New york times columnist and author charles blow. Thank you. [ applause ] founder and president of center for urban families joe jones. And our nightly show contributor, mike yard. Before we start i have to say there was a number that we heard that just really shocked me. I want to get everyones reaction to that. Lets play it first. More than 72 of children in the Africanamerican Community are born out of wedlock. That means absent fathers. Okay. 72 . That number, i could not believe it. I hardly believe p 2 of all the things al says, right. That number seems staggering to me. Charles, what is your impression of the number . Does that feel right to you. No, the number is correct. What we dont get when we hear the number is the context around the number. Which is married black women use to have more children then even white women. Their rate of child birth has dropped tremendously. That leaves only the unmarried black women having more of the children right. Thats part of the context. So part is the way the census is taken. No, its not the census. Its the cultural shift on black women having children. Second, the big ballooning in that part coincides with the ballooning in mass incarcerations and war on drugs. We are sucking massive numbers of africanamerican members out of the community that are marriage age that would of been doing something productive with their lives, africanamerican men. Common how did that number hit you. The number it definitely hit me hard. I didnt expect it to be that high. When i hear 72 it makes me think well, thats the number of unwed but i still have to, which we will get into. That doesnt mean the father is absent. Exactly. Right. And joe youre really out there on the front line. Is that accurate to you. The number feels accurate. Across demographic groups family types are changing. The culture is changing. People making decisions about relationships are different then 10 15, 20 years ago. I dont know if we have accounted for the shift. Its definite hee a cultural shift. Mike, we had you talk to people in the community to get their reaction to the number right. Ya. When i heard the number i didnt believe it where did the number come from, is that a random number. They say government statistics. Im like, you know. You know okay. Lets roll that. Lets see what mike has to say. What would you say the percentage of black children born to single mothers is in america. 65 . 65 . 75 . 75 . I would say 85 . 15 70 , maybe. I think its high. Chicago definitely for sure. 79 . Why you say definitely for sure . Chicago is a rough city. I lived there for 7 years. Harlem 69 . Brooklyn 64 . You sound like you did research. You have specific numbers. I know a lost black people. 72 of black kids are born to unwed mothers. How does that number make you feel when you heard it. I thought i was wrong when i said 15. I thought that was too high. 7 it is write dick aou hroufpls. It doesnt seem high to you . It always is high in the black community. Thats nothing new. I dont see a lost couples together. 72 . Where is that from. Basically the 90s or 80s. No this is a 2010 government i dont believe it. You think its higher or lower . About 71 . 72 to 71 . 7271. Alright 71 . 72. Okay. [laughing] you know that government they lie. [laughing] the brother doesnt trust the government for one percentage point. Thats what happens you know. Charles i have to ask you this. Some of the growth of the number to me is a little more staggering then the number. Im a little over generation. In 1965 the number of black babies born to unwed mothers was 24 . From then to 72 is alarming to me. It s. This really a crisis or is it over blown . Agree with joe. If you look at all groups theyre all increasing, right. The black number is much, much higher than others. Its about two and a half times what the white number is. But i think we have to the way to be a parent is to reside and provide. We are now moving into a culture where people believe you can provide without residing. Okay. You can base that back and forth. Its a different way to think. There is a statistic. Its not the one i have here. Were chose participation of black fathers to be among the highest. Its higher than any other race group. A lot of this is how its shaped in the media or that sort of thing. Its funny when i look at the way its talked about in the media. I remember president obama. President obama said problem of young men of color is the only thing theyre passionate about is basketball or rap. Common youre a rapper and your dad played basketball. I fall in that category. Why does obama hate you. I dont know, man. Are you the problem i will get his answer when we come back. We will be right back. [cheers and applause] there was one distinct day when i got out of the shower and i looked up. I was like woah my hair is thinning it came as kind of a shock. But using rogaine® foam actually worked. My hair looks thicker, fuller, and im feeling much better because of it. Mens rogaine® has definitely made a difference. [cheers and applause] okay. Thank you, very much. Thank you. Were back with our panel talking about black fatherhood. Before we left. Im here with common joe jones, charles and mike yard. Now before we left obama was down on my boy common. No, i want to bring up though a lost times when there is criticism about this issue. Bill cosby said pull your pants up. Hes a different story. People looked at him and felt he was preaching to him. Even when obama made his speech in 2008, Jesse Jackson was not happy. He was caught off mike talking about it lets roll that first. whispering he wanted to cut his nuts off. This is this is the reverend Jesse Jackson. Common this is not an easy subject to talk about. Even among ourselves. Its notsy, right. Do you think there is a defense everness about it . Defensiveness about it . When you talk in our community about Family Business in the open, people think why you talking about it we need to talk about it. It needs to be discussed. If some feelings get hurt with the truth the truth is part of the healing process. I dont mind when certain elders feel the way they feel and say what they say. As fathers we need to step up. I dont like the generalization either. Both ways, thats how i feel about tpl. I think common has a strong point. Part of the problem is what obama was saying although his intentiones were good. Part of the a follow guying of black men. Its a long history of us saying about black people in general and black men particularly that you do not care. That youre immoral unethical, and making babies that has been owed for so long. Its pervasive underneath. Even we have fought it were all tasting the same foods. Joe, youre doing a lot of great work out there in bought nor . Yes. I want to talk about personal stories a bit. Tell me about your story growing up. I grew up in baltimore city. My mother and tpa lgt father divorced when i was 9. I was an only child. Living with a black woman single raising as a singlemother i was exposed to a lot. I buffered a lot. I picked up a hypodermic needle and put it in my arm. I was addicted to heroine and cocaine for 17 years. You were looking for a father figure . I dont know if i was looking for a father figure. There was the mediate shift living with two parents then a month who was working and trying to provide and my father was distant do you feel the pain makes you a better father now. I know the journey has made me a better father. Particularly when i had my first son, when i was addicted to drugs. I have healed the relationship to working on it. To my youngest son graduating in may from the great Morgan State University and is a evening thaoer. Engineer. Common you had a special relationship with your dad . Yes. I didnt grow up with my dad. My dad was truly my father throughout his life. He taught me everything. Like from spirituality to sex with girls. You know. Like he really did things i needed from a father even though he wasnt in the home. Thats why, you know as we said the culture is changing. We have to understand that some marriages may not work out. That doesnt mean the father is not present. He wasnt there but he was present. Yes. Hes still with me. All of the things he inplanted in me i live with now. I love him for that. He gave me the truth. He was never false like he told me his flaws. He was addicted to drugs for a second. He got better. That taught me something about honesty and about being true to myself and not being afraid. We need that as black men. As black people. As people. I appreciate that from my father. Mike, you grew up partly in new york. Yes. Well, i was born in the Virgin Islands st. Croy. St. Croy . How weird is that. Stand up. There is my ride home. Ya, i was born in st. Croy. My father was always part of my life. We moved to new york. We hit a rough patch. Same storey the drugs and all that. He pulled himself out. Hes a great example to me when you fall you can get back up. Watching him go through it. We went through it with him. He was with us. He was always my hero no matter what. Thats important. Charles. This is a common story. My dad common story. Not commons story but commons last name is actually denominator. [laughing] alright. Im just telling they dont know. They dont know. Go ahead, charles. No i have four older brothers. My mom and dad broke up when i was about 5 years old. He had issues with alcohol and gambling. One thing i remember is he kept trying. I didnt appreciate that as a kid. He wasnt there. You could walk away. You know he just kept trying even through the alcoholism. Now i see him with my dads. Hes the best grandfather, you could imagine. I look at that and say people can change. You know hes not a broken person. He was a broken person in the moment. Hes a human being. He can rebound from that. That is amazing. I see me and my four brothers. Theyre amazing fathers. I say this is a cycle that can be broken. You know [ applause ] yes. I think, i think sometimes our culture gets too caught up in numbers and statistics. We dont hear enough stories. You know anecdotes and flesh and blood in things. I think we need to hear this to clear up a lot of the