No, a perversion is two giant rats living in sin for 80 years. Sorry if gay marriage skeeves you out, but its the law of the land now. Theres really nothing you can do about it. I guess you could cancel all courthouse marriages but that would be unbelievably petty spiteful and vindictive. Duval, clay and baker county no longer give couples the option to get married in the courthouse. And that goes for all couples gay or straight. You wont perform any marriages . Because of this in terrible news for engaged couples in those counties. But great news for leland, the lethario of duval county. Sorry, lorelai, id love to settle down, but the law says i cant be caged wolf howl aaawwwhooooooooo thats really got to be sandler in a wig. laughter before you condemn the counties, what theyre doing is in the name of tolerance. Some employees feel uncomfortable mar cringe two men or two women. A spokesperson saying, it could cause discriminations down there with those who are uncomfortable. We wanted to elimnate any unfairness. Jon we dont want to cause uneasiness of people who chose to be clerk. I can spot a county clerk a mile away with my clerkdar come on, you live in a state where at any given moment theres a hurricane going on. Why are you so focused on gay people tying the knot . Ig the biggest thing is its the end of gender in society. Jon one thing florida has his tore quli is strict preservation of gender roles. You as the lady are the sprayee and i as the gentleman is the sprayer, as the lord intended and as god said to atom, use colder water for let there be head lice lets talk about some of the fine citizens youre trying to protect from the blight of legal samesex marriage a florida man caught trying to trade an alligator for beer. A florida woman setting a car on fire at mcdonalds after he refused to buy her a mcflurry . A wealthy florida man has adopted his girlfriend. A florida man who tresses like a woman, claiming to be a doctor is accused of injecting a patient with cement. A florida man trying to steal a chainsaw by stuffing it into his pants jon florida, you dont get to judge others when your state motto is if darwin was right, we wouldnt even be here. We didnt even look for these stories. They found us. In fact its only the second week of 2015 and we may already have a winner for the most floridaman floridaman ever. Of the year. A south florida man is in some trouble. It started with him trying to hit his employees with a lizard. laughter jon please be on video, please with on video investigators say it was all caught on the Security Camera as well. cheers and applause jon go on. Theyre not releasing the video. Oh jon well, thanks for ruining christmas wait a second. This is the perfect time for me to use my Christmas Present from my staff, the footagefaker 3000 lets see. Wait, hold on. There we. Go hold on. Make it more festive. All right. Florida man. Lizard assault from mouth. Go. Oh you lizard hasan stop i beg you, stop sam through lizard cant im from florida ] jon we really kneed to use that machine more often. I know what youre saying rats, what are the legal repercussions for attacking employees with an unregistered lizard . Siegel has been ordered to stay away from his employees and not have any contact with reptiles. How many people have had a restraining order placed on them by an entire class of animal . Buddy, step away from the gecko no she told me she was a frog i swear made me think of that reptile store. Where have i heard of that store before . Two years ago the same pet shop hosted a cockroach eating contest where one contestant died after choking on an insect. Dude choked to death on cockroaches any other state, thats news. But in florida, its just one of the checkboxes on the coroners causeofdeath form. It speeds things along. applause so let me just say this, to any local florida officials who refuse to perform these ceremonies, you live in a giant cockroachinfested hootersdining, reptileabusing evergladesdraining electionruining, strippermotorboating, ballsweatscented genitaliashaped, 24hour mugshot factory. Youre saying you wont perform marriage ceremonies to preserve the sanctity of your courthouses for these people. applause here comes the best part. Up next ill be joined by the senator from florida, marco rubio. Well be right back. Carpenters rainy days and mondays ac dc back in black chevy colorado. When you find new roads, you win motor trends truck of the year. For the love of money [richard] shhhh. Do you hear that . Its your money. Saaaaaaaarah. Its refund season and nobody gets more of your money back than blockguaranteed. Get your billions back america. This is your new wallet. No. Really. You can now use your capital one card with apple pay to buy this that. Or a few pairs of theseall from your iphone 6 instantly. Its easy. Honestly its pretty awesome. And when you have the capital one wallet app you can keep track of all your purchases. See what i mean . Awesome. Whats in your wallet . applause jon welcome back my guest tonight, United States senator of florida, his book American Dreams restoring Economic Opportunity for everyone, welcome back senator marco rubio cheers and applause whats happening man . laughter you dont plan to go to florida anytime soon. Jon i do. Let me tell you something youre a candidate for a lizard beating. Jon no, no. laughter let me tell you about the great people of florida. What a wonderful sense of humor. laughter im honestly counting on the demographic being so old that they really by the time i get down there laughter yeah. Jon listen to this, lets start with agreement. May i have some water . Jon please, come on. I know youre a thirsty man. laughter marco rubio. Lets start with an agreement. You look very sick. Thats photoshopped. Jon is it really . Well when i stopped eating roaches about six months ago i lost a hot of weight, you know . applause jon you have a wonderful sense of humor. We thought we would have fun with it thats all that was. Let me talk about this, you want to restore you dont have a florida graphic up, right . Jon no, not right now. It really does no, no please. Lets continue. I have a new book called jon you have a new book. Yeah. Jon American Dreams restoring Economic Opportunity for everyone. But