And milked for our semen. Eric, were so far from home. We arent gonna see home again, babe. Were gonna make it. Theres no turning back. Do you really think theres hope . Yes. I do. February 20th, 2017. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york. This is the daily show with trevor noah. Last night, the first and last first black president of the United States said his goodbye to the 20,000 of his closest friends. And you could tell obama was really the president of millenials because the entire speech seemed like one giant subtweet. If something needs fixing then lace up your shoes and do some organizing. If youre tired of arguing with strangers on the internet, try talking with one of them in real life. I dont say this often, but i do not agree with the president. Do not meet people that youve argued with on the internet. It will end with you bleeding in an alley. Dont do it. Dont do it. You know, last nights speech felt less like a farewell address and more like a parent whos going on vacation telling his kids how to behave while hes away. Hes like, all right, american kids, uh. Race relations, youll find those in the fridge. Make sure you know the Supreme Court justice before you let him in. And your babysitter, yeah, hes coming soon. Stop complaining; you chose him. You chose him. Do what he says. But if he asks you to take a shower, you should probably say no, probably say no. Thats what you do. Probably say no. Can i just take a second here, guys, like. How is all of this real . No, like, how is this politics . How is this what were talking about . cause what happened yesterday, i mean, you could not have a bigger juxtaposition between the president america is losing and the president america is gaining. Like, did you know that last night, the numberone trending topic on twitter was obama farewell. And the second trending topic, no kidding, was golden shower. [laughter] in three days, barack obama will no longer be the official president of the United States. No, no, hell still be the unofficial president. Because you know why . Theres no term limits in peoples hearts. Audience aww now with less than a week to go, before youre no longer president , youd think barack would spend most of his time playing xbox in the situation room with joe biden. You know, just hanging out, eating pizza, look at that they look like theyre having fun. Obamas just like, boom, now youre the second guy who died on this screen. On the real, though, president obama has been busy over the last few weeks, not only trying to cement his legacy, but also working on the transition to president trump. But what ive noticed is it feels less like a transfer of power and more like obama has been babyproofing america. No, no, which makes sense, because american has essentially elected a giant baby. And like any good parent, you need to bolt things to the wall, you move valuables to the high shelves, you babycade the stairs, you know . Because as much as you chose this little [bleep], you know that theyre probably gonna destroy the place. You know that this is true. [cheers and applause] and that and that is exactly what obamas trying to prevent. Take, for example, the environment. We know baby trump doesnt believe in Climate Change or restricting oil drilling or moving towards green energy. And so papa obamas, you know, hes taking some of that land and hes putting it on a higher shelf. President obama banned drilling this week in hundreds of millions of acres of the arctic and atlantic oceans and used a 1953 law to ensure a more difficult process for the next administration to reverse that prohibition. The president s last bid at environmental measures, including his designation of two new National Monuments bears ears in utah and gold butte in nevada. Theres a push to dial it back but undoing a National Monument is uncharted territory. Damn. Obama had to use a law from 1953 to get this done. You know a black man is desperate when his best option is to get laws from 1953. Aint no good [bleep] waiting for you there, man. Theres no good [bleep] there. Everyones like, dont go there, obama hes like, i gotta go. I gotta go. Were gonna use this regulation, and if youll excuse me, im gonna take a sip from this colored water fountain. Mm. [laughter] i did love this, though. You know, one of the places obama declared a National Monument was an area called gold butte. Which is genius, because you know theres no way trump is going to unprotect anything with gold butt in the title. Trumps gonna be like, thats the best part of it. I love it. Thats a monument. But the environments not the only thing obamas worried about. Theres also americas legally dubious prison facility, guantanamo bay, which obama has spent his entire presidency trying to shut down. Today, oman is accepting ten more prisoners for temporary residence. The latest transfers leave 45 detainees at guantanamo. The administration estimates it will soon cost 10 million per year per guantanamo detainee and they say that exorbitant costs should be reason enough for the next president to shut it down. If you think donald trump cares about cost or reason, youve learned nothing from the last year. Because baby trump has other plans. Gitmo, right . Guantanamo bay. Which, by the way which, by the way, we are keeping open. Which we are keeping open. And were gonna load it up with some bad dudes, believe me. Were gonna load it up. With some bad dudes. Bad dudes, get on in there. Yeeah and obamas trying to babytrumpproof everything he can. Think about it. He rallied democrats to fight to keep the Affordable Care act so that 20 millions would not go uninsured. Hes made it harder for states to deny funding to planned parenthood. Not to mention, he changed the password on the white house computer to popularvotelol. And on top of that, just last week, president Obamas JusticeDepartment Released a damning report exposing the Chicago Police department for routinely trampling on civil rights and using excessive force, which was chiefly aimed at African Americans and latinos. Yeah. And the reason the Obama Administration rushed this report out was because they knew. When Jeff Sessions is running baby trumps justice department, the only reports were gonna get about the police is about how handsome they are. Which they are, but thats not the point. Ill tell you this. We better hope that papa obama can babyproof as much as possible before the babys in the house because if theres one thing we know about this baby, its never gonna grow up. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] and now we unleash it onwerful your taxes. Pecies has created. Well be right back. Hello my name is watson. Yep. H r block and ibm watson together. Creating a future of more money going back into the pockets of more families. Welcome to taxes won. H r block with watson. Come see us and get your taxes won. Hwith 5 lines for justw at 100 per month. Ss. Plus, switch and get up to 5 free Samsung Galaxy amp 2 smartphones. So get more, save more and get down. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about readwinner gets the cheetos its go time. Lights out. Ok, not funny you guys. This is not how we play hide and seek. Thats what you think pops. [from the bathroom] alright, very funny, let me out. And the student has surpassed the master. An ipad pro is not even well, ipad pro isnt a computer. Its actually faster than most laptops, has lte like your phone, and a touch screen you can write on. So youre kinda right. Wooooooohhhhhh im kinda right athank you, but next time. This is the beer we drink. Eberhard anheuser. Adolphus busch. [cheers and applause] over the last decade, the gop has been led in the senate by Majority Leader Mitch Mcconnell and throughout that time, him and his team have been focused on one thing. Senator Mitch Mcconnell did an interview with national journal. In it he said, the single most important thing we want to achieve is for president obama to be a oneterm president. You said, the single most important thing we want to achieve is for president obama to be a oneterm president. Well, that is true. Thats my single most important political goal, along with every active republican in the country. Well, that is true. [laughter] why does he sound so sassy when he says it . Well, that is true. Its like hes being forced to admit something, but hes secretly glad he finally gets to talk about it. Yeah, i heard when your wife is out of town, you like to sleep on her side of the bed. Well, that is true. Ohh i also heard that you get fully naked in the dressing room at the gap. Well, that is true. [laughter] but jokes aside, Mitch Mcconnell, dont you think, as a public servant, your numberone priority, instead of blocking the president , should be serving the public . Well, that is true. Anyway. Well never really know how mcconnells plan to limit obama turned out. But yesterday, he moved on to plan b and that is erasing obamas legacy. Congress is moving full steam ahead to get rid of obamacare. We have on the floor of the senate now, the Obamacare Repeal resolution. The priorities between now and january 20th are. [clears throat] seems like you have some bull[bleep] stuck in your throat. [clearing throat] [cheers and applause] although, to be honest, it actually looks like you have a separate throat just for bull[bleep]. Thats whatits like hes got that frog thing that, like like instead of taking healthcare away from millions of americans, your priorities should be to repeal whatever that thing is. Like, i dont know, like botox it or, i mean, at least turn it into a bowtie or something, just, you know. Yeah, yeah, like that, like that. And look, dont get me wrong. We all know obamacare isnt perfect, right . It isnt perfect. Its mandate wasnt effective. The subsidies didnt cut peoples costs enough and some people did lose their doctors. But the big question is, if the gop is going to replace it, then what are they going to replace it with . And please, please, republicans, be specific. There were virtually no specifics given to reporters on the criticallyimportant issue of replacing the law. Wewe have a plan to replace it. We have plenty of ideas how to replace it. And youll see as the weeks and months unfold what were talking about replacing it. Oh, man, youll see ohho, man ohhooh when my plan gets here, youre gonna be sorry. Ohho, ohhoho cause ive got so much ideas ohhoho oh, my planmitch, stop the car, stop the car [laughing evilly] my plan hahaha ohhohoho oh, and by the way, i love how slick he throws that in. Paul ryan says, and youll see as the weeks and months unfold that what were talking about im sorry, the weeks and months . You cant just jump from weeks to months. Thats a giant space of time. Youll see as the weeks and months unfold that what were talking about is years and years of not actually doing something. Thats what youre talking about. In fact, some republicans are suggesting