Jon i believe i can field this one. Jon stewart of the jon stewart timespicayune, is jon stewart fair to republicans . Does the pope [bleeped] in the woods . [laughter] because if not, not only am i not fair to republicans, i think a bear wearing a hat gave me communion. But obviously it is wow. Thats interesting. Im not going to make that other joke they was just about to make. [laughter] it was about one of us not using our teeth. Obviously its a question were all waiting for, senator. No, but he, you know, it doesnt matter really. [audience reacts]. Jon son of a bitch. You lied to me, book you lied to me. [cheering and applause] lied to me. Next thing mccain will tell me is i dont even poop. [laughter] why, senator, why . Why dont i matter . When he says things, which hes entitled to, after all, hes a latenight comic, that are absolutely wrong, he gets away with with it. [audience reacts]. Jon no, hes right, those latenight comics do get away with mistake after mistake. Some with catastrophic consequence. And yet somehow the viewers continue to elect, to watch. Look, ill give you this, mccain, ive been wrong, ive done some bad things, helped hugh grant promote did you hear about the morgans . But i would be willing to bet, mccain, that if we went wrongo y wrongo, youd come out on bottom. My 16 years on this show up against your 132 years of senate service. [laughter] whats that . Oh, really, im wrong. Okay. Point mccain. [laughter] so what do you say, senator . Care to put your money where your forced smile through jawclenching anger is . My record of absolute wrongness against your record of absolute wrongness for a good oldfashioned wrong off. [country music playing] [cheering and applause] come on ill tell you, what you come on the program loaded down with your jon stewart was absolutely wrong file, and ill see if i can perhaps dig up one were to things youve been mistaken about. [truck backing up beeping] no, no dont unload the truck yet, boys, wait until he gets here. So how about it, mccain, you and me, wrong to wrong, noholdsbarred, and the loser has to sit through 24 straight hours watching the person hes best known for unleashing on the world. [cheering and applause] im almost wishing i would lose. Turning from an angry old man whose absolute wrongness has wrought great damage on this world to an angry old man who has brought damage to this world. A billionaire who doesnt like to take no for an answer. Jon Rupert Murdoch is in the news. What did he do now, eat a dingo who has just eaten a baby . Rupert murdoch offered 80 million for time warner. How much more media can he own . If he bias time warner, news will be just what bleep Rupert Murdoch thinks. Even cnn is impressed by the audaciousness of this play, although slightly passive aggressively. Why is he doing this now . He is old, but hes sharp as a tack, his physical appearance does not match his mental acuity. Hes worth 13. 9 billion. Hes 83 years old. Jon hes a great businessman, but he farts dust. Hes got face like a rotting pumpkin, but hes charming. [laughter] the guys like spongebath newspants. When can we expect the takeover to go through . Time warner said no to Rupert Murdochs 80 billion proposal. Jon oh, snap. Of course, this being time warner, i bet they told him to wait at home for their answer between noon and 6 00 p. M. So i guess its all over. Rupert murdoch is not going to give up. When he wants something, he does his damnedest to really try and get it. Remember, he bid for dow jones, the owner of the wall street journal. They said. No he came back and he came back and he got it. Jon hes like the date rapist of media barron, with all due respect. And what of fair cnn . Fox would have to sell cnn from time warners roster because it competes with the fox news channel. Cnn would be divested, sold to some other company, some other bidder. Jon yeah. [laughter] now, of course, it wouldnt come cheap, though, with analysts saying the network would be worth about 10 billion on the open market. Thats a lot of money for anyone, but not a lot of money for everyone, which is why tonight were starting our Kick Starter Campaign to buy cnn. You can buy it at lets buy cnn dot com. You know how it works. If you want to see this happen, make a pledge for whatever youre comfortable, with 5, 10. Just keep in mind, we need 10 billion. Question have very attractive awards at every level. 10 billion lands you in a signature cnn mass shooting coverage. For 25,000, you get to take molly with fareed zakaria. For 5 million, cnn will air a 24hour, twoweek hunt for your lost car keys. Including Martin Savidge in a full your couch simulator. Keep in mind, we need 10 billion. Youre probably wondering, suppose you raise enough money, what are you going to with cnn . Well, for starters, were going to get back to its roots, start showing music videos again like in the 80s. Thats okay. Im being told that was mtv. [laughter] another point for mccain. Anyway, hopefully this campaign will be more successful than my wolf blitzer kickstopper. As far as i know he has not yet been stopped. Well be right back. Now tmobile is setting music free. Stream all the music you want. Data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. Refreshingly sweet and intense. D hard apple cider. And bursting with a crisp apple bite. So try a Johnny Appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. Applebees take two menu lets yon one plate. Ntrees. Like the new grilled vidalia onion sirloin or the new light and zesty rimp scampi linguine. You can have both great choice buddy applebees take two menu, starting at 10. 