then theres a very interesting phrase at the end of it for everyone. Yeah. Jon explain that. Well for everyone. Jon well in this country we generally like to keep the Economic Opportunity separate. Yeah. Jon for people that already have money. laughter so the idea of restoring it for everybody, this is an exciting idea. Talk to me about it. Well, i dont know. Listen, i think weve talked about it in the book. Thats been my experience. My dad was a bartender in florida for many years, my mom was a maid. They were never rich. Never made a lot of money. They had a home in a nice, safe neighborhood but never were wealthy. Despite the fact they had limited education, they lived in a time where someone like them could make it to the middle class. I think thats gotten impossible for a lot of people. People open up the paper, the economy is great all the jobs are being created, yet they dont feel it in their own lives. Theyre a broken down car away from feeling disaster. And the question is whose fault is it . The abs is its not just someones fault, its an economic restructuring and our policies havent adjusted. Our country is different than it looked like 20 years ago. Jon dont you think some of the restructuring is some of the more powerful firms have been able to Lobby Congress and create, you know, a different set of rules for their economic i think there are many instances in which industries in the past, and i felt this when i was in the state legislature in florida, that jon youre going to move now, arent you . No, i love living there. We have no income tax. Jon what . You can move down in six months and a day. Jon sure ill be right there. I mean, what does it say about the state when thats the lure . No state income tax . Jon yeah your selling point is its free thats like, you know, the tunnel to get into new york city is 12 bucks. To go to jersey, free laughter thats how it is no no, it doesnt snow. Jon i like that. You should open with that. The free thing you should open with the snow thing. But the problem is, youre right. So one of the arguments ive made as well both in the book and outside is sometimes established industries will use regulations and laws to make sure that an innovative competitor cant enter the state. One of the examples i use in the book and i had the conversation with a course i teach at Florida International university, they were complaining they couldnt get uber in miami, and thens is the local commission under the influence of the medallion holders of the taxicabs have pressure from the commission not to open it up for a competitor and innovative getter to enter the state the point is and youre right, oftentimes established industries will use the mountain of regulations and laws to keep competitors from jon or create new ones that are designed to keep the bar of entry very high so that well get into area of controversy because people have different opinions about it. But in obamacare itself jon talking about the Affordable Care act . In florida we call it obamacare. applause jon i wasnt sure we were talking about the same legislation. Well, depends. Anyway, imagine you had a business where we could pass a law that says youre forced to buy this product. If you cant afford to buy it well subsidize it for you and if the business loses money well come in and bail you out. Jon so it would be like you made a product and the government says you have to give it seat belts. Thats a Public Safety thing right . Youre preventing people from dying in a car accident. Jon no Health Insurance were talking about two different things. Im talking about how Insurance Companies game the system so theyre getting bailed out jon i agree, its certainly a boon to the insurance industry. We have a seat belt law in florida. Jon oh, i say dont worry about it. laughter when we come back, there are some interesting programs in here that i actually think are really good ideas, ones i agree with. Youre not going to say it publicly. Jon no, im going to say it on the v tv and theres over 100 people watching. laughter only pizza huts new menu finally gives crust the flavor it so rightfully deserves. Get any one of ten new crust flavors for free. Like, toasted asiago. Salted pretzel. Or honey sriracha. For a limited time carry out a large two topping for 7. 99. Only at pizza hut. Before earning enough cash back from bank of america to help pay for her kids ice time. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before she got 3 back on gas all with no hoops to jump through. Katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. Thats the comfort of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Recently, a 1954 mercedesbenz grand prix race car made history when it sold for a record price of just under 30 million. And now, another mercedesbenz makes history selling at just over 30,000. And to think this one actually has a surroundsound stereo. The 2015 cla. See your authorized mercedesbenz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedesbenz financial services. Ive been called a control freak. I like to think of myself as more of a control. Enthusiast. Mmm, a perfect 177degrees. And thats why this road warrior rents from national. I can bypass the counter and go straight to my car. And i dont have to talk to any humans, unless i want to. And i dont. And national lets me choose any car in the aisle. Control. Its so, whats the word . Sexy. Go national. Go like a pro. Captain obvious i probably wouldnt stay here tonight. Man thanks, captain obvious. Captain obvious id get a deal for tonight with deals for tonight from hotels. Com. And you might want to get that pipe fixed. The chevrolet malibu. Respected. Efficient. Safe. When you set out to find new roads, you become the most awarded car company of the year. Right now, eligible competitive owners can trade up to this 2015 chevy malibu and get 3000 total cash allowance. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Check it out im sending a tweet. Tweet thats not how it works, grandpa. You think i am out of touch. I saved 15 percent on Car Insurance in just 15 minutes. You couldve saved money in half that time with esurance. wings flapping ah, a reply. Im trending 15 minutes for a quote is old news. Start with a quote from esurance and you could save money on Car Insurance in half the time. Welcome to the modern world. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. Jon welcome back talking to senator marco rubio. I want to get into specific policy. You introduced an idea i think is a good one, the earned income tax credit. Yeah. Jon one of the most popular things for people with children. Its an enormous help. Youre introducing a way to expand that program and to get the money monthly as opposed to well the earned income tax credit is something you can claim through your tax return and even if you dont owe taxes you can get it back depending on how many people youre supporting in your family and you have to have a job to claim it. We should do two things, one, to open it up to people who are childless so single workers can qualify and second, we should put it into your paycheck. Jon a page enhancement. For people make less than 25,000 a year up to a total of 40,000 in wage enhancement. The theory is id much more like to have someone working and subsidize that instead of collecting longterm unemployment. Jon most people on longterm unemployment would agree with you and rather be working. If you wanted to find a job for 8 or 9, you could but you wont be able to pay your bills and thats another problem in the country. Jon and id like to raise the maiming. This is better than raising the minimumwage, the wage enhancement. Jon now that weve drawn an agreement here rest do this earned income tax credit thing and raise the minimumwage. Suddenly, you have an enormous group of people that raise them sfs out of poverty, stimulate the economy. I think this is actually something we could agree on. applause 10. 10 will not raise you out of poverty. Jon but with the earned income tax credit. The concern i have about the minimumwage increase is we have been told by both the Congressional Budget Office and independent analysts that it would cost jobs and some businesses will decide youve made employees more expensive than machines and when you go to a fast food restaurant, you will order from a touchscreen and when you get to the window, the order will be right but laughter applause but the point is you make that person more expensive than the new tech knoll, theyll move to the new Technology Soon snore they will anyway because corporations are people but theyre sociopaths. applause but the point is this there are a lot of ideas like that that utilize Government Intervention in creating the conditions for economic success. Government has a role to play. Jon yes. Your base, your constituency, won that be more of a hard sell for you . Were not talking about anarchy. Theres a role for foft to play. Its not the primary role in economic life. The primary role lies in the private sector. Jon i understand. I dont think most people would disagree with that. Im just saying the rhetoric from the tea party seems somewhat resistant to even the earned income tax credit expansion. Wheres that money going to come from . People in the tea party are frustrated with the growth of government and unresponsiveness. The government has grown too big, too large too expensive, spends money they dont have, grows the debt jon the f you supercharge the credit, its expensive. Its not necessarily just app expansion, were transforming it into a program that we can deliver jon look at you trapped between two worlds. Its the same world. Jon the world of being active in government and protecting bush theres an unrealistic expectation that people want services, everything delivered, they want the money but dont want to pay for it. Thats always been the disconnect, i dont want the government involved, keep your hands off my Social Security that kind of things. Are there other individuals who make arguments that go too far left or right . Jon individuals . You work with them in the senate applause jon but for you to become president , wont you have to move to trying to and isnt it not necessarily this book doesnt strike me as that. I believe this is taking limited government and Free Enterprise and applying it to the challenges of the 21st 21stcally. We already have income earned tax credit jon like your Community College program you want to go to commercial . You have 5 minutes to explain the Community College program . 5 minutes. Jon sure. Where are you going to go . American dreams, on the bookshelves now. Senator marco rubio, ladies and gentlemen well be back with more. Dont settle for 4g lte coverage thats smaller or less reliable when only one network is americas largest and most reliable 4g lte network verizon. With xlte, our 4g lte bandwidth has doubled in over 400 cities. And now, save without settling. Get 2 lines with 10gb of data for just 110. Or 4 lines for just 140. And get a 150 bill credit for each smartphone you switch. Hurry offers end january 31st. Only on verizon. [carpenters rainy days and mondays] [ac dc back in black] [ac dc back in black] chevy colorado when you find new roads, you win motor trends truck of the year. crunch crunch crunch crunch you better pledge your allegiance youre not the only one listen up forefathers let them have some fun some fun some fun. [upbeat music] storm warning. Cold front. Severe weather imminent. Original 96 calorie light pilsner tsunami headed directly from milwaukee. Its miller time. Jon thats our show. Here it is, your moment of zen. Who would have thought bob newhart would have been trending on twitter during the National Championship game when oregon and new york state . Notice the difference betwee captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine and so, it is with heavy hearts that we say goodbye to mabel louise cartman. She was a good woman a Community Leader a caring wife, providing mother and a loving grandmother. Mom, its 3 30. This is taking up my whole saturday. Shh, pumpkin its almost over. Why couldnt the funeral have been on a school day . And now let us bow our heads in a moment of silence and reflect on how mabel touched our lives. God, she didnt take this long to die. And now we release the doves to symbolize the lord taking mabel into his arms and giving her everlasting peace. Peace. [ somber organ music plays ] great. Now can we go . No, sweetie, we have to tend