Speechmaking fundraising. And a all important deep thinking policy research that this country needs will soon prove the future of itsd fundraising. Its likely about the fund raising they need a lot of money. Since the presidency in 2016 been app open seat assuming the tyrant obama doesnt declare himself sun king laughter damn, you, feckless tyrant, muslimchristian, dictator pussy laughter weve got two nominee slots to fill. Over on the d. J. Side former secretary of state Hillary Clinton is in cheering seems to be the tight race with senator nobody and governor bupkis. Not a single democrat wants to pursue the nomination on the off chance hillary may throw her hat in the ring whats so scary about this womans hat . laughter dangerous hat. laughter heres how scared democrats are of Hillary Clintons candidacy. Even people who would like to feel a challenger from the nomination will only speak from a secret location. Hi everybody. Im asking you join me and a lot of other folks so far in getting on board with asking Elizabeth Warren to run in a serious way. cheering jon Hillary Clinton cant hear me right . whispering obviously, this is just between us and not in shhhhh nooooooo clinton. laughter but, as predictable as one partys race is, the other nomination could still go to anyone. Well not anyone. Republican mitt romney says he will not repeat, he will not make a third run for the white house. Jon well, what do you know turns out sometimes unwanted people do selfdeport. I had no idea laughter cheers and applause yeah, anyway, as one northeastern governor exits, this leaves a establishment hole in the republican race. The New York Times talking about governor christie, an everybodys a man i like cheese steak ambience about him. laughter jon a little cheap shot there dont you think . I like christie. He loves food. I love that. Hes got that every mans crunch. Do you know what im talking about . The ambience is merely the newest in mens fragrance, cheese steak by calvin kline. Oh all right. I didnt see that picture before. laughter well, dont see how any candidate so closely associated with the popular sandwich can lose. Unless. Apparently he has a taste according to the New York Times for the high life and sometimes he doesnt pay others pay for him. He flew on casino m a anate sheldon adlesons private jet complete with a private bedroom. And his stay at this posh hotel, 30,000 paid for by the king of jordan. Jon okay, wait 30,000 hotel tab sounds pricey, until you realize the mini bar is stocked with ford fiestas. Thats right. Bills can add up. You know, when youre traveling and get to the room and you want a car but you dont want to get up and leave . You pay the the extra money for the mini bar car. Heres what i dont get. Hows it legal for an elected official like governor h. R. Taking stuff to be accepting lavish gifts from the head of a foreign government. Christie in 2010 allowed new jersey governors to have travel and related expenses to be paid by foreign governments audience reacts jon what an incredible coincidence he signs this amazing by specific executive order allowing one man, the governor of new jersey who he himself, through no fault of his own happens to be it allows that one person to get luxury trips through foreign governments again, surprisingly in the days after he becomes the recipient of. This man is so lucky, he should play the lottery. Lottery. After signing an executive order saying the governor of new jersey automatically wins the lottery. Sir, governor christie, what is your explanation here . Christie said it was a matter of opportunity, saying in part, quote, i relish these experiences and exposurers especially for my kids. I try to squeeze all the juice out of the orange that i can. Jon most likely with the top of the line juicer he got from the sultan of bernai. laughter you have to admire his honesty. Heres the deal im going to get every bleep i can get legally out of this office including extra bleep that i myself made legal ha ha ha ha ha laughter jon christies comfort with corruption probably will come back and bite him. Getting a lot of buzz this week, jeb bush. If jeb bush decides to run. He immediately becomes the significant frontrunner. He will be a formidable candidate. There is so much excitement around jeb bush. Jon no, well, now, it could happen because we have had the requisite twoterm democratic presidency refractory period between bush presidencies as required by the constitution. laughter i guess the real question here is will jeb embrace his roots . Im pretty proud also of 41 and 43. I love them very much. I know thats hard for the political world to accept but its pretty easy for me to love them and i love them unconditionally. Jon look, no one is suggesting that you stop loving your family members because theyre bad at their jobs. And to be fair, your dad wasnt even that bad your dad was pretty good especially in retrospect i wouldnt call your dad the greatest man alive or anything, but, you know my dad is the greatest man alive and if you disagree well go outside unless youre leaving 65, 250 and much younger than me. Jon well read all about it in his [car revving] [car revving] [car revving] introducing the first ever 306 horsepower lexus rc coupe. Once driven, theres no going back. [acoustic folk guitar] robin hood and little john walkin through the forest laughin back and forth at what the otherne has to say. Reminiscin, thisnthattin havin such a good time oodelally, oodelally golly, what a day. Oodelally, oodelally golly, what a day [ aniston ] when people ask me what im wearing, i tell them aveeno®. Because Beautiful Skin goes with everything. [ female announcer ] aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion has active naturals® oat with five vital nutrients naturally found in healthy skin. Where do i wear aveeno® . Everywhere. Aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion. And try the body wash too. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful results™. richard america, last year, we did not get you your billion back. We got you your billions back so many billions, we started thinking this isnt tax season. This is refund season and nobody gets more of your money back than block guaranteed. Get your billions back america you think hes having a party . Honey. Youre always so suspiciou s. I guess youre right. Theres no bright lights or music. Just ignore them. Tostitos cantina chips . Its not just a party its a fiesta grande right, claire . Claire . Vo nothing brings people together like tostitos cantina chips. Tostitos. Bring the party. cheers and applause jon welcome back now, america and iran are still negotiating over easterns nuclear program, a fragile process. President obama and president ruerouhani must overcome their mutual distrust and the distrust of their own countrys hard liners. laughter im sorry. That doesnt look right. Yes, much better. Thank you appreciate that. Now, these negotiations you never want to lose your power beard. These negotiations are delicate but eliminating the threat of nuclear eastern while bringing it into the community of nations will be a big deal especially for the Nobel Peace Prize and a deal may be possible as long as no one makes wrong moves. Benjamin netanyahu was invited to address congress on iran and netanyahu accepted. The white house is furious for the israeli leader for accepting House SpeakerJohn Boehners invitation. Jon i dont want to talk about how petty this thing is. When we talk about it, well have to talk about israel and whenever we do we get phone calls. Let me just bring this out. ringing all right. Its already started. Ive got a solution. Let me just turn it off. It happens to have an off button. There you go. Good. Now we can talk about this situation. Where was i . Netanyahu and boehner are i think going to undermine whatever progress in Foreign Policy ringing i turned this off. I okay. Im just going to unplug it. Im sorry. One of our closest for renne allies is taking sides with republicans against the democrat. Dozens of House Democrats talked about skipping the march 1 address by Benjamin Netanyahu. Vice President Biden is one of those who said he will not commit to attending the Prime Ministers speech. Democrats could be caught in the mid toll support the president or a u. S. Ally. Jon great feet under that clip. That truly is a puzzle of biblical proportions. Should we or should we not attend. Im reminded or a former situation. When failed of the seemingly imrobl problem of one baby claimed by two mothers he proposed a simple solution, cut the baby in half so they did. The woman each took their half baby home. Now the half babies both grew up to be fine young men, one smainld schmoo and became a renowned hat maker, the other moisha opened a kicking factory. laughter i actually never finished reading the story laughter but regardless of whether biden shows up inoy his boss is definitely taking a rain check on this one. Im declining to meet with him simply because our general policy is we dont meet with any world leader two weeks before their election. He needs to be far away enough from the election that it doesnt look like in some ways were meddling or putting our thumbs on the scale. laughter yes yes america doesnt want to meddle in a middle eastern nations domestic politics i mean, we dont do that unless, obviously, a country wanted to nationalize its own oil industry or looks like it wants to align with a superpower or, or, or, or send prisoners to their country or next to a country we want to spy on or fight with or aside from these very rare instances laughter we do not meddle many middle eastern nations. Besides netanyahu doesnt need our meddling to win the election. Hes already winning the internet. A campaign ad from Prime MinisterBenjamin Netanyahu that has now gone viral jon viral usually thats reserved for cat shenanigans or skate board fails or the ever rare scad board shananafail this ad must be epic. speaking in Foreign Language is ma the baby sitter . Baby sitter. laughter jon number one im surprised the hebrew word for baby sitter is baby sitter. But its a pun i get it hes a baby sitter but his name is bibi so hes a bibi sitter. Turns out jews cant be funny in every country. Oh son of a bitch well be right back how is that working . Welcome to the most social car weve ever designed. The allnew nissan murano. Nissan. Innovation that excites. Five oceans. Seven continents. Whatever it takes. Wherever it takes us. Americas navy. Hey nice game today. Thanks. Juicy fruit . Sure ill try a piec. Juicy fruit. So sweet you cant help but chew. Hi, im kim. Each month millions of gigs of unused data are taken back by wireless companies. Tragic. Data you paid for, that can be used to see. My makeup. My backhand. My outfits. My vacations. And my outfits. Sadly all lost. Please. Help save the data. cheers and applause jon my guest tonight, his show is call better, call saul. Actually its getting arrested that makes people look guilty even the innocent ones and innocent people get arrested every day and they find themselves in a little room with a detective who act like hes their best friend. Talk to me, he says. Help me clear this thing up. You dont need a lawyer, only guilty people needs lawyers and boom thats when it all goes south. Thats when you want somebody in your corner somebody to buying the tooth and nail. Lawyers, were like health insurance. Hope you never need it but, man, oh man, not having it, no jon welcome back to the program, bob odenkirk cheers and applause whats going on, man . Jon this is insane this is insane. Jon youre a leading man well i went to leading man school. It was actually a driving school, leading man school double thing. So i got a ticket. I could have gone to pizza Traffic School but went to leading man Traffic School. Jon that was a smart move. I dont know what happened. It was on a show called breaking bad and that was crazy good. Jon crazy out of the clear blue, i get a phone