Whats your name, sir . Rick. Did you eat Steven Seagall . He looks like a puerto rican who walked into a hairstylist and said make me look italian. Whats your name, sir . I loved you in duck dynasty. What are you dog the bargain hunter . Boy, you know, life looks terrible in perfect. When youre here, who is tuning banjos for mumford and sons. Enough with the bread already. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. Oh, tonights program tonights program is one youll enjoy. Our guest a woman who skyrocketing to fame by bleep in a sink [ laughter ] Doris Kearns Goodwin will be on the show tonight. [ laughter ] Melissa Mccarthy were very excited. Lets begin on the conservative movement. Ask any rockribbed conservative and they say. We the people are allowed to decide how to live our lives trchlz a parter for individual freedom. It really is liberty versus tyranny. I dont want a bigger government telling us how to live our lives. Order us around, tram. Our freedoms. Get out of our lives mr. Nanny state. Jon please, mr. Nanny state is my father. Call me jon. By the way, mr. Nanny state the name of my ill fated 1994 attempt at a family comedy political thriller. [ laughter ] first movie that went direct to your toilet but the principle still stands what separates conservatives from liberals is conservatives thinks government is bad and people are good. Unless the people work in government then they are bad. But they can leave government, go to a lobbying firm and become good again. Its a complicated theory. But freedom loves have a plan to carve out a haven of liberty, safe from the tyrants. Theres a move in idaho by a group of people that want to start the community. They are call it the sit adele. Its families that choose to live together in accordance with Thomas Jeffersons ideal of rightful liberty. Jon Thomas Jeffersons rightful ideal of liberty. I believe we have a clip of him explaining that. Law is the tyrants will and always so when it violates the rights of individual. [ laughter ] jon so what would this look like . They would build a huge perimeter around the whole thing, several smaller perimeters, turrets and towers. They say that they may find living within the community is incatible with their existing idea yoj. Jon really less of a jeffersonian iew toap why and freedom panic room. Not sure its the option for the return to lib ber tism somebody has to show the lib ranlz progressive whats real freedom looks like. Any taker . What i do is stand for those willing to risk their lives for mans freedom, mans liberty so they can pursue happy yns. Jon you sir, there in the beautiful jacket with matching hints of emotional fragility, thats glenn beck, the guy who loves freedom too much. [ laughter ] he doesnt even have a tv show anymore. He lives on the internet where laws have no meanings and cats can have cheeseburgers. [ laughter ] if only someone like glenn beck would build one of these freedom towns. I want to show you what i want to leave future generations. Tonight in the american dreamland. Jon oh, boy, here we go. Independent u. S. A. Its an entire city developed around patterns. [ laughter ] jon i call it argyleville. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] not to rain [cheers and applause] beautiful town. Not to rain on the future generations but arent patterns pretty much the opposite of freedom . They are all billion regimentation. The repeatinging pattern is what makes played played and not im sure im misunderstanding, glenn beck true freedom grants citizens the right to choose and you cant have someone else making the decisions. We dont want the state telling house to live our lives. I want my freedom and my choices back. Jon yes, freedom and choices back take us, sir, to this new place of freedom and choices where the nanny state can no longer smother us under the giant tyranny. This is right here the marketplace. The marketplace is where people theres not going be gap here. Theres no ann taylor. You want an ann taylor, go some place else. [ laughter ] jon excuse me, sir. Freedom town sounds great. I like the principles of freedom and liberty, but where will i get my casual basics. Gap and ann taylor not allowed in the Market Driven independent. No word on ann taylor lost. You can pick up mix and match pieces for the office. The price point, which i can assure is almost [ laughter ] the point is. I thought yall hated Central Planning. Remember . The right, freedom, the left Central Planning and tyranny. Get your damn hands off my fries, lady. If i want to be a fatty, and shovel french fries all day long its my choice. Jon yes and while french fries have been legal, cheap and ubiquitous, point taken. Tell buts buffet. We have a real problem with food. It needs to be local. Jon bleep that get your damn hands off the french fries laidism unless, you know what im sorry. I guess you are trying to do what is good for everybody. I think you know who else wanted to do what was good for everybody. Hitler was a vegetarian. Wanted to take and spread the glories of vegetarianism and saying its good for everybody we should eat this. Jon i was going to say jesus but if you want to go there um anyway. So wait, what else . What else will happen in the town that you built to get away from the nanny state . We want to make real movies and Real Television with one that doesnt constantly assault the things that we all stand for, redesign our residential areas. Take the concrete out of the street and replace that with grass. Theres no real streets in front of the houses. Its a park a way to interact with neighbors, not bury ourselves in the backyard. Jon everyone gets a yard for Community Kickball games [ laughter ] i would be a captain holy shisa all that is left is a plan to break down class bearers and you have a perfect marxist utopia going. We can first of all break the class barriers [ laughter ] jon okay. All right. Sorry. Okay. So actually the communal front yard would be fun. Fourth of july block parties everybody hanging out, hotting dogs, listening to springsteen, drinking beerth we plan on redesigning the july 4th holiday to get away from hotdogs, born in the u. S. A. And fireworks and beer. [ laughter ] jon you are tough, you are tough dude. You just take away my hot dogs. [cheers and applause] you can take way my hot dogs. You can take away my fireworks and my beer but you will never take my springsteen. [cheers and applause] look, we all know glenn beck is never going to build beck opolis or beck topia or bekaa do you know or. Becky, becky jon but his vision for this town tells you a lot about the freedom fetishes who swear at every turn that the opponents who want to govern democratically are tyrannical assault assaults in our freedom. They dont really believe in freedom to, they believe in freedom from liberals, people