Sorry, what . I said, the doctor told me. Excusezmoi . The doctor said. No more public pools for me snap into a slim jim [car[clicking of ignition]rt] uh wha woof eeh woof wuh [silence] [engine roars to life] [dog howls] dramatic opera music swells from radio [howling continues] [hiphop music] [wolf howls] you hear that . We better find these guys before the wolves do. Lets go. [dramatic music] listen. Theyve got atvs. Just a joke to these guys. Come on, we got to get to Higher Ground no. Adams our friend. If we dont fight back, theres no way hes surviving this game. So are you with me . Fine. Okay predator shake . Yeah. Waityeah. What is that . Im soi dont even know. Hit me with a beast master. Thats where i got that. Predator, up top. [dramatic percussive music] okay, here they come. Just hold on the pants really tight. Pull, when they drive through, we knock them off the atvs. Yeah. This is a really smart plan. One, two what the heck was that . [laughing manically] yeah looks like the script is flipped. Thats right. Good luck hunting people without any bullets, boys hows this work . [gunshots] oh ow yeah, its okay. Keepoww oh, that really [gunshots] mm, i think thats it. [gunshot] ow nope, thats not it. All right, yep, im out. Im all out. Im all out. Im out. Back to back. Back to back. What the hell is the matter with you . Oh, come on, man. Were on to you. We know all about your sick plan. Hunting humans just because theyre not as smart as you. The heck are you talking about, hunting people . Oh, come on. The gig is up. I heard you no the phone saying the little one is the target. I saw the plaque with adams name on it where his severed head was supposed to go were hunting wolves to protect you there were three sighted around here, and one of them might be rabid. The plaque is for his picture. We make one for every guest of honor. Okay, okay, so even if this way more plausible explanation is true, whats with this guy here . He has a brain injury from concussions. He was the first guest of honor here. Ever since i was in the xfl, ive been in constant pain im sorry, did you just say you were in the xfl . Oh, my god, dude the xfl is legendary, man did you know he hate me . Did he like you . Would he like me . He hate me loved me, but the point is, my life has been a constant torment what team you were on . Were you on the outlaws . Or were youooh, maniax. You were on the maniax. I recognize you. You are a maniac. Wolves. Oh, youre the wolves, okay. Hey, mad respect. Not necessarily the maniax. They were cool. Where is that, duluth . No, i think from washington. No, no, actual wolves. Look behind you, you morons oh, wolves oh, oh, oh i dont want to die, man. I never got to be deadpool for halloween. Was never in a threesome. At least one that i was allowed to participate in. Yahh ders, you can still have your threesome, my man. And blake, youll get to do the thing that you wanna do, even though i was too far away to hear exactly what that was. Here, kitty here, kitty, kitty, kitty adam, whered you get the flare, man . I got it from the cabin. I took a shower and i also ate some peaches. But while i was eating those peaches, i thought theres no way that i can let my friends be killed by these freaking murderous, villainous businessmen because not saving your friends, that really is stupid. Right, so, uh. Not actually killer business dudes. We didnt know. He didnt know. Come on, man, throw, like, the flare at the wolves. Make em go away. Shh. Adam, adam, what are you doing . Do not be stupid, okay . Just listen to the intelligent people, for once there are different kinds of intelligence, anders. Theres environmental film watching intelligence. [retches] theres artificial intelligence, and theres the kind of intelligence that i have. The knowing that when you swallow a bunch of gasoline, itll turn your puke. Into fireballs. Intelligence. [retching] ah, its worse coming back up. Okay. Shh. Its okay, little kitty. [rock music] ahh [wolves whimpering] [all cheering] it worked the wolves, theyre running away [ alarm weather. Eping ] [ laughter ] cartoons. Wait for it. [ cat screech ] [ laughter ] [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1. Hi grandma and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] more flavor than can fit on a plate with our worldfamous baby backs, jalapeno cheddar sausage, barbecue chicken, plus three sides. Its a meat lovers dream. Now at chilis. The great wall was the only one. Built to protect us. What on earth are they fighting here . This friday, discover the secret of the great wall. Rated pg13 dr. Crispy, farmers the naked chicken chalupa. With a shell made of Fried Chicken goes by many street names. I call it dangerous. Beware its even harder to resist in taco bells 5 naked chicken chalupa box brought to you by the council and not taco bell. Everyone wants to be cthe Cadbury Bunny because only he brings delicious cadbury creme eggs. While others may keep trying, nobunny knows easter better than cadbury. Pack of menthols. Its not enough. Whats a pack of menthols cost . Your teeth. Smoking menthols or regular cigarettes can cause serious gum disease that makes you more likely to lose them. See ya again. What are menthols costing you . This year, chevy received more j. D. Power initial quality awards than any other car brand. Im very, very impressed. Did i mention they received more of them last year too . Look at that. Oh wow and the year before that. More doors. Oh my god what . and the year before that. Oh man it keeps going in fact, chevy has received more j. D. Power awards for initial quality than any other car company, four years in a row. Im speechless impressive chevy, stepping up their game [hiphop music] gotta be fresh we lied about adam. He doesnt actually have any kind of brain problems, but we wanted a free trip, so. Obviously not even the dumbest guy in our group. Theres no dumb one in your group because youre all equal [bleep] idiots. If we dont get contain this fire, the whole forest could burn. Wait. What about that human penis i saw in the jar . Oh, uh. Shh. Guys, i have too much money, okay . And with the internet, forget about it. So, safe drive, okay . Internets a weird place, man. I guess if i had, like, a billion dollars, i might want a dick. Hey, i think i know what we could watch on the way home. I still have it on my phone. The environmental film . Thatd be awesome, dude. Dude, if you liked central intelligence, youll love this movie. Its got dwayne the rock johnson. Hes ahes a mogul. Mmhmm. Whats it called . San andreas. I dont understand. Whatd he say . San andreas. Oh, okay, cool, yeah. Nice. Comedy central from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor thank you so much, everybody welcome welcome to daily show. Im trevor noah. My guest tonight, my guest tonight is one of the New York Times reporters who has been reporting on the big russia story that everyone is talking about. Mark mazzetti is here, everybody. cheers and applause from the bottom of where it begins. Well see. But lets begin with breaking news from overseas. The halfbrother of north korean dictator kim jongun was murdered today while traveling in malaysia. Police say an unidentified woman threw a cloth laced with liquid on his face. Police saying cctv led them to the femme fatale, a 28yearold vietnamese woman in that l. O. L tshirt. Trevor l. O. L . laughter imagine being assassinated by an internet meme. laughter its like your last words would be like, o. M. G. , literally dying right now. laughter this is such a strange thing. This is real life. An arntioan assassin wearing an assassins are supposed to blend in. Theres a reason jason bourne didnt run around with an emoji on his top. You know what i mean . Its like, who was that man . Oh, its jason bourne. I recognized him by the poop thing on his shirts. But this is a really tragic story. Not that youd know it from the way condition condition covered it. An unexpected death. The halfbrother of north korean dick tairlt kim jongun dies suddenly overseas. Trevor nooo. Condition conditioncnn, why . And youve been doing so well recently. A man was killed here, and youre going with unexpected. And that seems bad, until you realize that wolf blitzer has an uncontrollable problem. An untheme threat. North korea said it could run an intercontinental missile. Unhealthy, unamerican unfired. Unwelcome unpresprecedente and close scrutiny. And uncontested. They should say uncontested. Trevor are you bleep killing me . Get help my friend. Lets move on. Lets move on. I dont know how we can, but lets move on. From the very beginning of Donald Trumps campaign, the nickname teflon don has seemed perfect for him because regardless of the scandal, trump has always emerged without consequence. This russia and flynn story it seems like that might change. General flynn was forced to resign as National Security adviser. G. O. P. . Raertz calling for an investigation into trumps tries into russia. And mike pence is forcing trump to get his back tattoo of putin removed. laughter applause there are consequences. There are. Yeah, thats a trump stamp. laughter applause anyway cheers anyway, trumps been fairly quiet since he was forced to fire flynn on monday night. But today he got chance to address the issue. Michael flynn, general flynn, say wonderful man. I think hes been treated very, very unfairly by the media. As i call it, the fake media in many cases. And i think its really a sad thing that he was treated so badly. Trevor yeah, yeah, its really not fair that journalists did their job by reporting that flynn lied to the Vice President about speaking to the russians. Yeah, thats sad. Wait, thats what you call unfair . Or as wolf blitzer would say unfair . Who is this person . Also, donald trump, you realize that you fired flynn, right . laughter you fired him. applause the media didnt fire him. You fired him. Thats thats the one part of this job you should understand. They screw up. You fire them. Remember this . Remember this . laughter applause im starting to think that nbc show wasnt real at all. Im just going to put it out there. laughter the more you watch donald trump, the less he makes sense. And we cant lie. Lets be honest hes got us all confuse. He fired flynn, but now hes acting like he doesnt know why it happened. Like, weve been wrack our brains over everything. Is it incompetence . Is it some master plan . And then we saw, its been in front of us the whole time. Donald trump is 70 years old. Donald trump will be the oldest person to be president of the united states. The oldest man ever to be inaugurated. laughter . Trevor guys, trumps an old man. No, like, really old. And maybe thats just it. laughter maybe thats just it. Think about it. Who watches a ton of tv news and complains about everything they see . laughter applause old people. Who who goes to florida because their bones cant handle the cold . Old people. And look at that ass, and tell me thats not an adult diaper under those pants. He literally has junk in his trunk, people laughter donald trump is an old man. Like, whats one thing you know old people love to do . Talk about how good things used to be. When they werent old. So when i was young, and went to school, i had always heard we never lost, this country, we never lost a war. Oh, i remember those stories. Oh, i love the old days you know. Theres a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches. Were not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. Trevor yeah, trump. And now that youre president , we mis the old days, too. laughter applause . cheers everyone, everyone. Even even babies miss old days. laughter theyre like, becom, bama, hod change me. When you look back, donald trump has been showing signs of aging fair while. We just werent paying attention. Like, before all this president stuff he would just sit at his desk at trump tower and make the most random lunchtime videos. Major league baicialg let pete rose into the hall of fame. He deserves it. President obama was constantly chewing gum. I will not have anything to do with geico as long as i that commercial we ought to boycott geico. Theyve got this thirdrate guy acting like hes humphrey bogart. Theyre remaking Indiana Jones without harrison ford. You cant do that. And now theyre making ghostbusters with only women. I love just about more than anything waffles when theyre done properly with butter and syrup. Theres Nothing Better than properly done waffles with butter and syrup all over them. Trevor im sorry, no, im sorry, wait. applause no, no. No, how did this man become president . laughter waffles . Hes old nothing says grandpa like speak at shakespearean length about breakfast. He knows everything about that meal. Where is this wafflelevel expertise when talking about trade policies or Health Care Reform or unemployment numbers. You cant put syrup on unemployment numbers. You can trierk but you cant. Maybe the c. I. A. Needs to conduct briefings over breakfast so hell understand. The isis sausage is invading the syria muffin. Are you with me . Like, once you realize how old trump is, he seems a lot less diabolical and a lot more. Sad. Because as any nigerian scam artist will tell you, old people really easy to take advantage of. President trump did not know the contents of one of the executive orders he was signing. He did not know he was putting steve bannon, giving him a permanent seat on the National Security council. Trevor poor trump. He was just handing him executive orders. It was like his grand kids trying to get their inheritance early. What is this . Euthanasia . Is this about asians . Ill sign it. Longs you get rid of them. Were getting rid of something, grandpa. Thats right, good job, good job. People, maybe weve been too hard on trump. Maybe hes not racist. Hes just really old. Yeah. Call your grandparent right now. Call them. And casually ask them them what they think of any race. See what happens. laughter if we werent living in this world, this would be a really hilarious situation. Think about it. A 70somethingyearold xenophobic grandpa somehow becomes the leader of the most powerful nation in the world. It sounds less like reality and more like the premise of an nbc sitcom. Hes the commander in chief and hes a real rale old man. Its 4 00 wheres my dinner. Meet president grandpa in tvs number one new hit comedy golden guys. Good youre here. We need the windows cleaned. I am the president of the ecuador. I dont care what door you came in. The New York Times calls it a terrible show. The terrorist leader is getting away. We need a decision now, sir. Diever tell you about the time i found 5 in my jacket . laughter did i ever tell you about the time i in the an oriental man in the market . laughter oh, did i ever tell you about the time i caught a shark . Did i ever tell you about the time i invented jazz . We originally called it jazz movie matazz, but a colored guy shortened it. The critics are calling it realistic and too true to be funny. How is that hot wife of yours . Nurse . Nurse . In doesnt the nurse button work. It doesnt say nurse, it says nukes. Golden guy, monday through sunday for the next four years. Only on nbc. Trevor were all going to be watching. Well be right back. cheers and applause with hotels. Coms rewards program for every 10 nights you stay, you get one free. Which is great for families. Finally whatever captain obvious. Hotels. Com. Great for families. Mom and for sore losers [cellphone ring] uh oh, should have put that phone on silent. Luckily, jay chews trident to help clean and protect his teeth, so he can hide his guilt with a convincing grin. Thats it jay, theyll never know. Trident. Cherish your teeth. Dont pay hundreds more for taxes and fees on your wireless bill. Introducing tmobile one. Now with taxes and fees included. Get 4 lines of unlimited lte data for 40 bucks each. All unlimited. All in switch to tmobile today. Nature made it delicious. We made it a snack. Chobani flip. If its just a cough. Cough, youd see how often you cough all day. And so would everyone else. Robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. Robitussin 12 hour cough relief, because its never just a cough. cheers and applause . Trevor welcome back. Now, guys, i know that the last month has been rough. But today, i remembered that life with donald trump can also be pretty funny. I mean, we all agree donald trump is going to destroy the world. laughter but we cannot deny that it will be an amusing destruction. Yeah, its like an asteroid is headed to earth but its shaped like a penis. You know what i mean . Youre like hahaha i was thinking about this today abuse trump had his most important meetings with a foreign leader yet when israeli Prime MinisterBenjamin Netanyahu came to the very famous white house, and had a conversation. And, look, peace between exprl palestine is one of those problems that no one has been able to solve. Its so complicated. Theres settlements. Theres violence, theres border lines, theres terrorism. For a century, the sides havent been able to come together. But trump isnt worried at all. Just listen to him give his views on whether israelis and palestinians should live in two separate states or one. So im looking at twostate and onestate, and i like the one that both parties like. Im very happy with the one that both parties like. I can live with either one. I thought fair while the two state looked like it may be the easier of the two, but honestly if bibi, and israel and the palestinians are happen, im happy with the one they like the best. laughter trevor did this guy just tell us the problem like it was the solution . He said, what you need is everyone agrees with each other. Yeah. I dont know why this took you guys so long. There we go. Done, done. Trump wouldnt best hostage negotiation ever. Whatever makes both the hostages and hostage takers happy, that works for me. Lets work together, guys. Come on. Heres another thing laughter really . Really . This is this is not please, can we thank you. I hate i hate those promos. Sorry. You know what . Watching Donald Trumps diplomacy is a surreal experience because because whats the one thing most leaders struggle with when talking to israel . Is figuring out how to broach the sensitive topic of illegal settlements. But as i said, most leaders struggle. As far as settlements, id like to see you hold back on settlement fairs little bit. Well work something out. laughter . Trevor im sorry, donald trump is a genius. No one has ever thought to just straight up ask netanyahu to stop the settlements. Like he just asked him. He asked him like a neighbor telling him to turn downtown music. Hey, youre going to turn the music down. Do you mind . Do you mind turning it down . All right, whats the next issue . Lets move o. Look at netanyahu in his eyes, even he does not know what to do with the man they call el donaldo. I think were going to make a deal. It might be a bigger and better deal than people in this room understand. Thats a possibility. So lets see what we do. laughter applause doesnt sound too optimistic. Trevor you can see netanyahu is like, who the bleep is this diewld . laughter you know, trump is either genius or he is the biggest idiot the world has ever seen. Because i honestly wonder if trumps plan is to be such a bumbling fool, that israel and palestine are going to getting in a room and be like, i think we can both agree that guy say bleep moron. cheers and applause that guy is a bleep moron. We better solve this problem before he tries to help out. Well be right back. cheers and applause their competitors rates alongside their direct rate to save you money. But whats really going on . When played backwards at 1 8th speed you can clearly hear. What could that mean . Woman tom . Tom theyre just commercials. Or are they . Youre waking the neighbors. Well, mom, maybe the neighbors need to be woke. I think its actually awoken. No, that doesnt even seem right. No, its awoken. 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Its unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. thud uh. Sorry, last thing. Its just 45 per line. Forty. Five. cheering and applause and that is all the microphones that i have. vo not just unlimited. Verizon unlimited. Water. Every day women around the world spend millions of hours just collecting it. Stella artois has partnered with us at water. Org to help provide access to clean water to women and their families in the developing world. We can be the generation remembered for ending the global water crisis once and for all. What do you want to be remembered for . cheers and applause trevor welcome back to daily show. My guest tonight is the washington investigations editor for the New York Times and author of the way of the knife. Please welcome mark mazzetti. cheers and applause welcome to the show. Thank you. Trevor what a time to be alive, especially as part of the failing New York Times. Sad. Trevor sad, sad. Is that like your slogan now in the office, sad. Youre not sad right now. Youre one of the reporters who has been talking about what has been happening in the Intelligence Community. This is a story that everyone knows a little piece about. But no one seems to know the full story about. What makes the story so unique with trump, the russians, and flynn . I think