that they might repeal obamacare but not have the repeal take effect until after the next election. Yeah. Yeah. So then, its president kanyes issue, which is pretty slick. Pretty slick move, republicans. [cheers and applause] my guest tonight is a columnist for new York Magazine and author whose new book is called audacity how barack obama defied his critics and created a legacy that will prevail. Please welcome jonathan chait. Trump says hes going to come in and reverse all of the executive, you know, orders that obama has put into place. Hes going to erase obama. Hes going to replace obamacare with something much better. So essentially, is that not the legacy that people are worried, you know, donald trump cant erase . So the idea that obama only did things with executive actions is a myth that republicans used, i think, to attack his programs. And if you read the book, its not really true. He passed a lot of laws that people were not paying attention to in his first two years. And he did use executive actions but he put these things together in a way thats going to be very durable, even the executive actions. Like on theon the environment. Yeah. They did a lot of regulations and he made a deal with china on Climate Change and then they got the worlds first Climate Change agreement and thats moving forward and the United States may pull out, but the world is not gonna stop caring about Climate Change so these agreements they put into place, no matter what trump does, i think thats still going to be there. And on obamacare, another great example, everyone said after the election gone. Theyre farther away from replacing that thing now than they were after the election. Theyre moving backwards. Theyre bleeding votes. Everyright, they said, we know to do, and then its like, well, i think we know what to do. And its like, does anyone have an idea what we should do . Right, i mean, theyre theyre in chaos. Yeah, well, you gotta replace it with something much better. Thats all you gotta do. Right, Something Better and cheaper. Yes, better and cheaper. Everyones gonna have great care and its gonna cost less. Yes, better and cheaper, thats all you need. Better and cheaper. Im glad we agree on this. In the last eight years with president obama, we actually got Birth Control covered for 55 million women in this country at no copay. Including probably some folks here in this audience. [cheers and applause] i actually you know, its interesting, were at a 30 year low for unintended pregnancy in america. Were at a history low for teenage pregnancy in america. And thats largely because women have better access to family planning. I would say the American People think that planned parenthood is actually the solution, not the problem, and so [audience whooping] yeah, thank you for that. [laughter] but, so i really do think that it is a matter of folks in washington understanding that womens need for healthcare, its not a partisan issue. And thats what i think women are so perplexed about is, why are people playing politics with womens healthcare in america . And the women who come to planned parenthood, theyre republicans, theyre democrats, theyre independents because theyre not coming to make a political statement. Theyre coming because they need highquality, affordable healthcare and thats what we provide. Theyre cbut fair. Ause they nthis beer is tough. Coors banquet. Thats how its done. Today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. Verizon. mic thuds uh, sorry. Its unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. thud uh. Sorry, last thing. Its just 45 per line. Forty. Five. cheering and applause and that is all the microphones that i have. vo unlimited on verizon. 4 lines, just 45 per line. They gave me the opportunity to support myself from being on the streets. I want to do a pay it forward, pay for the next person. Wow, that is very awesome. [cheers and applause] you arent here for an interview. Youre here to give us a gift, which im really grateful for. Every Single Person whos a huge fan of your show that was inspired by the election. Yes, we, uh, made a final obama luther skit. And, um, we thought it only apropos and everybody on twitter was like, what are you doing . You gotta do something you gotta do something so were doing it. So its happening. Right now. [hail to the chief playing] [cheers and applause] good evening, my fellow americans. You remember my anger translator, luther. Why hello. Now ive told luther that he can join me for this last address, but that his being on his very best behavior is crucial to healing the divide in this country. Keep it chill, luther. Go against every natural instinct in your body. [inhales deeply] since we last spoke, the country has voted for a new president. [laughter] trump here we go. Oh, man come on come on really . Its all about the trump how did this happen, man . Get the [bleep] out yall gonna vote for the dude thats gonna make america hate again . Dont you understand . This is how the hunger games starts now, its true, we all have to accept. Damn that. Were gonna have someone else calling the shots. Vladimir putin, yall we got a naked russki on horseback gon be running the show. Spasibo, russian mother[bleep]s it was a close election, but the people have spoken. Yeah, they voted for hillary clinton, but then this Outdated Electoral College mumbojumbo voodoo bull[bleep] got in there. Its more imperative than ever. Come on that we move on