Obviously like to check in, i mean force ourselves. While gagging. Congresss Approval Rating recently has surged from a pathetic 10 all the way up to yeah, 11 . laughter puts them right below explosive cruise ship diarrhea and right above time warner cable. laughter so 9 approval, they must have gotten better. But 11 is still a long way from a passing grade. To reach that congress has to introduce legislation that is so popular, so nonpart son, so totally unobservationable that the whole country could unite what are the odds. I rise to urge passage of hr 5739, the no Social Security for nazis act. laughter applause jon that will do. laughter the no Social Security for nazis act. A bill so uncontroversial congress didnt even have to hide it. Its true purpose behind a disingenuous make i made up name like pate roll act, or patriot act freedom bald eagle baseball am burger act. This seems pretty nondebatable. laughter so lets lets go to the debate. Social security is an earned benefit that was never intended for those who participated in horrific acts of the holocaust. laughter i would imagine most Government Spending programs are not intended to directly benefit the nazis. laughter well, with the exception of cash for clinkers. applause hogan congress is hell in such low esteem even while pass a bill banning Social Security payments to nazis several members felt it they immediate to make it clear they are against nazis. I urge my colleagues to end this benefit. Cut off benefit anyone stripped of their u. S. Stenship related to pansion that nazi crimes. They submitted committed heinous crimes. I urge all members of the house to vote yes and pass the no Social Security to nazis act today. Do you really have to urge people do this . Who are you urging congressman dennis whitepower. Now wait, hold on there, lets not rush into anything, whoa, whoa, whoa bravo congress on your coverageous antiSocial Security for nazis stand. I condition believe you wasted the nations time making yourself look good by passing a bill to stop something that could never happen in a million years anyway. As of now there is a loophole allowing former nazies to collect millions of dollars in benefits. Former auschwitz guard jacob denzinger who fled the u. S. In 1989 but still gets about 1500 a month while living in croatia. An Associated Press investigation found that the Justice Department offered payments to nazis as incentive to leave the United States. laughter jon well, dont i look stupid. Really, we have no other way of making nazis go away . But to bribe them . See here, you nazi monster. I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth so that i can deliver you these monthly Social Security checks. We can put them directly in your account number, but first i have to ask you, is it safe . Now you got the clink thing, i thought the marathon man was good too. It turns out after world war ii we granted citizenship to several thousands lets call them european gentlemen only to find out later when they listed their old job as Camp Counselor but rather than go through the lengthy and difficult process of deporting them, the Justice Department convinced them to selfdeport with a sort of citizenship severance package although they called it something else. It became known as nazi dumping. Nazi dumping. Not to be confused with the best selling dvd porn dvd in germany which is to say the best selling dvd in ger nanny. Like any dump when you flush it away it washes up somewhere else. Trouble was, once they found them nobody wanted them. You can imagine the blowback when someone unwanted would show up in another country unannounced. Yeah, you think nazi was be able to handle that blow bank. Im pretty sure showing up in another country unannounced, kind of their calling card. Parently of all our allies austria was particularly furious when we sent them a former concentration camp guard without warning. Thats right, use rhea, complaining about another country foisting nazis on it, austria, the worlds number one exporter of adolf hitlers. For more were joined by Senior Correspondent jordan klepper. Jordan, thanks for joining us cheers and applause jon jordan, how does it feel how does it feel to see Congress Actually get something done for once . It feels like a kick in the nuts, jon. This bill is an outrage. Shame on congress for taking benefits away from war veterans. Jon jordan, i think youre missing the point. Jon, the point is history. Do you know what wars these men fought in . Jon word war 2. Thats right, jon, were talking about the greatest generation. Jon no. Not the okay generation, not that could be worse generation, the, great,est heroes who deserve our. Jon theyre not heroes, they didnt fight for us. Were talking about taking benefits from nazis. Nazis . These are brave servicemen