Doomsdayy. You have your putin being sanctioned. Hes calming down, maybe putting a shirt on. [laughter] you have a ceasefire finally in gaza. Oh, please let it hold. Time for everybody to take a breath, calm down. Its all good. Ebola alert. Fastgrowing Ebola Outbreak. One of the most feared and deadly diseases on earth. Surging out of control. Jon what the [bleeped] oh, my god. What the [bleeped]. [applause] [bleeped] thats going to make a good gift. All right. [bleeped]. First it was war. Then it was plaismg were either in the end times or a scifi original movie. Were all in danger. The World Trade Organization reports there are now 1,603 cases in west africa. [laughter] jon oh, well, thats terrible for those countries. I didnt realize. All right. I guess i wont be needing this. Why dont i just cut it up for parts because you got cut the hood up before you throw it away, otherwise i think dolphins get stuck in it or something. [laughter] there are new fears tonight about the Ebola Outbreak right here in new york city. Doctors at mt. Sinai hospital are performing tests on a patient who is showing possible symptoms of the virus. Jon mother [bleeped]. [laughter] [cheering and applause] how do we even know this patient has ebola . The male patient arrived here at the emergency room early this morning with a high fever and gastrointestinal symptom, which could be caused by many different illnesses. Jon yeah, no kidding. Hes got a fever and diarrhea. Thats it . I mean, youre saying he could have ebola, or maybe he just got his lunch here. [laughter] its what we in new york call ourbola. [laughter] did you know all new york doctors are trained to ask, have you been to west africa or eaten at a salad bar that also sells condoms and cigarettes . Well, while we wait for the results of the ebola test, im sure the hospital is taking every precaution. The hospital said all the necessary steps are being taken to ensure the safety of patients, visitors and staff. The hospital says they will continue to work closely with federal, state and city officials. Jon im not an epidemologist or immunologist or versed in disease control, but a good start to a solid quarantine i think would be shutting the [bleeped] door. Am i wrong here . [cheering and applause] i mean, right now youre trying pull a quarantine. Ebola could just flow right outside. It wouldnt even have to hurry. Dododo. Probably this guy doesnt even have ebola, but if he does, is the city screwed . One doctor tells me even a actual ebola case in new york city would not be cause for panic. Its not like flu where it can be carried in droplets in the air. Ebola needs direct contact with bodily fluids containing the virus. Jon i dont know about you people, but i think dr. Aflac here just gave me some ebola. Right here. Direct contact with bodily fluids, huh . [laughter] so maybe its not too bad, even if this patient is infected, we can handle one case. Its new york city, baby. As long as all the other cases stay out of the country. The second american doctor infected with the ebola virus has just landed in atlanta. [laughter] jon so were importing ebola now. Thats got to be the Worst Airport pickup gig ever. Now, dont these people realize ebola has no treatment, no cure, no treatment. Sure, you bring em here to the united states. What are they even going do for these patients . Doctors are trying out a brandnew approach to fighting the disease with an experimental serum. Topsecret serum. Magic serum. Breathing straightened out, the rash on his body went away and his vital signs returned to a more normal state. Jon oh, my god, theres apparently a cure for ebola for americans. [laughter] i imagine theres a continent right about now going, um, i have an idea, why dont you save the mosquito nets and give us some of that ebola juice. Meanwhile, Senior Health correspondent Jessica Williams has more on the potential outbreak. Jess, thanks so much for joining us. Oh, my goodness, thanks for having me. Jon thank you for being here. Thank you. Jon jess, is this really happening . Jon, ebolas real as [bleeped]. It is right here in new york. Jon jessica, are you serious . Yes, jon, im so serious. Ebola is in new york spreading fast through chelsea, the west village and tribeca and especially locations within a few blocks of the 123 subway line. Residents in those areas must leave their apartments now, jon. Now jon jessica, thats incredible. This is the first that i have heard of this, that i have been told of this. Youve broken some news. Just those neighborhoods, jess . Well, i mean, jon, it could also hit a cub l nice neighborhoods in brooklyn, too, but definitely nothing off the g train, definitely not. [laughter] jon jess, are there any more specifics . Oh, yeah, hold on. Im being told the ebola could really hit hardest in prewar buildings with good storage and washer dryers. Yes, jon, and i really mean inunit washer dryers, not any of that next door, around the corner bull bleep. Really. Jon i see. Have you heard anything in the outer