Somebody whistled for crystal meth whistling and did it again. Anyway tonight we thought wed check in with our old paldz the Television New media in a new segment we call president ial campaign of one Hillary Dennis rodman clinton but two days old two days old and already the reporters assigned to her have repeatedly covered themselves in gore. For mondays chipotle tex mech erection, to tuesdays oh, my god, thats her car. You can see the media running behind me here. To chase the scooby van. laughter applause jon you cant blame them for chasing the scooby van because it might have scooby snacks. laughter but go on. Shes going around to the back. Wow theyre all right well see her well see her very soon. Guy in the orange pants is pretty quick. I mean, im looking at these people wow orange pants hes really outnumbered now by all of the people that are racing around the back. Jon hey. Orange pants has a name. laughter hes a person. His name is oh, this is interesting phil orangopong. I dont know if im pronouncing that correctly. Holy bleep theyre racing to her car . Last time anyone in iowa was this excited about a wheeled vehicle, the wells fargo wagon was bringing Musical Instruments theyd ordered from a charismatic stranger. Whatever happened to that guy . What are we doing here, people there are a lot of good reasons for you to be chasing a van if the van was perhaps the good humor truck and upper five. laughter if zayn was in the van. And you were five. Or if youre not so much running towards the van as away from godzilla. Who, more than likely, would be chasing you saying its day two people slow down but ill tell you one reason not worth chasing Hillary Clintons van. Your reason. Because lets say you catch the clinton mobile. Best case, youre getting a few seconds of footage of clinton leaving the car and going into a building. Which really is irrelevant. Unless youre reporting for entrance and exits channel. The entrance and chits channel. Youll find us here, here. cheers and applause , of course, seriously you think youre going to get her like now the primary role of the media isnt just to chase politicians across office parks. Its also to expose and illuminate the issues of the day and thats when its important to do a good job. They do will have wl in those instances. For instance, covering incidents when Police Officers have been caught on video. How to show something genuinely newsworthy but that nobody wants to look at . Often they go the preemptism warning route. A warning some viewers may find the graphic images disturbing to watch. I want warn you the video may be disturbing to some viewers. The video is graphic. My apology. I should have warned the viewers that is a graphic piece of video. Jon you know what, close enough. Late warning is still a warning as opposed to springing tragic footage on people as an eyecatching teaser at lets call it the crack of whoa what are you doing . Good morning. Murder. Jon are you bleep kidding me laughter its 7 00 a. M. Im making oatmeal you open the today show good morning, and the video of an actual murder. Hows the crowd outside going to take that on the plaza . Oh look at that. And up later, rascal flatts on the plaza and al roker decapitateaise hampster. Look, i get it. Television say visual medium. And youre used to jazzing up stories with exciting footage or broll as they call it, whether it be extreme cold or extreme hotness. But thats not okay to not with actual death. You can show the footage to educate people. You can show it to analyze what happened for further context or insight. But at some point in almost all these stories the 24hour News Networks shift these devastating videos into screep saver mode, and they end up running as background wallpaper in your discussion. Sometimes its the whole bleep wall. Its been happening for months now. News shows were looping the eric garner choking footage like it was a gif on a buzzfeed. You have the weirdest sense of morality ive ever seen. applause in an audience. I gotta tell you. I dont mind seeing the videos over and over again, but when you make fun of buzzfeed, i gotta stand up and take a stand. laughter you know, my father was killed by a lystiical. Listen news media turning the last moments of someones life into muzak that plays in the background of discussion slowly robs the images of their power and more importantly the people in the video of humanity. Unlike blockbuster these types of videos arent going away. The ubiquity of cell phones is outpacing Police Awareness of the ubiquity of cell phones. applause cnns gotten so casual with their Police Brutality footage they ran assorted killings as lowerthird video ticker fare, a hallowed space normally used for torey spelling burns self on hibachi and is tap water making you fat . I dont want to give you the wrong idea about the news media. It may seem like theyre plugging elements into a preordained format and losing sight of any editorial judgment. But there are still some lines they simply will not cross. Another officer responds f your breath. Shut the f up . Is this the kind of language that officers use . Jon yeah, its outrageous. laughteryou have nailed the real outrage. Whats it like in cnns standards and Practices Department . Hey, we cant say bleep on the air. Kids might be watching. And rerack that shooting footage. Kids might be watching. laughter well be right back. applause ahh, nothing like the peace and quiet of a beach escape. Funny, there was no mention of hail in the weather report. Go smell the roses. Do you regularly wear underwear . Do you wear underwear . laugh yeah yes laugh i never wear underwear. Is that too much information . Yes now, do you think you can get too much information from your car . No this is an email from my car. There are 100s of diagnostics that the vehicle gathers and sends to me. Does anyone want to meet the sender of this email . This is a 2015 chevy malibu. I love it. cheers and applause welcome back. Now, i want you to know christianity has a long history almost as long ass the jews not that, obviously not that its a competition or anything. We have been around for thousands of years long. The point is what is the fiewfort