cheers and applause heres a sneak preview. Coming up next on cspan jon stewart looks at congress in cspans new show, hatewatch. Then at 11 30 p. M. , on book tv author michio discusses the challenges of writing a memoir when theres a bee trapped in your office. Hi, everybody. Welcome to hatewatch on cspan 2, im jon stewart. Why dont we take a look today and see what the congress is up to. A bipartisan bill to provide assistance to Human Trafficking victims and Additional Resources to Law Enforcement has gotten stuck in the senate. Jon it appears the senate is stuck on a bill im not sure every american not involved in trafficking humans for sex would support. That sounds like something i would hate. Tell me more. Democrats are stripping out Hyde Amendment. Jon Hyde Amendment named after republicans, blocking use of federal money for abortions, just because the procedure is completely legal doesnt mean it has to be treated that way. I see whats happened a little bit of republican what we at cspan two call bleep ry. How did the sex trafficking bill get passed past Committee Without any not republicans complaining. When the bill was approved by both democrats and republicans democrats admitted they didnt read it fully. Jon you didnt read it fully. What, did you just skim it to see if your name was mentioned . Mom im in the bill we didnt know it was in the bill. You can blame it on staff, blame it on whoever you want to blame it on. Jon how about i blame not reading the bill on you. Senator harry reid, the guy in charge of Senate Democrats whose last name is lirldly literally reid. How did you not read this bill . Thats like going to john waters house and finding out all of his plants are dead. John, you should have last named them but as it turns out, the aforementioned bleep ery was running it. A Republican Judiciary Committee staffer sent a democratic staffer a summary of previous changes in seven bullet points. Guess what. They left out the change they made. Rvps announcing trusting them was a mistake. Jon you think . And you know who thats on . You. The the same way nobody blames the bears in grizzly man for eating the deliciouslooking meat sack who kept sticking his hands in their poop. Because bears are bears. Perhaps its time on hatewatch to go to the phone. Hatewatch sponsored by by arbys. Jon just call the number on your screen laughter first caller. Youre on the air. Caller jon, clearly the problem here is black people dont have an American Work ethic and cant really understand civilization, so as long as president broke obummer is in office oppressing white people jon goodbye. Lets return to our examination of how a bipartisan sex trafficking bill is stuck in the senate. I believe Mitch Mcconnell would like to make apoint. A point. The language that they now profess to find offensive was in there from the beginning. They all voted for the very same language in a bill in december. jon screaming i need a moment. Up next we train our cameras on an empty podium long before anyone approaches it to speak. Jon im all right. Unless senator mcconnell is about to in the immediate aftermath of complaining that the democrats are using an unrelated issue to hold up Important Senate business hold up Important Senate business with an unrelated issue. Senate majority leader Mitch Mcconnell says hell put off a vote on nominee Loretta Lynch until the Senate Passes a Human Trafficking bill. Jon help help we rejoin live a reenactment of a civil war reenact meantime book panel. Blah, blah blah gettysburg. North freedom, blah, blah, blah, look at my hair im so old i wear a bow tie fascinating. Jon appears the failure of the sex trafficking bill to pass the senate would seal the victory for bleep ry in this case but we wont sure until we know for sure from a vote on the senate floor accompanied by by Classical Music to make you feel smart. music jon this is taking too long. Ill make another announcement. Six and a half minutes ago, cspan 2 gave me an Incredible Opportunity to host this show. But now i think its time for anyone else. Please hatewatch doesnt se serve a host whos even slightly nauseous. I dont know when ill be leaving hatewatch. Yes, i do. Right bheep now. Wow that was a nightmare well be right back [ female announcer ] hot pockets sandwiches are even tastier, with delicious quality ingredients. Like hickory ham. Thats right baby. And our buttery seasoned crusts. Then we add hot. Because hot makes everything better. [ ding ] [ female announcer ] better taste. Better quality. 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If youre this kind of student youre our kind of different. Devry university. Different. On purpose. Youre welcome. Ugh. Youre the valet . Yea, sorta the valet. Both drive for a living, both like to save money on Car Insurance and we both know you may not get this car back in the same condition. Watch your toes. Wo ya boy. Get it sorta you isnt you. With drivesense from esurance, you can earn a personalized discount based on how you drive not how someone sorta like you drives. Youll even get a discount just for signing up. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. cheers and applause jon welcome back. As we know, the typical american diet is rich in essential poisons. And with the body of scientific proof the agra and food lobby have turned our menu into antibiotics and cool ranch carcinogens. The question is now that we have this knowledge, now that the American People are aware of this, what are Food Companies going to do about it . Little caesars great theny new pizza wrapped in three and a half feet of bacon jon it appears theyre going to say bleep you anyway. laughter screw your health study littlelittle caesars will wrap it in bacon, batter it, deep fry it and feed it through your anus with a 32ounce soda. laughter the last part is if you have the coupon. laughter the i dont give a bleep approach is getting a lot of traction in the a fast food community. What could be better than golden corrals piping hot delicious yeast rolls . How about six yeast rolls to take home cotton candy and the chocolate wonderfall. Both part of our endless buffet for one incredibly low price. You heard right. Fridays best appetizers are now endless. Go Olive Gardens buy one take one, go for dinner tonight and take home a second entree for later. Jon later . You went there for dinner are you worried you will get lightheaded unless you have a spare dinner for the ride home . Which olive garden are you going to . You can choose one thats close to you and isnt such a far drive that you need a second dinner theres almost as many Olive Gardens as starbucks idea for a business combo pasta and coffee chain restaurant, olive bucks. Featured menu item, the vinty rose mary mocha alfredo, 3,000 calories of oh, my god. God. Makes me feel like homer simpson. While some establishments are giving ouro beecies crisis a chubby middle finger, othersings are more conflicted. Mcdonalds in january. All vegetarians, foodies and gastronauts avert your eyes. You cant get juiciness like this from soy or quinoa. This is not greek yogurt, nor will that ever be kale. Jon we clear, you foody bleep s . The only kale mickey d. s will ever serve is to the chicken whose anus goes in your mcnuggets but then in march, we hear this mcdonalds offering healthier fair, last week executives announced the u. S. Restaurants will not be selling chicken raised with antibiotics over the next two years. Jon see, now im conflicted. I want healthier options, but ill sure miss treating my ear infections with the Buffalo Ranch mcchicken. laughter theyre making the making food less bad for you crave is spreading. Dunkin donuts eliminating the chemical that gives powdered doughnuts the bright white look. Jon im not a chef. But i thought the thing that gave those donuts the bright white look was powdered sugar the Company Wants the p. R. Of going healthy but doesnt actually want to improve the product. We want to move to a new kids eat right label soon to be appearing on kraft singles from the academy of nutrition and dietetics. Jon why . Heres how you know craft has not changed their ingredients. Kraft is still not legally allowed to call this product cheese. How do you wonder kraft singles manage to wrangle a kids eat right label . The academy has a program called kids eat right, entered an agreement to help support this program and in exchange can get to put this label on their products. Kraft is paying the academy jon sounds reasonable. The academy of dietetics is academy like this is cheese. We should start just embracing who we really are and start with the beacon of freedom who drew so many of our ancestors here with those famous words give me your thai food,d, around the world, around the clock. In defense of all we hold dear back home. Americas navy. I got kfcs 5 fill up. Three delicious extra crispy tenders, a big side of creamy mashed potatoes a biscuit, a cookie, and a drink. Whatd you get . A long sandwich. No chips . No drink . No. That wouldve been extra. Im sorry buddy. [sfx squeaking brakes] uhh you do know, the experts at midas will tell you what needs fixing now and what can wait, right . Like, i dunno. Brakes . [laughs] of course i do. One of the best things about driving is being able to stop. Get up to a hundred dollars back by mail on a twoaxle brake service. Brakes. Tires. Oil. Everything. [sfx mnemonic] cheers and applause jon my guest tonight, got a new movie out called while were young. Its an avocado and almond milk sorbet and he designed the container. Tastes like the candy where sometimes pigs are little fruits. Yeah, its bleep . I know that. I want to say baklava but thats a greek desserts. The almond fruits are made of ill look it up. No, thats too easy. Lets try to remember it. piano music in background can i now . No, lets just not know what it is jon please welcome Amanda Seyfried cheers and applause how are you . applause very funny movie. Its a great movie. Jon its a very funny movie, and youre very funny in it. I am . Jon from what i saw yes. You, young laidy. Thank you. Jon youre one of those actors that always surprise me in that youre a good actor but then you have this musical side burks no frowny very good like which was first for you were you musically inclined or acting first . I think i was acting but i auditioned this is what it was, i auditioned for annie on broadway and started taking voice lessons to get to tomorrow, right, and then the audition was awful in philadelphia somewhere and i didnt get it and started taking voice