boroughs, queen and the bronx. [bleeped] no. Ebola is not going there. , no jon, ebola is definitely not present in queens, but if you live in an Upper West Side one bedroom with big southfacing window, original details, a steam shower and a doorman, you definitely want to get the hell out of there. Definitely. Jon jessica, you know, i hesitate to bring this up obviously. Your credentials reporting in the health field are impeccable. Thank you. Jon but it appears youre using this ebola scare to create a real estate opportunity for yourself. What . Jon thats just. Jon, how dare you i am a professional news woman of authority. I would never ever. [coughing] jon jess . Jess, are you all right . I got the virus, jon i have the dangerous ebola, jon. I think i need to be quarantined up in that penthouse for 1,100 a month and like no brokers fee. Jon all right, Jessica Williams, everybody. Well be right back. [cheering and applause] vo ours is a world of passengers. The redeyes. daughter im really tired. vo the transfers. Well, thats kid number three. vo the copilots. All sitting. Trusting. Waiting. For a safe arrival. Introducing the allnew subaru legacy. Designed to help the driver in you. Care for the passenger in them. The subaru legacy. Its not just a sedan. Its a subaru. Start your day with the most egg white and cheese beautiful breakfast this side of daybreak. The toasty flatbread foundation will smooth out mornings ups and downs. The juicy, sizzly steak is stacked high enough to see well over any morning fog left in that noggin of yours plus its loaded with proteinpacked egg whites, melty cheese and whatever else you love, like jalapenos or spinach. The subway steak egg white cheese is as great as the sunrise itself. Subway. Eat fresh. Yeah, girl you know, ive been thinking about us and, uh, i just cant fight it anymore its bundle time bundle mm, feel those savings, baby and thats how a home and auto bundle is made. Better he learns it here than on the streets. The miracle of bundling now, thats progressive. [ male announcer ] theyll see you before you see them. Cops are cracking down on drinking and driving. Drive sober, or get pulled over. Jon thank you. Welcome back to the program. Now, as you know, america believes in name brands. Youre ford, youre johnson johnson, youre kardashian. You know what youre going to get. But what about when it comes to politics . We have more. America is gripped with a lot of uncertainty these days, but the election 20616 will offer a bit of security. I think something thats exciting about the election 20616 is you have two brands that you know Hillary Clinton and jeb bush. Thats right, the coke and pepsi of politics are back. If its a clint brand, youre all good to go, a bush brand, all good to go. So obama, hes like a generic brand almost, like an off brand . Yeah, he was brand that we had not heard of before. When i was a kid, i remember my dad got me a fourstripe adidas. I dont want a fourstreep adidas president. I think we can both agree on that. Exactly. Why would you want to shop for a president at Family Dollar . Thankfully 2016 will have names you can trust. This is exciting because we know the brand. We aint got read the brochure. Youve seen the movie. Youre just waiting for the sequel to come out. We tried our black guy phase. Its over. Now we need to get back to what works. Which is clinton or bush. I was going to say white dudes. Or white women. Yet some, like political scientist jonathan zimmerman, refuse to acknowledge all the time that could be saved by going with the name you know. We dont need a brand name in the white house. Its a giant country and we should be casting the widest possible net in trying to find able leaders for ourselves. It doesnt matter what their name or their blood line is. Would you vote for Philip Hitler . [laughter] i dont think anybody named hitler is going to run for president or anything else. Because that brand is ruined. I wouldnt personally care what the guys name was. You wouldnt care what phil hitlers name was . No. But lots over people would, and phil hitler, our imaginary phil hitler would know, that so he would run as phil hoover or. What about fred bin laden . I dont think he would do that. Yes, the great family names of this country tell us who we are as a nation. So what would you rather eat, this delicious, suck lent mcdonalds burger, or this burger made by some dude who has been crafting burgers with all organic handmade ingredients . The burger crafted by the organic craftsman dude, of course. You mean coke and french fries and that mcdonalds hamburger, im done. Sadly others share zimmermans dangerous point of view. If we cant find more than two or three families to run for high office, thats silly. What if zimmerman and babs are right . Maybe we shouldnt just depend on two or three families. There had to be someone else out there, but who . I am the great, great, great granddaughter of our eighth president , martin van buren. [laughter] i dont see it. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah, i see it now. You got the whole thing. That makes sense. Lily van buren was perfect, an offspring of a president so forgettable he wouldnt offend the left or the right. Now, obviously the van buren name is synonymous with. What is it synonymous with . I dont really know. Integrity. Okay. Inbred leadership qualities. You might want to stay away from inbred, but go on. Martin van buren had the gift of leadership. She had to run. The only thing left was to test this newold brand before the people that mattered most, potential staff theres would work for free. I bring to you the next president of the united states, lily van buren. [applause] my fellow americans, are you better off now than you were 126 years ago . I will free america from its dependence on big whale oil. We will stop the persian empire from getting the gatlin gun. Yes, we will. Thats right. It was a success. Look out, jeb, hillary and phil hitler, this classic american brand is back. Its all about the name and you have the name. So thank you so much, lily van buren. Well, on my drivers license, im mary lee wickmer. Wait. What . Wickmer. Thats my married name. Well, close enough. Jon well be right back. Thats about as american as it gets. Woman what do you mean . Blueberry pancakes, strawberries and cream cheese icing, starting at just 4. 99. Apple pie, watch out. [bell rings] waitress welcome to dennys excuse me. Can you tell me where ah no problem roller skates. So you are going to want to palm tree the fish until the second seahorse on your tea pot, then you should be light bulbs. Let your random side out with new wonka randoms. At my professors guidancets kelleand supportschool helped me reach my goal a promotion. At microsoft. Get started with our 20,000 merit based career catalyst scholarship. Funds are limited. Apply by august 29th at devry. Edu. Blue shirt well you can with these 2in1s. They have a powerful intel processor inside which allows them to be both a laptop and a tablet. Student and lightning. Fencing coach see right here, youve got to make the attack. Vo save 100 on select hp 2in1s. Best buy americas back to school techfitter. You have the most amazing hair of any man ive ever seen. You want to get out of here . Well, i would love. [sfx electronic noises] is that a yes . [sfx old spice whistle] walked in to a mcdonalds and discovereden an extraordinary burger with heaps of jalapenos. For only two dollars. Within minutes, they had also discovered the phenomenon of economnomnomics nomnom. Nom . Nom nom the jalapeno double, try it now for just 2 on mcdonalds dollar menu and more. Its economnomnomcial. Nom. Nom. Nom. [cheering and applause] jon welcome back. My guest tonight, an author. Her new book is called soldier girls the battles of three women at home and at war. Please welcome to the program helen thorpe. Hello. How are you . Im great. How are you . Very nice to meet you. Thank you. Jon thank you for being here. My pleasure. Jon what a wonderful book. Soldier girls. You know, war stories are so difficult to tell beneath the kind of tent or caricatured vision that people have, to tell the story of women at war. Its such a different place to go with it. The book feels very fresh in that way. Thank you. Jon how long did you follow and how did you choose the women that you followed . So i met them first in 2010. And at that point they had already done two tours of duty and were back. And i spoke to them. Actually, i spoke to them for four years. The whole project took four years. So they went through hours and hours and hours of interviews with me. Jon very revealing. By the way, their courage not only to go into those war zones, but in the way they discuss their lives. I thought they were incredibly brave and candid. They shared with me letters and emails and diaries, even therapy notes. Jon it was interesting, their challenges were different. You have one woman who had three children, another who was single, another who was going to be a grandmother. Right. Jon even though they all knew each other, they come from very different places. Right, really different life stages. So i met the youngest of the three women first. Her name in the book is Michelle Fisher. Jon which is not her name. Its not her real nhl she asked for a pseudonym. About half the individuals i interviewed wanted to use pseudonyms. Michelle fisher was 18 in the spring of 2001. She did not think of herself as a soldier or somebody who wanted to join the military, but her mom was on and off welfare and her dad was in and out of prison, and she really wanted to figure out how could she go to college and have a different kind of life. She didnt want to do factory work, which is what was available. So she walked into the recruiting office for the National Guard and signed up really intending to be a parttime soldier. When she was in training, 9 11 happened, and she got right away that her life was going to be really different. Jon i thought what was most interesting about this is in the books that ive read about male experience in war, theres a certain camaraderie that you never get beneath, but this opens up a door to the interaction between soldiers that is very different and fraught with a lot more complication in terms of interpersonal relationships, you know, out of marriage relationships, drinking. It is a lot more. Theres a lot more depth to it. So these women were, you know, deployed on these multiple lengthy deployments, first to afghanistan, then to iraq, and the work they were doing was fixing broken ak47s in afghanistan as weapons mechanics or in one womans case, when shes in iraq, driving a supply gun truck at the front of a supply convoy. Then to relieve the stress from these lengthy deployments at home, feeling isolated and lonely the work of the women did have affairs with men who were married who were their colleagues, and one woman ends up drinking. She wants a cocktail at the end of every day and she ends up relying on alcohol to sort of get her through the deployment. Jon sure. It was interesting, too, because theyre a bit of a rare commodity over there, so this idea that the males are kind of fighting for their attention in ways wanted but also unwanted, and it shows the difficulty they have in having to navigate even forget about the enemy environment, their own environment. Yeah. So because theyre serving in a mixedgender battalion, the ratio is like 21 roughly in their own battalion, men to women, but theyre on a military post alongside of allmale infantry soldiers or foreign soldiers from Different Countries that are all male, so the ratio on the post itself is even more skewed many more men to women, and they are scarce commodity. The youngest in the book, the youngest woman, michelle, is finding that everywhere she goes, the men are reading the name tag on her army uniform and calling out to her by name as if they know her, from the moment she leaves her tent until she gets back to her tent at night, its nonstop attention. And then you have debbie, who is 30 years older, shes in her early 50s, shes thinking, wow, its a long time since i got that kind of attention and shes not getting quite that sort of attention, and you can see it from different vantage points depending on their age. Jon wow. Thats whats incredible about it. It gives a view almost from a 180 of what were accustomed. Its a very valuable addition in that way it seems. Thank you for coming only. Pleasure. Jon have the women read it . I gave them the manuscript before it was published so they could read it. I wanted. You know, its work of journalism. It wasnt like an authorized biography or anything like that, but i wanted them to read it and know what was coming out, and i wanted to hear their thought, so they endorsed the project. Jon oh, they did. So its not like they read it and went, i will never speak with you again. They read it and each of them had some concern about some Family Member where they had told me something revealing about their daughter or their boyfriend, and then they wanted to protect other people, but they said all this stuff i told you about myself, yep, thats the way it happened. Jon wow. Thats terrific. Do you guys still get together . Yes. Jon thats nice. And Michelle Fisher has a crush on you. Jon Michelle Fisher has a crush on me . [cheering and applause] [sing songs] i know whats in her diary. [laughter] well, thank you very much for coming and sharing the story. Soldier girls is on the bookshelves now. Helen thorpe, thank you so much. Break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals. Ice breakers. [ laughter ] [ beeping ] [ laughs ] [ siren wailing ] [ male announcer ] theyll see you before you see them. Cops are cracking down on drinking and driving. Drive sober, or get pulled over. Cops are cracking down on drinking and driving. Yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. Can you fix it, dad . Yeah, i can fix that. dad i wanted a car that could handle anything. I fixed it dad thats why i got a subaru legacy. vo symmetrical allwheel drive plus 36 mpg. I gotta break more toys. vo introducing the allnew subaru legacy. Its not just a sedan. Its a subaru. Jon thats our show. Here it is, your moment of zen. I watch the news because im a kid. Apparently grandpa just gives me the remote, i have to watch the powerball. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen welcome to the report, everybody good to have you with us nation, i got to tell you, folks, i got to tell you, it is wonderful to hear that from this audience. Thank you, thank you, heroes thank you, nation, thank you folks, you know, if you are checking the papers and looking at the tvs theres just so much sad news out there these days that tonight i would like to kick things off with a hot shot, a pick me up from what i like to call Stephen Colberts smile file. Tonight on the smile file tyrannical north korean dictator kim jungun. Folks, this mad man lives a constant state of stern disapproval. But even before he came to power young un made no time