call mix agent says theyre going to offer you a part on a show dont say no. And im, like, im not saying no to good parts and, so, did breaking bad and phenomenon and vince and peter had an idea for this show and went and im, like, if you guys want to do it, im there. Jon first of all, i love your lack of enthusiasm. Its great. Its the hallmark of actor. Its the hallmark of the jaded show business guy whos been told its going to happen too many times. Jon you know, heres whats so great about it, ive known you for so many years you dont know us two Walking Around as a village, jon 3 00 in the morning we had nothing that wouldnt sell us food, remember . We had american money we had american money in a bagel shop which is my home turf. No get out you bums get out of here come back when you have a show laughter i was a writer on saturday night live. Jon yes. applause i was actually younger at the time. Jon yeah. And well see each other doing standup. I would do standup so i could get laughs somewhere in the world. And i have a picture of that time. Do you have a picture of this . This is young me and a young jon oh, my god, is that smigal and conan obrien back when we were starting out at s. N. L. Thats when you and i knew each other pretty wall and saw each other pretty often. Jon i dont remember the pleated aspect of your pants in there laughter its a little weird. Jon and heres what i believe now. I believe that may have been why we didnt get served in restaurants. I think it was the puffiness of the pants. But to watch someone you always think is brilliant from the getgo work hard, do all this stuff and then land in this amazing position is i just feel wonderful for you. I think its so exciting. And people are generally excited about this show. Im thankful for that because i think thats because breaking bad ended too soon. Jon yes. And if i had gone exhausting people like many shows do, then i dont think i would feel like many do. Theyre open to see it and eager to see it and openminded about what it could be. Jon obviously, weve known each other a long time. Youit was weird when you said, beat it into the ground, in the show, and you were looking at me. You said they did it and got out at the right time and you didnt get the message yet . When i winked, did that help . Jon you winked, and i went laughter how much of this is shot its already picked up, yes . Yeah, they picked us up a Second Season after a couple of weeks of shooting and i think they thought wow, they were on to something. I hope thats the reason. So were going to shoot more. But we have ten episodes and theyre starting sunday, then monday is the second episode. Jon starts off sunday and monday. Starts sunday and they wanted to give everybody the second episode quick plus its kick ass with guns and is crazy. And then well be on monday night. Jon this is like the thornbirds. This is like roots. Youre in the new roots laughter sorry, roots. laughter jon well, i cant wait for it. I know its got to be overwhelming but im so excited for you. Great to see you. Never stop working on Everything Else twonight premiere this sunday monday night, 10 00, amc, bob hey nice game today. Thanks. Juicy fruit . Sure ill try a piec. Juicy fruit. So sweet you cant help but chew. Female vo i actually have a whole lot of unused vacation days, but where am i gonna go . I just dont have the money to travel right now. I usually just go back home to see my parents so i cant exactly go globetrotting. If i had friends to go with id go but i dont want to travel by myself. Someday. Male vo there are no more excuses. Find the hotel you want, and the flight you want, and well find the savings to get you there. [ male announcer ] dogs smile longer when you give them dentastix. The treat thats clinically proven to reduce tartar buildup. And now theres dentastix deep clean which encourages chewing. Keeping dogs and their mouths happier even longer. Smile its dentastix time. You give. And you give. And then you give some more. But sometimes you get. And so you take. Tylenol® cold is Strong Enough for you while childrens tylenol® is gentle enough for them. We give you relief from your cold and flu. You give them everything youve got. Tylenol®. There are lots of reasons to finish college. At Devry University we can help. By maximizing qualifying transfer credits so you can graduate sooner. All you need. Is a good reason to finish now. Get started at devry. Edu. Jon hey thats our show. Before we go recently, we had an opportunity to contribute to this program called mission continues. Its this Incredible Program for returning veterans that brings them back from afghanistan iraq and allows them to continue to serve through these fellowships in their communities and take that amazing asset that is the Veterans Community and translate it back into helping out and still allowing them to serve. Its really an Incredible Program. We ran a contest through this site where anybody could donate i think like 10 billion, a lottery to win a trip to new york and be interviewed her on the program by some asshole. Im sorry. I should have said me. laughter the winner was a fine young man by the name of paul dorso. Here is his interview with your moment of zen. Affirmative or negative. Of raising the minimumwage . Yeah. Negative. Boom, done, you start. Well youre the affirmative, you start. You start anyway cheers and applause captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com captions paid for by mtv networks im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine okay, children, its friday, and you know what that means for p. E. Class. Were gonna play dodge ball [ all groan ] we dont want to play dodge ball. It hurts. So, lets have half the children on this side and half the children on that side. [ british accent ] excuse me a moment, gentlemen. I dont believe i know how to play dodge ball. What . Dont you have dodge ball in france . Well, no. And actually im not from france. The rules are simple a kid from that team