they disagree with, from the sensibly priced clothing of ann taye already. [ laughter ] these folks cloak themselves until patriotism pretending they can reveal the true intend of our constitution they are just another bleep Neighborhood Association whose nostalgic utopia will fall part the minute somebody decides to paint their house mauve. If you need me, ill be in the backyard, eating hot dogs drinking beer and blasting this. No, its a mix tape, can you x,yy5 [cheers and applause] jon welcome back. Weve seen the Gay Rights Movement enter areas of national life. The subject of tonights gaywatch unprecedented penetration. Our first story concerns a beloved american institution. A sudden aboutface from the boy scouts of america. Were getting word that the group may drop the ban on gay scouts and scout leaders. Jon wow. Long overdue move toll finally allow gay men into they are neckerchief based organization. What is the next concession of the times getting rid of the drunken driving merit badge. Cop on, iron that thing square. We want to be respectful of everyone. Jon let me stop you. No you dont. 99 of the time people say they want to be respectful the next word is but. But we also want respect forful. Those who want to be held to a biblical form of moreality. Jon that sounds worse than gay i dont want to be weird but the wife and i have a biblical form of morality. You cant tell somebody you are a bleep pervert going to hell but i dont want to you get mad when i say that. No disrespect. The boy scouts are not the only club noticing its changing. For me, personalling i see it as a human ryes issue. Its not gay rights its human rights. Jon muhammad ali, team tebow, prolife comesh shavment Michael Jordan endorsed hitler. [ laughter ] some things only jordan could get away with that so gay rights coming to football. Its like the one man hot tub. Weve never had a openly day player. Were never had a male proathlete in the major sports come out. Its been thought its too difficult for someone to do that in a looker room setting. Jon i have been to some locker room settings in new york city. Its incredibly easily, maybe not to say it but certainly to show it. [ laughter ] but to me the surest sign that gay rights is here to stay is this. A former 49er and Oakland Raiders player appeared in court for a pretrial conference on Domestic Violence charges. 30yearold kwame harr jis accused of assaulting his former boyfriend. Jon a professional Football Player charged with Domestic Violence against another dude. [cheers and applause] jon welcome back i my guest tonight stars in cbs mike and molly. Her new film is identity theft. Tomato for me. Ill take a full slab of the baby back and mashed taters. I asked to you eat less food. Shes a beautiful woman. You let her eat. No, hes right. Ive put on a little bit of weight because of all the stress. He was a firearm. He injured his male parts. They were shredded down there. Now he cant work. He has to wants to fight fires and pee standing up but i know he cant. Jon please welcome Melissa Mccarthy. Hello dhawz. [cheers and applause] mels. [cheers and Melissa Mccarthy. [cheers and applause] geez wow jon soak it in. Amazing. Jon congratulationses on everything. Thanks, crazy. Jon a lot of times you get people on and theyve done very well for themselves in the business and you dont care for them. And then theres me. Jon nobody that i know doesnt think you are incredibly hilarious and incredibly talent and isnt incredibly pleased for your success. Aw. Jon its very nice to see good people who are really talented do well. Likewise. Right back at you. Jon i was watching the trailer for the film. It was one of few trailers that you actually felt the audience enjoy it was the trailer that when it ends theres the murmur in the theater. Do you still get nervous putting these things out there . Yes, because i feel like for this one im so excited because im really to blame. Im more to blame but ill blame bateman. Jon in any situation i think he is to blame. Even things that nothing to do with him, bateman. Speeding infraction, he deserves it. Dont feel bad for him. Jon im going to jump in and say kennedy assassination. You never know. He has weird sketches and i wont go there. Jon how did this happen you blew up in illinois grew up in illinois. Small town of plainfield. Jon what gave you the courage toll decide, you know courage to decide, you know what . Moved to new york first. Went to southern illinois, boulder, colorado because maybe school wasnt going great or maybe [ laughter ] jon its all a blur. My mosms kind of like why dont you just go. I think they were hoping i was going to leave and say okay im ready for college instead of [ laughter ] they still have beer in colorado. Jon the altitude. Drunk quicker. I was saving money. I had a friend come up to new york, what are you doing here . Like, i dont know. I went to new york and two days later i starting standup probably because i didnt have any luckily i was so dumb at that age it served me well. If i was like wait, i dont write. I dont know what im doing. I havent thought this through or at all. Anything of those things should have said to a normal person saying dont do this. We were in a grocery store. I had never been to new york. Someone said you should do stand up standup im like probably. Now id say oh, god, why would i say yes to that . What would make me say yes. Jon did i feel right . I still had nothing. I was like i guess ill do this. Jon so wonderful. Our stories mirror each other except for the audience reaction. The audience i was with let me know i had no sense. I remember my first night on stage in the village in new york 1 00 in the morning. His five minutes of material beautifully scripted i got through ten seconds and the guy was like you suck i got a love i was in a gold pave leather cape and had a huge wig on, high red. I had a skirt on that i had no business wearing. If it takes two of you to get it on maybe you shouldnt. I thought i look a some. I was on the stage and telling big long crazy stories and and the lights flashing. They starting flashing when i got a little laugh. And i felt like you are amazing. I was like i have this. So every time. And guys i know hes back there swearing at me. And every time i saw the light i was like [ laughter ] so i did like god knows what i was talking about. People were laughing because they felt bad for me. And i got off and they asked me to come back and screamed at me. I think you are an idiot. I thought you were encouraging me. Jon that may be my first comedy night story. Man would i have preferred that happening to me. I was riding in riding in the bd it was three seconds and it was like that guy got trampled look tax im so glad you came by. The movie looks hilarious. Come see us again. I will. Jon its in