laughter dont make me send in the bleep drones. Get behind us. Come on laughter i will rain down hellfire laughter actually this week presented america with just that kind of leadership opportunity. Theres a senate vote tomorrow on a United Nations disabilities treaty. Advocates say the United Nations treaty approved by 126 countries, would promote equal rights and better treatment for the disabled inspired by u. S. Law, the americans with stabilities act. Jon youre welcome. laughter . Once again, americas example has become the standard for other nations to follow. We can be that shining city on the hill. As long as that hill has a ramp. laughter if i think its very polite of the United States. If year going to create certain disabilities within your country, well. laughter might as well have some standard treatment for said injuries. So, unassailable and uniifying, this proposal could not be matched. Former Republican Party leader and world war ii veteran bob dole came out of retirement to personally endorse this probably. Even Current Senate rifles main and john kerry put aside their differences for it. Senator mccain. Thank you very much, mr. Secretary. Jon huh . A little goodnatured ribbing. Im sure senator kerry had a good comeback. What you just saw was senator mccain referring not to me with my current title the right honorable senator from the great state of. Massachusetts, but senator mccain has referred to me way title prospectus, mr. Secretary, references senator mccains obstinnence with regard to susan rice, which may result in my ascension to the cabinet position held by such luminaries throughout history as siewrd, achison, vance, and, of course, others, including but not laughter isnt that how you hammed that there, senator kerry. Thank you very much, mr. President. cheers and applause jon bam babam laugh latch laughte laughter two things. One, solid, concise joke. Two, a little disproportionate laughter mccain teased you about a job you might get. And you hit him with the failure of his life. laughter applause its like its like mccain nudged him in the ribs. Makin nudged kerry in the ribs. Mr. Secretary kerry turned around and stabbed him in the face. I can see why that guide gooi would make a great chief diplomat. You know what, finally, a Righteous Mission of worldwide equal rights for the disabled with the support of war heroes and senate elder state men in a world gone mad, american can lead and reschaim its exceptional moral authority. They needed 66 votes. Its a treaty, twothird of the senate and it failed. Jon bleep . How did that fail what is wrong with you people . I guess its time for ow new segment, please tell me this is rock bottom. laughter applause how did this happen . 38 republicans voted no. To vote for anything that is even perceived to be granting the u. N. Power is a dangerous game for a republican senator because the u. N. Is so unpopular among the republican base. Jon oh, my god. laughter . Its official republicans hate the United Nations more than they like helping people in wheelchairs. laughter look, im willing to keep an open mind here. What are your bleep reasons for opposing this . We already have the most comprehensive disability rights laws and protections in the world. Period. It is considered to be the Gold Standard for the disabled. Jon right. So by signing this, we are, through our moral leadership and hope beaconing, encourages the other signatories in the world to live up to the only standard that never loses value. Gold. laughter . I dont get it. It cant just be you reject trying to get other countries to live up to americas ideals. That cant be it. Show us something else, maybe nay size crazy. Its with grave concern for sovereignty that i oppose this u. N. Treaty. The treaty could be used to interfere with the ability of parents with disabled children to decide what action is in the best interest of their children. This would be especially affect those parents who home school their children. laughter . Jon yeah, thats thats the stuff. Thats the stuff. You voted no because your fear is if we sign on to a treaty that is only recommendations for improved disability standards, standards we made the law of the land 20 years ago, whats to stop the men in blue helmets from storming into your living room im sorry, school and force you to build a wheelchairaccessible ramp to the cafeteria im sorry, your kitchen. laughter or that adam and eve didnt ride a steggasaurus. Is there anything else you object to in this bobdolesupported treaty that will force americans to bow down to the u. N. . This treaty simply has no enforcement mechism. Jon mother bleep laughter boy, the u. N. Really thought of everything. An allpowerful, oneworld treaty with no enforcement mechanism. Like one of them chinese fingered traps. All you have to do is relax your fingers and im free how about this . How about we change the treaty to include a classification of delusional paranoia as a disability. laughter so now that youll be covered, are we good . screaming the gentleman from the senate still say nay. Well be right back cheer cheers and applause . Jon welcome back. Thank you for joining us. Marijuana. laughter . Makes audiences go wooo wooo jon but have we considered how legalizing it will affect our nations most vulnerable citizens . Al madrigal has more. Marijuana advocate robert is on a mission to convince our legislators to legalize medicinal pot, and hes starting with the most impressionable among us our bubbies. Thats right. Hes taking a prograss road show to retirement communities all across florida. The silver tour teaches seniors the benefits of medical marijuana. And old people are buying all of this . Almost 100 . It treats arthritis. Alzheimers. Glaucoma. Montel williams has been preaching for a long time that, thats what gets him up and enables him lets not drag Montel Williams into this, okay. All right propot advocates we see your bald black man and raise you a black bald man. Marijuana is the slippery slope to hell. Its a gateway drug. What about those who say if you make it to 90 who gives a crap what you do . You can shoot heroine into your nut sacks. I will give a care what i do if i make tow 90. I certainly dont want to get stoned and sit around the home doing nothing. Yes, our elderly are completely unprepared for how marijuana will affect their couchbound, judge judy watching schedule. Take abe tote. Maybe eat a magic brownie. It fits so well into the senior lifestyle. Its probably the only thing they can use thats actually going to give them a better quality of life, take away a lot of their pain. And even though medical marijuana has been shown to reduce pain for a. L. S. , diabetes, glaucoma, fibromyalgia, arthritis, multiple sclerosis and a few other things, what about the side effects . Marijuana slows down your motor skills. You cant you cant drive correctly. It slurs your speech. So pretty much the same side effects as being old. Marijuana, not prescribed by their doctor, they shouldnt be using marijuana. But doctorprescribed medicines is fine. Prescribed drugs go through a tough examination by the federal government biker the f. D. A. Exactly. Governmentapproved immediate only has these mine side effects. Stiff muscles and confusion. Dry mouth and insomnia. Uncontrollable muscle movements. Bleedinbleeding and ulcers. Sexual side effects. Unpleasant taste. Diarrhea. Seizure. Lung cancer. Rare by fatal infections. Heart attack or stroke. And may cause death. While weed, on the other hand, can lead to such problems as earlyonset hunger syndrome and chronic keyboarding. Despite these dangers, he had a final pitch that would seal the deal. Thank you very much for listening. Enjoy the buffet. Thats right. The first buffet is free. And the seniors, buzzing from their white fish highs, were hooked. I dont know what kind of reaction it will have, but im willing to try it. Youre going to try it. If it will help me in any way make me feel better for the rest of my life, id try anything. Youd try anything . Sure. Why not move to bangkok and hang out with a gang of transvestite hookers and shoot up . I like to travel. Bishop allen knew he needed to be vigilant in this battle. Lets role play. Ill be a Senior Citizen and you tell me why i shouldnt get high. Okay. I understand that youre not feeling well. Marijuana is not legal, and you should only use the pills. But the pills make me sick. Pot will make you not be able to function. Who are you . Someone let a black man into the community center. laughter . But while too many seniors have fallen prey to looking cool and peer pressure, there was one brave soul who vowed to remain pure. Are you going to be smoking marijuana . Well, ill tell you, im on enough pills already. Ive got pills for my pain. Ive got pills for my heart. I got these from thelma that i met earlier if you want to trade. Sure. Lets do it. And these two will fix your heart up. Oh, awesome. Lets do it. One, two, three. Whooo one pill makes you larger. And one pill makes you. You can take your jazz cigarette and mary jane but me and steve know the truth path to enlightenment is prescribed by doctors. Side effect may include exhilaration, colored lenses. Jon al m cheers and applause . Jon welcome back. My guest tonight, former senator from wyoming, also the cochair of the National Commission on fiscal responsibility and reform, also known as the Simpson Bowles plan, please welcome, senator allan simpson. Sir. Yuck man. Young man. How are you . Jon nice to see you, senator, how are you . Good, i saw that last segment. I thought maybe that would liven everything up for me. laughter . I dont want to get into that. That wouldnt be a thing to do. Jon next time ill make sure its in the gift bag for everybody. laughter . Maybe just the cookies. Jon just the cookies. laughter . So let me let me start with you. Two years ago, two and a half years ago, you are aproasmed to chaiapproached tochair a commits to set up a deficit Reduction Plan for the country. You study it. Youre very diligent. Everybody hates it within 24 hours. The democrats say its too austere. The republicans say youre raising tax too much. Two years later as we stand on the precipiceave cliff, suddenly this plan as seen as the mosterably thing in town and people are coming to you to find out your sage advice. What happened in those two years . Well, the people woke up. I think young people are waking up. You cant do this. You cant tax your way out of this hole. You cant grow your way out of this hole. We had every economist say you could have doubledigit growth for 20 years and cant get out of the hole. You cant cut spending out of your hole. We got five democrats, five republicans, ranging from dick durbin to illinois great progressive democrat and coburn from oklahoma, and five dems, five republicans, one independent, thats a super majority. And for gods sake the reason we were so successful is that we effectively pissed off everybody in america. laughter . Jon congratulations, sir. Kudos. Kudos to you. applause so now, as you watch these competing plans, you watch the president has submitted his opening offer, which has been derided by the House Republicans as an ode to lennon. The republicans have presented their plan, which is to my eyes, steeper than the fiscal cliff were about to fall off of. Where does the Simpson Bowles recommendation stand, and are they coming to you now and saying, oh, we forgot. You guys studied this. What do you think . Well, we studied it for eight months. And it was tough. We didnt we had it took us three months to establish trust. These guys dont trust each other. They dont even trust each other in their own party. Youve got leaders who are people behind them with a shive hoping they can get their job next goaround. Poor old durbin has someone looking over his back because he voted for the package. Every time they deal and over in the republicans, boehner has to go to work and come back and theres now there are 70 of them left, the tea party guys. These are guys who went to congress not to limit government but to stop it. So what are you going to do . And so here we have this plan. Everybody says i love the framework. I just love jon Everybody Loves a good framework. And then that will say what did you do with Home Mortgage interest deductions. It will be the end of home ownership. We said you dont need a million bucks of home hoarnlg interest deduction. Well take it down to 500,000, and a 12 nonrefundable tax credit and that helps the little guy. If everybody would do something for the little guy instead of talking about the little guy, we might make it. Jon the little guy might get bigger. Might get bigger cheers and applause . Jon theres so much talk and even in Simpson Bowles, theres a lot of talk about Corporate Tax rates and lowering them and making them more competitive. In my eye, corporations have had, over these last 20 years, the run of the place. They have if you look at it factually, corporate profits are at an alltime ho alltime high. That was that was a freudian slip of proportions. Corporations are alltime hos. No, but their profits are at an alltime high. Worker wages have stagnated even as productivity has gone up. So i guess im confused as to why we are chasing their favor when they seem to have had such a good run over these past 20 or 30 years. Yeah, well, our Corporate Tax rate is the highest in the world but not actually. Well, 36 is where were at. What we did, we took away all of these tax expenditures, all of these deductions, all of this stuff. This is just earmarks by any other name, and its spending by any other name, and its 1. 1 trillion a year. And only 20 of the American People use 80 of the stuff in that tax code. Does that give you the wakeup call who is gimming the system . We got rid of all that and give people from 070 grand, 8 . 70,000 to 210,000, they pay 14, everything over that, 23. Take the corporate rate from 26 to 36 and not tax them twice when they bring it back. And when they bring it back, when the democrats as err skin says a democrat theyll just use it for dividends to buy stocks and he said at least theyll be using it in the United States of america instead of sticking over there. Jon or thaidged of they could use it for bonuses. Theyll do all that. Jon between and you i, and youre a republican, between and you me, they really are the crazy people in this one. Are they not . No, the aarp spss are the crazy people. Jon dont say that because i just joined. You can stick around a little bit. Were going to talk more with senator capitol hill kennedyicism. Well be right back. cheers and applause . Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow night at 11 00. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be in the studio. Here it is, your moment of zen. His music has been one, long brilliant improvisation on the wonderful rhythms of life. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org tonight at 11 00. Doom. two. Two, three. Boy, that things big. Fry, is my colossal eye too big . No, its what makes you you