Am bishes goal. I think success looks like 7 Million People signing up by the end of march. Jon and failure looks me me looks like we never have this information. Youll never get there. Allegedly four Million People signed up. They expect to three more million in one month. That is goag about a disaster jon disaster its a fever dream. Fit more by the outlandish opiate fiend as he lays on an alphabet city mattress. Watched chinatown. The deadline passed. Give us the total. 7. 1 million americans have signed up for private insurance plans through these marketplaces. 7. 1. Jon wow. Got it almost exactly. [laughter] with a healthy 1. 4 margin of error that will ease suspicions. Queue the celebration. This say phony number. I think the white house is lying about the numbers. This is a sham. I think they are cooking the books on this. Jon if i know this administration they are steaming the books instead of cooing them with butter and for dessert a middle eastern honey pastry with flaxseed that nobody likes and then afterwards theyll compost the steamed book bleep . [ laughter ] communists. [ laughter ] how do you explain this rather for you tiew tuesday increase. 7. 1 million folks have Health Insurance because people got the word out. We didnt make a hard sell. Jon what . [laughter] word of mouth. You didnt make a hard sell. The signup was the center piece of your state of the union address. You talked it up on ellen, on rachel ray, on the tonight show, enlisted an army of professional athletes, every actor in hollywood. You sat between two ferns and there was whatever the hell this is. Listen to me if you get Health InsurancePreventative Care is now free jon didnt give the hard sell . [cheers and applause] for god sakes you taught a dog to rap about Health Insurance. Even the taco Bell Chihuahua was like yo quiero, we get it. According to brent of the conservative Media Research bleep , i mean center. [ laughter ] the government had a secret obamacare enrollment selling weapon. For more than a year the hispanic Language Television network has started on the company wide effort to get them signed up for exchanges. Jon bastardies how dare a Cable Network use the reach to help the audience comply with the law. Its not news. Were joined by senior latino correspondent al madrigal. All. Brent, fox, are they making too much of liberal bias of univision and telemundo . If you ask me they are not making enough of it. These networks should be renamed barackavision and owe bawbamundo. They are practically forcing them to sign up [speaking spanish] jon that strikes me as a Public Service announcement telling people about something that is the law. They need to know about it, dont they . Exactly. Where is the undermining . The fear fearmonger something e part about obamacare will kill my abuelita . How am i supposed to make an informed decision . Here is how. [laughter] [cheers and applause] its how you cover aid foible care act with the fair and balanced mashup of obamacare contagion and the walking dead credits. [ laughter ] so the viewers can decide how they feel about obamacare. Jon right aafter their change their pants. It was terrifying. This is not a joke, jon. I mean, obama [laughter] jon you are right. I apologize. Its not a joke at all. Jon you are right. Obamacare is just the first stop on the univision, telemundo propaganda train. Look at the Global Warming propaganda [speaking spanish] [laughter] those outfits scream the polar ice caps are melting. Im so hot. Lets do a body shot before the world ends. [ laughter ] jon the lips are very pouty but i dont to be perfectly honest i cant think of a reason why the meteorologists are dressed that way. Point to you on that one. Now you get what they are up to. Its one thing toll lure us in with the liberal weather sirens but they are using their ninos. Approving the Keystone Pipeline is loco we need renewables like solar. All Women Deserve the right to free on demand birth control. [ laughter ] jon that is clearly you dubbing a little baby voice thank is crazy senor jon. I mean thats crazy jon. Jon where should Spanish Speaking americans get their news and weather . How about fox news latino. They jnch actually you know what, that looked like fair seemed like an informative story framed compassionately about an issue fox news latino is next to fox nation on the tab theres. Dont click there. Jon lets click on that, yeah. Wow. Same story a different angle. Jon doesnt look like families are brought together in that picture. I wonder if the Comment Section is i beg of you. If you have any decency at all as a man. You are my friend. Jon lets take a look in the comments. Holy bleep . Oh, my god i said dont look at the comments. And you look at the comments. Jon have the police been alerted to sarge . Have they been look jon, fox wants to reach a latino audience and they want to reach a conserve conservative white audience without the two of them finding out about each other. Jon they are right next to each other on the page. You cant keep them separate. You can, actually if you build a dang fence. [ laughter ] jon all right. Problem solved. Everyone is happy. Now if youve excuse me i need to go do more research on the telemundo weather girl propaganda. Jon you are going to masturbate to the weather, arent you . [laughter] al madrigal shall everybody. [ male announcer ] ode to the subway chicken bacon ranch melt. Tender chicken, smoky bacon, melted monterey cheddar, creamy ranch. In the quiz show where hungers the Million Dollar question, this is the sizzlin hot answer. Subway. Eat fresh. This is the sizzlin hot answer. Hello. Shopping for a used car with the right history . Yeah. I dont want one thats had a big wreck. Oh, our team tracks millions of accidents. Yeah, doug to carfax. I got an accident report on vin 1dc. Moles . They dig up the facts. Naturally. Let carfax® help you find the right used car with the right history. I like it. Start shopping now at carfax. Com right now you can build your own. Girl sweet make mine with the sevengrain bread with strawberries oh, no, wait, bananas. Ooh, and glazed pecans whoa, i get to choose my own sauces . Better hurry, beautiful, its not going to be around for that long. [ding] welcome to dennys. Jon welcome back. [cheers and applause] two things. Two things. Two things we all know about the american entertainment industry. One it is full of the countrys kindest and most thoughtful people. [ laughter ] and two, hollywood for years has underestimated how much we want to know about the bible and religious. Why doesnt hollywood turn out religious movies. Jon thats how you show respect for religion. Get in there and churn some bleep out. Have you heard the good news because this weeks top action here heos are not only captain america but also captain sumeria. In two weeks of release the noah movies Vice President earned Money Worldwide so religious filmmakers must have something to cheer about. It is awful. [ laughter ] is. Jon did not see that coming. What is the issue . They claim that the movie is unfaithful to one of bibles most famous tales. Theres artistic liberties take innocent film. Its not a documentary. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] jon so you are telling me that the movie about a man who lives to 950 and loads two of every animal ton a 300 cubit long boat, its from here to here, 300 of these bad boys that will keep the lions away from the delicious zebras. You are telling me that film wont qualify to submit to the documentary category. Thats outrageous. I guess they are saying this version is a bit different from what is in the bible. How different could noah be . It doesnt use the word god, not once throughout the entire film. Not reference at all to god in the entire movie. Jon that is weird because if theres no god in the movie who is telling him to build the boat . To go all waterworld we bought a zoo on everyone . The movie does use the word creator in referencing god. The problem is that the bible uses the word god. Jon yeah, i mean creator that could mean anything. And while the bible actually ever use the word god because its not in english. But is creator enough. It could be tyler the creator, the master builder. If only someone in the noah film, like noahs son ham said something clear and unequivocal said my father said creator is god that could claire five. Right they didnt see the bleep movie. What else that isnt in the bible . Noah gets drunk. Noa has dark moments. Those are things that some early test audiences were not excited about. Jon you cant slander noah like that. Who do you think you are . Why dont you remember any of this stuff . You did read the same bible as the rest of us, right . My memories of the story of noah are very different. I had this childrens bible when i was a kid and there were ill lus traded. The animals and the sun comes out and everybody lives happily ever after. Jon everybody . Nobody lives everybody is one family and two of every animal. Everybody else drowned. You know how many koala bears drowned . [audience boos] talk to god. I think the problem is they made an Old Testament bible movie. The Old Testament has stuff in it that you dont want filmmakers to talk b. Stick to jesus and you cant go wrong. Son of god is generating a lot of heat because jesus is sexy. Im gawking at this actor and im thinking im gawking at jesus. And then i felt kind of dirty and creepy, right . [laughter] popular because when you buy the new Samsung Galaxy s5 on verizon, you get a second Samsung Galaxy s5 for free. So, who ya gonna give it to . Maybe your brother could use it to finally meet a girl. Your mom, but isnt your love reward enough . Its not. Maybe your roommate, i mean you pretty much share everything else. Hey. Your girlfriend. Just dont tell her it was free. Whoever you choose, youll both get the best devices on the best network. For best results, use verizon whoa, whats that . Umm. A flatizza. Its new from subway. Whats a flatizza . Tom, im patching you in. The latest invention from subway, the new flatizza. Crispy flatbread loaded with mozzarella. Now get 2 for 5. Subway eat fresh. Directions to the nearest subway. [ jim ] mmmmm. So, hot. Whoo mmmmm. That is hot [ male announcer ] made with real cheese and premium cuts of meat. [ ding ] hot pockets [cheers and applause] jon hello, welcome back. My guest tonight, hes got a new film out its