99 see you tomorrow this is so great, date night. Just the three of us. Im just sayin. And this is such a good movie too. I mean at the end when its revealed the grandmother. Shhhh. I mean at the end when its revealed the grandmother. Did it. Are you. Would you be quiet . Would you be quiet and move your gigantic head . Its like hello . I cant see the screen. Dude. Its like hello . I cant see the screen. Ah hey, was that jordan . Whoa thats cold. Now all hanes underwear is tagless. Go tagless. Yyyup. With xfinity internet soyour family can use all their devices at once. Works anywhere in the house. Even in the garage. Max whats going on . Were doing a tech startup. Were streamlining an algorithm. Whats grandpa doing . Hi. Sssh, grandpa you dont want to be an intern forever. Sorry dad, we have to get back to work, we have a deadline. Were going public [cheering] the fastest inhome wifi for your entire family. The x1 entertainment operating system. Only from xfinity. Theres a saying, crime, crime doesnt pay. Sometimes fighting crime dunn, even when it probably shouldnt. Jordan klepper explains. Weve all heard the travel warnings about banditos committing highway robbery in places like juarez mexico, but now our poorest borders have brought the scourge into the heart of america, well, texas. We were on our way to a Family Gathering in lyndon, texas, and thats when everything started. An innocent family was driving down a texas highway when suddenly they were robbed at gunpoint by a devilishly handsome bandito. Why are you in the reenactment . Hey, dont tell me how to do my job. What happens next . They searched the car and took our money. Where the [bleeped] were the cops. They were the cops. What . They were actual cops. Sounds like someone doesnt know what a cop looks like. They had Police Uniforms on. Is this the man who pulled you over. Looks similar. [bleeped], thats a cop. What kind of cop would just take someones money. To find a cop, you got ask a cop, nypd cop roy richter. [law and order theme music playing] does this guy look familiaror to you . Looks like something a first grader drew. If youre not going to talk, maybe this will sweeten the deal. No thanks. Im on a diet. Dont play dumb with me, roy. Whats it going to take to make you tell me what the bleep is going on. Ask me a question and ill answer. Oh, that was easy. He explained something called civil forfeiture. So you can pull someone over on the highway, take their stuff and this is legal . In the civil forfeiture action, its authorized for a Police Officer to seize proceeds of a crime. How do we know these people are guilty . If they have cash, the assumption is that they got that cash from selling those drugs. I get it. Time to find little miss scarface. And score an ounce of truth. So where were you going to buy drugs. We werent going to buy drugs. Where were you going to not buy drugs . To lyndon, texas, where they have wild flower trails. Sorry. I dont know texas druglingo. Im not a drug dealer. She continued with her story about a freakishly good looking cop who accused this symmetrical family of being crooks to take their money. We know youre up to something, youre money laundering. We can either give them our money or they would take our children away. What happened after you gave your kids away . Those are my children and theres not a money amount that could take them away. But some people think theres something wrong with cops making you choose between your kids and your crash, like aclu crybaby have a knee that gupta. [law and order theme music playing] civil forfeiture creates illegal practices. In a lot of case its less Cost Effective for folks to hire a lawyer for 5,000 to get their money back. What would Police Officers have to gain by taking innocent peoples stuff . Money. Besides money . Funding for their police department, in some places Police Departments are keeping 80 to 100 of the assets seized. If you could claim 100 of the assets seized, that [bleeped] would happen all over the place. It is happening all over the place. The more investigating i did, the more innocent victims i found. The cops pulled us over, searched our car for drugs, and there was no drugs. Pay just took our money because theyre cops. And they could. There were no drugs in the car . No drugs at all. Because you had ingested them . No. Because you put them up your butt . No. Blink over the course of the next minute if you had drugs in uranus. No, sorry. So a few innocent people get swept up in the fight against crime and maybe over 140 other people on that same highway in texas, and this couple in philly and this guy in the bronx and all these people over the entire country, but its not like it adds up to much. The federal government is banking on close to 5 billion on civilly seized assets. 