Than all the stars combined its dwarfing the sun burning within my heart and mind its bigger than love brighter than all the stars combined its dwarfing the sun burning within my heart and mind its bigger than love brighter than all the stars combined its dwarfing the sun burning within my heart and mind [cheers and applause] stephen thank you Benjamin Gibbard and aimee mann, from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon hello, everybody. Welcome to the daily show. Any name is jon stewart. Our guest tonight mr. Josh brolin is going to be here. He will talk about his experience with zen buddahism like jeff bridges last night that his to rewatch to understand. Our credit got downgraded last year. I think we can agree its time to get serious to figure out to restore the worlds respect for the soundness of curn cinch a 1 trillion platinum down be minted and the government could use that to pay the debt. [ laughter ] jon um, im [ laughter ] ah not an economist [ laughter ] but were going to make bleep up, i say good big or go home. How by dool 20 trillion coin. Forget about it say i was digging through the white house curbs and eisenhower had the 100quillion coin around. I know its real because it has our nations symbol a uniform with a centure. That traditional america is gone now, please dont look that up. How would it work . In theory the treasury would mint the coin and walk it over the Federal Reserve for deposit so the government could pay it bills. Jon really . Really mr. Tibbl snerks. [ laughter ] i dont want to bust your bibbles here, but you know you are only holding a quarter, snriet sure they could mint a trillion dollar coin and walk it over the treasury even though it could be the most tempting walk in history because we know the store across the street is chocolate, blowjobs and beyond. You definitely want to [ laughter ] you know, we dont need some trillion dollar coin gimmick. We need to take the u. S. Dollar serious again. President obama will nominate his chief of staff at the white house jack lew toll bet next to be the next treasury secretary. It will be his signature at the bottom of our currency. It will look Something Like this. [ laughter ] jon that injure signature . Or jut that is your significant in signature or are you testing to see if the pen works . [ laughter ] hey, lew, shire here is a tip, stop signing your checks on the teacup ride at disney world. [ laughter ] the only way you are allowed to have that as your signature is if your name is booooing, boooing, please come firm jack lew. Please confirm jack lew. I have to have this man as treasury secretary. Seriously if this guy gets confirmed it would be the second most ridiculous signature only to appear on our money thanks to buchanans secretary oliver lewis ottingham. I see the audience went to seventh grade like i did. [ laughter ] im 50. Can can tell you why guy who will find him rolling in jack lew doodle stacks as money will soon be called, al gore. Former Vice President al gore say richer man tonight about 100 million richer after selling his little watched cable channel current tv to the arab news channel al jazeera. Jon oh, man former democratic Vice President turned climatechange crusader sells openly liberal cable channel to a muslim. Ladies and gentlemen, i think we have our first fox boner alert of 2013. [cheers and applause] al jazeera owned by the oil sheik dom of qatar, right. Big gore who hates big oil is making a ton of money by selling it to big oil. Jon its a legitimate point, actually. You would think if woe sell to toms of maine or pedal air, the worlds only bicycle based airline. Well played, fox. You got him. As it turns out the liberal multimillionaire mogul tried to push to complete a deal to sell his current tv channel to al jazeera before any of new tax hikes would affect the payday. Even though he was scrambling it didnt go into effect until january 2. Jon so its less of a burn. You know, al gore almost received something he really wanted but missed it by a hair due to a math mat call tech technicality also known as the al gore story. [ laughter ] fox doesnt have to the call doesnt look likes if a four hour owe erection. Something is wrong with this picture. Al gore sold his Cable Network to wait for it al gentleman zeer the antiamerican network. He sells his news network to a clearly antiamerican news channel called al jazeera. Now you hit on it. Are you kidding me . That is just crazy. Jon that means muslims will be able to see into our homes. You know that, right . People on tv can see into your homes. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] now, look, al jazeeras arabic channel has broadcast some very hateful stuff. Worst hanukkah special ever. [ laughter ] that is hateful. Although the network that would air in currents place isnt the al jazeera that runs in the arab world its al jazeera english. But its a sub subsidiary of who they sold to. Lets look at the programs. [speaking arabic] [ laughter ] jon you know if that were true would you think matzoh would be for flavorful. Its all of. That didnt air on al jazeera. It air on another television station owned by a saudi prince and 20 after this is owned by a guy named rupert murdoch. That last name is familiar but i cant place what his other holdings are. But that is the same network that air valley of the wovles where american soldiers the bad guys massacring civilians and stealing arab organs to sell them to jews. I dont know what to say. Rupert murdoch profiting from the antiamerican propaganda. Words fail me. Lets not forget what its known for. Something is wrong with the antiamerican network. A clearly antiamerican network called rotana. Are you kidding me . Thank is crazy. Jon a degree with you guys. ] jon hey, welcome back. Today, of course, the second thursday of the month which means its time for our second thursday of the month baseball segment jon stewarts 7th inning kevetch brought to you by mannys favorite bash cue sauce giving the balls a soft and savory place to land. One of my favorite players. The Baseball Hall of fame inductees were announced. Theres a lot to choose from. Roger clemens, samey sosa, 609 dingers. Barry bonds 672 ill go with dingers. Granted due to steroid use their bodies were 98 eight nerds really joined that. [ laughter ] which one of these cats is headed to cooperstown . On behalf of hall of fame chairman our board of directors, the entire staff in cooperstown and Jack Oconnell the Baseball Writers Association of america its my pleasure to announce the results of 2013bbwa elections. Jon all right my pleasure to listen. [ laughter ] lets do this. Who is in the hall i would like to thank mike and ernst and young for assuring the results year in and year out. Jon really irk you are thanking the accountants. If i didnt know better i would say you are stalling. Get it to. Open up the envelopes. For only the eighth time since voting began in 1936, brian, the voting membership did not elect anyone to cooperstown. [ laughter ] jon you took me out to dinner. You bought me wine you gave me a sandwich and then we dont bleep . Is that what you are telling me . [ laughter ] all that for nothing. Cant you pretend you were surprised. What was on the piece of paper . Is it this . Let me get that out there. All this for nothing. Ill tell you, these guys have to feel bad, huh . Locked out of the hall for shooting moose semen between their toes. Especially when you consider who they let in the hall. Ty cobb. He was a scoundrel but amazing player. He is in. Jon not so much a scoundrel a racist actually but he got in 1936 before black people were allowed to play in major league baseball. If everyone else is racist does that mean you are racist . It does, actually you just take a lot less bleep for being racist. Its like wearing spac try that now. This isnt a big deal. Nobody got in. I get why they passed up monsters inc. What about craig biggio. The only thing he is juicing is carrots, april eves and ceal. Kale. What about mike piazza . Put a man in the hall of fame for more on this historic hall of fame shutout we good to john oliver. Where are you right now . Im at the home of slugger but refuted steroid user sammy sosa. Jon how did he take the news . Not terribly well. He left the house visibly upset. Take a look for yourself, john. Look. Jon oh, wow. Jon yeah. That appears to be a sammy sosa shaped hole in the wall. He is pissed, john. Jon al is out in barry bonds hometown in San Francisco and als hometown as well. Sure is, jon. Great city. What is going on. Barry is pretty upset. [ laughter ] jon yeah, um, that was hours ago, al when the news came in. He is still upset . Ah its going to be a long night. [ laughter ] jon samantha bee is in texas clemens country, sam, is clemens angry in the same way that weve seen the other clemens is sleeping. The real monsters were the men who shot him down off the building. He meant no harm. Sure, he was a hideously oversized farm can a logical experience pulsing with out of balance synthetic hormones and muscles stronger than the most powerful hydraulic systems although with oddly tiny balls like little golden raisins or tictac, tiny turds. Jon we get the idea,. In the end, jon. He was too beautiful for this world. Good night, sweet prince. Oh,. Oh,. Oh, my god. Oh, my god shoot it. Shoot it, you idiots. Jon good luck, sam. Dont worry about her. [cheers and applause] jon dwoam back. My guest tonight an actor. His new movie is called gangster squad. When we succeed, nobody will ever know what weve done. No medals new york promotion, but im d no medals, no promotion but im here to tell you theres death in it waiting for the man who hesitates. Our only advantage is he wont know who we are. I have only one rule in this outfit. Leave these at home. Were not solving a case here were going to war. Jon please welcome josh brolin. [cheers and applause] please [cheers and applause] have a seat. [cheers and applause] well done. The legion salutes. When they caught back to the other people, i cant tell whether they are bored listening to that great exposition or not. Jon not bored at all. Were going to war. Jon were going to war. They should call this film, not gangster quad but handsome squad. Because every one of those shots. Theres one guy in there, i cant remember him. Robert patrick the old guy. Gee vano. Dick tremendous actor. The mustache on a normal man, the mustache disqualifies you from hand some squad and yet no country for old men. Jon that is one of my favorite movies. You were so good in that. Did you like the mustache. You dont remember it do you remember javiers funky haircut. You dont remember me in the movie. Jon thats not true. Were going to war. Jon . [ laughter ] do you make the facial hair character choice . I was in a many ofy once many years ago. I decided to make a hair choice im going to comb it forward. With your playing like the village idiot. Jon worse. That was the title of the role was playing. The village idiot. It was the only movie i was in that the character had a full name. You know what is great about your show. Usually you do the shows and you have to keep the momentum. Jon what do you mean . Letterman s, or whatever, leno. I start to talk and you have another joke already. How many times already have i done this . Jon exactly. Let me tell you why. Dont interrupt me. [ laughter ] stop it. Hold on. Here is why here is why yes, im listening. Jon those other guys prepare. [ laughter ] im a spoan sponsor spontaneous actor jnch right now were on a jdate. Were feeling each other out. Two wovles. Two alpha male. One alpha male and one lab door retriever. Were sniffing each other as butts a little bit. This is the first time. Next time you get to talk. You backed up. Jon i did. You sought hair on your fingers he said he is more of a man than i am. Jon im more of an otter than you. You are not a hersuit man . Because i would have thought do you want to see . Im not. Jon no, no, no. You asked, brother. Sorry . Thank you, everyone. Good night. Thank you. Jon come back here. I cant believe you got my sixth great chest. [ laughter ] i am the next evolutionary level. We kept the knee and dlrks neanderthal but lost the tall. Jon you play the hand some dude. Everybody else is like quasi modo. Crimehouse did you see it. Jon no. What kind of research have you done on me. Jon i know you got arrested new years eve. bleep . [ laughter ] jon thats all i know. I dont know anything. I dont have time. [ laughter ] by the way, let me say. This does it make you more comfortable if i talk like this. Jon i read the report arrested for intoxication for new years eve. Isnt that called new years eve. It is new years eve. Jon i dont care about it. Thank you for not caring because none of us care about it. Do you care about it . [cheers and applause] jon if i was to seat josh brolin give me the list. You want me to go down my favorites list of josh brolin. Jon yes. Really . How many emmys do you have, ten . I feel so less than right now. Jon less than me . I do. Jon really . Ill get an emmy one day or maybe youll give up up in my gift bag. Jon i would but im building a fort so i cant. You have young kids. I have older kids. Jon you and i are probably the same. Were 50 are you not. No. Jon im 50 are you sorry. Jon you are younger . Im 45. Jon can i ask you something is it zpleem thats good living . I think its the gray, too. Jon can i tell you the truth, people meet me on the street the first thing they say to me is this, are you okay . Because you look ill. Jon because i look like i have hepatitis in real life. Ill get you a walker. Jon can i tell you something, i say this with all due respect this was nice. I enjoyed our jdate. You are a good man. Gangster squad