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Rent gonna get paid. Lights gonna get turned back on. Some money. Some money. Thats why were oh, by the way, thats why we are so excited to announce the start of our 2016 election coverage. laughter larry thats right. You got it. applause thats right. cheers backlash 2016 the unblackening begins tonight. It is time for america to say bleep you to the notion that once you go black you never go back. laughter so how did mr. Cruz announce his Mission Impossible run for president . Right around midnight conservative fire brand ted cruz tweeted out this announcement. Im running for president. Larry im sorry, did she say tweeted and around midnight . Is ted cruz trying to win hashtag wars . laughter president ial announcementdont happen at midnight. Booty calls happen at midnight all right. And other than the backseat of your hundai elantra, theres no better place to hook up than at a college. Were here at Liberty University because theres a builtin audience for exactly who senator cruz wants to reach. It is 10,000 young evangelical christians. Larry oh and by the way theres no better place to start the unblackening of the presidency than at a university in lynchburg virginia. laughter no, but ive got to give cruz credit. 10,000 kids. Seriously. Big numbers there. He has obviously tapped into the youth culture. A lot of people dont know were trier required took to these Convocation Services or else we are find 10. laughter applause . Larry thats like setting up your own surprise party, right. You guys im so surprised what are you doing here . Wheres doug . All right, somebodys getting fined 10. All right, so lets hear what captain fake crowd had to say. A president who stands unapologetically with the nation of israel. Secures the borders. Repeels obamacare. Liberty. Small businesss. Abolishing the i. R. S. Larry yeah. Who needs the i. R. S. Blow that thing up. Whooono larry whoohoo. Yeah, baby goodbye taxes. Yeah, what else we doing . Imagine a simple flat tax. applause that lets every american fill out his or her taxes on a postcard. Larry and to whom would i be sending that tax postcard . Is there a particular service youre going to set up to handle this countrys internal revenues . laughter get goodthing theres a 10second rule on building blows. There we go. Everythings the same. All right what else did colonel not tank through have to say . It is time to reclaim the constitution of the niewgz. Larry reclaim the constitution . He thinking just because obama is a brother he stole the constitution from the white house . laughter applause hes not the black nicholas cage. laughter applause its not fair. Its not fair. All right okay. Enough of cruz. You know the people who really interest me are the students in the crowd at Liberty University. Lets see if we can find the minorities and see how theyre reacting to the speech. Let me get out my nifty nigh minority finder. I have to be careful with with this technology. Obviously, you dont want something called the minority finder to wind up in the wrong hands. Its built for occasions like this. Its perfect. Lets just see. Pull this out. Pull up the speech again, pull up the oh okay. Oh theres they look pretty bored. Lets see, those girls those girls there arent into it. Heres one. Is it is that guy reading a book . laughter applause enhance that, minority finder. Enhance it. Enhance it. Good. Good. How about these people . Are they texting each . Rg okay you can interpret the communiques. This is good. Because i go to Liberty University. Oh right me too i forgot. Okay. Okay. Oh and check out these black people who midspeech are just straight up leaving. laughter yeah, yeah, we got it. Now lets get out of here and watch the Season Finale of empire. Lets go. But the biggest takeaway of the speech was cruz coded language about how he sees the future of the country. I want to talk to you this morning about reigniting the promise of america. As we come together to reclaim the promise of america we will get back and restore that shining city on a hill that is the United States of america. Larry i get it. I get it. In order to go forward, you have to go back right . Reclaim, restore reignite. So what youre really saying is somebody stole your country. Black guy did it, right . Blackbash at its finest. If you want to slam obama throw some jokes in there. You can use the yo mama template. Call it yobama. Here to show you how its been are ricky velez and mike yard. Yobama so white he makes putin look like a black russian. Okay okay. Yobama such a muslim he makes isis look like the book of mormon. Yeah, well, yobama so old, even his hair is halfwhite. Oh, no, he didnt ok, ok, yobamacare so bad, if it played for the knicks, it would get traded to the jets. Bam your balma though the a thrown strike was what