as a country united. United in the fact that we cant [bleep] stand each other. I have met with president elect trump and have pledged my support in his transition. He doesnt even want the job, yall. I saw it in his eyes. The dude was shook. The only reason he ran is because his factory in china made too many red hats [highpitched voice] its the only reason and now, a timecherished tradition, is that the outgoing president. Dude, dont say outgoing. Dont say outgoing. Lalalalala, mama sah mu maka sah. Thats me, leaves the incoming president , a little note in the desk of the oval office. Of course, its completely confidential. Go [bleep] yourself. Until now. Oh. Thats my bad. [cheers and applause] in summation, thanks, america. Its been real. Its been good. But it aint be real good. Apparently, orange is the new black. Good luck with the healthcare, assholes. Im out. Peace. [hail to the chief playing] [cheers and applause] i got my eye on you, pussy grabber. [laughter] today was extra difficult and not only was it the inauguration of president trump, it was the day we said goodbye to president obama. For more on how to cope with this anguish, we turn now to roy wood jr. , everybody. Roy wood jr. [cheers and applause] yeah, trevor oh, my god, man, so many people crying today, why . What you crying for . Dontdont smile cause the journey is over. I mean, dont be sad that the happiness dude, this is my fifth coconut. Im sorry about that. Im sorry, roy, how can you be happy and drinking right now . Easy, cause im drunk. Secondly, you saw the speech today. Trump is gon be so bad obamas legacy is on lockdown. Like, obama was good, but, like, it really helps if the guy who follows you is terrible, like, for example, people wanted to hate on Christian Bale as batman. Then ben affleck came along. Roy, youre saying obama will be remembered fondly, especially because of trump. Im just saying, it doesnt hurt. Look, trust me, they might not miss him now, but when those folks in those red states start seeing all them trump tax cuts going to the super rich, they gon be on the phone, like, i dont give a [bleep] where it was born. Just bring the black one back, please bring him back please roy, noyo, i think this is your mai tai talking, man. This is history talking along with the mai tai. Trevor, weve seen this before. This aint new. Take lincoln for example. Part of the reason why hes such a legend is cause the guy who followed him, andrew johnson, was so bad he got impeached. Look at lincoln now. They gave him a monument, a town car. Hes fighting vampires in movies and they put him on two monies and if they did all that for him, then they gon let obama at least photobomb the hundred. [laughter] i mean, that sounds like at the minimum. Roy, are you equating obama with lincoln . Yes. At minimum. Look, lincoln was the obama of the 1800s. He was divisive and he made controversial decisions that over time will reveal to be for the greater good. Freeing the slaves, that was basically lincolns obamacare. Im not sure if you know what went down with the emancipation, but lincoln had some pushback too. And thats why i see today as a celebration. When president obama boarded that helicopter and waved goodbye, i saw a man ascend to greatness and that is something to smile about. I guess so. I guess so, roy. I guess so. You know what . It looks like it looks like youre gonna be okay with the trump presidency. Uh, i will eventually. Roy wood jr. , everybody. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] roy wood jr. , everybody. Well be right back. Then he tried tostitos flavored salsas. Nline. And realized that not all sharing is easy. Oooh, roasted garlic. Can i. Um. Stuart. Share the salsa, stuart. Thanks roasted garlic, nice. You guys know theres more salsa, right . Tostitos. Bring the party. Is microsoyeah, it is. He ipad . Just head to the app store and download it. Now, you have microsoft word on your ipad pro and it works with apple pencil. Word . Word. Word yeah, word. Wooooorrrddd. Heigh ho heigh ho heigh ho heigh ho its off to work we go heres to all of you early risers, whats up man . Gogetters, and shouldbe sleepers. From all of us at delta, because the ones who truly change the world, are the ones who cant wait to get out in it. [cheers and applause] so as you all forgot, its black history month. Lets commemorate it with a look at the most recent black history the obamas and what theyre doing postpresidency and preapocalypse. The obamas appear to be enjoying their r r as they vacation on billionaire Richard Bransons private island in the virgin islands. You see them there taking a casual stroll in beach attire, the former president in flip flops and wearing his hat backwards. He never wore his hat backwards as president , i dont think. Hes never worn his hat backwards. Like, why is that a thing people even notice . Hes wearing his hat backwards [chuckles] its almost like hes black oh, my god yeah, obama wears his hat in whatever direction the countrys going in. Thats a thing he does. Thats why hes never worn it the other way. Thats all for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in. And here it is, your moment of zen. In my core, i think were gonna be okay. We just have to fight for it. We have to work for it. And not take it for granted. And i know that you will help us do that. Thank you very much, press corps. Good luck. [coughs] im goin down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation