i had to become a priest to reconnect with you, and i had to leave the priesthood to have you. >> sweet dee: huh? >> mara: mr. reynolds, i'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. >> frank: done. >> sweet dee: okay, hold on one second. >> mara: bless you. >> sweet dee: hold on did you just say that you left the priesthood? >> mara: yes! yes, i had to. >> sweet dee: mattie, wow, you should not have done that. >> mara: what do you mean? >> sweet dee: you got to... you should go and undo that right now. >> mara: uh, but, but you said... >> sweet dee: yeah, i know what i said. i said there were a lot of things, and i meant all of them, i did, but the thing is i didn't know you were going to actually leave the church, which is why i felt safe saying those things in the first place. >> mara: wait, wait. so... so you don't love me? >> sweet dee: oh, mattie, i think you are a great guy. >> mara: my life is ruined. my life is ruined. >> sweet dee: no... >> mara: yes, yes, it's ruined. >> sweet dee: no, it's not. what about this? why don't you go back to the priesthood? >> mara: i can't, okay?! i-i-i can't. you can't just go back, dee. "yeah, i want to become a priest again." you can't, okay?! >> sweet dee: but are you sure? did you, did you double check that? >> mara: oh, my life is ruined. >> dennis: so, i'm the bad person, huh? ( groans ) >> mac: holy shit, he fainted. >> frank: that's what you get for not eating. >> mac: hey, cricket, you know what would make you feel better? >> mara: what could possibly make me feel better? >> mac: wanna teabag, dennis? i'll get the camera! >> charlie: yeah! >> mac: whoo! whoo!(" >> august 17, 2011. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to the dail show. i'm jon stewart. our guest tonight... oh, you're too kind. our guest, former republican party chairman... our guest tonight, former republican party chairman michael steele here once again in non-puppet form. we're very excited about that. much more dynamic in non-puppet form. our coverage of the elephant stampede to the white house continues. as you may recall, sunday belonged to the fiery congresswoman from minnesota michele bachmann, whose performance at the ames straw pole vaulted her to the front of the race. >> first of all, congratulations on your victory. >> jon: but that was sunday. [laughter] after careful reflection, it was decided monday and tuesday belonged to texas governor rick perry, whose stunning entrance to the presidential race vaulted him to the front of the race. >> charismatic. he brings a new excitement and a lot of buzz to the g.o.p. landscape. >> jon: in fact, perry reminds me a bit of a former republican contender michele bachmann, who brought so much excitement and buzz to the g.o.p. landscape lo those many hours ago. [laughter] as of tuesday night, michele bachmann's win and rick perry's jolt of excitement belong to the ages. squirrel. >> so do you think this is the field, or are we waiting for paul ryan? >> are we going to see some other people like paul ryan? >> somebody who can maybe appeal to moderate voters, paul ryan. >> he's very young at 41. >> but he has ideas. >> i hope he returns. [laughter] >> jon: that was all from today. why is that? it's never enough for the media. they're like children. "mom, can i get a paul ryan?" "i just got you a rick perry, and you already broke your michele bachmann." [cheering and applause] oh, and before i get you anything else, where the [bleeped] is your ron paul? [laughter] and don't tell me he's no fun to play with. [laughter] of course, it's not like during those two days with rick perry. we didn't have some good times. >> perry comes from the radical country club that loves to remind white america president obama is other, not like you. >> getting america back to work is the most important issue that faces this country. being able to pay off $14.5 or $16 trillion worth of debt, that big, black cloud that hangs over america. >> that black cloud perry is talking about is president barack obama. [audience reacts] >> jon: wait. what? [laughter] pretty sure perry was saying the black cloud is the debt. in fact, if you keep the sound bite going... >> that big, black cloud that hangs over america, that debt. >> jon: see. "that debt." and while the next day ed schultz did apologize for not playing the whole clip, he never addressed his insinuation about what perry mend with the phrase "black cloud over america." but i guess that's the thing about black clouds. some people see a racist and some people see george washington wrestling a leprechaun. for more we're joined by "the daily show" senior race analyst wyatt cenac. [cheering and applause] wyatt, this whole incident with rick perry and the black cloud speech, was that racist? >> jon, let me take. this yes, it was. yes, it was. it was absolutely racist. >> jon: yes, john oliver. what are you doing here? >> don't worry, wyatt, you don't need to lower yourself to this blatant display of bigotry. don't worry. >> actually, jon, i didn't think it was bigotry. >> stop it, stop it. you're understandably too angry to talk about this. [laughter] let me carry your burden. i'm sorry, jon, but the poor guy has been beaten down just like those poor people in the movie "the help." [laughter] >> when you say "those people," are you talking about the black people who actually went to see "the help"? >> what? why would they be mad? it's a great movie. >> no, it's not. i'm sorry. we went to see "the help" last night. oliver liked it to a disturbing degree. >> yeah. , i loved it, jon. white people are amazing. [laughter] we really are. >> jon: can i ask you a quick question? the two of you went to see "the help" together? >> yeah. >> yes. >> jon: not like "captain america." you literally called up somebody, let's go see "the help"? >> yeah. >> yeah, had dinner afterwards. it was great. >> jon: talking about the real issue here. it seems like rick perry was clearly referring to the debt as a black cloud. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, jon. you can't use that term. neither can i. only wyatt can use that term, if he's comfortable with it. besides, this is a pattern of racially insensitive language from rick perry. listen to what that monster said at cpac in 2008. >> i would say that washington is the black hole where too many good ideas disappear. >> i am sorry you had to hear that, wyatt. >> hear what? >> "the black hole" in washington. rick perry, why are all the good ideas disappearing? is the black hole stealing them all? you never hear anyone say that about white hole, jon. honestly, what year are we living in here? >> what's a white hole? >> just a good, christian, honest hole, a normal hole. just a normal hole. [laughter] >> jon, you don't have to dig that deep. there's real racism in the world. just a few weeks ago republican congressman doug lambborn said this. >> even if some people say the republicans should have done this or they should have done that, they will hold the president responsible. now, i don't want to even have to be associated with him. it's like touching a tar baby and you get it... you're stuck and you're part of the problem now. [audience reacts] you can't get away. >> holy crap. >> jon: i didn't know anybody even used that word anymore except uncle remus. >> i'm sorry. what was the problem with that? are you two offended because you both used to be babies? >> jon: john, tar baby is an offensive term. >> no, it's not, it's a sticky baby that's been covered in tar. in england we call them tacky tots. [laughter] >> look, john, "tar baby" is a term that can't be misinterpreted. black cloud is commonly used as a metaphor. the real bigot is ed schultz. >> jon: wait. what now? >> yeah, yeah, ed schultz has a long, disgusting history of using racially charged language. >> chuck, speculation is the red herring. >> red herring? what's he saying about native american people? >> so native americans are herrings to him, just fishy, untrustworthy people? >> yeah, that need to be caught and fed to our government penguins? >> yeah. >> jon: i think that's a reach. >> it is? >> it is, jon? >> is it? is it? >> it is really a reach, jon? >> is it? is it? >> is it really reaching that far? because after you see this, you might owe us an apology. >> the great white hope. >> the blue dog, the red dog, the yellow dogs. >> the white man. >> the white lie. purple-state votedders. >> brown shirts. >> red handed. >> the yellow lobster. [laughter] jon jon guy,er got to tell you, i think that one literally was about a yellow lobster. >> really, jon? you don't think he was talking about china? really? an asian lobster all yellow with its pinchers collapsed around the nuts of america? oh, i wonder how that lobster would sound to ed schultz. oh, hello, i'm a lobster. hello, look at my claws. hew-wow. >> jon: that is offensive. >> it is offensive. shame on you, schultz. look what you've done. >> i can't get the bad man out of my brain. >> jon: john oliver [ "chopsticks" plays ] ♪ don't you two know any other songs? [ music stops ] [ "chopsticks" plays in a higher octave ] [ crunch ] [ male announcer ] take a cheetos break with cheetos. >> jon: welcome back. as you know, in 1996, then-president clinton signed into law the defense of marriage act or nambla... dombla, whatever. it stimulated the federal government would only legallyage knowledge marriages between one man and one woman. it was one of his administration's proudest moment, which is why he signinged it at 12:50 a.m. on a friday night. that's bill clinton for you, staying up late in the oval office defending marriage. [laughter and applause] but i thank god he did. i thank god that he did, because since then the lines around one man-one woman marriage have become blurrier, something presidential candidate and motivational food court speaker rick santorum knows all too well. >> marriage existed before government existed. i can call this napkin a paper towel, but it is napkin. why? because it is what it is. right? [laughter] >> jon: and while napkins and paper towels are nouns, immutable objects and marriage is and has always been a social concept that's been redefined by many different societies throughout the