5 billion . Close to that. That is [bleeped] terrifying. Looks like our cop had to cop to what was really going on. Explain how this is not highway robbery. If the victims are innocent, theres a procedure where they can go through to get that money back. They have to show their innocence by being found not guilty. So property is guilty until proven innocent . The burden of proof is on the Police Officer. If that Police Officer has probable cause. Well figure out if theyre innocent later. So next time a cop stops you and accuses you of dealing drugs, if you dont want to give up your money, just be willing to give up your smoking hot kid. [cheering and applause] jon jordan klepper. Well be right back. Im living the life of dreams. Im living the life of dreams, with good people all around me. Im living the life of dreams. No im living the life of dreams. Im feeling hopefully. Feeling quite hopefully, its right up here, turn right, turn right. With good people all around me. Right, right, right, right, right with good people all around me. Ok look you guys, shes up here somewhere. With good people all around me. There she is ra come here girl m feeling hopefully. Ok look you guys, shes up here somewhere. D the light shines bright all with rough the night. Around me. Oh i dont know it. And the light shines bright all through the night. Yes, you do. And the light shines bright all rough the night. Oh i d42. T know it. D the light shines bright allll rough the night. T. Good job. U do. D the light shines bright allll rough the night. Oh i d42. T know it. D the light shines bright allll rough the night. T. Good job. U do. Dd our dreams are making usllll rougce stories. Oh i d42. T know it. Dd my loves are well sleepingll rougst right. Ht. T. And i know know know know now. That were, living the life of dreams. Dreams. Theres no monsters down here, [music fades out] dreams. Dreams. Dreams. Its just mr. Elephant. Come on, lets get to bed. [music]aye by new world sound sweat. It says i was here. I worked here. It says i only have so much to give. Before i have to take. What i lose. I wanna get back. Sweat says, i earned this. Gatorade. Created to help replace what you sweat out. [cheering and applause] jon welcome back. My gust tonight, a director, his latest film is called boyhood. Goodbye, yard. Goodbye, mailbox. Goodbye, box of stuff mommy wont let us take with her so we dont want to throw away. Goodbye, house. Ill never like mommy as much for making us move. Samantha, why dont you say goodbye to that little horrible attitude. Were not taking that in the car. Goodbye, old lady who listens to rock music and rides a motorcycle. Jon please welcome richard linklater. [cheering and applause] hey. Jon heres all im going to say holy [bleeped]. This movie is so beautiful. Thank you. Jon and so just beautifully made, 12 years. Yeah, its long time shoot a movie, yeah. Jon its. How could you possibly have cast it . How did your star. Explain just very briefly how you did this. Well, i wanted to tell a story about growing up, you know, but most stories about kids, they just have that summer or that one moment, but i wanted to say the whole thing, how relationships change, how the self emerges, that, so i needed a bigger canvas. So this idea hit me, oh, if we filmed a little bit every year, you know, you would just see everyone in one movie just kind of grow up, the dumbs would age, the kids would grow up, it would be a cool way to tell a story some here we are. Jon yeah, it was really cool way to tell the story. So here we are 12 years later. Its an incredible way to tell the story. We got very lucky with the kids. Jon if this worked for two years straight, thats luck. To have that continuity over 12 years, that, my friend, thats jedi [bleeped]. Thats this. And its so interesting, the young boy that you cast, how old was he when you cast him . He was six when i first met him, seven when i started shooting. Hes 19 now. Jon that is what happens over 12 years. Yeah, yeah, do you the math. Jon they just found out, wait, hold on, man. You just blew my mind. [laughter] but he and the girl in the movie, who was what age . She was nine when we started. Jon you knew her previously . Yeah, i was familiar with her. Its my own daughter. Who i didnt really cast, by the way. She sort of cast herself. Jon that is how it works. She realized there was part for her. Okay. Ill play that part. The good thing is i knew where she would be every year. I could find her. Jon what a leap of faith, though. This thing could have derailed at any moment. Were there certain years where you thought, man, were not going to get one this year, were not going to be able to complete this journey. No, it was so process oriented. It was actually a luxury to shoot, edit and then think for a year. Most movies youre just shooting and its going. So this was kind of. I was using all this time. So it was a luxury, but youre right, things could have happened, but you had to. It was a life project. You had to think of it like that, not what would go wrong, but, oh, it will be cool to see the kids grow up and who knows what will be going on in the culture. It was fun to collaborate with the unknown. Jon its all handled with such a beautifully light touch because the culture surrounds the different moments but never brings attention to itself, so the. Its so organic as it unfolds