Jon hey welcome to the daily show my names jon stewart my guest tonight, Allison Williams of girls, the remarkable daughter of one very unremarkable newsman. laughter jon i just want you to know tonight, out of respect for new mass transit ordinances here in new york city, i am blind my desk, i am actually man squeezing. whistling applause jon i have been informed there are some gentlemen on the subway who believe that a ride to work is the time to ventilate the boys. I think thats you know, i think thats an incorrect you know, once you get to the office, let em loose. Have some fun. But on the way to work, i can understand why you may want to keep it tight, keep it clean, let other people sit there without watching you smuggle plumes into the subway system. But, folks cheers and applause and you know its actually good exercise. But lets begin with new Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell beneath his hardened exterior and love of all things lettuce laughter and seasonallydriven, sandbased spawbing spawning runs its a fact, he is a total and the first of his kind to hold elected office but inside lies the hardent critic of president Barack Obamas economic policies you do have to wonder, though, whether the stimulus has had any impact at all. A bill that was meant to rein in wall street. But which is widely expected to stifle growth and kill more jobs. This is certainly the most antibusiness Administration Since the carter years. Million fewer jobs will be created summit of obama care. Spending, borrowing taxing, regulation and tepid growth jon i mean, its just. This president s economic stewardship has borne a wasteland of shuddered businesses, abandoned factories and stores that sell but misery. Marauding hordes wishing for the promised death panels to end their socialist misery and yet the American Economy growing faster than in over a decade. The incredible dollar rally continuing. The gdp soared. Best paced job growth. Unemployment rates fell in 41 states last month. Jon your heads still out of your neck laughter how do you explain that oh amphibious one. We have some economicda the to provide hope. The up tick coincides with the obamas change of long ten your in washington. The expectation of a new republican congress. Jon oh, come on you have been in control of the senate two days laughter barely time to track down murderers in the scrabbled streets of san fernando ous. Quarter, and wait a minute unless my calendar is broken. Which is possible, since i bought it at the discount calendar Factory Outlet store. All that great Economic News happened before the november elections. And mitch, youve only been in control for three days you havent even had time to undo all the jobkilling economycratering, dead president s remurdering policies youve been decrying for years. Two million fewer jobs will be created as a result of obamacare. But the truth is actually much simpler. The truth is and this will blow your minds if you rub Mitch Mcconnells shell laughter you will receive five years of business growth. A limited genie. Takes him 40 minutes to get through a song. You aint never had a friend like me laughter but as long as were on the hot role. Is there any other longstanding problems the senate has singlehandedly fixed . A flag lowering ceremony sunday marked end of u. S. Combat missions in afghanistan. After 13 years Operation Enduring tbreem is over. Americas longest war ended with the faintest of whimpers. Jon the afghan war is officially over and the commentary sounded like it didnt go out with more of a bank. It nded with a whimper. I mean, what ever happened to ending a war with a good Old Fashioned abomb . Now theres a showstopper with some pizzazz by the way, a 13yearold conflict, you know what that means its afghanistans war mitzvah. laughter congratulations. Today you are a quagmire. Well, i know someone whos got to be very excited about this. Guys been talking about ending wars since he was a little pup. Next week, we will be ending our combat mission in afghanistan. Obviously, because of the Extraordinary Service of the men and women in the American Armed forces. Jon im not saying youve got to get on an Aircraft Carrier when youre ending a war. But can you at least deliver the news in a room without booths . laughter might as well be banging out the announcement in a ground round. laughter cmon people this is an historic moment. Try keeping the peanut shells in the bowl not the floor trying to end a war over here anyway, pack up the bags, folks. Its finally the end of Operation Enduring freedom. Lowercase freedom, large font, allcaps enduring. Not something the president would announce, if this wasnt a huge dramatic shift. There is not a huge dramatic shift. Ruh roh. Ending a war sounds pretty dramatic. Maybe not les mis dramatic, but its a solid phantom, there still be 11,000 soldiers in the country. President obama is broadening the plans. Authorizing fighter jets, bombers and drones. There will be u. S. Forces still seeing combat. Providing air and Ground Support for at least two more years. N. A. T. O. Officials retired the flag in kabul sunday replacing it with another representing a new mission. Jon so the change is literally symbolic. You cant just change the flag and expect people to get on board. This better be the most inspirational operation flag of