Hey, whats going on . [cheering] hey, turn that down turn that down [bleep] [laughter] [booing] jon and forget about all of that, there is his wife, shirley mccray, which until she met her husband was a devout lesbian, which we know from her 1979 article. This is why de blasio can win, the democrats love him because he is an oldfashioned conservative, and this is why republicans love him, because he can turn gay people straight. Whats better than that . Meanwhile, on the agony of defeat side, former congressman turned pioneer anthony weiner. We had the best ideas. Sadly, i was an imperfect messenger. [laughter] [applause] [cheers] jon an imperfect messenger,messenger, is a u. P. S. Guy who dings up your passenger. Youre more like if the u. P. S. Guy showed you his package and then told you he was going to bleep you so hard. Jon heres the thing. [applause] [cheers] jon im trying to sleep. Keep it down. Im trying to sleep [boos] jon oh, you love afro jon. Look, weiner had to have known he was going to lose. So, you know, how bad could his night have been. The concession party felt like the circus. First, sydney leathers showed up, the woman who postaled heposted her online relationship with weiner in july. The Security Team scuffled with reporters. The candidates response, a raised middle finger through the window just before driving off. Jon okay, he is learning. At least now he is just flashing his finger. I mean, thats baby steps. For more on the end of Anthony WeinersMayoral Campaign, we go live to john ol jer. Oliver. Nice to see you. Reporter you know, john, it is really becoming almost a cliche in american politics. A hardfought Political Campaign ended with a man being chased through mcdonalds to avoid his amateur porn star mistress before bidding the local media a hearty farewell. Jon it is not really how it seems a Mayoral Campaign usually ends. It is more like an episode of cops would end. A good one. Tel jon tell me the truth, are you going to miss him a little bit . No, not a little bit. Jon a smidgeon . No. Im not going to miss him. Jon youre not going to miss the danger . No. Danger jon youre not going to do it . No, im not going to do it, jon. No, no, no, no, no. [applause] [cheers] no. No. Jon wow wow wait. Im standing outside mcdonalds. Jon you really are harry potter. Do the bleep dance. Im not doing the bleep dance. And ill tell you why. No, no, no. [applause] [cheers] hold on. Jon why not, oliver, why not . It doesnt feel right anymore, jon. Sure, it was fun when she was still running for office, being a dick to everyone he met. I dont know, maybe its me, but somewhere between him sprinting past the dollar value menu and his lonely car ride home with only his middle finger to keep him company, i kind of lost the stomach for this. Jon what, are you comedian or a human being . Cant an i be both . Jon no. Okay, ill do it. But im not going to enjoy it. [laughter] hes a pathetic individual. Jon john oliver, everybody. Let him hear it. [applause] [c] p [applause] jon welcome back. Obviously, the world is focused on syria right now, but the entire middle east is volatile. The United States must take the greatest of care of approach with this battled region. Three representatives were in egypt over the weekend and gave a press conference on egyptian tv. [laughter] jon please be a jimmy kimmel prank. Please be a jimmy kimmel prank. Please be a jimmy kimmel prank. Nope. Apparently they were on a diplomatic mission. My name is Michelle Michele bachmann, and im a member of the United States congress from the United States of america. Jon theyve only said one sentence, and this is already the weirdest things ive heard. Why is she talking like that . Is she addressing an egyptianing kindergarten. Bachmann, gomer and king went to egypt to say to the good and kind people in egypt that the growing pains their country is experiencing in its temporary militarily imposed re respite from democracy can be cured with a quick shot of vitamins. Im reminded of the words of thomas payne, he said in america law is king. Our declaration of independence is the consent of the people that allow a government to function. Our Founding Fathers wrote a message i think will resonate. Thomas jefferson. George washington. The United States constitution that i carry in my pocket every day i wear a jacket. Jon and another thing, what is with round bread. You cant get into it. There is no way to fill it with sandwich. In america, we use sliced square bread. I think youll agree it is easier to handle. You need to make some changes. Why am i talking like a brooklyn guy with these people. It is the one time i could have used my southern guy. I need my afro back. Could these three people be any more condescending . I think we all know the answer to that. thats what were about in america. We want those values that we treasure in america, those values that served our country and allowed us to build up so strong from nothing we were nothing 236 years ago. Today we are strong. Jon maybe some day, egypt, youll be Strong Enough to build something lasting. [laughter] jon maybe. All right, come on wrap it up, you three. I think there may be some questions that you all may have, and if you do, we are more than happy to answer them. If you have any questions at this time. [laughter] the one question that has come forward again is jon there is no way in that time they took a real question. It took longer to say the words, hello, i have a question. At this point, im not really sure youre in egypt. Look at these guys. Are they in a vacuum . Are they chained together . Is this a hostage video. They all like like theyre afraid theyre going to get muslim on them. This is a nervous delegation of earthlings. If i may address the egyptian people myself, i feel like i need to fix this. We sent over our own delegation to undo some of that damage. Here they are right now in egypt. [applause] [cheers] thank you, jon. Hello, my name is samantha bee, and i am an america from the america of the United States. And on behalf of myself and my colleagues, i would like to apologize to the people of egypt for sending you literally the three stupidest people in america. [applause] [cheers] sorry for that. Thank you, sam. Egypt, id like to, if i may, show you something that i put in my jacket every day that i wear one. Its called bacon. [applause] [cheers] and its cured pork, and we eat it and we love it. I dont understand why you dont. [applause] [laughter] okay, we have time for one question. Excellent question. Yes, it is possible that when those three Congress People are unsupervised, they eat their own bleep . Anymore questions . Wow, so many questions. So many actually questions from real, actual eyptians. Oh, my gosh, what did you say . You are so bad. Hey, hey, whats going on over here. Over here. Look at this. Oh, my gosh. Eyptians are so nice. [applause] jon thank you so much. Samantha bee and david cross in egypt. Well be right back. [cheers] jon welcome back. My guest tonight you may be familiar from their cocreation of hbos mr. Show, or you may have seen them on the daily show. Theyve cowritten a new book called hollywood says no, from the creators of mr. Show. Please welcome back to the program, bob and david. [applause] [cheers] [applause] jon sorry. Its just to see you two together [laughter] jon just before doing a sketch, it just brought back a lot of memories. It gives you asthma . Jon it gives me asthma. The book is called hollywood said no. These are real movie scripts . These are real movie scripts that we wrote, and hollywood really said no very loudly, many, many times. It took us for to hear it. Jon i read these, and theyre truly amazing. I dont understand how anybody could read these and say, no, i dont want to do these. You work in hollywood. Jon i work on 11th avenue. We wrote these scripts after mr. Show, the show we did on hbo, which jon was a part of. Jon was in mr. Show. Jon my favorite sketch was the rock band who inspired a kid to commit suicide, and we visited him in the hospital. The show was just great. Youre doing a tour of it now, yes . Well, were doing some new sketches and standup comedy to promote this book and see our fans, who we havent seen in so long. Jon how do they look . A little in the middle. They could work out. They could skip a hamburger once in a while. laughter jon it is pretty much two full film scripts . Yes. One is a sketch movie, and one is a satire jon its in a who . Its like underground, a trench. It is the tunnel of jon but for bob and dave to make a movie thats a sketch movie. From the moment you do it, i envision that big boom shot from the beginning of the show, as it came together. Yes. We have little sketches in there, like a great 50s scifi film called oneeyed aliens from planet mars, in which they scare the heck out of americans because they look like a certain part of the anatomy. And european people are fine with them. [laughter] jon dont make the audience work so hard. The other screenplay in there is called hurray for america. It is a satirical look at america. And the election process, and what have you. Jon what is wrong with the election process in america . Nothing, sir. Jon okay. laughter i was getting a little, whoa love it or leave it, baby. Do you put it out to say, hey, man, lets still do this . No. No, not at all. Thats part of the reason these are in book form because we know well never make them. They were written for young, brash comedy. And i didnt have to put powder up here. The powder budget would just forget it. You could never do it. Jon does that work for you . Because i do the powder thing, but the morning on the pillow you dont have to look at me for this conversation. Jon no. laughter you dont have to be polite. Jon i understand. Youre absolutely right. Although i grew the beard out and i miss it so much. Its like having a friend with you at all times. laughter have you ever gone i had a beard for run, ronnie, run. I grew a real beard, and it scared the heck out of my kids. I came back from filming and they didnt know who i was. So, yeah. You know what the solution to that is . You should have had your wife grow a beard in your absence. That way it would have been a transition. I dont understand. [laughter] but my wife is a beard. [laughter] jon weve broken news. News has broken. How does that do you watch you both go and did all of these wonderful shows, arrested development, and do you watch each other . Of course. Jon do you text each other and say im on tv i was late to breaking bad, but i started Binge Watching it, and i freaked out over how good it is. It is arguably the best show ever on television. Jon pretty great. And bob told me how it ends, and i cannot believe that. Jon okay. And i cannot believe that. laughter jon lets hear it. A time machine . . [laughter] jon did you really tell him . I didnt read the last part because im a fan of the show, too. They send me the script and im, like, im not reading this. I dont want to carry that around with me, the burden of looking into all of the hungry eyes and going, im not going to tell you. Jon zombies reaching out to you. It is good to see you. Hollywood said no, on bookshelves now. And the birthday boy, october. Jon october. Bob odekirk and david crosses. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org jon here is your moment of zen. Nobody shook out this mans resolve. He is kind of like the quiet guy at the end of the bar you dont want to mess with. Mess with. Im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park, gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine