dow say . All right. So lets start our little comedy show here. Trouble erupted yesterday any a normally tranquil little hamlet called the middle east. Russia has lunched its first air strike on extremist targets in syria including military equipment. Larry wait a second. Are we about to be in a war with russia . You know thats weird. Because, oh my god there is a tom hanks movie coming out about the united states. Have you heard about this on the verge of war with russia. Oh, oh, oh and last week this is weird, a movie called the martian came out and then they found out there was water on mars. Right . And about a month ago im not making this up straight out of compton came out right . And now a black guy is hosting its daily show. What right . cheers and applause larry i dont know man. Yes yes this [bleep] is getting weird, is what im saying. And if this theory holds up and tlsess no reason why it shouldnt movie trailers could predict our future. Oh my god show us whats next. To neverland we are [bleep] toast true. Starting a little chewbacca there now just because russia is dropping bombs on syria doesnt mean its all bad. I mean there are lots of awful people in syria we would like to see hit, for instance isis right syrian president assad who the u. S. Desperately wants imremoved. I want to see assad out of the picture for two reason he is a mad man who massacres his own people and two i can finally ask out his wife without seeming creepy. Mrs. Assad you you can find asylum in my heart. Still creepy, sorry. Got a little personal there. But it turns out the russians werent doing us a favor. All indications in the u. S. View that the russian air strijs were an effort to prop up assad not to fight isis. The real target appears to be opponents of syrian president assad, russias ally, a direct challenge to the u. S. Which wants assad out. Larry okay. Let me break that down for you. Aaahhh yup, putin is stirring up trouble, bombing the very people were supporting. We all thought the cold war was over but now russia has once again become our biggest problem. Man. Obama did not see that coming. In fact, you know what, he was so blind to this threat he actually mocked mitt romney in 2012 for suggesting that russia might be a threat. A few months ago when you were asked what the biggest geo political threat facing america, you said russia. Not al qaeda you said russia. In the 1980s or now calling that for their Foreign Policy banks. Larry the 1980s called a bit of nearsighted snobbery there mr. President , mr. President the 2030s called and everybody is speaking russian. Just sayin. All right, lets try and fix this. You know i got to give mitt romney credit. He called it right on russia but of course this weeks polygamist sect leader warren jeff was accused of abusing two of his kid, all in all kind of an up and down week for the mormons. So what do we do about russia. The white house has reacted by wishfully thinking maybe putin really was aiming at isis. Too early for me to say exactly what targets they were aiming at and what targets were he ven allly hit eventually hit. Larry i havent seen a statement this lame since whatever matt damon said five minutes ago. applause larry just saying. Just saying. Im just keeping a hundred right now. Look the bottom line is putin is looking for trouble. And he doesnt give a [bleep] what anybody is saying. Look at the dip lo maltic heads up he gave o bamo on this bombing mission. The u. S. Got just an hours notice today with a russian official bizarrely knocking on the door of the u. S. Embassy in baghdad with the news. They were vents american interference and it also emasculates american influence there. Larry an hour . You gave him an hour to get ready . Thats even disrespect, right . Come on, obama. You cant let him do this to you i mean i get it its complicated. Nobody wants to fight on syria but we cant just let russia do what they want i understand. For more insight on International Relations with russia please welcome diplomacying pert regina stalwart. Welcome to the show. It is a very complicated situation, i want to know how should obama handle putin . Well, larry theres only one way to handle an exkgb guy like putin. The president has to put his dick on the table. laughter larry um im sorry what did you say . Every president must be prepared to lay his dick down on the table to stand up for whats right. Now. Larry his dick on the table . Yeah, yeah seriously. Even in world war ii roosevelt put his dick on the table. And believe me that was no easy feat. Larry oh wow much im sure im sure it wasnt object, when you say dick on the table you do you actually mean its a metaphor, larry like when obama ordered the raid that killed bin laden. Larry uhhuh. He didnt ask for pakistans permission, he was too busy putting his dick on the table. Larry okay, all right. I get i guess that metaphor works. Okay. All right so let me ask you this so when putin came late to the lunch meeting they had should obama have put his dick on the table . At lunch . laughter come on, larry thats disgusting. Larry sorry. I thought we were talking met forically. We are. But its different when are you facetoface,. Its a diplomatic no, no to go on the table right a what. Just show a little tip. Yeah. That will ruin his crudite. Larry okay look. All this stuff just seems like silly diplomatic play. Isnt there anyway we can just stop our obsession with war. Yeah, its easy. Stop letting the world be run by dicks. Clears plaus. Yeah. cheers and applause yeah. Get rid of the d get a little v in there. cheers and applause you cant spell victory without v. Larry should the v ever be on the table . laughter thats disgusting. Larry sorry. Just a metaphor. All right. Regina stalwart everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause what beer should we get . Uhhhh. Redds green apple ale thats a lovely idea. What . i party. Redds green apple ale. Brewed like a beer tart like granny smith. Pizza hut has made pizza and breadsticks even more awesome because now they are together as one. And with these two amazing dipping sauces it got me thinking. Everything is better together. Woah, we may have a few wrinkles to work out. Two times the flavor two times the fun. Bring home the flavor with a twisted crust pizza and two dipping sauces. Add a 2liter pepsi for a buck. Only at pizza hut. Hows the wife . Shes good, shes good. Pain from your day can haunt you at night, dont let it. Advil pm gives you the healing sleep you need helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. Advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. Warning, ignore all old spice commercials except this one. Ahhh dont use timber use bearglove [doorbell] hello ladies. Dont listen to him, listen to this. Timber. Hey this is my commercial id like to agree with you but then why are we. On a horse . Oh no his signature joke bearglove . Go away. Bearglove. [sigh] larry welcome back. Chers plaus. Larry i have to say done all trump has had a tough week. What with his re releasing his crazy tax plan being called out on his crazy tax plan being devoured whole by ben carson. Oh, im sorry im sorry im being told that hasnt happened. Yet. And trumps week is only getting worse. Donald trump has become the republican frontrunner in part because of his reputation as a top businessman who gets things done. But thats also brought unresolved lawsuits several related to Trump University. Larry thats right. Trump has a university. laughter and surprisingly he called it Trump University. I did not see that one coming just like im sure trump didnt see two years of ongoing lawsuits coming. Now Trump University it only ran from like 2005 to 2010 but remember the mascot Everybody Loves that stab feisty, that standing mexican immigrant. Oh yeah he was so cute so cute. All right, so what was the deal with it why did it fail. Trump university took in an estimated 40 million. It was a classic baitandswitch scheme t was a scam starting with the fact that it was not a university. Larry wait, it was called a university and it wasnt a university . Maybe it was ironic. You know like how dr. Huxtable isnt really a doctor es as my monster. The 54th accuser came out this week. I havent forgotten about you mother [bleep] thank you. Now trumps lawyer argues that it is unbelievable for anyone to have thought that Trump University was a university in the traditional sense. Classes were held in hotel ballrooms, after all. Oh, okay. So basically trumps lawyer is mocking us for believing trump. All right, joining me to talk pore about this is exTrump University institute miles flyshocker. Miles, welcome to the show. So miles, what was it like attending tu. Larry, it was just like you know going to any other college, except they were no classes no parties no buildings, no professors no campus. Larry wait, wait wait. So how was that just like any other college . Oh, im like 50 grand in debt so you know college you know what i mean. But, i got to say i got a great education, check it out, i got a diploma and everything look i win i win larry i dont think that is a real di diploma. You say great education, how is that possible. Come on larry, i went to school, i learned nothing, i wound up broke, i had to declare bankruptcy, that is a proper education to becoming american. I means thats what it is. This is it. Larry that sounds awful. Only if you dont understand business trump style, larry. Okay. And because of everything i lirjed at tu ive been able to start my own university of engineering and design. And heres the twist. I dont know anything about either of those things at all i mean but you know what who gives a [bleep] right . Thats actually the motto on the Trump University crest. Larry okay. You starting your own university wouldnt work. No, no, my graduates wont work okay. Its all square. Listen, i am literally not teaching them any marketable skills at all. It is amazing. Larry what are you talking about. What i am teaching them is how to link their checking accounts to direct deposit to my scorp. Located in switzerland t is simple trumponomics. Larry this does not seem legal. Are you standing on campus. No, im in front of a fake background. See how the trees arent moving. But look people dumb enough to enroll in my university they dont notice the details, you know what i mean . Look its a lot like trumps candidacy. Theres absolutely no substance here. Larry all right miles flyshocker, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause welcome. We have three chevys here. Alright. I want you to place this award on the podium next to the vehicle that you think was ranked highest in initial quality by j. D. Power. Hmm. Can i look around at them . Sure. Highest ranking in initial quality. Its gotta be this one. This is it. You are wrong. Really . Actually its all three. You tricked me. J. D. Power ranked the chevy malibu silverado halfton and equinox highest in initial quality in their segments. Thats impressive im very surprised i am. Im very surprised. Chevy hit three home runs. Sorry. Sorry. Regerts . Sorry, i was eating a milky way. Mornings. Wonderful, crazy mornings. We figure you probably dont have time to wait on hold. Thats why at xfinity were hard at work building new apps like this one that lets you choose a time for us to call you. So instead of waiting on hold, well call you when things are just as wonderful. [phone ringing] but a little less crazy. Were doing everything we can to give you the best experience possible. Because we should fit into your life. Not the other way around. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel nightly show distributor jordan carlos. applause larry the food and travel show huangs world and fresh off the boat chef edye huang. And her documentary series this is life with lisa ling airs wednesday at 9 00 p. M. On cnn journalist lisa ling. Now remember for everyone at home joining our conversation right now on twitter nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. So as we saw earlier in the show russia has effectively thrown their kielbasa on the table. So here so putin is he testing us . Or is he just positioning the big bad russia back on the stage. What do you think hes doing here . I feel like putin is just like the mad wrapper rap are. He is looking at america. You got im more [bleep] but then you look at russia. And youre like this is probably the most depressing place in the world ive ever been. Larry youve been there. I have been to russia. I have also been to scranton pennsylvania russia is worse. Larry well im not sure how the people of scranton feel about that. I mean, i dont know why people are are saying that russia is trying to exert itself in that way. I mean russia does face a real threat of extremism in its country. Larry absolutely. Outside of 9 11 we really havent had major terrorist attacks here in the u. S. , but they have. Theyve been dealing with chechen rebels for a long time. And according that congressional report that just came out theyre 25,000 foreign fighters that have descended upon syria. And about 200 250 are from america but 2000 are from russia am so they have a real interest in trying to combat isis in syria. Larry how much do you think though that it is it feels like a lot of this also is putin flexing his muscles, you know. I mean some of it is that. But also a lot of his actions, even just the way he even treats the president acts around obama. I. I feel he is like a lady on instagram trying to get obamas attention. Like, you know putting eggplants on all his not owes and things like that. You know theres more subtle ways to do it but this is all he knows. You know. And he definitely has our attention now. I think its a threat definitely to our diva status. Larry yeah. In the world. Because when they did the bombing, we were like oh no you didnt if anybody is going to bomb syria its going to be us. Larry i know. You know, like thats basically what it was. Larry the thing is hes not all wrong. He was talking to charlie rose, i think, and he mentioned how when we invaded iraq we destabilized that region, that is correct. Exactly. We love destabling [bleep], we love that. Look what has happened in libya and but i kind of think were a little too sensitive. You know putin is not hes not a warm fuzzy guy. So just because. Larry is he our friend or our february emmy. I think that i think that we should have a big like edye young festival and everybody do some mollie and. Larry that say really good idea, that say really good idea, i like that. Have a party. Youre saying girl x as ambassador to russia. It seems to me i know america now is exhausted by war. I think this conflict, we have been in it ten years this to me is at least 100iers before anything gets resolved with the way iraq was dismantled and now syria going that way. Yeah. Larry i mean what isnt there a solution in this region do you think . My solution i really look at this way i really feel like Global Mobility is a right the people should have. Instead of like, theres a problem with assad hes like a terrible dictator. We dont like assad. The people are victims of crimes against humanity. But instead of going to bomb and starting a war and then like being the worlds worst boys and Girls Club Giving them weapons and training them an having to fight them in five years. Exactly so true. We should just invite syrians to clearwater florida, go on the train they have those ads visit clear water. Give syria clear water. Its so true. Afghanistan is the perfect example. We armed the mujahideen you know an once the soviet once the afghans defeated the soviets they turned their weapons on each other and at some point turn their weapons on us. So we have to think about the consequences of arming you know these groups that may become problems later on for us. Were the worst mentor ins world. Larry should we not be the worlds police. Were kind of the real superpower. Our police here suck. We should not laughter we shouldnt be supporting exporting that to other places cops here love to shoot brown and black people. Theres tons of brown people there. Larry thats true. Okay, ive lost the audience. There is no easy answer. First of all when we do our bombing of isis in syria we have to make sure that the targets that we hit also do not benefit, like taking them out would benefit assad. Thats so hard to do. Its like i would bomb you but no you know what i mean. That is why there could be an opportunity to, i dont want to say ally with russia, but at least come to the table. I mean what about trying diplomacy and trying to ally with you know some of the countries that we may have had an adversarial relationship in the past iran russia to fight this common threat. I mean this is are you talking about talking, talking out our problems. Its completely a crazy idea. It feels like that has been obamas type of plan i guess you could say. Im not sure if there has been a Foreign Policy plan. But hes only gotten slammed for it. Yes. Every time hes tried diplomacy, hes gotten horribly criticized. Were going to have a new president in what, a year. I think diplomacy has gone. I think we have to try clear water. I mean, im very scared that that might happen. Especially if your buddy trump gets in office. My buddy, yeah my hes my bf. Your buddy. But i feel like right now what obama is dealing with and he has to you know respond to this, is like if i were obama like 2016 i feel like hes got senor identity is a little bit. He just wants what would you do if you were him. Larry what should o obama do. Personally if i was obama i would be like this is what i am going to do. I we have we have made a commitment to our friends. Uh uh uh. Larry and then you just. And then then its all over within the whole conflict is gone. We need obama to talk pore about this situation so everything can go away. He has to do the slowbama tactic. Larry slowbama, that is the only way to go. All right, well be right back after this. Come see the show go to the nightly show. Com for tickets. Its here the most advanced iphone yet. Get the new iphone 6s at tmobile. The network thats double its lte coverage in the past year. Our new extented range lte™ signal now reaches twice as far as before. And its 4x better in buildings. Want more . Get the lowest price on iphone 6s with tradein. Zero upfront and just 5 bucks a month with jump on demand™ get it now at tmobile. Hey there, tiny. What beer we drinkin . I dont know boss. What about that redds apple ale . Youre a genius, tiny this apple sauce is the bees knees. The cats pajamas hits ya right in the kisser emm. Redds apple ale. Also in strawberry and green apple