you get when you play payable. Well, yobama so dumb, he think euthenasia is an Afterschool Program for chinese kids. Youre playing dirty. Yobama so kenyan, the other whitehouse pet was a gnu. Its pronounced new. The g is silent. Why they marcia, what happened . Peter hit me in the nose with a football. Now sweetheart. Shut up marcia, eat a snickers®. Why . You get a little hostile when youre hungry. Better . Better. Marcia, marcia, marcia. I bring the gift of the name your price tool to help you find a price that fits your budget. Uhoh. The name your price tool. Shes not to be trusted. Kill her. Flo it will save you money the name your price tool isnt witchcraft and i didnt turn your daughter into a rooster. She just looks like that. Burn the witch the name your price tool a dangerously progressive idea. When teds battery light lit up his morning went from bad to worse. But after a pit stop at autozone where they check that for free ted was back to peak performance. Its called the zone and well help get you there. Get in the zone. Autozone. The precision blades are the same but shaving never will be. The fusion proglide rebuilt with flexball technology. Makes maximum contact and gets virtually every hair and, just one of the fusion proglide refills gives dave here up to a month of comfortable shaves. Which is about this many. Which is a lot. One refill up to one month of comfortable shaves. Gillette. Wilson welcome back. Were talking about the 2016 race for the white house and ted cruz announcing his run for president. Joining us on the panel tonight you can see him at the Shubert Theater in boston april 10 11, comedian lewis black. Republican pollster and cofounder of echelon insights, Kristen Soltis anderson. And anchor on the blaze tv, shes coming back, amy holmes. And his new series the big picture premiers on natgeo tv march 30. He also worked in the office of the public liason in the obama white house, kal penn. cheers and applause larry all right. I want to be as fair as possible for this first question, so im going to start with you lewis. laughter okay, so, is ted cruz, in your mind, is he a serious, viable candidate or is he, as john mccain calls him a whacko bird . He is someone that when i was in english class, i wished there was a book and nabook, he was a fictional senator. Thats the way he works for me. I took l. S. D. In my youth and it didnt prepare me for him. laughter applause this is someone this is someone weve lived through this before. This is this is 1956. If he appears. Not all of us have lived through that. laughter . Its true. Larry right. Thats true. But it really if he had appeared at Liberty University, and it was shot in black and white then id go, i gret it. This is someone who should have never made it to color television. Larry why are they showing that clip of that old announcement . Its funny because kristen, ted cruz has been called the most hated man in the senate. Peter king called him a carnival barker. Republicans are piling up, which by the way, i think that is offensive to carnival barkers. Why is everyone why dont republicans like him . So, ted cruz has a penchant for leading republicans into battles they cant win, and then when they ultimately surrender and walk away from the battle he says, if only youd stayed in the battle long enough you would have won. The mix of that and people who even agree with him dont love his style. So, you know, if there is a poll of Republican Voters and only about 23 of them said they would consider voting for ted cruz for president. The rest either said they wouldnt or hadnt heard of him yet. So it will be interesting to see how he plays with that 56 that hasnt heard of him yet really. Larry hes throwing all the republicans under the bus, and hes running as a republican. He wants to be the republican nominee for president. And frankly this time around even though a the love republicans arent crazy about him dont underestimate him. In this field, there are going to be about 12 people running for president. Last time around in iowa you only needed to win a quarter of voters to win the iowa caucuses. If ted cruz is loathed by three out of four republicans but a quarter really love him, he could still pull off a decent run. If he eats 11 of them. laughter can i say as a jew for him to speak at Liberty University in front of those students the born again evangelicals, they kind of believe that if i dont accept christ into my life, im gog hell. So its not really a place for me to, like, jump in and go oh, boy. What a great candidate. I cut out 90 of what he said. He believes im going to hell, so what are we talking about . I dont think those students would say that. Yes they do. No, no. Yes, they do, please many of those students would say that is not for them to decide, that they have accepted jesus into their hearts. Are you saying someone who is an open christian, wears their religion on their sleeve shouldnt be president of the United States . That doesnt make sense. That isnt what i said. Larry thats not what i said. That isnt what i said. You took the joke and broke down laughter larry go ahead, kal. When i see scott walkener england and he cant answer a question about evolution, what is the problem there . I mean, why do you have to suck up to people who dont believe in the actual science of how the earth came to be, in order to be president . I dont understand why those a huge percentage of americans believe in creationism, and creationism as how human beings came into this world. You want to suck up to those people to run for president. The aircraft is i think we need to have a little bit more respect at this table and in politics for people who are evangelical, who believe in creationism, and believe in a biblically based life. Larry no no i think were talking about someone someone who is making the most important decision in the world should not believe the earth is 6,000 years old. cheers and applause im sorry. I dont have respect for that. I do not. The reason i do think its important to engage this community is young evangelical christian conservatives generally agree with someone like president obama on climate change. And their view is not in the science evangelical . Yes, the view is not necessarily in the science, that we were put on gods green earth to take care of it so we will partner with any person who will help take care of this, pass environmental regulations. I think its a problem to disengage from evangelical voters. Larry i think you can believe in god and not turn your brain off. If you need 60 votes i believe in god. laughter theres another issue where young evangelicals, i think, and evangelical communities have been more on the side of president obama, and thats on Something Like immigration reform. You have a lot of, you know, sort of major religious leaders leaders who have come out and said we need to do something compassionate about the folks who are here. I agree with you, its a lot more complicated than just young evangelicals and social poornz there are other issues at play that shape their views, that are informed by their faith . I think part of the problem hes going to have its not a lack of respect for religion which i have. The joke is not a lack of respect. Its that theres a thing called the separation of church and state, and when we start Walking Around and playing with that, the language and the place you choose to youre going to have your candidacy, you better remember theres the separation of church and state. Its simply written. Its a really good piece of writing. And for people who have trouble with it, i call it the bleep rule. Larry all right, well be right back. Were going to talk about that rule. cheers and applause i never heard of that rule. The lightest or nothing. The smartest or nothing. The quietest or nothing. The sleekest. Sexiest. Baddest. Safest,. Tightest,. Quickest,. Harshest. Or nothing. At mercedesbenz we do things one way or we dont do them at all. The 2015 cclass. See your authorized mercedesbenz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedesbenz financial services. I already feel like were the most connected but i think this solo date will seal the deal. Sure i offer multicar, safe driver, and so many other discounts that people think im a big deal. And boy, are they right. Ladies, i can share hundreds in savings with all of you just visit progressive. Com today. But right now, its choosing time. Ooh we have a winner. All what . [chuckles] hes supposed to pick one of us. This is a joke, right . That was the whole point of us being here. Ah, push it. Push it. P. Push it real good ow oooh baby baby. Baby baby. If youre saltnpepa, you tell people to push it. Push it real good. Its what you do. Ah. Push it. If you want to save fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance you switch to geico. Its what you do. Ah. Push it. Im pushing. Im pushing it real good cheers and applause . Larry okay. Welcome back. Were going to play a game called ted cruise, or ted cruz. Ill read a quote and you tall me who said it, ted, the pear from the movie, or cruise meaning tom or penelope or ted cruz. You have them in front of you. Amy, ill start with you. Life aint nothing but bitches and honey. Who said that which ted . Im going to go with the bear ted. Larry ted the bear, very good. That was easy. That was a good one. Lou, who said ive got the economy, youve got the credit bubble, the supreme court. Look at haiti. Larry thats got to be him, doesnt it . Larry ted the bear, lou. Really. Larry ted the bear said that. Then im going to vote for ted the bear. Haugh laugh larry who said the world is on fire, yes, your world is