christianity. Jordan klepper investigates. Christian Church Attendance in the United States continues to dwindle but according to the new york times, there was one pastor drawing record crowd with an innovative style. But was he the real deal . Skews me, young rock band member im looking for a stuffy old pastor with a modern twist on christianityiant. I think youre looking for me. This is what im talking about. Were going to lets hug it out. Yeah. That feels right. Great to meet you. Good to hang out with you meet you. Yeah. Was face to face with the future of christianity . Future christ. Copywright jordan klepper. The pastor had it all. Skinny jeans the douche beanie and he played grand theft auto in gore mold moed. In soldout stayed yums across the country this guy had believers and believers. If you had to describe your church experience in four words how would you describe it . Super super super dope. Yeah. So is this the future of christianity . I think yeah. Our church, were going to get down to it. You can get bible verses on your phone. You can watch a live link. If you cant come to church, you can, like, get on your smart phone. Oh, sweet. That sounds like some dope. Yeah. Respect. Love. Cool. Holler. Rock on. You dont have to keep saying those things. Believe it or not some religious leaders like reverend dr. Christopher benic arent digging on carls dope sauce. I have seen some hipster masters and i think theyre missing the boat if theyre trying to sensationalize the church. What does this guy think will revolutionize christianity . Robots. You say the future of christianity includes robots . Potentially. How does a robot become christians. Were not talking about runba, iphone or siri. Were talking something expoinencely more intelligent than we are. So robots will choose to be christians. Youre saying robots. Give them the ability to have higher thoughts, they will choose christianity . Yeah. I think i think its reasoned argument. This sounded awesome. Carl must be pumped. I dont know if i could really care about a robot at all. Youre supposed to be the future though. So been it. Right now were still going oldschool prayer. Is oldschool prayer the future or will robots remix those jams. If you have the ability to process all of the information on earth instantaneously you could write a pretty good sermon. Beat. Yeah. A little bit better than a guy with a tattoo and a kick drum. Yeah, significantly better as far as intelligence goes. Hipster pastor slammed. Am i missing something . Like i dont understand like, a robot is create i dont think a robot could have faith. Sure, robots could have faith. Absolutely, why not . The hope would be beings who would essentially lead to us a new path of holiness. New path of holiness sounds future right. Jesus is in needave reboot. Is there a new son of god we should be look out for . Is there a cody. I feel he transcends time. Hear me out father, son holy ghost and cody. Whos cody in that . Exactly the guy is a mystery. I personally feel like jesus isnt in new years day a reboot at all. Hip stuff goes out of style. Thats thing. Thats not true. Youre still wearing fonzis jackets. Another robo dork, show me the future. I think as a species, they can use their gifts to further jesus redemptive purposes. Are you calling robotz a different species . Potentially unless were integrated with them. bleep robots . No, like a cyborg. If humans are going to make something you believe theyre going to fig outer a way to give it a gender. Cristchristian robots are going to blow your mind. I was sold so i went to build my own super intelligence religious robot and finally it was done. It was the first of its kind so, i named it adam. Autonomous. Divinity. Android. bleep , i dont know. Monkey . And once he downloaded the bible, he did have a few questions. Where can i buy my slave . You cant. Seriously. Its not an option. The bible says i can have one in exodus 21. Its half the reason i signed up. This was not going well. God wouldnt rate something so heavy you wouldnt be able to live it. Dont know the answer to that. Why does god give babies cancer . Its not jesus jesus advocate im so confused. No damn tdont go. Is that steve jobs. Dont go to the light . Do go to the light okay christianity wasnt for him bit maybe theres another path. Prostate. What do you think im doing. Head on the floor. Can i introduce you in a free stress test . Go bleep yourself. All he wants to do is cut off the tip of your grounding rod. Forget this, im an atheist. Aestheticly speaking, it is appealing. No one touch myself robo junk. Is this too much . I feel like this is too much. Jon jordan klepper. Well be right back. cheers and applause doug, we have the results, but first, we have a very special guest. Come on out, flo [house band playing] you have anything to say to flo . Nah, ill just let the results do the talking. [crowd booing] well, he can do that. We show our progressive direct rate and the rates of our competitors even if progressive isnt the lowest. It looks like progressive is not the lowest ohhhh when we return well find out whether doug is the father. Wait, what . cheers and applause . Jon welcome back. My guest tonight the legend. His new show for fx, is called the comedian. Basketball playoffs. Aahh sorry, about that. I was on the phone with my agent. What does it matter. Hell hit both free throws. He was exceptional. The person chef the first time someone sent Something Back to him. Im glad you enjoyed it. Thats what im talking about it. When he did it with the sauce on the side we have freethrows here. Dont hit there its not there. When the clips are on their run its not there where i sit determines the outcome of the game. Yeah, yeah. Jon please welcome back to the program Billy Crystal cheers and applause Billy Crystal cheers and applause . Thank you, thank you, thank you. cheers and applause jon let me tell you what i did very nice. Jon i binge watched your show. They were kind enough to send me some episodes and i binge watched and people were coming in my office going whats so funny . I was laughing in my office. You and josh, josh gad, who was also here thats his name. Jon wonderful chemistry