lessons. Jon everything in philadelphia, really. Not just auditions. Really . Jon bleep well its not my fault. Jon my wife is from philadelphia. Too bad. Jon no, its not it is a great city. Jon thanks. Brotherly love. Jon well, you grew up in pennsylvania. Did you follow the sports . Were you ans also or phillies fan . None. Jon do you have a relatives because the huge dividing of jersey is if youre from northern jersey or Central Jersey youre all new york teams. If you are south of that, youre all philly teams and so the bar i worked at was just fist fights. I mean, its exciting to have that much passion for a team but really, at the end of the day laughter jon may i follow your statement to its conclusion . At the end of the day who really gives a bleep . laughter can you tell you something . Ive never had it broken down to me like that before. Great jon you could have saved me a good 50 years of my life. Really . Jon i was obsessed with that stuff. Is that why you had time to develop talent . I maybe. But i think its also because i hate to im a girl im a lady. I like to craft and stuff. I dont want to watch ball. Jon but i like to craft i just make sports jerseys. Well, listen, thats great jon what do you craft . What type of things do you craft . I paint, i knit, i make paper flowers. Jon is there anything you do that doesnt add to the world . laughter that stuff does nothing for the world. Jon you ever do any woodworking . You know what . Grace from blue bloods, she has a wood shop in her basement and she invited me there once and i made something that didnt seem like anything burks soifts fun. I made a block of wood and i it was really stupid but really fun. Jon wood comes in a block already. laughter no, i shaved it. Jon you shaved it down. I had a machine. It was dangerous. Jon i had a wood shop. You did . Jon i made my sons first changing table. What jon then they were born and i havent been in it since laughter you say you watch sports but you made a changing table. Jon something to do while sports were on. Multitasking. Jon yeah everyone does. We have a lot of guests on the show. Weve had president s on this show people, weve never had a guest on the show who has brought a dog like this. May i show . This is wyatt who lives here and the one on the left is sven. The most beautiful dog. Thats a shepherd. An australian shepherd. Jon hes so well behaved and kind. How old is he . Five. Jon how long have you had him in. Five years. Jon youre his mommy . really, we have a lot of dogs running around here, but a lot of them and i wouldnt say this in front of them dont hold a candle to him. I know a lot of dogs like that. Youre right. Hes on another level. Jon yeah. He looks at you. Jon yeah. Hes my spiritual guide. Im serious. Jon like the wolf. Hes like part wolf. Yes yes. Jon hes the first dog i met in a while that i thought, i really hope he humps my leg. Do you know what i mean . Thats so sweet of you laughter jon hope you dont take offense at that. No, im sure he had a great time with you. Jon i hope he did. I would like for him to come back and visit us. You heard the grunting riot. They were having a riot. Jon riot were the other dogs there and they were playing and grunting. They had a lovely time. They are lovely dogs. Jon you were fixing to Say Something terrible about that between riot and sven. I cant say it now laughter jon its lovely to have you on the program. While were young, opens march 27 in los angeles. More cities the following week. Amanda seyfried everybody cheers and applause so i was video chatting with my girlfriend. We havent been together long but. She just says it. I love you. My heart is racing. So i say it right back. I love you too. And she freezes. Not actually but the video chat. And im like did she even hear me. I am so relieved i have verizon. I panicked tried to unfreeze it and hung up. We are so much in love. She never called me back. Vo join us and save without settling. Verizon. You know blue moon didnt always come with an orange. Early on, i noticed people serving our beer with lemons kinda like a traditional belgian wit. But we brewed blue moon belgian white with valencia orange peel for a subtle sweetness. Thats when i got the idea for the orange garnish. So what i would do was bring bags of oranges to bars and show bartenders how to garnish our beer. People loved it. And when they realized it brought out the orange peel in the beer, they loved it even more. You could say the orange on top, brought it all together. Around the world, around the clock. In defense of all we hold dear back home. Americas navy. Jon thats our show. Dont forget to download the latest episode of the daily show podcast featuring an interview with jason jones. Now here it is, your moment of zen. Thank you for your distinguished career in the secret service and for stepping up and taking over this agency at such a difficult time. When i was a young boy i always looked up i mean the secret service, wow, that was it. Comedy central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning made possible by Comedy Central im im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor headin on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind [muffled] come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine