Jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Got a good one for you tonight. Denis leary will be on the program, author of the new york, merry [bleep] christmas. Am i reading that title correctly . Ini can only assume its a delightful romp to Holiday Cooking and decorating. Leary loves crafting. Speaking of christmas, you probably are aware by now our nation has been embroiled in a long, bitter war. The first salvo in the war on christmas the war on Christmas Jon war on christmas not to be confused with gwar on christmas. Tremendous christmas album. For years now christmas has been under attack defended by the brave souls at fox news. Are they still up to the task . That is the subject of tonights war on christmas, friendly fire edition. Lets face facts. The annual fox war on christmas has become a little predictable. Basically imagine you can make one up like a make fox news mad libs. Lets see. So lets see. Lets try to do one of these. Last week in. I need the name of some godless liberal bastion santa monica. Jon that will do. I mean fill in santa monica there and in santa monica a group of. Give me the name of a small group of annoying people with incredibly limited control over our culture atheists jon atheists will do. Thats right. Everyones favorite uncle that lives in oregon that no one ever sees. A group of atheists have ruined christmas by forcing the removal of. I need a classic christmas symbol. laughing dam it, brian, were trying to do something here. Go sit in the car. A nativity scene jon thank you, nativity scene. Some people are still grownups over there. Okay. All right. So were done. Lets see if we can put that altogether, shall we athee i haves seemed to have ended a 60yearold christmas tradition in santa monica california a federal judge backing sapt a monicas decision to no longer allow nativity scenes at a public park jon oh, my god, that is such an out. snoring . Christmas has become a rote observance. Devoid of all its original spiritual meaning. Even if its most ardent opponents have seen doubt creep . A lot of people, for whatever reason, will look at this interview today and theyll say, Gretchen Carlson and doreen costa are nuts. Okay. Theyre so nuts because they think that theres this madeup war on christmas. Were not news. Are we . There is a war on christmas. Were not nuts, are we . There is a war on christmas. Jon as a general rule, if youre trying to tell whether you and one other person are nuts, ask a third person. Preferably someone outside the asylum. But since you asked the question, am i nuts to think theres a war on christmas its only right for me to offer you a resounding [bleep] because for whatever annoying local christmasabolishing story you and your merry band of researchers can scour the wires to turn up, the rest of us cant swing a dead elf without knocking over a giant candy cane. For gods sake fox news itself is is located in midtown manhattan the epicenter of all that is godless, secular, gay, jewy and hell bound. Yet even here all around your studio it looks like santas balls exploded. That is a hypothesis. You know, in the old days before the war on christmas, the celebration and the birth of christ lasted a day. Like birthdays do. Then it seeped into the night before christmas. The eve, if you will. The next thing you know, we were riding this thing all the way to epiphany. Fine 12 days gave time for lords to leap and partridges to pair and gold to ring and just 12 days of servants and [bleep] pourltry, whatever. But it still wasnt enough. Theres a war on christmas . Has anyone told thanksgiving . Because this year black friday, a. K. A. Christmas opening bell got moved back a day to black thursday or as we used to call it thanksgiving. Christmas is so big now, its eating other holidays. Watch your ass, halloween, youre next. applause i mean let me ask you a question. Do athee i haves land an occasional blow . I guess. Even the Washington Generals get lucky once in a while. But when you look at the Overall Record between the two teams, for gods sakes there are radio stations that play nothing but christmas carols, stores that sell nothing but Christmas Decorations all yearlong. There is a tv channel devoted to a yule log. And its kicking cnns ass in the ratings. Dont worry, non logburning channel, theres christmas programs for you as well. Theres tiny traditional christmasamng really chipmunks Christmas Specials. Otter Christmas Specials. Bear Christmas Specials. Cat Christmas Specials. Largeheaded child christmas. Gay christmas. Jewish christmas. Whatever the [bleep] this is christmas. Christmas underwater. Christmas from the future. Prehistoric christmas. Thats right. Theres a Christmas Special celebrating jesus birth thousands of years before the birth of jesus. applause that is a holiday that is not in danger. There is so much christmas all over the place its getting harder for christmas defenders to fight for christmas without accidentally doing damage to it which brings us to our friendly fire engine. Watch what happens when our good friend bill oreilly takes the atheists bait what religion is involved with christmas what religion christianity thats not a religion. Thats a plos fear youre going to tell me on Live Television that christianity is not a religion . Correct. It is a plos fee. Philosophy. Jon nooooo bill, why . Bill, why . Have you learned nothing from our friendship . You just handed that atheist another thing he cant [bleep] believe. Christianity is a religion. Christianity has a philosophical element but there is a difference between a philosophy and a religion. For instance, lets look at this. A lot in common. Loose fitting clothing, beards, sandals, teaching through parables, martyrdom. But heres where we find the distinction between philosophy and religion. After their martyrdom, one of them got better. Ill give you a hint. Its the one who ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the father who will come again to judge the living and the dead. Whose kingdom will have no end. Anyone . Its jesus we bestow one of them taxexempt status. Why isnt christianity a religion . Christianity is not an organized religion. A church that can be imposed. Christianity is a philosophy. You dont have to believe jesus is god in order to admire his view on life. Jon no. But you have to believe jesus is god to be a cristian. For instance, i like a lot of jesus philosophy. Love your neighbor. A little cheek turning. Stone not casting. Its very nice. But while i can get an a in his philosophy class, i dont get to go to the after party. You get what im saying here . So you want to do this at my place or your place because [bleep] well be right cheers and applause jon welcome back to the show. As we all know, of our congress two houses the lower house the house of representatives is a dumping ground for morons at which any [bleep] can get elected. To get electedded to the upper house you have to be among this nations most reasoned and revered [bleep]. Who keep voting year after year to continue what are known as the rules of the senate. You know that one friend who just wont let you get a word in edgewise . Well, the u. S. Senate has a friend like that. His name is filibuster. Jon you know that one friend who comes to where you live and rearranges your stuff . Gerrymander. All right. So the problem is the filibuster where as few as 41 senators can stop any bill dead in its track. Accept at majority leader harry reid is proposing changes to the filibuster that might make the senate less dysfunctional jon thats actually very easy. You could the that with almost anything. Make it so that only hungry kindergarteners and ovulating cats could be senators. That would make it less dysfunctional. Im sorry were talking about the filibuster one of reeds ideas is to reinstate the talking filibuster the old principle if you want to filibuster you actually have to stand on the floor for hours to make your case. Jon you dont have to do that now . You get to filibuster now without filibustering . Thats like saying were going to go on a Hunger Strike with a mouthful of cheese burgers. They used to read song lyrics for 13 hours. If youre going to solve the business for the entire country you better be willing to make an [bleep] out of yourself doing it. Harry reid is trying to fix this mess what these democrats have in mind is a fundamental change to the way the senate operates for the purpose of consolidating their own power. I implore members on both sides to oppose this naked power grab jon when you put it that way. Nobody wants to see harry reids naked power grab. Thats for sure. Change it. Change it what . Oh, how important is it to Mitch Mcconnell to block this rule change . It emanates from the very core of his principles until now you could say that protecting the rights of a political minority have been the defining characteristic of the senate. For the past several years many of us on the republican side have raised loud objections to the diminished rights of the minority. Jon yes, yes, you might have heard that wrong. He was saying the diminished rights of the minority. Hes fighting for the minority. As in senate republicans. Not actual minorities because [bleep] those people. Now of course we could show you democrats and republicans taking opposite positions on filibuster reform when their roles were reversed seven years ago. Theres something about this i actually dont understand. If the republicans can filibuster anything the democrats propose, then how can the democrats reform the filibuster without being filibustered . Democrats have said they wont move forward on any changes before january. When the 113th congress begins. At that point, under conditions that only apply on the first day of a new session, they could alter the senate rules by a simple majority. Jon just make [bleep] up. What kind of rule is that . We cant do it except on the first day of a new session when jupiter align with mars and the girl senators get to ask the boy senators to the dance. Crazy rules like these get in the way, how do you expect anything to get done . The senate was not established to be efficient jon mission [bleep] accomplished. ,xbwn3pu 8,uj ,xo jon welcome back. My guest tonight very funny actor and comedian. His new book is called merry [bleep] christmas. Please welcome back to the program, denis leary. cheers and applause thank you jon young man thank you jon welcome thank you jon welcome to the show thank you jon time so glad youre here to talk about your book. I know. Its shaped like a book. Again its more of a coaster, jon. Its a christmas coaster. So its one in a series. Next year ill have happy goddamned hanukkah jon shouldnt a book about christmas have more pages in it than santa has rein deer . You know, jon, its not about quantity. Its about quality, folks. Jon oh, yeah, about that. And also its like i wanted to make a fourandahalf minute read for people. Jon like a song. Its not a book. Its a single. Thank you. In fourandahalf minutes he can destroy your childrens belief in you santa claus and an entire holiday. And the proceeds benefit firefighters, jon, because santa is not real but firefighters are. applause jon wow. Did you pull that one out. I cant take any money from this. Jon this would not get me through one Bowl Movement i know. Jon as old as i am now, do you know how many of these i would need . Heres the thing, jon. The ipad version of the book, hes talking Bowl Movements. Hes 50. We have to help him out here. That has all these extras. Things explode. Theres special effects and everything. You could be in the bathroom for a good 45 minutes which you probably are anyway. I have to be honest. Jon here is my favorite part of the book. Let me go to this very quickly. Can you get that . He has the coauthor. laughing very funny. First of all its very funny can i explain why i have a coauthor . Jon a lot of heavy lifting. Its baited on the song merry [bleep] christmas which was cowritten by chris phillips. You know whats really sad Comedy Central had this idea and came to us. You know what chris and i did for this book . Jon wait. This wasnt even an idea. Are you serious . They came to us and said can you turn this song into a book . We were like sure. We were like what do we have to do . We were like nothing. Were like okay. applause jon the craziest thing ive ever heard. Its like you were in a vegetative state. And then is this okay . laughing but we did actually record some special effects, like i said, for the ipad. Jon when you and phillips did the audio stuff. It helps firefighters. Listen. Thats where the money goes. Listen. I know its barely. Its not a book. But please buy this coaster and help firefighters everywhere. Jon you would be better off just putting a placemat that says, give money to firefighters. Thats what i said. They said, no, we need to actually have a product. Jon im excited why are you excited . Jon because you cant stop christmas. You can only hope to contain it. Im jewish. My kids, once they got ahold of christmas, hanukkah to them is hilarious. You have a potato pancake and light a candle. Its the macabees its over for you. Theyre going to be telling their friends soon that their dad isnt jewish. Jon theyre very happy to be half jewish and they know its the digestive side. Do they still believe in santa claus . Jon yes, they do dont take this home jon you really think, even if they were like 18 id bring them a merry [bleep] christmas book . I dont know, jon. I thought you might want to help the firefighters. Thats all im saying. Thats all im saying. cheers and applause jon you know what . For an irish guy youve perfected the jewish guilt. I really have jon i have to do that. Your kids are all. My kids are grown up. Jon your wife has raised them so well they still talk to my wife and tell her everything. Im just this guy, you know. Jon hangs out in the house in his underwear doing nothing. I cant wait until that im just embarrassing to my kids at this point. Jon is that true . It doesnt matter who you are. Youre never cool to your kids. Youll find that out soon. Well, you probably already know. You turned 50 when . A month ago . Jon a couple of days ago. cheers and applause honestly. Let me just ask you, how do you feel . Jon i dont feel well. You dont feel well . Jon ive always said this to people. I wear makeup and a suit. It makes me look like im not old. When people see me on the street, they always say to me, are you jon stewart . And they go, are you okay . Im older than you. Im 55. I dont feel 55 until i like i come here and i see you and i go, holy [bleep]. Jon you should because the inside of your young im surprised loretta lynn is in there singing a [bleep] song because i have never a dude put down more coal and tar in his lungs than this guy except for santa claus jon there are people unionizing in his lungs right now. Merry [bleep] christmas is on the book shelves now. Its to help firefighters it actually is even though you jest i zoekxkxu8,xct 9 . n . n . n . n . n . n . n . n . Z . n . n . nz . zz