and very funny. It was nice for me because i dont get to see you enough except on every bus stop and bus and billboard anywhere that i go. Its very bizarre. Its worse than l. A. Its like behinds everywhere. Big wondz. Big huge, billboards. My daughter you know. Jon yes. Her twoyearold son is in the car seat facing the wrong way. She pulls alongside bus and doesnt think anything of it and hears her son going hi grandpa. Hi grandpa. You want to see grandpa . Yeah, its grandpa. Grandpa has a bus. Grandpa bus. Grandpa has a bus grandpa has a bus so now he comes over and he wants to see my bus. I try to tell him i dont have a bus, and he gets mad. Now he has a fit. Grandpas bus grandpas bus so i bought a bus. Jon you have to. Its great its great. Jon did you want to be back doing a series . You could do whatever you want . Well well, thank you. But, you know, i wasnt looking for it. And out of the blurk i get this call from a swedish production company. Audience whooo is that the crystal meth guy . applause because if youre on crystal meth and you hear sweden and you go whoo then youre really ripped. It was a show in sweden called the comedian. And i said, all right, with all due respect to sweend, im not thinking laugh factory. Jon sure. No one watched that hilarious leif ulman pilot. Jon if youre in jest, and youre playing chess. And i looked at it ands premise was so great. Its an older veteran comedian, maybe on the downside of his career teamed with this young edgy funny young guy. And i said i love the premise but who are you going to get to plate older guy . I loved it. So i grouchos dead, because that would have been the greatest pairing. But you went with you. You didnt try to go with a billy no, not donovan . Goldman no. When josh was cast and hes so great. Hes such a great guy and he was great here, and book of mormon he was hilarious and were a very good team together. We decide we should play ourselveses and we should do sort of a bonso version of ourselves, stretch a little bit. Ive been in front of people a long time. They think they know me. So i could have fun with that and change my persona a little bit. And let out the dark man. And there is some dark man stuff in those first four episodes. Yeah, and its a lot of fun. Theres an episode that you love which is the third one. Jon the third one in the supermarket. Yeah. Jon can i say . Yeah, sure. Jon so the two of them are high in a supermarket. laughter and its just the two of them wandering around the supermarket, and i dont know if thats just you guyses improvising. Yeah, yeah. Jon but its just its just 10 minutes of just laughoutloud antics, it really made me want to get high and go to a supermarket. Yeah, well. cheers and applause jon and that is the power of television. I will do that with you when youre finished, well ill leave tonight. laughter now now thats the end im done. Dadadada. Come on friends we have come to the end. Last night jon i did my last David Letterman show. Jon its the last one. Because hes gone in, like, a month. May 20. This is more than likely my last appearance with you. Audience ooooh. Calm down. Jon i really do like youre the grim reaper. I come in the and next day youre out i feel lime ooik in south florida saying goodbye to relatives. Im not im not going to see you again uncle randy. You were always good to me. laughter uncle stuy, what are you doing with the watch . Could i have the watch . I always loved that watch. But youve just been amazing to watch. Jon stop it. No, no, no. cheers and applause . Jon we had great times together and i hope we continue. Billys daughter, lindsey incredibly talented directorproducer worked for us for a while. Saddest day of my life, is her getting married and moving to l. A. And were like but shes the producer. She did this great work here. Jon great work. I have to know and im going to embarrass you for a second and you can edit it out. Jon this isnt about me no, no. He has really good manners. laughter but he does everything here. This is his when you say its his show. This is his show. Jon its our little playground. Its more than that. And youve meant a lot to millions of people every night. cheers and applause jon thank you. Meanwhile, the comedian tomorrow night. Tomorrow night jon the great Billy Crystal, everybody. cheers and applause the lightest or nothing. The smartest or nothing. The quietest or nothing. The sleekest. Sexiest. Baddest. Safest,. Tightest,. Quickest,. Harshest. Or nothing. At mercedesbenz we do things one way or we dont do them at all. The 2015 cclass. See your authorized mercedesbenz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedesbenz financial services. Before earning enough cash back from bank of america to help pay for her kids ice time. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before she got 3 back on gas all with no hoops to jump through. Katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. Thats the comfort of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Brookside chocolate now has a crunch. Brookside crunchy clusters crispy multigrains and sweet fruitflavored pieces dipped in rich dark chocolate. Discover brookside crunchy clusters. Sfx clicking sounds so shiny. I know mommy but its time to let the new kitchen get some sleep. If you want to choose wisely choose angies list. You can get a finished project that youll love. Call, click or download the app for free today. Jon thats our show. Here it is the moment of zen. It is very important to the state senate in minnesota, so they are keeping some rules that things dont get craed crazy. . Oarts voted to keep the rule saying they cant make eye contact during a floor debate. This is not voof a floor debate. Thats from curb captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central tonightly, are we a culture of snitches, i would tell you but im afraid suge would run me over. Should we go the police and snitch when we see a Violent Crime . I say yes. Officer i would like to report a crime that im pretty sure i just saw you commit. laughter applause and finally its tax day so watch this snitch or im reporting you to the irs. This is the nightly show everybody cheers and applause