called draft day. Im sorry sonny is this a bad time . I gotta go, mom. This is the draft analysis weve all been working on for the last two months. Fire. Alley, fire why am i here, sonny . Because she thinks you coached the cowboys nl i did coach the cowboys. I think you were a bad babysitter. This city deserves a championship and im the guy that can deliver it. Jon to cleveland . Please welcome back to the program denis leary. [cheers and applause] i have to say hi to my people. Jon go sit down. Sit down. My people. [cheers and applause] jon sit down. My people. [cheers and applause] i hl to stop and say hi to my people, jon. Jon what was that . If i could point out in that clip i have very short hair and im ming the coach playing the coach of cleveland browns. Jon thats correct. And now i have very long rock n roll hair because im currently playing a rock star because i have great acting range, jon. Jon you do. Is that the hair was. I thought you were doing the ron dugay story. Remember the rangers . Rnch they making that . I bring it up, jon because you made a movie this past year that you directed that im not in. Jon well, because i was making a film, not a movie. Oh. [audience reacts] jon i was trying to class it up a little bit. With serious actors. Jon just actors people when could act. Yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] can i go back to the hair quick again. I do a lot of my acting with my hair. Jon let me ask you a question. How long did it take to you get a perm . What did they its like deniro in raging bull. You have to grow it out, okay . Jon sure. For months at a time. You have to really let it go. Jon or walk into like a sauna, i guess could you do. And then you have to go a hair salon. I went to an actual hair salon and had it cut by a professional hair stylist. Jon yeah, yeah. I remember being really impressedpressed with robert den raging bull because of what he did. Thats been done. Im dg a hair thing. Okay. You have to have the hair to begin with, first of all. Can i ask you a question. Jon please. Ask me a question. Who is in the movie that you directed. What kind of parts is . Jon i dont know their names. We have a tremendous cast. Guy fantastic actor. Do you know who he is . Great. Jon shore, we have haluk, we got your okay so theres [cheers and applause] the one guy in the back. Theres there is no american characters in movie at awrl. Jon it takes place in iran. So im going to go with no. [ laughter ] its in iran in 2009. You know the journalist that got arrested in iran in 2009. Held in captivity for four months. Its about that. I dont know what he is talking about. Jon i would have used you in it if he was in iran and said yeah, there was this one bleep irish guy. By the way was it so hard that there couldnt have been one bleep irish guy at the bar . Jon i will say this i did write in a part for sham queel oneal but i needed a genie to get us out of the movism he comes in as his character in shazam. What is the name of movie . Jon rosewater. When i see rosewater. Jon when you pay full price to see it. There will not be one English Speaking character in the entire movie . Not a british guy, no american guy. Jon they all speak english. Theres no british guys or irish guys . Jon there are some british guys . Who are they play something in. Jon they are played by british guys. I cant do an irish guy as a british guy. Do you know the tension on the set . You show up in green and someone else in orange and it the whole bleep thing goes up in flames. I dont want that. This is about iran, a peaceful country. Did you not write this script yourself . It was based on a book,. Jon true story. You wrote the script and it didnt occur to you that maybe even box officewise it would help to you have one Irish American character that i audience could relate to. When i came out people were high fiving me. You named the people in your cast and one guy went huh jon i remember when i was trying to get it financed it was not easy. I remember sitting with a financier and they said to me, get me a guy from dumb bow drop and ill see what i can do. Then can i sell this thing. You didnt think i was going to go dumbo drop, did you . You didnt think i was going to dumbo drop . I have to give it to him. I sat here and did not see dumbo drop coming. I was so fooled. I wonder where hes going and of course, we went to dumbo drop. We have to go. Jon is this movie good . Which movie . Jon draft day the one you are in. Its a football movie that opens on friday with me, Jennifer Garner and kevin coster. Speederman 2 may 2 and i have a tv show called sirens im writing and producer that son usa and more people know that than know the members of the cast of y jon thats our show, everybody. Here it is your moment zen. I loved how you ended the whole piece because you say you were sitting there and trying to think of the person who could most be like jesus on earth today. You come up with pope francis. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen whew whew welcome to the report, everybody. Stephen Stephen StephenStephen StephenStephen Stephen ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for being here. cheers and applause lk