You know, im not going to be here and try and sum up what this place has meant to me over the years, but i couldnt do that and we have plenty of time and i have a myriad of people to thank and well get to that over time. Im not going anywhere tomorrow. But this show doesnt deserve an even slightly restless host and neither to do you. I dont think im going to miss being on television every day. Im going to miss coming here every day. I love the people here. Theyre the best. Theyre creative and collaborative and kind. You understand what im saying. I love and respect them so much. We love you jon jon yeah cheers and applause anyway arrrrr what are these feelings . Frankenstein angry applause its been a privilege, the honor of my professional life. I thank you for watching it, for hating watching it. For whatever reason you are tuning in for you get in this business with the idea that maybe you have a point of view and something to express and to receive feedback from that is the greatest feeling you could ask for, and i thank you. Here it is. Your moment of zen. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org larry tonightly, were talking parenting. Is uncle sam trying to raise your kids . And by uncle sam i mean the government, not your moms creepy brother that always wants to wrestle. laughter thats right. The government wants to raise your kids. Hey, if they can get them to shovel the driveway, be my guest. laughter its 11 30. Do you know where your kids are . Of course you do. Theyre asleep next to you. And theyre 26. laughter so unlatch your 12yearold from your glutenfree teet, and lets start this thing. This is the nightly show. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers larry thank you very much. Welcome to the nightly show. I appreciate it. Thats so nice of youifies. Thanks for waiting. Audience members we may add a d. J. And a house band, maybe by tomorrow. Put well see. Yeah. Everybody is for that. Now, you know, i dont know what it is but lately ive been noticing a rash of parenting stories thatve been totally crazy. Did you hear the one about the mom who was arrested for letting her 9yearold daughter play at the playground . Larry no, i havent heard it, but i love a good joke. Continue. Public safety investigators say 46yearold Debra Harrell confessed to leaving her 9yearold daughter alone in the park for several hours while she went to work. Debra harrell was arrested and charged with the unlawful neglect of a child. Her daughter was reportedly taken into custody. Larry well, she left her kid in the park. I guess that doesnt sound too good. And, okay, if theres one way to fix a neglected daughter issue, its to throw her only parent in jail and toss the kid into the ohsoreliable foster care system. laughter problem solved. Good. Now, you can argue that this mom did or didnt do something wrong, but all this next guy did was send his son to church. Check this out. The charge stems from jeffrey williamsons 8yearold son, justin, not getting on a church bus with his siblings in may. Instead, the boy went to play in the neighborhood. Police brought him back and charged his father with child endangering. Larry ok, just to be clear the dad got arrested because his son played hooky from church. laughter i mean, what did you convict him of, not predicting the future . Maybe you should stop taking him to our lady of perpetual boredom. Okay. Its a very good church, actually. applause wait, okay, this story actually gets better. Because youre probably asking the question, what did this kid do on his church hooky crime wave, steal a car . Light a garbage can on fire . Knock over a liquor store . What happened . Justin ended up at the Family Dollar store on busy route 28, about a half mile from the familys home. Larry the dollar store . laughter he was hanging at the dollar store . And his dad got arrested . You know who they should arrest . The liars at the dollar store where everything is not a dollar. cheers and applause right . But no, they arrest the dad, who then, by the way, winds up losing his job. Im not making this up. Its absolutely true. And then, ironically,can only shop at the dollar store. Its a cruel churchtohookyto dollarstoretounemploymentto dollarstore cycle. Bam i guess the system got you, dad who likes to send his kid to church. There have been so many cases like this lately that some parents are taking matters into their own hands. Its an approach known these days as freerange parenting. Im just parenting the way i was parented, the way almost every adult i know was parented. Larry i know what youre thinking free range just means theyre letting their kids roam their property eating grass, right . Were talking about the same thing, right, right . No, no, those are openrange kids. Freerange parenting is just a new way to say old stuff. Just like how yoga replaced stretching. Same thing. Okay in this case these parents put a tag around their kids necks so when the kids are on their own, people will know theyre not lost and that their parents arent the horrible monsters society thinks they are, thus avoiding a church dad situation. laughter all right. So lets see what happens to the parents who went to all the trouble of tagging their freerange calves. A pair of maryland parents are accused of child neglect after allowing their two kids to walk home alone from a park about a mile away. Alex and his wife, danielle, say at one point there were six officers at their home. They are now being charged with child neglect. Larry all right officers, weve got a couple of situations out there. Officer delancey, you go check on that hostage standoff at the shopping mall. Wakowsky, jenkins, mccoy siedell, ruprecht, werthmann you guys, see if you can get a handle on those kids walking home from the park, all right . applause and, hey, be careful out there. Whos running that precinct, captain disproportionate . laughter okay, look, if you want to arrest parents who are actually mistreating their kids, arrest these parents. A barber in georgia offering to give bad haircuts to little boys as punishment for misbehaving. Russell frederick is giving kids embarrassing haircuts to make them resemble old balding men. laughter applause larry i know exactly what youre thinking, and that is so bleep ed up, you guys. This kid was publicly humiliated, and Nothing Happened to the parents. I mean, even captain disproportionate would consider a shaming george jeffersonlike haircut a threeofficer response. laughter and all of these stories remind me that parenting has changed over the years, and im not sure that its changed for the good. I mean are we being overprotective . Do we need to give our kids a little space to grow up. And is it the governments job . In fact, back in the 1970s i hosted if i may say so myself one of the hippest talk shows on uhf. If you could get the reception it was awesome. We actually addressed this very topic. Youll see how ditchly we handled parenting back then. I dont remember exactly what i said, but i remember it was good. Take a look. Take a look. Before we bring out our first get, lola, dig this saturday my wife and i hosted our monthly barbecue. Thanks for all the viewers who came out and joined us. Its really a great way to mingle, meet people. Nothing like burgers, dogs and wife swapping. Dig this. I let my youngest son light the barbecue. Its a tradition when a boy turns four and becomes a man. The fire got a little out of hand, the fuzz shows up and i had to beat the crap out of the kid. So far so good. Tonights topic is child discipline how far should you go . As a dad, i think the most important thing you could tell your kid is shut the bleep up. laughter i cant think of a better role model than fred g. Stanford. There are all kind of ways to discipline a kid. You throw a book at the back of the kids head. That will get their attention. After youve gotten their attention, they can read the book. Dig that. Words of wisdom. Oh, 70s larry, simpler times. Well be right back. machinery forming the beat of goodbye bring in your verizon or at t bill turn in your old phone and well cut your rate plan in half. Visit us online or visit a sprint store today. [ male announcer ] 5 gum. Choose your experience. Choose your flavor. [ humming ] a tingling spearmint. [ ice crackling ] a cooling peppermint. 5 gum. Stimulate your senses. cheers and applause larry theyre very good. Welcome back. Were talking about parenting and discipline and government and all that stuff. Joining me on the panel tonight actress and comedian, retta. Actress and active ieft shes been in many of my favorite things annemarie johnson. Author of parenting on purpose, Deborah Tillman. And one of the funniest comedians out there and host of stand up with Pete Dominick on sirius xm, Pete Dominick. We talked about parenting and discipline i find discipline you can talk about this, too, it is one of the most divisive issue here in our country. I want to ask this question first, who, here was spank as a child . Proudly. Would a spoon count . I never larry is that how you were spanked . My mom hit me with a wooden spoon. Larry where does dshe hit you . Across the back until it broke and then she stabbed me. Larry she stabbed you . No yes, puncture wounds. Larry i think theres another question. Most of the people i talk to from a certain generation have been spanked. But they feel differently about spanking. Yes larry so would you spank . Yes. Larry you would spank . Yes. No first of all, stop calling it spanking larry. Its hitting your kid its spanking. Its hitting your kids. You hit them. You dont Little People larry i dont, i dont think you have watched game of thrones my friend. A lot of parents its called read ago. Larry youre completely against it . Yes larry but your mom stabbed you with a spoon. Which is why im not hitting my kids larry i get ti it i get it. Retta, where do you stand . I believe in hitting but it has to be a situation where when you talk to the child you they have to understand what they did and you say the next time larry what level of spanking . You wouldnt use a belt or Something Like that . No. Larry you just hit them on the behind or Something Like that . Yes. Larry deborah, youre look at discipline we have to go back to what it means. Discipline