that its joyous but heartbreaking. Oh, yeah, a little bit, a little bit. But it was fun to be shooting like a period piece film. Jon right. In the present. So its 2002 or 2003, but you have to think, whats this going to look like 1112, years from now, so everything just age, but it was unlike anything ive ever done or will do again i guess. Jon philosophically, did the actors being observed, for the youngers actors, change their behavior . Did it. Were they conscious . This didnt even feel like a movie. Most movies theres a release date. Theres pressure. This was just like summer camp meets Family Reunion every year. We just got together and. Everyone was hammered on the set in yeah. As they got older, they got hammered, too. It was fun. But no, there was no end in sight for so long. And then it was just, oh, yeah, were coming to an end. So it was pretty casual. So i guess it was pretty mind blowing to then when they finally saw it. What was their reaction . I gave a dvd to eller. I said, i suggest you watch this alone, build up some kind of relation with this crazy thing. I didnt hear from him for a while, so i was worried, but i think theyre still processing. Jon right. Its an awful lot to take in. And its whats very interesting is its hard not to watch it and process your own life within it. You have to. Art works that way. But ive always been a great fan of your films, but in watching, this it felt like watching an artist and everything that they had learned over the years deploy that for the effect of this one beautiful, you know, you hate to master work, but, man, could you have done this 25 years ago . No, i wouldnt have, i wouldnt have started. I was into the. I made a number of movies when i started this, but i made a lot more during this, but this was just its own thing, you know. Well, i would urge people to go see it, and obviously the sequel is in the works. [laughter] yeah, yeah, were starting, that the College Years and up to the first divorce maybe. [laughter] jon thats a nice plot point to just drop it right there. You didnt hear that here. Jon im telling you, if you do get chance, its playing in select cities and its going to go much wider this friday and then probably around the world and then probably the universe i would think. I think so. Jon its beautiful. Congratulations. Really, really amazing. Richard linklater. [cheering and applause] new baour most stretchable sheer bandage ever. Theyre 50 more stretchable, so they fit snug to protect even tough spots from dirt and germs. cause bandaid stretches with me new from bandaid brand. Use with neosporin antibiotic. The summer of this. Mmer. The summer that summers from here on will be compared to. Where memories will be forged into the sand. And then hung on a wall for years to come. Get out there, with over 50,000 hotels at 150 dollars or less. Expedia. Find yours. Yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. Good afternoon. Chase sapphire. This is stacy from springfield. Direct access to a live advisor so you can get answers fast, and get back to the beach. Chase sapphire preferred. So you can. When cold refreshment calls. Coors light answers. Anybody else frost brewed coors light. The worlds most refreshing beer. Sometimes the Little Things last the longest. Give extra. Get extra. [ male announcer ] if you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. But hurry, offers end july 31st. Share your summer moments in your mercedesbenz with us. Offers end july 31st. Yyyup. With xfinity internet soyour family can use all their devices at once. Works anywhere in the house. Even in the garage. Max whats going on . Were doing a tech startup. Were streamlining an algorithm. Whats grandpa doing . Hi. Sssh, grandpa you dont want to be an intern forever. Sorry dad, we have to get back to work, we have a deadline. Were going public [cheering] the fastest inhome wifi for your entire family. The x1 entertainment operating system. Only from xfinity. Jon thats our show. Here it is, your moment of zen. From shelton connecticut, rocky is on the phone. Good morning. Hello. Are you on . You sure are. Go ahead. I just want to talk about how i think russian cocks, big captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org ill tell you one thing when the unsullied make it to westeros, theyre gonna annihilate people. Wait, wait, dude, hold up. Its gonna be crazy. First of all, slow down. Second of all, im not up to that yet. Oh, im sorry. No, yeah. I didnt know that. I will erase it. Ass is like dadow, blizzow. Im like, peace. You know what im saying . Like jordan, right now like, right nowyou must listen to how this white dude is talking to black people. Get out of my face with yo tommy bahama ass. Im trying to make some big dough. Im a dj. No, no. Im a dj. I put that pussy on the chain wax, son. He puts the pussy on the chain thats pathetic. Thats pathetic. Whats up, girl . Hes walking this way. Hes totally walking this way. Oh, no, i cant. I cant. I cant. Just go with it, dude. Just go with it. Hey i cant. [calmly] hey hows it going . Key and peele, right . Good. So stoked you guys are here. Thanks for coming out. You guys rock. Awesome. Yo, kevin, let me get some red vines [clears throat] want to get out of here . Yep. [soul music]