oh, okay. All right, well stay. I suppose, in retrospect, there was one pretty failsafe sign that we wouldnt actually be leaving in 2014. Were going to be totally out of there, come hell or high water, by 2014. We are leaving. We are leaving in 2014, period. Jon we are leaving period if by period i mean comma, psych well be right back. cheers and applause again . Give them something special. Gather around the worlds best chicken and homestyle sides for a dinner everyone will get excited about. Kfc. You pay for you data every month. So why does your carrier take back what you dont use . Its your data. Now at tmobile, all your unused data rolls forward to the next month. And well even get you started with 10gb of free 4g lte data. Coughequence 5. The sleepless night. Sorry. Robitussin dm max nighttimes dual action liquid instantly soothes your throat and delivers fast, powerful cough relief. Robitussin. Dont suffer the coughequences. Introducing york minis. A bite size way to enjoy the full size sensation of peppermint and rich dark chocolate. York minis get the sensation. cheers and applause jon welcome back to the show. If you live leer in new york, a you are very cold. But you know its been a rough few weeks for relations between mayor bill deblasio the socialist sasquatch running our city will have laugh laughter and the new York Police Department turning their backs on the mayor because they feel the mayor does not respect them. At least good news. The number of murders in the city dropped to a record low last year. 328 people were reported killed in 2014. Thats the lowest number since at least 1963. The city is seeing lower numbers in almost every major crime category. Jon burglary, down assault, down remember the giant ape used to be on the skyscraper . Gone the only thing we have to deal with now is the occasional koala raucous which is the more adorable problems our city has. Wave a little eucalyptus they come right over. As we reached cruising the police switched engines off. The police reduced enforcement as a possible protest against the mayor. Felonies down 60 . Parking violations down 93 and traffic citations down 92 . The Police Commissioner acknowledged there has been a slowdown in summonses and arrests. Jon sounds so negative. More of a Public Safety staycation, if you will. Explains the nypd new motto, chillin. So yes, you can look at it as a negative new yorks finest may have stopped doing that whole Crime Fighting thing or think of it as an opportunity. If youre thinking of it as visiting our city now may be the perfect time. Jason jones explains. Its time to fall back in love with the city you love, the one from the 70s. Welcome to the new new york where you no longer need to hide your position for drinking fine spirits outside. And theres plenty of newlyavailable parking. What you doing . Parking wherever the bleep we want its time to wake up the neighbors and spread the news because leash laws are so 2014 bleep you doing . Catch the spirit of the citys old world charm and also some chlamydia. Take a look it could be anything. Anything you need is a phone call away. Jelly bean, its jason. Jones i need some weed, man i want to get high. Yes, i want some cocaine and just look at all the new business opportunities. You buy american cyber i give you two rose waters. No, thats okay. Rose waters is good. About a guy that likes to wear a mask. I want coke cursing can you believe that . Weed, no coke a new new york the entire city is your canvas. Take in a broadway show and share it with millions of your friends on youtube speaking into the mic. This is live theater keep going. Yes, its the city that never ever ever sleeps, because while cops may ignore an aggressive elmo shaking down kids for cash, now theyll ignore this, too whats the matter with you . So come and enjoy our newly accessible facilities. Create, now i get to bleep in a bucket. Oh, oh theres no end to the consequencefree fun. What are you doing . Hey, man. My town. Its not my job. laughter yes, the new new york is for everyone yo, buddy not for you you just littered officer, this man fits some sort of description paid for by new yorkers for a bleep new york. Jon jason jones, well be only pizza huts new menu finally gives crust the flavor it so rightfully deserves. Get any one of ten new crust flavors for free. Like, toasted asiago. Salted pretzel. Or honey sriracha. For a limited time carry out a large two topping for 7. 99. Only at pizza hut. Coughequence 5. The sleepless night. Sorry. Robitussin dm max nighttimes dual action liquid instantly soothes your throat and delivers fast, powerful cough relief. Robitussin. Dont suffer the coughequences. Ben. Well, that was close. You aint lyin. Let quicken loans help you save your money. cheers and applause jon where is my guest tonight . She stars on h. B. O. s girls. About to premiere its fourth season. singing what . Whats going on . Nothing. You know marnie, things dont have to be weird between us. Its not weird. Okay, but if things are weird lets like, acknowledge it. Theres nothing to acknowledge okay . Jon does seem weird between the two of them. Please welcome Allison Williams cheers and applause hobb jon thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me. Jon let me get it out of the way. Do everything you need to do. I can feel it. Jon just off the top. Yeah. Jon