means to teach and when you hit a child that teaches them thats how we handle a problem, by hitting and thats why we have a Violent Society now because everybody is hitting and not communicating and not resolving. Or i have to tell this story. I used to do this to my kids when they were real little. It didnt hurt but it would get their attention. And i remember i did it to my son and he was three or four i said john dont do that. And i did that and he said, dont hit johnny. And it broke my heart. And i said you know what . Youre right. I never did it again. But i want to ask you this, do you think society has too much to say now in how we raise our kids . Is it the right amount . Are they interfering too much . Some of these stories about parents getting arrested for letting their kids walk to the park . I think so many people are so screwed up society has to intervene. Right. I think we have a cult ofure of so many screwed up people that sometimes society has to intervene. When they talk about it takes a village, it really does because some people were not were not put on earth to have children. Larry retta, your family is from liberia right applause talk to me about the whole village raising thing there. Oh, they believe in that. Anyone could discipline any child in any situation if you discipline in liberia, whats that . You could get smacked by somebody else. Larry liberia smacked. Its different from america shack. I didnt grow up in liberia. I grew up with liberiaians. Larry how did you know what i meant by that . It really does work. We all have to live in this community together. Yes diswhr. So why not be able to help and support parents . And if the parents, a single mom cant do it, why not step in and support her . Larry but theyre punishing the single mom. This is a single mom who their kid was left at home because she didnt have the fund to , of course,. Its about economics. You asked has society got too much information . And are they interfierce too much . We are about everything but the spoint ill flip that on its head things are better today than theyve ever been. Violence is down. Theres no kidnapping. I had a neighbor say why are you letting your daughter, shes seven years old youre letting her walk the dog around . I said i want to raise her to be competent and independent and oh, no one has ever been kidnapped in my community ever. It doesnt happen. Granted i have her microchipped and wearing a helmet. Larry retta you were going to Say Something earlier. Well i was going to agree with anne marie in that, yes, we live in a better situation now, but its not perfect. Your kids should be able to do certain things out in public. It has to be in the best translate child and it has to be the parent making that choice you wont do it. Larry let me ask you a side issue because spanking, i know, is very divisive. How about disciplining kids . I think weve been a little lax on that. Yes. Larry can you just be, like, in a store, you know, as a parent and you see a kid doing something wrong, is it okay to tell that kid, you need to stop . I do. Larry can you discipline someone elses kid. I do. But they dont like you to. Larry are you cool with someone doing it to your kid . Yes and meas 22 hes 22 so i raised him hes a great kid. Larry pete, are you cool with somebody else dispg your sevenyearold . Somebody else disciplining my daughter absolutely if its appropriate. I gotta say, my kids are very well behaved. If they take the kids and put them in a windowless van yeah, thats an issue. Larry i dont want to go there. Its starting to get dark here. And im at the mall, when im at a playgroundue guys dont know this, you dont know my struggle as a white bald guy under 40, everybody know thinks im the kid snatcher. Oh seriously, you picture me and Larry Wilmore at the playground, and hes in a suit, who do you leave your kid with . Well, he has a suit on . Larry im not sure if we should spaimpg our kids or not, but i do know never leave your kid with with tmobile and iphone 6 you can make wifi calls beyond the reach of cellular networks. Hey brandon whats up . So you can talk from down here. Smile for grandma or text pictures from up here. Ok, there we go, should we send a photo . You can even make calls, way over here. Talk and text over wifi, with wifi calling on iphone 6. Only from tmobile. Now get iphone 6 for 0 down. Your favorite taco bell treat. Is now a coffee. Well give you a second to drink that in. Introducing new cinnabon delights coffee from taco bell. Treat yourself. And get four free cinnabon delights with purchase. Its a big world out there. So why do some cash back cards limit where you can earn bonus cash back . One month, its only at a few places over here. The next, its only a few places over there. What you need is the quicksilver card from capital one. Quicksilver gives you unlimited 1. 5 cash back on every purchase, everywhere. Can your card say that . Whats in your wallet . I love my shows, but i cant just sit around all day. Thats why i have xfinity. Their cloud based dvr lets me take everything i recorded, anywhere i go. Which is perfect for me, [whispering] because i have responsibilities. I mean thats really interesting, then how do you explain these photos . [people gasping] objection your honor. Sustained. With the x1 dvr library you could take anywhere, xfinity is perfect for people on the go. cheers and applause larry all right. Its okay. Thank you. Its time to get real on a personal level. I love this crowd tonight. cheers but now we gotta keep it 100. Remember, im going to ask each of you a question. If the audience thinks youre keeping it 100 real with us, theyll let you know, and ill give you this fancy, high quality sticker. If you dont ill give you weak tea. Well give everyone the same question on this. Retta, lets start with you. And whatever your child situation is now, just dont think about that. Its whats on this card okay . Right now you have one kid. You have one kid. Like, a young child say 8 or 9, whatever. Its not your 22yearold scenario, because this does not work. Lets make it even cuter like 4 or 5, really cute the cutest age possible. 3 larry thats even cuter. It doesnt get cuter than 3. Terrible twos really cute 3. Its got to be 3. Larry you have to put up your child for adoption. It got sad all of a sudden, didnt it . So, what other race would you let raise your child . And and it cant be your own race. And why . I have to choose one. Larry you have to choose. Thats so wrong. Um gosh. I dont know. Filipino . Larry filipino. Okay. And why . Because why filipino . Because i know a lot of filipinos, and i feel like they based on my family they raise their kids similar to what my parents did, and i think my parent did a good job. Larry you are going with what you know. Yes. Larry okay, thats keeping it real. applause what other race would you let raise your child and it cant be your own race . Does that include africa, kenyan . No . Larry kenyan not a race. African, not a. Lets do. Asian. Lets do asian. Larry tiger mom . Tiger mom. Larry is that why . Yeah. You knew from my face. Larry is that it . Is she keeping it 100 . applause shes keeping it 100. Tiger mom. Larry pete, what do you got . Saudis . Is that a race . Larry why saudi. Its not a race . Okay, a group. Definitely the jews. Larry the jews . applause . Not those two. But and why the jews . Because there is a real premium on Critical Thinking and education. Larry are you cizzing up to the jew kiss up to the jews right now . Yes,im. Larry is he keeping it 100 . applause okay. He might be kissing up a little bit. Go for it. Im going to kiss up by i kiss my jewish husbands ass all the time. Larry no no, it cant be sorry. So it cant be jewish. Larry nope nope, because hes your husband. So it has to be then i would have to say the latino community. I would want latino . I would want only becausent the excitement the love, the romance, the seriousness the la familia. Larry the food. Is she keeping it 100 . applause . Larry keeping it 100. And im giving you a little tea for the jewish husband. Well be right back with more. Doug, we have the results, but first, we have a very special guest. Come on out, flo [house band playing] you have anything to say to flo . Nah, ill just let the results do the talking. [crowd booing] well, he can do that. We show our progressive direct rate and the rates of our competitors even if progressive isnt the lowest. It looks like progressive is not the lowest ohhhh when we return well find out whether doug is the father. Wait, what . Hey. These are good. What have you been feeding us all these years . Kfc popcorn nuggets. 100 white meat, extra crispy, and made from the worlds best chicken. Try our kfc bucket and popcorn nuggets meal. These dont even come with a toy and i dont care. playful growl vo because every moment matters, so does your network. Verizon. This valentines day get 100 off a swarovski crystal battery cover or the samsung gear s. Perfect with a new Samsung Galaxy note 4 for 0 down with edge. Plus, get a 100 bill credit for each smartphone you switch. Get our best deals dog barks for the ones you love dog barks this valentines day. dog barks verizon. Coughequence 5. The sleepless night. Sorry. Robitussin dm max nighttimes dual action liquid instantly soothes your throat and delivers fast, powerful cough relief. Robitussin. Dont suffer the coughequences. cheers and applause larry thats all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our panelists, retta, annemarie johnson, Deborah Tillman and Pete Dominick. cheers and applause thank you. As always, thanks for helping me keep it a hundred on twitter. Each of our panelists had to answer a tough question, and i hold myself to the same standard. Now, remember, i dont get a chance to see this question until right now. Tonights question comes from garrettw. Savage. Ok, give me the question. Oh my gosh. If your child murdered someone you didnt like, would you help them cover it up . laughter though i would appreciate the gesture no, no, no, my child cant get away with murder. It just cant happen. What am ing if to turn in my child for murder . Well see. It depends who it is. You can throw some weak tea. Finally, we have a special show in the works for tomorrow nig