age, originally being a property agreement, his point is well taken. it's the slippery slope argument. if people start using paper towels as napkins, what's next? sleeves, drapes, mouth-on-dog wiping? [laughter] moral chaos! you know what actually, that napkin nail joy was stupid -- analogy was stupid. give me a different one. >> it's like, you know, hanging up this and saying this glass of water is a glass of beer. well, you can call it a glass of beer, but it's not a glass of beer, it's a glass of water, and water is what water is. >> jon: yes, senator. as a christian you want to base your argument against gay marriage on the idea that water could never be turned into an alcoholic beverage. [cheering and applause] very smart. very smart. but not the point. once again the audience has clearly missed the point. [laughter] the point is doma, defense of marriage act, is all that stands between us and the inability to distinguish between beer and water. >> president obama has ordered the justice department to stop defending the constitutionality of the defense of marriage act. >> the obama administration announced that under federal law same-sex marriages should be treated just like traditional ones. >> jon: what? no! that would mean that as of now marriage is completely defenseless and open to attacks from all kinds of mischief, something like this. >> these are pictures of anthony mack and his husband bradford wells getting married seven years ago in massachusetts. but anthony, who you see there on the right in these pictures, faces deportation back to his native australia. bradford suffers from advanced aids. if his husband is deported, he loses his caregiver, the man who has been his lifesaver. >> jon: this insidious process of anchor nursing must be stopped. [laughter] but wait a second. i thought obama said he wasn't defending the defense of marriage anymore. so why does this man have to leave his legally married husband? >> u.s. citizenship and immigration services told cnn affiliate kdvu pursuant to the attorney general's guidance, the defense of marriage act remains in effect and the executive branch, including dhs, will continue to enforce it. >> jon: oh, the best of both worlds, the administration won't defend the captioning sponsored by indefensible. they will, however, enforce the indefensible. why? draconian, cruel, lacking in basic humanity and compassion? yes, but remember, the gays win this one, who is to say what our children will be wiping their faces with. tomorrow. thank you. [cheering and applause] it's already happening! we'll be right back. but let me ask you should we spend it wandering in some home improvement warehouse?.... crowd: ....no! i say we go to ace crowd: yeah! get help when we walk in the door crowd: yeah! fix that garbage disposal before lunch crowd: yeah! cause we will maintain our homes but we will also maintain, our weekend! crowd: yeah! crowd: ace (repeated) v.o: it's time to get your weekend back v.o: and turn your to do list into a to done list v.o: ace the helpful place my guest tonight, former chair of the republican national committee, he's currently political analyst for msnbc, please welcome back to the program michael steele. [applause] sir, nice to see you. nice to see you. >> good to be here, man. >> jon: thank god. the puppet was very difficult to book this time. getting you here is much preferable. >> it's a lot easier, but he sends his best. >> jon: i did not realize that you were hanging out. >> i left him on the chair. he was having a latte. >> jon: i didn't know he was a liberal. a latte? really? >> we kind of balance each other. >> jon: i understand. so how are you... are you feeling a weight off your shoulders to not be the rnc chair during this time of tumult with all the republican presidential candidates? how do you feel? >> i feel good to have the weight off, but i really like the engagement and would like to be a part of making sure that we put forth the best candidate, the best foot, the best message to go toe to toe and have the folks out there make a choice next year because that's what it boils down. to it's really philosophical differences tact direction the country goes next. is it one that is centered around a government oryengtded strategy or one that's a private sector strategy or is there a hybrid there that we can work with? >> jon: a hybrid? >> yeah. imagine that. >> jon: some kind of... now, apparently the hybrid, though, is unacceptable. is there anyone in the republican field that would allow a hybrid because apparently any type of private-public hybrid, much like stem cells, is... >> the reality is cover finance is about creating those hybrids, those moments where you take the philosophy and the reality and merge them together through a policy that does what you hope will be the best thing for the people. i think when you look at the republican side of it... >> jon: when do you think they'll then govern in reality. >> that's the question. we're still waiting. >> jon: oh, okay. fair enough. >> we're still waiting. republicans and democrats. >> jon: the republicans seem anxious to just keep getting more people in there. you know, boston had this big weekend. rick perry, everyone was all excited to have him there there. they're already talking about paul ryan and chris christie. >> can we stop the noise on that already? the reality is this field is set. you have the top tier. how many times have you heard that term in the past week. but you have the three folks that will be leading the charge. you have herman cain and newt gingrich, who i think did himself really well in the last debate in terms of laying out some policy. >> jon: so newt gingrich is still runing? >> he's still running, believe it or not. he's still running. but i think this conversation by a lot of the establishment type, particularly in washington... >> jon: you're talking about establishment republicans. >> karl rove or the "wall street journal," they need to cut that noise out... >> jon: they're not satisfied. >> too bad. get over it. the reality is these are the folks that are going to be running. all those other individuals are not going to get into this race at this point because they have to get on the ball yacht in 50 states, and that's a process that takes time. they have to raise money. they have to put the organization in place, and if they haven't done it by now, particularly with perry, bachmann and romney, it's not going to happen. vaughn jon from what i understand, you are allowed to, and i'm not an election law specialist or litigator, but apparently if you have a one nation bus and you're sarah palin, you're allowed to just drive. even on inauguration day, just drive right in and say, i'll take it from here. >> exactly. >> jon: from what i understand. >> yeah, yeah. >> you mentioned karl rove. that's a very interesting thing. for many years karl rove was a sacred holy man in the republican... >> really? >> during the bush administration... >> not my holy man. what are you talking about? >> jon: i thought he was considered the... they referred to him as the architect of the... >> is that really it? >> yeah, but are... why do you think he is not finding these candidates acceptable because they seem to be utilizing strategies and policies that he would approve of? >> you would think. but at the end of the day, you look at someone like rick perry, who has really come out of the gates strong. you can't control him. he has his own set of ideas, his own way of doing his thing. you cannot put him in the box and say, okay russia you going to do it this way. and we, the establishment, whoever they happen to be, approve. the same with the sarah palin. you notice, you can always... >> jon: i like how you refer to it as "the sarah palin." she's just a noun at this point. >> she is also a good friend. she's a good lady, but she's not... i don't think she's running. >> jon: so you think the issue there is karl rove would like to feel... is that an ego situation or is that money? as the rnc chair, rove has this crossroads gps. where does he get his money from? >> from rnc donors. >> jon: is that the conflict now? >> well, it's not... well, it was a conflict when i was chairman and certainly but it isn't now because everyone is kind of back to status quo, the way it was before i came in. >> you got muscled. >> i got muscled by the establishment, but i did my thing. i won the 63 house seats they needed. i picked up 600 state legislative races and we raised a lot of money and won. so don't screw it up, you know. >> jon: is this now a changing of the republican guard if rick perry becomes the nominee? >> a very different group of people coming in. >> jon: does karl rove make himself available to mr. perry? >> that will happen. no. [laughter] the reality... >> jon: answer this question as you would have when you were still rnc chair. i just want to hear the difference. just for a little bit, the difference. [applause] >> as rnc chairman i would have said, yeah, in someone else's lifetime. >> jon: okay. >> i mean, that's the truth of the matter. everyone knows and the history is welcome toed of the stress and strain between the bush-rove camp and the perry camp, even though bush encouraged then- democrat perry to switch parties. but it was matter of once he did, that once he got into camp, he's like, i got my own thing, i'm doing my own thing. that's true with a lot of these folks. and i think the reality is the party is changing and it's been changing going back not to the last two years or so, back to 2005, 2004 it's been changing. >> jon: back to the 1850s. >> back to the 1850s. >> jon: moves in a very different direction. >> very different party. then it was more about individuals. today it's more about institutions and big-government republicanism is why you saw the formation of a tea party strategy emerge around the country. i think you'll see the same thing on the left. with the progressive movement taking hold as it began to do in wisconsin earlier this year. i think you're going to see this... >> jon: a grassroots battle. >> a grassroots battlement they need it. they need it on the left. they need to have that anchor philosophically of what do we