your father is a news man by the name of Brian Williams. Yes. Jon in my experience, the apple does not generally fall far from the tree. Okay. Jon in your case hes like a rock garden. Like a paved concrete like a place that you would in the city see a homeless man asleep. I like to think of him that way. Jon you are a vivacious, talented, intelligent woman. Your mother has done such wonderful work here. I will tell her you said that. Jon to overcome i dont want to say the disability of having brian for a father. Dont. If you dont want to say it, you dont have to say it. Jon all right. Its just shocking. Thank you. Overcoming adversity is important laughter and i think its a life skill when youre dealing with the paternal side of the family thats unintelligent and unclassy. Jon thats what im saying not a classy man and vulgar as the day is long disgusting shocking jon it is shocking. laughter im sorry. You know i love that man. I do. Jon we have a fish named Brian Williams in our house. Im going to get out of here. Jon you didnt know that . I did not. Jon it weirds out the neighbors because the kids will sometime go, we have to feed Brian Williams. You did feed Brian Williams in a dely. My first pa centrally sandwich in my life. Jon you grew up on the east coasta mong civilized people. I did. All were eating pa centrally around me and i was like ah later. I knew it was coming sooner or later. Jon had you actively turned down smoked meats in the past . Yeah. Jon what about corned beef . I had that for the first time last night. I dont know whats happening jon youre turning into a jew laughter you will be become a jew what possessed you to start after holding out for so long . Holidays were crazy. I thought why not throw caution to the wind . Jon how did you eat them . I let my dad prepare it because i knew he would have a way of doing it. Jon i say this with all due respect because you know i respect him, i would not let him touch your food. Well, i always have someone taste things that he prepares for me before i eat them. Jon you dont know what kind of quarantines hes violated. Hes being well fed by you and your family. Jon we do like to send him the smoked meats. Thank you. Jon let me ask you this, because you did the live peter pan musical. Yeah. Jon that strikes me as the actors equivalent of the oscars because its this event that the world kind of get around, and they live tweet it and that can be very daunting. I can remember hosting the oscars and going, i didnt know this many people could hate me at once. Its kind of beautiful, actually. Jon it is. You say we cant galvanize anymore as a society and then you go oh yeah everyone is talking to one another laughter i knew it was daunting and would have that kind of response but i also just knew i wanted to play peter pan so badly i didnt care. I just want to know Broad Strokes like can i show my face in public tomorrow or does the world hate me. And the answer the world didnt hate me any more than previously. laughter so that was a net zero, so that was nice. I got some new little kid stuff like tinkerbell. Jon thats sweet. Do you think the liberating aspect of that is what allowed you to then move to the smoked meats . Wow. Jon do you think there is something in that . Before you played that, you thought, i am tethered by conventional deli. I was doing smoked turkey and now im on to pa centrally. Jon thats what kids do. They do. And then i grew up. Jon and even i clapped at home because i believe in pa centrally laughter i dont know how we tied that together. It was artfully done. Jon what kind of fish do you think your dad is . Great question. laughter a flounder. Jon hes not a flounder. You mean in your house . Jon yeah. A fighting fish. Jon no. A goldfish . Jon he is a type of goldfish. Original parmesan laughter applause jon no, hes a little back googly eye. Thats what he looks like jon been swimming upside down lately, a little worried about Brian Williams. He likes to check things out from a new perspective. Jon . Jon youre good at this. Thank you. Jon season 4 of girls premieres sunday 9 00 p. M. H. B. O. Can my kids watch . No. When theyre 30. Jon you cant even watch it. No. Jon nice to see you. Thank you. Jon Allison Williams, everybody. cheers and applause huh, fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. Everybody knows that. Well, did you know you that former pro Football Player ickey woods will celebrate almost anything . Unhuh. Number 44. Whoooo fortyfour, thats me get some cold cuts. Get some cold cuts. Get some cold cuts whooo gimme some geico. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. Whoo fortyfour ladies, thats me whoo. Gonna get some cold cuts today when you feel good no one is immune. With antioxidants, electrolytes, and b vitamins plus more vitamin c than ten oranges. Emergenc transforms more than just water. Emergenc. Let your awesome out. Jon thats our show here it is, your moment of zen. One last thing David Cameron said over the weekend that the president calls him broke. Is that true . Is that any other pet names he has for world leaders. To paraphrase a local baseb. Its 1212 29 and 29 seconds thx happened on instagram. Jeb brother of george bush may be running for president on 2016. He will already paving the way. He just joined instagram i wonder what he will get up to ton the gram, heav leigh