Larry thank you very much welcome to the nightly show. Thank you very much thank you so much. I appreciate it. We have such great crowds, so energetic. I really appreciate it. Im larry wilmore. So youre correct. Amazing how you got that right. Its time. Its time to find out whats happening with the unblackening. Okay. I just want to do a quick roundup of where we are with this thing. First things first donald trump is on the cover of time magazine. So if youre in a doctors waiting room in the 1980s, you should pick up a copy. laughter meanwhile, Hillary Clinton leads on the democratic side, and heres the thing in the latest cnn poll, trump is only 6 Percentage Points behind clinton. 6 Percentage Points . audience reacts are you kidding . This started as a joke, and now its a real thing. laughter like handlebar mustaches and saying totes. This is totes real, you guys. Dont whatevs it. laughter now, trump has provided a lot of entertainment, not only for the show, but everywhere. But there is a new candidate coming on the scene who, by his name alone, may threaten the excitement that trump has been generating. A justcompleted poll in North Carolina shows donald trump leading Hillary Clinton in a possible president ial matchup, but thats not the part thats grabbing peoples attention today. It is the thirdparty candidate on that poll. A candidate named deez nuts. cheers and applause larry im sorry. Im not quite sure i heard that name right. Did anyone else report on this . I just want to be sure. We he might have been some rogue reporter. Candidate named deez nuts. Independent candidate. Deez nuts. Deez nuts for president. Deez nuts. Deez nuts. Deez nuts. Deez nuts. Deez nuts might be our savior. Deez nuts. Deez nuts, mr. Nuts. Larry mr. Nuts . laughter mr. Nuts is my fathers name. Please. Call me deez. All right, i believe you. Deez nuts is officially in the race. Or should i say, deez nuts are officially in the race. laughter so, apparently, deez nuts is polling at 8 in minnesota and 7 in iowa. Meanwhile, according to the same polling company, Lindsey Graham has literally no supporters. laughter cheers and applause larry oh, my god literally no supporters i didnt even though that was a number good grief, lindsey. American teenagers are heading overseas to join i. S. I. S. , and you dont have a single supporter. laughter let me see if i can explain this a little more clearly. There are two things in america that have more support than Lindsey Graham i. S. I. S. And deez nuts cheers and applause larry you got it. There there okay to get more on this, we want to go to deez nuts 2016 Campaign Headquarters in iowa to check in with the Campaign Manager. cheers and applause mike thanks, larry larry mike yard . Youre the deez nuts Campaign Manager . Mike yup when i heard about this story last night, i quit the show and flew out to iowa. Larry, sometimes you just gotta follow your heart, man. And in this case, i gotta follow deez nuts laughter cheers and applause larry wait, so youre willing to throw away a career in television to go work on a Political Campaign . Because it has a funny name . Mike hell, yeah. Im excited, larry this is a onceinalifetime opportunity. If you listen to my candidates stance on entitlement reform, he. Im just kidding were talking about deez nuts cheers and applause what more do you want from a person running for president in 2016 . Larry ideas for how to make america better . Mike you sound like martin omalley. That dudes polling at 2 . You know why, larry . Name nonrecognition. Nobody cares about anything he has to say because his name is boring. Wake me up when you wanna talk about deez nuts cheers and applause ricky larry, larry. Larry oh, yes. Lets go to ricky velez, whos covering the social media angle from the nightly show data center. cheers and applause hey, ricky ricky im here following this phenomenon, and you should see these, larry. Larry oh, these what . Ricky deez nuts cheers and applause larry all right, fine. I get it. I get it. Ricky this is really catching on, larry. It looks like everyones pulling for. Deez nuts. Larry okay, i think youre just having fun saying this. Ricky no, im not, larry. You know i take my work very seriously. Let me read you this. This report says deez nuts are blowing up on twitter, deez nuts are showing up on instagram, and deez nuts are spreading all over your face. Facebook page, larry larry oh, uh. laughter all youre doing is making a joke out of deez nuts. Ricky deez what . Larry deez nuts now you got me saying it you got me. You got me. cheers and applause holly larry, can i interject here . Larry oh, yes, thank you. Holly walker, everybody, coming to us from the council for womens voting. cheers and applause go ahead, holly. Holly larry, this is the most juvenile thing ive ever seen. Larry thank you, yes i agree holly once again, all our political discourse is dominated by males and their locker room sensibilities. Were not having a conversation about issues that matter. Larry exactly, holly, thats my point. Thank you. Holly ub welcome. Larry so whos the candidate youre most interested in talking about . Holly larry, there is a very exciting dark horse out of pennsylvania. Shes a female candidate who has a lot to say. Larry great, whats her name . Deez titties cheers and applause larry okay. I cant believe this, holly. Now youre doing it, too . Holly no, larry. Im completely serious. Deez titties sprang outta nowhere. laughter cheers and applause larry really. Holly yes, larry. The campaign was sagging, but now theyre starting to pick up, and theyre getting a lot of support. Her poll numbers are lifting and separating through the swing states. cheers and applause larry that doesnt even make sense mike yard, what are you doing there . I thought you were working with deez nuts. Mike i was until i heard about deez titties. Holly deez nuts ricky larry, im getting information that deez nuts and deez titties are joining forces. Larry i know. Ive heard. Okay. Ive had enough of this. Mic, holly and ricky, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause cheers and applause its intelligent enough to warn of danger from virtually anywhere. cheers and applause its been smashed, dropped and driven. Its perceptive enough to detect other vehicles on the road. Its been shaken, rattled and pummeled. Its innovative enough to brake by itself, park itself and help you steer. Its been in the rain. The cold. And dragged through the mud. Introducing the allnew mercedesbenz gle. Its where brains meet brawn. Pwhatve we got . 5. Bp 64 40 sterilize sites. Multiple foreign objects in the body. Tweezers. buzz buzz if youre the guy from the operation game, you get operated on. Its what you do. buzz if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Looking for a delicious taste that lifts you up . Try lipton sparkling iced tea. The perfect combination of fruit flavors, iced tea, and light carbonation. Lipton sparkling iced tea. Refreshingly uplifting larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. Comedian and the nightly show executive producer rory albanese. cheers and applause very funny comedian Hadiyah Robinson. cheers and applause our own the nightly show contributor mike yard. cheers and applause and his special incoveragable can be seen on netflix and hes also the star of nbcs undatable comedian, chris delia. cheers and applause so tonight were doing something i call bag o grab. I have a bag of random categories, so when its your turn, you will reach in and grab an object. The object will represent something in the news we want to talk about. Ladies first. Just pull out an object in the bag. That will tell us which object. What have we got . Two things. Larry okay. This is a that is a gun and a lingerie, and this is an article about sex and violence in advertising. I know. This is something you would find in the south, i think. Just kidding, south calm down laughter thats what the Security Team at deez titties wear cheers and applause laughter larry apparently theres a new study that says sex doesnt sell after all and ads with sexual or violent content actually distracted viewers. They ended up only remembering the sex and violence and not the product the ad was trying to sell. I buy that. Maybe im just an idiot. Im, like, awesome. Hey, wait, i think thats me laughter larry you dont think about that . What is violence used to sell . I dont know like gillette bleed out with gillette, people laughter larry most to have the sex stuff doesnt even work. They have the commercial with the sexy check eating the burger. She probably doesnt even eat that burger shes, like, a hundred pounds im not buying that burger laughter and i never want a boner while im eating a burger. Do you know what i mean . I like to keep those things separate anyway. I know laughter i dont know, i feel like im not really paying attention to sex. Im watching the show. I have a wine every episode because i need to be drinking wine. Im there. cheers and applause got watch. I just want to have wine. Larry whenever i see monkeys in a commercial, my brain turns off. They had the monkeys in that commercial. Monkeys turn off your brain. Show this commercial with the monkeys. There you go. There is the monkeys. Okay. Okay. Yes. I want a burger. laughter larry i saw the commercial and im, like, those monkeys are hilarious i have no idea what the commercials are for. What is it for . Its the monkeys. When you see monkeys, your brain turns off. When you see Something Like that, you want to get high so you get on the level they were when they created it. Thats a wii commercial. I buy that. Larry that makes sense. I dont understand the commercials where they have the women turned on by the inanimate object or animal. Like they have the geico pig. And he says, well. What, is she going to bleep the pig . laughter maybe laughter i dont got to drive that fast. Larry take the bus, thats what im saying. I dont even eat pork. laughter larry all right. Ooh larry black and white cookie. Okay. So theres a story about before you eat it. laughter larry so there is this okay, remember the story about raciarachel dolezal who said shs black but she was white . Theres supposedly a black lives matter matter activist named shaun king was accused this week of being white and trying to pass as biracial. We call this incognegro. We do. applause theyre obsessed with white people trying to act black. Why do we care whether theyre black or white. Bring more white people into the black fold. Im tired of being a minority, yall. You need to come up, man. Im already training rory. Yeah, he is. I think its weird. Like you said, its such a weird thing to go after someones background. Feels like we should use our investigative journalism. He is doing something good. Yeah, right. Well, i think people were offended a white guy might want to help black people. And theyre offended when you dont i know exactly laughter larry well be right back. Hey pal . You ready . Can you pick me up at 6 30 . Ah. boy im here im here cop too late. I was gone for five minutes ugh move it. Youre killing me. You know what, dad . Im good. dad it may be quite a while before hes ready, but our Subaru Legacy will be waiting for him. vo the longestlasting midsize sedan in its class. The twentyfifteen Subaru Legacy. Its not just a sedan. Its a subaru. Right now, at t is giving you 50 percent more data. Thats 15 gigs of data for the price of 10. 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Flo, can you get janice a job . [ laughs ] you shouldve stuck to softball i was so much better at softball than janice, dad. Wheres your wife, todd . Vacation. Discounts like homeowners, multipolicy i got a discount on this ham. Ive got the meat sweats. This is good ham, diane. Paperless discounts give it a rest, flo. All yeah, flo, give it a rest. Rubut then i got ap domain and built my website all at godaddy. Now i look so professional, i just got my first customer who isnt related to me. Get a domain, website and email starting at 1 month all at godaddy. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel, and we have more items in the bag o grab. I think its your turn. Going to be a cookie. Mine was delicious. Oh, bleep . All right. Larry this looks bizarre but i tell you what it is. So a new jersey woman okay, so a new jersey woman we cant make this bleep up, you guys. She died of lung cancer last week and asked in her obituary that in lieu of flowers the public not vote for Hillary Clinton audience reacts thats so out of control. bleep . Literally the most new jersey thing yan do, you know what i mean . Because you smoke yourself to death and on your way out youre, like, bleep hillary the only thing more jersey is, yoke funeral is on a jet ski. Other than that, thats as hardcore jersey as it gets laughter thats the best time to ask for something, if you think about it. People cant say no. Whos going to tell somebody no whos dying . No, i aint doing that. Im going to send her a lot of flowers. laughter you cant ask Something Like that. Like, what if donald trump gets into office . You have to be here to live through a donald trump presidency. You cant just die and then say that. Like, for real applause we got to take it you got to take it pull her out pull her up laughter look at his hair larry the whole presidency, look what hes doing she wakes up did you vote for her . Reanimate the dead larry we candidate has the best chance of getting the dead vote . A good question. Larry hillary obviously cant get the dead vote. Not now. I feel like ben carson is a brain surgeon. He definitely has a laboratory. He said in the debate, too, because he called them Siamese Twins because thats a term you shouldnt say. He said, yeah, i separated see Siamese Twins. Thats weird. I feel like herved join some together. And fixed the eyesight of a couple of orientals, too. I feel like hes working on a Human Centipede somewhere, you know what i mean . Hes the Vice President a Human Centipede for president laughter larry this conversation has devolved about 20 minutes ago. Whatever we say, dont worry about it. Deez nuts cheers and applause touchy larry go ahead, chris. Oh larry this is happening here in times square. Naked painted women are multiplying rapidly in times square Human Centipede was too much laughter larry theyre painting themselves, i guess, so theyre painting their breasts and they have clothes on the bottom. Anybody have a problem with this . I do because its definitely not okay for me to paint my dick and go out and take pictures with people. I dont hav have a problem wh it not being okay for you to paint your dick. laughter larry why are we so offended by breasts . Whos we . laughter cheers and applause larry its okay if women show all the breast but have to cover up the nipples. What is so bad about the nipples i dont think anybodys offended by nipples. Nipples come out, its party time. Technically. Larry oh, its a signal yeah, because the nipples is where god put your soul, you know what i mean . So you have to keep them covered. Church. Party time. Church. Party time. You know what i mean . Larry i want to know who these people are who complain about titties in times square. Heres what it, is times square, now, is you know, like the olive garden in an m m store. Its not like a smut place anymore. Youre in from ohio, trying to eat at an interesting italian restaurant, olive garden, you know what i mean . And try to get a real new york experience, go to the m m store and all of a sudden you see American Flag titties and your kids are, like, mommy what are those then you have to explain it. Its not fair. You know whats more offensive than the titties being out and painted like an American Flag is the fat iron man o. Thats what im offended by. And he goes to lift off the suit, hes, like, mr. Iron man, youre too fat larry well be right back after this. laughter grab free tickets for an upcoming taping of the nightly show. The show tapes monday through thursday, go to thenigh the keys to this home belong to mark and alissa anderson. 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And get 300 dollars credit for every line you switch to at t. cheers and applause larry thats our show i want to thank our panelists rory albanese, mike yard, Hadiyah Robinson and chris delia. Goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause faces ooh la la playing i wish that i knew what i know now yelling when i was younger i wish that i knew what i know now when i was stronger the can cans such a pretty show theyll steal your heart away but backstage, back on earth again the dressing rooms are gray