you probably have to start by looking at what happened during the election. The conclusion of the Intelligence Community that the with pretty overwhelming confidence that the russians hacked the election through hack the d. N. C. , through social media, et cetera. If you take that, then you also have to look at what are these strange contacts that were going on between the trump team and russian officials . And thats what the f. B. I. Is looking at. And then you have on top of that, the phone calls that former National Security adviser flynn made in december to the Russian Ambassador in the u. S. , and all these things together, they dont add up to anything yet in terms of any kind of collusion or any direct proof of anything. But its something that the f. B. I. Is looking into. And it already cost general flynn his job. Trevor but you, now, if its not a story that means anything just yet, or something were not able to understand, why is it such a big deal . It may be innocent, and we dont know. Youre right. There is nothing wrong way campaign talking to leaders or officials from other governments. Trevor yeah the one question is who they were talking to and what they were talking about, and thats one of the things this investigation is looking into. And you have to add on to the fact though, there isas i said, this, you know, mountain of evidence that a lot of we should say that nobody has seen publicly. Its still the Intelligence Community. They concluded they were trying to turn the election towards trump in the outcome. They are all things theyre different pieces of a puzzle that hasnt been put together yet. So were trying to go as far as we can one day at a time. Trevor youre in an interesting situation as a journalist the media is what would be the best caseworst case. Nothing untoward happened and what would the worstcase scenario be . Certainly, right, if on the flynn story is that he just that he lied to the Vice President , then that would be a contained issue. I think that the bigger issue is what may be going on in an investigation into which is a pretty wide investigation into russian activity in the election, contact with american officials, with campaign officials. And remember, its not just the f. B. I. The senate is now looking at it as well. If anyone was ever to put these things together, and to show real real ties over the hack or any kind of collusion that would be a very, very serious thing. But i should caution, that nobodys there yet, and as we say in our story today, nobody has seen any direct evidence of collusion between the Trump Campaign and the russians. So at this point were saying what we can, but were continuing to follow the story. Trevor when you report these stories do you have a to go bag ready . Because you know theres a chance trumps going to come after you, right . Do you have, like, a bag packed of all your stuff and a passport. Are you ready to roll . Always, im always ready to roll. It wasnt like the Previous Administration was all that friendly to journalists, either, or the administration before that. Its something that were finding its not a republican or democrat thing or a trump thing or an obama thing. It is just that are you seeing a real effort by the government to go after leaks, to go after source for journalists, and its going to continue. And so its one thing that i guess republicans and democrats can agree on is that, you know, they dont like leaks and theyre going to blame the press. So were year you know, were dealing with it with trump, but were used to. Trevor good luck with that, my friend. Thank you. Trevor thanks for coming on on the show. Mark mazzetti, everybody. Thank you so muc you done already . Im out of data again i cant work out without my music you need to switch to sprint. I got unlimited data, talk and text for 50 bucks a month and you get 300 off a Samsung Galaxy s7 edge. I heard 5 gigs of data is all you need. Hows that working out for you . vo get unlimited data, talk and text. First line is 50 mo, add a second line for 40, and the 3rd, 4th, and 5th lines are are free. Thats five lines for 90. Looks like im not the only one who switched. For people with hearing loss, vo switch to sprint. Visit sprintrelay. Com. Tonight. Real quick, real quick. If you feel like trump tweets like a child. The daily show has a Browser Extension that automatically changes Donald Trumps tweets into how they were meant to be read as the crayon scribbles of a child. Dial the free extension thats make trump tweet 8 again. Com. Youre welcome. Coming up next midnight is live. Now here it is, your moment of zen. Mr. President can you answer any questions about your contacts with the russians during the campaign . applause Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] chris its 29 minutes until midnight, and we are live and if my kids are watching this, go to bed, you little scamps go to bed. Youre not even born yet i just got married. Get off my back. The latest casualty of the donald trump president ial train wreck continued today with fast food executive Andrew Puzder withdrawing his nomination for secretary of labor. Leaving him free to go back to his previous job being the guy at illuminati sex parties who shouts asstoass. [cheers and applause] ass to ass [laughing] chris thats definitely him. We need to acknowledge that