not nazis. I wont you have slander men like like gruppenfuhrer helmut wolfenstein. That does sound german or ss reichkommadant clause von teufel yeah, these guys are nazis. Totally get what you are saying. We were giving Social Security to nazis . Thats [bleep]. Yes t is blooep wlooep jordan, that is, that is. Whoa, i planned to read like an inspiring homily about persecution. Doesnt really work if it make it about nazis. Jon no t doesnt, but please, indulge us. Please, read your homily, jordan. First they came for the naz nazis, and i did not speak out because i was not a nazi. Jon yeah, it doesnt really work with nazi, does. Okay, then they came for what is worse than nazi . Nazi zombies and seriously, we were giving them Social Security. Jon thank you very much, jordan klepper, everybody. Jordan klepper, everybody. cheers and applause dont settle for 4g lte coverage thats smaller or less reliable when only one network is americas largest and most reliable 4g lte network verizon. With xlte, our 4g lte bandwidth has doubled in over 400 cities. And now, save without settling. Get 2 lines with 10gb of data for just 110. Or 4 lines for just 140. And get a 150 bill credit for each smartphone you switch. Only on verizon. cheers and applause cheers and applause jon welcome back now some of you may have noticed last week we had sort of an impromptu theme week focusing on systemic injustice. And one of its reported side effects, remember . This is an isolated incident, like the Police Shooting of tamir rice in cleveland or dante parker in San Bernardino or Kendrick Mcdade in pasadena or ar monday bennett in new orleans or John Crawford what time does colbert start what time does his show start . laughter im so drol. Now as you saw, one of these examples that we used out of many came from San Bernardino county, california. Now the da there had some issues with this jon stewart fellers report. Jon stewart, he talked about Sheriff Deputies shooting dante parker in our county. He was so wrong about those facts. They did not shoot him, they tasered him, after he had committed a burglary and he was attempting to assault a deputy sheriff. We later found that he was under the influence of many types of drugs, which was the cause of his death. We need to get our facts straight before we start making statements like that. Jon all right, two things. One, why is your set nicer than mine . And two, laughter you were right about that. District attorney ramos was right. We were wrongment in our list of unarmed black men shot by police, we should not have included dante parker who, accord together county medical examiner, died of a pcp overdose. So im sorry about that. I shouldnt have done that. laughter i [bleep] hate making unforced errors like this. I hate it i get so mad at myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid because heres here is why why im sorry, now rather than having to have the uncomfortable conversation about a judicial system that may be biased or disturbing pattern of unarmed black men being shot by police are or a certain element of mill tarization enforced that has cent into some aspects of Law Enforcement culture, my stupidity, my slopiness, i did this to me, can become an opportunity to negate that entire conversation. And shift it back to slightly safer, lets say, less nuanced ground. Coming up on the program, jon stewart uses his show to slam the cops. Jon son of a bitch thats what im talking about. And i cant even fight back. cheers and applause jon aahh and i deserve that. I deserve that. Thats just what i did with the one factual error that in no way changed the preponderance of evidence of the piece. But you know what, i got no one to blame but me. Please, sir, may i have another. Out of all that glibness and smugness, do the facts really matter. Evidently for jon stewart they dont really matter. Jon i used one fact that was one fact. Youre being glib and smug and ignoring all the fact its right now but see thats what is so tough about working in media counterrohrism. laughter the daily show daily show has to be right 100 of the time. Spoke only has to be right oncement but still, this is my fault. I did it to me. I did it to me. All the stuff coming at me, i just got to accept it, bring it on. You want to finetune Community Relations with officers, fine. But now its everybody feasting on you guys. Just so you know, to put these stats in case jon stewart wants to include this tonight, 85 nypd officers were killed after 9 11. Jon [bleep] you. Seriously. cheers and applause jon [bleep] you. That is so far out of line that even within the confines of this bit, ostensibly accepting blame for everything that is coming my way for the factual error, i really do regret, [bleep] you. Ears, eyes, nose and throat. In fact, if i havent told you to [bleep] off i would have had to apologize on tomorrows nights show for being factually incorrect. By the way jack ass, you can truly grieve for every officer who has been lost in the line of duty in this country and still be troubled by cases of police overreach. Those two ideas are not mutually exclusive. You can have great regard for Law Enforcement and still want them to be held to high standards. But the way they interest approximating to town here this all sounds way worse than what i thought i actually even said on the show. Maybe i am misremembering it. Maybe can we roll the clip from monday again. Im not saying all we need to do is reexamine a system that produces these types of results, all im saying is cops are evil. Every one of them. And we must burn the country to the ground. Anarchy, anarchy cheers and applause jon the camera really does add a cape and a mustache. laughter the point is this, raising these issues is not the same thing as den grading the police. Its a plea to push past the defensiveness and try and get to the reality to make things better am but my guess is that aint really happening, is it. He talks about a Bigger Picture. The Bigger Picture for me are the men and women of the honorable profession of Law Enforcement, and how theyre being attacked in this time period in the United States of america. Jon well, mr. Da, respectfully, i think we disagree. I dont think scrutiny is the same as attack. While i may disagree with your point of view, i respect that you did go through the trouble of promoting my movie while making it. Well be right back. cheers and applause hey man, have you tried the voice text on the new iphone 6 . Yeah, its amazing. Especially with things that dont normally work with regular texts like sarcasm. [sarcastically] please bring amanda. Shes soo fun. Or if you want to sing a message. [singing] do you need anything from the store. Like 2 milk or skim . Or just getting around words that are really hard to spell. Tell the mcdonahaneys that we cant go camping because our exchange student, thelonious, has arachnophobia, which is a shame because we prepared a smorgasbord of charcuterie for his bicentennial jamboree. Miller invented lite beer, and that changed everything. Great taste deserved great packaging, which led to new packaging, improved packaging, and ultimately, too many improvements. Which led us back to our original look. Miller lite we invented lite beer, youre welcome. Only pizza huts new menu takes flavor to the edge. Get any one of our ten new crust flavors for free. Like, toasted asiago crust. Salted pretzel crust. Or fiery red pepper crust, for free. Order now and score two medium pizzas for 6. 99 each. Get it all at pizzahut. Com. Twhat do i do . You need to catch the 4 10 huh . The Equipment Tracking system will get you to the loading dock. There should be a truck leaving now. I got it. Now jump off the bridge. What . In 3. 2. 1. Are you kidding me . Go. Right on time. Right now, over 20,000 trains are running reliably. We call that predictable. Thrillingly predictable. Jon welcome back. Tonight my guest, the legendary tv producer, his new memoir is called even this, i get to experience, please welcome to the program norman lear. Norman come on. Very nice. Norman lear yes cheers and applause what a night, what a night to be here. Jon look at this book here, even this i get to experience. I want to thank you for raising me. I want to thank you for making this this last piece was no wonder my wife and gi to bed with you every night. Jon oh, really, thats cheers and applause every night. Jon my ears are burning. laughter jon how first of all, you kids today that have everything at their finger tips. They can download thing, watch things when they want. All in the family, maude, jefferson, this was appointment television. I can remember as a kid the anticipation and excitement when your shows were going to be coming on am you owned television back then. I was working as hard as you work today. Jon no. No, truly. Thats what we were doing. We were all working our asses off to make the best television we thought we could. The difference was that we were all serious people. Comedy was our business. Youre a very serious man. That was a very serious, hilarious piece. Jon well, thats very kind. I appreciate that. Ess cheers and applause jon but thats where i think where i think i learned how to process complex thought, things that i really cared about, through the lens of comedy, was watching norman lear shows. Because and at that time it was astonishing. At that time it was the banana splits and the Hudson Brothers an all of a sudden archie bunker comes on the scene and all in the family, and all of these issues underlying the american culture. What could make me prouder than to have sat through those last few i have to repeat it again. This was so brilliant. Jon thank you. But you struggled though for a while, right . I had a lot of years of struggling. Jon tell me about that. What was in your mind did you think im going the wrong direction here . Did you think people dont want to hear these types of issues through a narrative . You know, i did the first big break ed simmons and hi was the dean martin and Jerry Lewis Colgate comedy hour. On the colgate comedy hour t debutted. After the show i was having dinner with my agent and his wife. And i was crying because jerry lewis had destroyed the scene, i thought, that we had written for him. Jon right. Because he didnt Pay Attention, or he did Pay Attention to the script but he left the script off. Now we wrote a scene that had some meaning for us. And thats why i was crying. But he delivered the scene so well that they had to apologize to the Motion Picture industry because this was a scene about television destroying the Motion Picture industry. And they made a public apology. Jon really . Yes, at the insistence of the Motion Picture industry. And our scene had scored. So it was something on our minds at the very first beginning. Jon right. At the very first of my career. Jon is that something so you want into this very consciously deciding that you werent just going to write any kind of comedy, you from going to write social comedy. I didnt go into it with that. Because that would have assumed hi some conscious some conscious support. Jon i get it, all right, fair enough, fair enough. First night all in the family comes on, this is Ground Breaking television. Right. Jon what was your expectation of what would happen when this archie bunker character, this plainspoken, lovable bigot gets into American Television living rooms. What was the network worried about . What were you worried about . Well, the network was worried about it was 20 minutes before the show went on the air. Jon uhhuh. In new york, when i got a call that they were putting the show on the air. Because there was one line that they wished out. The bunkers are returning from church because he hated the sermon and he hated the pastor. And the kids have the house alone, mike and gloria and theyre going upstairs. They come in and interrupt that. And archie says, he gets what is happening, the meaning of what is happening. And he says 11 10 on a sunday morning. That was it. Jon oh, man. That had to come out. Now when i said why. They said it makes it very explicit. laughter the it makes it 11 10 on a sunday morning, that nails what theyre having. I said well, let that be. How about the fact that theyre married. Theyre going upstaired. Theyre married. What is the problem. Jon married people are allowed to have sex in the morning. I think so. Sometimes its good for them. Anyway, they insisted that that come out. Now it sounds, i dont mean this as a tribute to bravery at all. I had the common sense to understand that that little thing, if i gave up on that little thing, i was dead from there on. Then no matter what crazy, silly thing, and i thought that was just plain silly. I also had a three picture deal offered to me by united artists. Jon so you had a Little Something you had a little fallback. Yeah, yeah. Jon well, its very exciting. You can stick around for a little bit. I would love to. Jon well have norman lear stick around. The book is called even this i get to experience, on the book shelves now. The great norman lear. Dont go away. Find everything ok . I did, thanks. beep beep beep confused honey, you wont believe. You were supposed to be out shopping. It went super quick. Happy birthday . with apple pay, using your wells fargo card just got easier. As strongbow hard] acider, better. But strongbow over ice is the best. Enjoying strongbow over ice with your slow motion horse, the bestest. Strongbow, worlds number one hard cider. Get to tmobile and knock out your gift list. With zero down and zero interest on all the hottest gifts. Like the Samsung Galaxy note 4 and the note 10. 1, plus the beats solo 2, the ue boom and more. Yep all of them, zero down, zero interest. We know, were out of control. Looks like the big guys job just got easier. You dont need to think about the energy that makes our lives possible. Because we do. Were exxonmobil and powering the world responsibly is our job. Because boiling an egg. Isnt as simple as just boiling an egg. Life takes energy. Energy lives here. Jon thats our show, join us tomorrow night at 11 00. Her is your moment of zone. Tony blairs Christmas Card is trending for all the wrong reasons. The card features this photo of him of what some are of him of what some are called a forced grimas on im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park, gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine