>> love, love, strong parenting. >> kids need jobs. >> jon: jobs? the lesson you learn as a mother is that children need employment. so the 23 foster children you "took in" -- [ laughter ] was that before or after you began manufacturing iphone parts? [ laughter ] all right, everybody 6:00 a.m. get your asses down to the sawlderring --ed serring room i mean craft nook. not a good night as even her patriotic broach had thoughts about her answers. i believe that is the flag pin equivalent of [making scooby doo noises] how would jon huntsman, the second most popular, hand some mormon exgovernor in the field. how would he distick him himself. >> the party in the stage is in danger of becoming antiscience. who is antiscience? >> what you make comments that fly in the face of what 98 climate scientists have said, when you call into question evolution, all i'm saying is that in order for the republican party to win, we can't run from science. >> jon: how can you deny the science of evolution. with my science answer you just saw we dissolve into someone with no chance of winning the republican nomination. they'll never accept it. [ laughter ] congressman ron paul who is seemingly knowing that his opportunities to talk would be scarce. >> these tsa agents are abusive. sometimes they they are accusedf all kinds of sexual activities. air conditioning out of green zen, the troops need come home. i could get you a dmoon of gasoline for a dime. we could secure the borders a barbed wire fence with machine guns. that would do the truck trick. -- do the trick. i don't believe thatym is what america is all about. i believe this fence business is designed to keep us in. >> jon: this is why we need this guy in the race. he is the only guy in any political party who realized at some point we might want to sneakç into mexico. i don't know if congressman paul -- [ laughter ] i don't know if he should be president or have any kind of power, but i like him as our idea guy. he generates a lot of ideas. he could be like america's kramer. do we really want to listen to eight different peoples ideas. there's a simpler method of viewing this audition for the most powerful job in the country. >> perry versus romney, g.o.p. debate. >> how hot does it get between rick perry and mitt romney. >> eight people on the stage we're really only paying attention tonight to two. >> jon: thank you. i knew i could ignore those other people. by the way, i know it was a preview. what did happen? >> mitt romney and rick perry kicking it up a notch. >> mitt romney and rick perry went at it. >> mitt romney and rick perry go face to face. >> it was nothing but fire. >> it was exactly the thing you thought it would be. [ laughter ] there's only two explanations how that could have happened. one four months before any vote is cast. you decide the nomination is down to romney and perry. frame the debate by pitting the two against each other or your precogs. i'll let the audience at home decide. [ laughter ] >> governor romney, your private sector experience as governor perry's strategist recently put it consisted of being quote a buy out specialist. your response to that? >> governor perry you clearly don't like the massachusetts plan as an example for other states. >> governor perry a 30 second rebuttal. >> governor -- >> governor perry he said your state is filled with steers and queers, feel free to answer in the form of punching. [ laughter ] my favorite moment of debate came from niece news and their -- nbc news and their decision to do. this i want to introduce another colleague of ours from our sister network telemundo. >> please tell me he didn't bring out a latino to ask a latino based question. >> let me talk about a subject dear to the heart of president reagan which was immigration reform. [ laughter ] (bleep). >> jon: can't we go the whole way? can't we at least get a guy with an accent. i shall direct my first immigration question -- [ laughter ] -- to gringo number one. [ laughter ] look, all right, he's out here. he's out here now. we're having the debate. at least they let the guy join the conversation. >> to my colleague jose diaz. >> thank you very much. >> oh, yes, so soon. i will leave, sure. okay. yes, you're right i got my answer on immigration. and i would stay but obviously -- [ laughter ] -- there is no third chair. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] a young man with ambition met an old man at the top asked him if he had a secret and the old man stopped and thought and said: free 'cause that's how it ought to be my brother credit 'cause you'll need a loan for one thing or another score 'cause they break it down to one simple number that you can use dot to take a break because the name is kinda long com in honor of the internet that it's on put it all together at the end of the song it gives you freecreditscore-dot-com, and i'm gone... offer applies with enrollment in freecreditscore.com [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. asç you know, last night's republican debate was rick perry v mitt romney as you know when there is conflict, there is a winner and a loser. >> the real headline tonight is romney lives because -- because perry failed. >> intellectually mitt romney got the better of him. >> romney was more statesman like. >> rick perry is asking for trouble when he talks about social security the way he did. >> by embracing the ponzi idea he destroyed his candidacy. >> calling social security a ponzi scheme using other words. i think that's the lead in the "new york times" tomorrow, i would bet. >> jon: oh, "the new york times". my guest is rick perry will be serious will their -- furious with their editorial board as he per ruses it over -- [ laughter ] he destroyed his candidacy in the ponzi scheme comment and the part where he says social security is broken and must be fixed even though most people voting in the republican primary agree with him. this is not a race for the presidency of pubditytown. media you are thinking about this with the wrong part of your brain, the brain part. [ laughter ] they were sure that perry made a devastating conceptual error and the audience would rebuke him for his gaffe. reagan library ain't a reading library. >> a question about texas, your state has executed 234 death row inmates more than any other governor in modern times. [ applause ] >> jon: the biggest applause line of the night was the mere mention that rick perry had executed 234 people. [ laughter ] holy (bleep) ball! by the way, like some of them may be innocent but look at the crowd. they are not yahoos. this is not your tortured pitch fork angry -- these are people with firm opinions on which is the best brand of riding mower. the audience of this debate were the people who give out raisins on halloween. they own the blind side on dvd and yet -- williams doesn't even know what to do of this? >> what do you make of this dynamic that just happened here? the mention of executions of 234 people draw applause. >> in texas our people made it clear. they don't want you to commit those crimes against our citizens and if you do, you will face the ultimate justice. >> jon: i'm from jersey, we don't want people killing us either. we don't kill everybody who might. i have the words ultimate and justice tattooed across my knuckles. sure i had to double up on some of the letters because the number toll letter ratio it doesn't -- because the knuckle to letter ratio doesn't work out perfect. i can't promise you that justice is spelled 100% correct but i stand by the sentiment. rav laugh a sophisticated and presidential romney has no idea how to connect with these people. in the tea party. i believe in a lot of what the tea party believes in. i put together a plan of how to get the economy going again. tea party people like that. [ laughter ] >>ç jon: now, here is perry. >> i hate cancer. >> jon: oh, (bleep). i hate cancer, romney you just got rick rolled (bleep). there you have it. this is why this man is formidable. republicans have a choice between a guy with a multipoint fact based plan that he thinks can get the economy going or a guy that can punch (bleep) in the face. you are up against something you are too smart to understand. let me break it down so you can gut it. he activates a neuro ind crin reaction as a hot wave of impulses stimulating the limb limblymbic system. you don't get rick perry here. you get him here! [cheers and applause] mitt romney -- [cheers and applause] i have to do that more often. [cheers and applause] that's quite pleasant. [ laughter ] mitt romney is ralph lauren, rick perry is the pheromone of the sri lankan tiger seem yen. get ready democrats because that is the hombre you are up against. >> i think the dnc should take the social security line of mr. perry and attack on social security and the ponzi scheme and put out bumper stickers saying it's not obama it's about your mama and we'll win. [ laughter ] >> jon: what? we conclude our second installment of oh [cheers and applause] >> jon: my guest tonight, academy award winning actress. her new film is called "contagion". >> that's him. i can show you the ukrainian woman in the security camera in the elevator going back to her room 0 minutes earlier. she was gone. it came from here. and the patient she went before the casino. >> i want to see her eye continue rarey again. >> they say the french and americans have a cure at manufacturing in secret. they know we're in bed with the americans. >> go ahead. >> the internet. >> jon: that's right (bleep) we have the cure. mr. president welcome -- please welcome marion cotillard. [cheers and applause] how are you? [cheers and applause] very nice to see you. [cheers and applause] how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> jon: so nice to see you. >> so nice to see you,nb too. >> jon: thanks for being here. >> i'm very happy to be here. >> jon: the tag line of the film is don't talk to anyone, don't touch anyone. i'm sure you don't know this, that is actually the motto of newç york subway system. [ laughter ] we have it in latin right over -- >> don't touch anything either because it has been touched by anyone. >> jon: has this effected -- have you in anyway germo phobic or a bit of a hypochondriac? >> absolutely. >> jon: i am as well. >> we share that. that's why we don't touch each other. >> jon: when they brought you a script about disease did you think to yourself at any point this is going to scare jon stewart? [ laughter ] >> well, honestly, no. [ laughter ] but next time i read any script i will think about you or what might scare or what you might love -- >> jon: it's almost everything. [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jon: it's not easy being me. >> like even comedy? everything scares you. >> jon: comedy is the worst, quite frankly. especially the crazy bad ones, you know what i mean? they drive me insane. >> i love them. oh, my god. will ferrell is my god. >> jon: you said your god or your guy? >> god! [ laughter ] yeah. >> jon: that's awesome. [ laughter ] how funny is that guy? he came out here for an interview once -- >> with a baseball -- >> jon: with a baseball bat. >> baseball bat. >> jon: you are acting like i said it wrong? >> sorry. i'm sorry. oh, my gosh. can we do that? do you think we can? avian flu. >> jon: i love those guys. i don't get to see them enough because i'm always here interviewing people who have written books about mckinley. like i give a (bleep). [ laughter ] what is -- this type of thing, you know, because you're a great actress, you start to research a role. as you do it, do you get more come for thed by the knowledge that -- comforted by the knowledge that you get or more frayed by the knowledge you get. the world health organization, you probably talked to them red sox you more comforted from talking to them or more nervous? >> in that case talking to those people and not talking to them and knowing what they do will not comfort me because it doesn't -- even though they try to handle the thing to find the origin and to contain the disease, it's there. >> the disease is there? >> yeah. >> it depends on where you are. what was very interesting was the people i spoke with at who was how they handle it. are they scared. >> jon: what is your sense of it? >> they are trained to have cold blood. do you have have this expression, maybe not. >> jon: we call them (bleep). >> no, no, no. cold blood is when you -- >> jon:s it's to interesting how the words are different in french. >> it's not (bleep) at all. like. >> jon: when you say that there's a romance to it. it's something like -- you could tell me if i cut you off in the itqeet and you were like (bleep) i would be like she's so sweet. they are trained not to drain the emotion. >> scablghtly. that's what we call -- exactly. that's what we call coldç bloo. >> jon: stoic. >> yes. >> jon: reptilian. (bleep). >> sorry, guys, you helped me a lot. >> jon: i know what it boils down to in the end. this is for the kids in any of these movies, don't have sex with wild monkeys. [ laughter ] if there was a take away from any of these virus movies -- obviously for the kids. >> yeah. well, i would add any animal basically. we are all animals. >> jon: you haven't been for a while to south carolina? >> well, no. >> jon: "contagion" i get in terrible trouble. "contagion" is in [cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. by the way, a lot of people ask what is the advantage of coming down and seeing the show live in new york? stand around all day in a -- what is clearly a god forsaken part of new york city where at any moment a pack of feral dogs may drag an old friend of yours you met up with on foursquare into an alley and tear them to pieces. what is in it for me? perhaps something like this, if you come to the show you may get a free dvd copy of waite wyatt cenac comedy person. you can buy it. so come on down. that's what the audience got tonight. you know what i say to that? you know why i'm doing it? i'll tell you why i'm doing it because when oprah left tv, somebody had to fill the hole. here it is your moment zen. >> vote by texting 2260, one for the japan energy crisis, two for the ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. [cheers and applause] thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] wow. [cheers and applause]