on fire. Im going to go for this one. Larry tom cruise . Ted cruz said that. Larry when you hear that bleep isolated all right who said, ive got explosive diarrhea and im trapped in the middle of the ocean. Wait, wait, that was carnival cruise. Im sorry. My bad. Thats my bad. I approximation. My bad, my bad. I screwed up. Okay, im a cheap date. What i can say . Let me go with the bear. Larry tom cruise. Tom cruise . Really . Really. Larry who said columbus day is a pretty lame holiday. I mean someone was eventually going to find america. Think about it. Oh my goodness. Larry which cruise . The bear again . Larry very good. Ted the bear. applause okay. All right, lou, this is a tough one. I had a very curly perm in the 80s. Thanks to the way you make me feel Michael Jackson video. I like the girl in it. Thats a tough one. Who could that be . Larry think this one over, lou. Its got to be is it is it tom cruise . Nocruise. Larry its penelope. I didnt know she liked the girl in it. That upsets me wow. Who knew. Larry who said you cant trust somebody who thinks youre crazy . Think about that one. Tom cruise. No penelope. That was right in front of you. I tonight know how you missed that one. Damn kids being in the pool. Who said that once again, im sorry. Diit again. I did it again. My bad. Once again. Okay, on 9 11, i didnt like how rock music responded. Sadly, i read this today. Larry yup, ted cruz. I dont even know what that means. Larry we are the authorities on improving conditions. Tom cruise. Larry tom cruise there it is. Yes. Larry thats our little cruise quiz. Well be right back with more. cheers and applause you guys did a good introducing, new cheezit crunchd so its all about firsts. Crunchd is cheezits first ever puffed up crunch made with 100 real cheese. Its the first time cheezit is in the chip aisle. And its the first time. [cheese] laughing [cheese] no go ahead. Ice bank mice elf. [cheese] laughing ice bank mice elf . [cheese] yeah you do, because youve been a bad, bad boy. We take the time for our cheese to mature in our new cheezit crunchd. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. Every cookie here at left twix® is extra crisp so it stays crunchy when we apply caramel and chocolate. Right twix has the same thing. They have packing tape like that over at right twix . Try both. Pick a side. Twix i thought the vows were over the top. Let it go, you broke up with him remember . No no no no no heather. You look great not as great as her. Can we talk about this somewhere else . No. Where did you get it . Get what . Her gorgeous dress, you clearly have spent a fortune on her. Actually i bought the dress. With what your allowance . No its from old navy. All dresses and skirts are on sale starting at 15. And the brides wearing white because shes a lady. Its true and girls dresses start at just 10. Did you just say 10 . Yes but you have to hurry i like her, she makes you look fat im going to old navy in our house, we do just about everything online. And our old internet just wasnt cutting it. So i switched us from uverse to xfinity. They have the fastest, most reliable internet. Which is perfect for me, because i think everything should just work. Works . Works. Works works . Works. Works. Heers and applause larry thats all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our panelists kal penn, amy holmes, Kristen Soltis anderson and lewis black. Finally tonight, its time to check in on Larry Wilmores march badness bracketsball dareomania. I still may have to do if the duke blue devils win the National Championship and remember, theyre a number one seed i will host this show in spandex. That looks pretty good. Actually, no that looks horrible. Maybe we start that show with some light yoga . Well have to see. Next up, the topseeded Wisconsin Badgers could send this show back to the middle ages thanks to a dare that came in on twitter from atgarrettforreal. If wisconsin wins, i will have to wear a full suit of armor and host the knightly show. laughter applause where do they get these ideas . Can you imagine . Thats terrible. Finally, finally, im still worried about kentucky because if the wildcats win, i have to be babybirded, which means another person will chew up food and spit it into my mouth. West virginia, i need you guys to wig win to win big on thursday. Let me know which dare you hope ill have to do. Be nice, guys. Follow us on twitter and use the hashtag dare larry. Good night, everyone. Im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor headin on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind [muffled] come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine [school bell rings] and so just like in nature, i can add the mixture into the volcano and oh, pele, god of fire, show us your

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