All right. All right, people. Im going to be honest, with all the news that happened today, i dont think we have enough space for it in todays show. And ive tried everything, ive tried everything. I even stuffed the whole show in spanx but it bulged out over the sides. It doesnt look like we have enough time for it all. Fortunately, not enough time is just enough time for a segment we call aint nobody got time for that. applause all right, lets kick things off with the centers for disease control, the Government Agency that spent the first two years of the pandemic saying, aah were all going to get covid. And the last six months like were all going to get covid, chill. If youre one of those who thinks the c. D. C. Has handled the pandemic badly, it turns out the c. D. C. Agrees with you. This morning, the c. D. C. Director promising a Major Overhaul after a scathing, internallyinitiated review found the agency repeatedly botched its response to the pandemic. In a statement, dr. Rochelle walensky putting it bluntly our performance did not reliably meet expectations. Walensky herself calling for that review. It found the c. D. C. s recommendations throughout the crisis, from masking to vaccines, confusing and overwhelming. Trevor uhoh i guess the c. D. C. Finally check third twitter mentions. laughter but shes right, the c. D. C. Ready dropped the paul ball. People depended on them for clear advice, and when they didnt get it they started looking elsewhere for answers. Say what you want about goop, their advice was consistent. Yes, the advice was to buy a 4,000 crystal butt plug but it was consistent. The c. D. C. Was all over the place. Dont wear masks. Do wear masks. Dont, we need them. Any mask. Even cloth, cloth is worst. What are you doing. You have covid, stay inside for 10 days. No five days, the point is, trust the science applause now, if we had more time we could talk about whether or not the c. D. C. Learned the right lessons from covid for the next outbreak not the next outbreak, because thats monkeypox and they are messing up. The Trump Organization is overrun with an outbreak of crime. Now to breaking news. Alan weisselberg, the Trump Organization chief Financial Officer, pleaded guilty today to a wideranging tax scheme. As part deal, hell need to testify against the Trump Organization in the coming months. The company is accused of helping weisselberg and other execs avoid income taxes by failing to accurately report their full compensation. Trevor yeah, thats right, trumps numbertwo guys for the past 40 year has pleaded guilty to tax fraud. Can we take a moment to appreciate how many associated with trump have ended up in prison. His lawyer, campaign manage, now the chief Financial Officer of his organization. Usually you have to run a drug cartel to have this many friends doing this kind of time. Basically its el chapo and donald trump. Thats it. They need to send all these trump felons to School Assemblies to scare kid away from trump. Be like, you think hanging out with the 45th president is cool . Thats what i thought. Now im drinking wine out of a toilet. Thats my state of the union, kid applause now, i know what youre thinking right now. Youre wondering to yourself, surely, if trumps second in command was committing financial crimes with trumps company, then trump must also be involved in these crimes. Well, actually, no. Because, apparently, the story is that he had no idea what was happening in his organization at all levels for decades. He had no clue. laughter and that, my friends, is the kind of leadership that makes him fit to be the next profit united states. applause truly powerful. No clue at all. Look, if we had more time we could talk about how trump pretends to be the candidate of law and order, but his friend fill up an entire prison wing. We dont have the time. While trump world is at war with the world, some of musics biggest legends are at war over christmas. Mariah carey does not want a lot for christmas. Theres just one thing she says she needs a trademark for the title queen of christmas. Now carey is seeking to solidify her brand with a legal filing that would give her exclusive rights to use the title on everything from clothes to alcohol, dog products, and more. But not everyone agrees she deserves it. Singer darlene love fighting back. The songstress known for her hit christmas baby please come home which she performed annually on the David Letterman show, telling abc news in a statement, i adore mariah carey as an artist and songwriter, but queen of christmas should not be exclusive to anyone except for mary mother of jesus. Trevor thats right, the real queen of christmas is mary, mother of jesus. laughter she should get the trademark to sell alcohol and dog toys. applause its about time its about time mary got some of the financial benefit. The only thing she got out of this whole thing were gifts from those three wise men. One of the those gifts was myrrh. What the hell is that all about . I just gave birth in a barn but, yeah, thanks for the myrrh. Real helpful. When i was in laker with the son of god i was thinking i could use myrrh right about now. Get out of here. Gold guy, you can stay. Stay with the gold. I thought mariah told us all she wants for christmas is me. laughter but now she also wants trademarks. Which is it mariah . Are you going to tell me i wont always be your baby . laughter applause now, look, if we had more time we could talk about whether anyone should have the right to trademark anything about christmas or talk about how the comermization of christmas has taken us away from the true meaning of the holiday, which is giving a jolly old man diabetes but we dont have the time for that because over in russia, Vladimir Putin, the exact opposite of santa is handing out gifts of his own. Russias population has been rapidly declining. Now, Vladimir Putin is taking action. This week, he announced the revival of the sovietera mother heroine award. Any russian women who gives birth to 10 children will be given a onetime payment of 10,000 rubles, or 16,500. Trevor wow 16,000 and all you have to do is have 4 million worth of kids its a steel steal look at i, vlad. Wow. You hear that, russian ladies. You get 1600 for 10 kids. Vladimir putin making it drizzle. This makes no sense. 16,000 for 10 kids makes zero sense. I know right now youre probably thinking, but, trevor, its russia. They can store the 10 kids inside each other. Thats not how that works, idiots. You can imagine being the tenth kid. Youll spend your whole life wondering if your parents really wanted you or if they wanted a smart fridge. Listen, putin, you dont need to go to these lengths. Theres an easier way to repopulate your country. Just give nick cannon citizenship. Problem solves. Done. applause . Now, if we had the time, we could talk about whether its even a good idea to stuff more people into a planet already more crowded than a port a potty at cochella. While russias leader is trying to pump up its population, finlands leader is in trouble the Prime Minister of finland, sanna marin, has faced backlash after a leaked video showed her partying. She has faced criticism from opposition parties, with one leader demanding she take a drugs test. Miss marin denied taking drugs and said she only drank alcohol. Trevor okay, okay. I know that clip is extremely confusing for americans, so let me try and explaining scplain. Some countries have leaders who dont have osteoporosis. Yeah. laughter applause and and they party you see. And i know it may seem different or weird, but we should be respectful of their cultures. As for the story itself, i dont think the leader of finland did anything that any other leader in the world hasnt done. Almost every other leader in the world drinks and parties. The only difference is theyre not young enough to have friends who know how to use a phone. Have you seen old people when they try to use a camera. They always look like they discovered an ancient artifact. Okay, who wait, wait, your friend uber sent you a message, yeah. You realize this is just the beginning. Younger generations use technology. Theyre going to get older, and one day theyre going to come into power. Its only a matter of time before were in a world where a world war starts because some leader dmd a dick pic. What prepare the troops if you ask me. applause if you ask me, finland should be grateful. Finland should be grateful for the scandals that they have. Imagine them telling other countries about their problems. America, you wont believe it. Our Prime Minister was caught dancing. Its terrible and america is like, we have to go, were about to raid the former president s home to get back the nuclear codes. Gotta go gotta go if we had more time we could talk more about how the criticism of sanna marin seems to be how dare you spend your time about things that young women are doing. Aint nobody got time for that. Because we have to go to a commercial break. When we come back, dulce sloan is going to give republicans a glowup. You dont want to miss it. applause this . This is supersonic wifi from xfinity. Its fast. So gaming with your niece has never felt more intense. Incoming hey, what does this button do . No, dont welcome to the Fastest Internet on the largest gig speed network. Are you crying uncle ed . No a little. Only from xfinity. Unbeatable internet made to do anything so you can do anything. applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. Look,in you know this but america has a lot of problems aging infrastructure, economic inequality, that smell in the attic that wont go away. But some republicans think that there is a much bigger issue that demands immediate action. One of the nations newest culture battles is really heating up here in michigan thanks to a proposal from some state republicans. They are targeting drag shows in Public Schools even though its not clear if any school has hosted a drag show. The antidrag show bill is being sponsored by republicans, including representative beau lafave. G. O. P. Candidate kari lake attacked drag queens as dangerous to children. We dont want our tax money going into drag shows at school. Florida Governor Ron Desantis said he would consider sending Child Protective Services to investigate parents who take their kids to drag shows. It is a disturbing trend in our society to try to sexualize these young people. That is not the way you look out for our children. Trevor here we go again here we go again. It probably happened once or trice gies now theyre like its a nationwide thing. Its weird the republicans are against drag queens. Werent the Founding Fathers all drag queens . Theyre wearing the wigs. John hancock, dont tell me thats not a drag queen name. I agree this is the biggest danger facing schools. Somebody could bring a penis into the classroom. If you dislike people who wear overthetop wings, a ton of foundation and are totally obsessed about sex, i have bad news about your favorite president , you know. Now, obviously, obviously, people have very strong opinions over banning drag shows, and that includes our very own dulce sloan. Hello, friends. If you know me, you know that i love me some drag. Its like sports, but for people who dont want to deal with any balls, if you know what i mean. Recently, conservatives have been acting like drag is some brand new thing that liberal dreamed up to turn your kids into glitter demons. Now, make these conservatives wouldnt be so scared of drag if they could just get to know how it could help them. So to get up close and personal with the art form, i want to bring in a true expect, my friend and rupaul drag race super star, the hilarious kerri colby. Im going to try to be funny today. Kerri and i are going to take a closer look at some of these republicans who got beef with drag and help them get in touch with their inner drag queen. Okay, first up weve got ron desantis, Florida Governor and what would happen if grownup pinocchio joined qanon. He looks like hes doing Tucker Carlson cosplay. Can we talk about the haircut . Circ you are a 48yearold man. Why are you getting your hair done at kids cuts. When you cover up the coiff with a bold wig. He needs a blunt cut. To cover your face. Look at this mans face. Hes got jim crows feet. Its true. The crows feet are crowing, honey. Kaka i dont need it. Ron desantis threw his hat in the draghating game when he said he wanted to revoke the liquor licenses to restaurants that allowed kids into drag brunch. Im surprised he has so much to say for a man with no lips at all. Look at the man. He runs his mouth so much his lips have left the scene. What i would want is to fill in that mouth with a full, red gloss. And we got to do something about those eyebrows. Right now its giving kromagnum. We need to do something with the brow so it gives more personality. Heighten, a little lift. Lets move on to Michigan Legislature beau lafave. I cannot believe someone with a natural drag queen name hatsz drag queen so much. Beau lafave sounds like a sexy amwor. He wants parents to be able to sue schools that expose kids to drag queens. First things first, lets get rid of that beard, honey. Theyre not a box of bis quick has come to life . I will not i will not, how dare you. Apparently you are what you eat, girl. You are what you eat. Last, we have kari lake. What a waste of my name, number one. But she is a republican candidate for governor, and shes also the villain from every cheerleader movie. Absolutely. Kari was quoted as saying they kicked god out of school and welcome drag queens. Whats interesting about that, is she used to be a fan. She even had a drag queen perform at her birthday. Ooo it really makes you wonder what happened that day. I know if it was my birthday and someone came in and was being so fabulous too fabulous, even i would be a little upset, too. Absolutely. Now that shes sworn off drag shes going to be a middleaged woman having her birthday at golden coral. That does not sound aptiegz. Were going to do her a favor and give her a makeover for free. Getting her fr rusty kellyanne conyay face to 50 and fabulous were going to have to add extensions. Right now shes ripping off 90s halle berry. That was four catwomens ago. Were up to zoe kravitz now. Theres your new looks because clearly you werent going to beat us, so you might as well join us, baby. cheers and applause . Trevor thank you so much for that, dulce sloan and kerri. Stay tuned, because when we come back, Miss Universe will be joining us on the show. Dont go away. applause meet google pixel 6a a smarter phone for a smarter price powered by the google tensor chip so your camera can see in the dark with night sight fix your photos with magic eraser photograph all skin tones accurately with real tone and last up to 72 hours with extreme battery saver its all you want in a phone. Google pixel 6a switch it up, and get the all new google pixel 6a. applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is the current Miss Universe, bringing the crown back to india for the first time in 21 years. Please welcome Miss Universe herself, harnaaz sandhu. applause trevor welcome, welcome. Thank you so much. Trevor welcome. Oh, thank you so much. Miss universe. Welcome to the daily show. Thank you, thank you. Im so excited for today. Trevor are you kidding . Im excited to chat with you, because, a, you dont get to chat with Miss Universes every single day. But also youve got, honestly in my opinion, one of the most impressive platforms that you run. Every Miss Universe will say, this is what i like to do. It might be education. It might be, you know, getting women into business, whatever it may be. You have a fantastic platform in that you said i want to talk about an issue that affects women all over the planet and that issue is. Menstrual equity. And its very important. applause i never realized until my mom being a gynecologist taught me how important it is to talk about Womens Health and take care of yourself. I always looked up to her, and she was empowering women in her life. When i grew up and felt like this is what i want to do. For me, Miss Universe was never about looking beautiful and wearing glitz and glam. For me it was a platform where you can talk about things you want to do. I used to look for Miss Universes online and their videos and everything. They always left something impactful, and i wanted to do that, too. I also wanted to leave and create a legacy and empower women around the world and tell them if i can do it, then you can do it, too. Trevor youve done it 1,000 times over. Youre also destigma tiegz the conversation. So many people from around the world live in a world where they cannot talk about something thats a normal part of a womans life every day. Get ice laced and told theyre dirty and sinful. You have been playing a role not just in india but around the world and saying we need to get rid of that stigma. What do you find works well. For now, indonesiaia, vietnam, and of course south africa, i saw one thing in common is that Womens Health is always neglected, and there are different situations in different countries. Sometimes when women are not even allowed it talk about their Menstrual Health or even let them buy pads. And i think this is what i want to tell them that you dont ask for a pad, nobles is going to do it for you. This is not only going to give livelihood to women in that area, the rural area, but give pads to others. And i think we want to see women supporting each other. And with whelm empowerment for Womens Health, we are breaking tabus together, and we definitely need men to support us. applause trevor i love how how proactive you are. Its been amazing to see your journey because your journey has, you know, highlighted so many issues, not just in and around what women may face in their health, but also just in society. You know, youve been very candid in talking about how you were bullied when you gained a little bit of weight after the Miss Universe competition. Right. Trevor and people were really vicious, and they were hateful and they brought you to tears. You know, but you bounced back, and youve become really a spokesperson for positivity in general. People would be shocked to hear that a Miss Universe has been bullied for how she looks. Right. Trevor but youve really highlighted that. And i feel like youve come out of that stronger. Yes, actually, for me, its not about how you look its about what you say and how you say it and how you treat people. In the end of the day, when you die, people will not remember you for what you wore. They will remember you about how they treated you. So thats very important to have a kind heart. And to remind people that kindness is the utmost important thing in this whole world. I was really disheartened when i saw people bashing me for my weapt gain, but i didnt let them describe me. Young girls, like, six, sevenyearold girls, even young boys, looking up to me, and if they see me being tim and i had not strong enough, i dont think that will be the right way to be that impactful person or inspire them. I want to tell them that inspiration starts within you. If you inspire yourself, thats how you can inspire others. Trevor i like that, be your own cheerleader. You have been in movies in india. I have done two. Im a theater artist in last five years. Thats how my life started. I realized my passion of beacon stage and expressing myself through theater and being an actor. That is what i always wanted to do. Trevor i need advice. My dream has always been to be in a bollywood movie. And then ive always y do you want my debut to be with you . Let me think about it, but i can consider you. What do you think, guys . laughter i can teach you some moves, actually. Trevor you can teach me moves . That would be a great practice for you. When you give auditions for bollywood, you need to know bollywood moves. Come on. Trevor can you do it right now . Lets, do it applause trevor okay, well do it right over here. Okay. Thank you. Okay, great. Im going to teach you four simple steps. Trevor four simple steps. Simple. Trevor im ready. Its about face. Trevor all about face. Neck, hands, himself. Trevor neck, hands, and himself. Okay. Its going to be easy. Trust me. Its like one, two. Trevor one, two. Three, four. Trevor whoa. Whats happening there . Its like one, two. Trevor oh, this one was here. This was coming up here. Yeah. Trevor oh, i see. Thats dipping there. All right. One, two. Trevor oh, one, two. And three, four. Trevor three, four. A little bit more hip, more hip. Trevor i have to loosen oh, boy come on, its all about the himself. Bollywood. Trevor okay, okay. Lets do it fast now. One, two, three, four. Trevor that got really fast. Im ready. You snread. Yes, one, two, three, go. One, two, three, four. Trevor one, two, three, four. cheers and applause . Im going to practice. Lets take a quick break so i can practice my moves. Well be right back after this. applause cheers and applause trevor thats our show for tonight. Charlamagne tha god is coming up next. First, here it is, your moment of zen. Senator Lisa Murkowski and her trumpbacked challenger have both advanced to the general election. Kelly sh sshebacca. Captioning sponsored by captioning sponsored by Comedy Central trevor. Thank you gordon. Mike pence said he would be willing to testify against trump in the january 6th committee. Trump acts gang star but the clintons have him beat because if you believe the internet hilary would have taken care of this shit a long time ago, okay. All im saying is it would be a lot of slow singing and flower bringing if you know what i mean. Okay, lets start the show, i go by the name of charlamagne tha god, its been a hell of a week, queen nyla, lets get it. applause hey. I wanna introduce my panel, the Council Member for new york city 36th district, make some noise for chi osse. He is white but hes all right. Will be at Caroline Comedy Club all week in new york city my man gary owen. And last but certainly not least, he, she, we is a hilarious comedian you can catch on the flame monroe. Now it has been a hell of a week after finding a red spot on his nose a german man went to the doctor and found out that he has monkeypox. Syphilis and hiv. Who he [bleep] these are not poke monday card, you dont have to catch them all. Topic one, now earlier this week on the pivot podcast two Football Players had an interesting conversation. But Channing Crowder told brown quarterback denzel ward that he was beautiful. Are you beautiful. He has pretty eyes like you got good skin, little highlights. You are the first dude that called me beautiful. You are