misconceptions. Children are resilient. Cultures are resilient. You know. We learn from our parents in many different ways. We will learn more about everyone with a special edition of keep there was one distinct day when i got out of the shower and i looked up. I was like woah my hair is thinning it came as kind of a shock. But using rogaine® foam actually worked. My hair looks thicker, fuller, and im feeling much better because of it. Mens rogaine® has definitely made a difference. [cheers and applause] okay. Its time to get real on a personal level. Lets keep it 100. I like that. Normally in thisment i ask each person a question and ask them to keep it 100 because this is the black dad summit we have a feed around. The same question. We will have a couple of them. You have to keep it a 100 percent real. If you dont the a ed audience will. If they like it they will clap. [ applause ] lets start lets start with you, common. [laughing] charles wants to go last. In the super bowl richard sherman, he has a girlfriend. She was kind of a buy bee right. There was a chant that she might of gone into labor. Say you have a chance to go into the super bowl or be there for the birth of your baby. Okay. One or the other. Which one do you do . My first child . [laughing] yes. Yes. Alright. [laughing] super bowl. Super bowl. [laughing] i think you got a 100 there. I like that. Joe, super bowl. My first child im there, man. You going to be there for the baby. The baby. What if youre the quarterback. The sub has to come in man. Family first. [ applause ] i believe him. Mike. Im with joe on that one. Im going dont try to lie to me. Youre going to the super bowl. Im going to watch my kid be born. Alright. Charles . Super bowl or see the birth of your baby. Birth of the baby. Happy wife, happy life. [laughing] alright. Happy wife, happy life. [laughing] you want to know im not going to say. I want to know. I think i might go to the super bowl. [laughing] [cheers and applause] hey, i can have more kids. I may never get another chance to go to the super bowl. Send me your tweets. [beep] [beep] alright. We brought up the question of marriage. How a lost people are not marrying anymore. Now, joe, i will start with you on this one. Is it because black women are too bossy . Are black women too bossy. I have to the go g. To the bath room. I will be right back. Keep it one hundred. Black women have opinions about everything. [laughing] you didnt answer that question. Okay. Mike. You from the islands. I love black women. Are black women [cheers and applause] are they too bossy . Im not getting involved in that. Im not getting involved in that. Okay. Charles charles, on a scale of 110 how bossy are black women. Give me a number. Give me a number . You cant get out of this. No no, no. Scale 110. Were changing it up now. Scale 10. [laughing] keep it 100. Give me a number. It better not be under five. What what . [laughing] scale 110. Im not doing that. Last one. Common is fearless, right. Common, which black women are the bossiest. Professional black athlete women. Professional single black women. Professional singing black women. We know who youre talking about. Keep it a hundred percent. Which one, which one . Were going with professional singing black women. Thats keeping it a hundred. He will need all of you. We will be right back. [laughing] [cheers and applause] hersheys miniatures. We pour em we pass em we pick em delicious fun for everyone. Hersheys miniatures are mine, yours, our chocolate. Flo hey, big guy. I heard you lost a close one today. Look, jamie, maybe we werent the lowest rate this time. But when you show people their progressive direct rate and our competitors rates you cant win them all. The important part is, you helped them save. Thanks, flo. Okay, lets go get you an ice cream cone, champ. With sprinkles . Sprinkles are for winners. I understand. [coughing] dave, im sorry to interrupt. I gotta take a sick day tomorrow. Dads dont take sick days, dads take nyquil. The nighttime, sniffling sneezing, coughing aching, fever, best sleep with a cold medicine. [ male announcer ] give extra. Get extra. Okay. Thats all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our panelist. Thank you common joe, mike and charles. Thank you for keeping it a hundred. I hold myself to the same standard. I dont have a chance to ski see the question until right now. Okay. Give me the question. If you knew a friend of yours was going to walk out on his family, would you interfere. Yes. I would. If it was a close friend i would interfere. If i knew he was doing the wrong thing, sure i would interfere. I have no problem with that. [ applause ] thats keeping it real. Thats what friends are for. You have to be there for your boy. Thats what friends are for right. Tomorrows show is about designer babies. Let me explain this. Should we be able to pick and choose the genetic traits of our kids. Keep it a hundred. I dont know what our panelists think but i love black woman. Good night, everyone. [cheers and applause] im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet s