the daily shows a big are you ready . But now seeing all of this [bleep] happen, i think i shouldve asked if you were ready. Yeah, because im from a thirdworld country. It looks like youre headed to one. [laughter] thanks for watching the trip down bad memory lane. Join us tomorrow in cleveland for the full coverage of the rnc, and we [siren blares] oh. Oh, man. Uh. Oh, gee whiz. Think, think, think. You know what . Ill just tell the cops im ben carson. Yeah, thats why im here. [as carson] now here it is, your moment of. Zen. Im tell you, women do like me. Thank you, god, for sending us donald j. Trump to be our next president of the United States of america [dramatic music] tmale announcer tonight, from our democalypse 2016 vote, we look back at the democratic president ial primaries in our special what to expect when youre expectant. Welcome to the daily show. We all had fun at the republican convention, and now its off to philly for the dnc. But first, lets look back at how the democrats got here, and who better to help us than the woman herself, Hillary Clinton, whos stuck in traffic at the moment, but will totally be here. So lets just get started without her. But shes totally coming. So the stage has been set. Its clinton up against sanders, and cnn is ready. [dramatic music] whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, no. Go back, go back, go back on that. Yeah, cnn, what was that . It was like a face and then a face, and then it was just like meh, meh, meh. You guys are heartless, cnn. Any one of these people could be the next president , and you list them like the legally required terms and conditions of a used car ad . Clinton sanders tomorrow on cnn. Please note, unfortunately, Martin Omalley will be joining the proceedings. Certain viewers may be exposed to jim webb, and theres nothing we can do about lincoln chafee. Governor chafee, youve attacked secretary clinton for being too close to wall street banks. In 1999, you voted for the very bill that made banks bigger. The glasssteagall was my very first vote. I just arrived. My dad had died in office. I was appointed to the office. It was my very first vote. Are you saying you didnt know what you were voting for . I think youre being a little rough. I just arrived at the United States senate. [stutters] i just dropped my ice cream cone. After only one lick, i [laughter] every Single Person had a chance to lay out their case. We heard from everyone who was oh, wait, no, no, jim webb. Unless somebody mentions my name, i cant get into the discussion. I would say this. Ive been waiting for ten minutes. Well, first of all. Can i get in this discussion . This hasnt been equal equal time. All right, senator webb, you want some more time, and you get it. You get the final answer. Which enemy are you most proud of . Id have to say the enemy soldier that threw the grenade that wounded me, but hes not around right now to talk to. All right, time for closing [audience groaning, laughing] holy [bleep]. Jim webb will literally kill you. And then smile. And then it was time for one final question. So which enemy are you most proud of . I guess the coal lobby. Tried to bring them to the table so that we could address carbon dioxide. Im proud to be at odds with the coal lobby. Governor omalley . The National Rifle association. [cheers and applause] the National Rifle assoc omalley just buried he just buried chafee gone. Did you see him . Poor chafee was on the side like, no, wait. Can i change my answer to what he said . Now, at center stage, of course, was form secretary of state Hillary Clinton. Secretary clinton, how would you not be a third term of president obama . Well, i think thats pretty obvious. I think being the first woman president would be quite a change from the president s weve had up until this point including president obama. So the only thing separating you and president obama is the fact that you have different parts . What are you, mr. And mrs. Potatohead . The debate was also an opportunity for the clinton main challenger, Bernie Sanders, to come out, and he couldve attacked hillary on a host of issues including the keystone pipeline, the transpacific trade policy, her ties to wall street, and of course, her emails. Hillary clinton feel the bern. Let me Say Something that may not be great politics. But i think the secretary is right. And that is that the American People are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails. Thank you. Me too, me too. And if i hear one more person say emails, so help me, im gonna kick them in the dick. Emails this, emails that. I remember when people used to talk to each other loudly. The First National poll since cnns recordbreaking democratic debate is out and shows that Hillary Clinton was the clear winner. You gave chafee an asterisk . [laughter] cnn is heartless. You couldnt give the man a zero . At least a zero, i mean, a zero means you got nothing. It doesnt even look like a percent. Look at that. What is that . It looks like theyve censored a cuss word or something. Its like webb got one percent, and then chafee got [bleep] all. Thats what it looks like. [laughter] it seems 2016 is when long shots just might pay off. Bernie sanders is within striking distance of Hillary Clinton in both iowa and new hampshire. Sanders also outperforming clinton in hypothetical matchups against the republicans. Ah, yes. A surging sanders. Something tells me you dont want to search that on urban dictionary. You know, a surging sanders, its when you come out of nowhere. Oh. Hey, whats up . Youyou just missed hillary. I feel so bad for you. Shes here, and now shes not. Anyway, she had to step out and take a call, which actually reminds me of last november. Remember when sanders was on a surprise roll and hillary had to step away from her campaign for her third benghazi hearing . Right now the only one youve asked for is sidney blumenthal. Thats the only one youve asked for. You need to make sure the entire record is correct. And thats exactly what i want to do. Well, then go ahead. Im about to tell you. [laughter] so clear. So concise. It all makes sense now. And throughout the day, hillary was right in the thick of it. But while Hillary Clinton had to endure repetitive questions and endless bickering, it wasnt a total waste of her time. Madam secretary, you are welcome to answer the question, if you would like to. Well. I wrote a whole chapter about this in my book hard choices. Id be glad to send it to you, congressman. All oh [cheers and applause] thatthat is gangster. Hillarys promoting her book in the middle of a hearing that could end her political career. Hard choices, now available in paperback. We have to talk about last night. The iowa caucus. Bernie sanders won [cheers and applause] yeah. But not as much as Hillary Clinton. So as i stand here tonight, breathing a big sigh of relief, thank you, iowa. What iowa has begun tonight is a political revolution. [cheers and applause] whoo watch out, people. Party bernie is on the loose. So it was technically tied. But in the end, hillary was narrowly awarded the win. And i mean really, really narrowly. It was so close in several precincts, heres how they had to decide the winner. In half a dozen precincts, the winner had to be determined by a coin toss. Tails. Tails. Yes hillary. Hillary clinton. [cheering] [laughter] bernie was right. I guess money does decide elections. Thanks for tnorfolk around and i just wanted to say, geico is proud to have served the military for over 75 years roger that. Captains waiting to give you a tour of the wisconsin now. Couldve parked a little bit closer. Its gonna be dark by the time i get there. Geico. Proudly serving the military for over 75 years. Our food was pretty darn close, too. Were keepin that spirit alive with fajitas, a salad, and a mini molten cake for just 10. Chilis. Chilin since 75. And a mini molten cake for just 10. Why do protein drinks then get worse . Introducing protein shots from 5hour energy. Protein shots from 5hour energy are smooth and tasty, and still deliver 21 grams of protein with 100 calories. Theyre great for workouts. So great that if you dont get up to fifteen percent more reps, more laps, more distance, well give you your money back period. Protein shots from 5hour energy. Oh, hey, welcome back. Its time to talk about super tuesday, which unfortunately got Hillary Clinton so excited she had to run to the bathroom. But shes definitely gonna be here, so enjoy this for now. Were talking about super tuesday, which is also a very big night for a candidate that is not named donald trump. Hillary clinton in command. Huge night for Hillary Clinton. Winning seven super tuesday states. A dominant lead. Tightening her grip on the partys nomination. What a super tuesday aww. So nice to see a decadeslong plan for global domination come together. Yay so yes, this was a great night for Hillary Clinton. But bernie fans need to understand, it was also a great night for Bernie Sanders, because hes probably not going to be the protagonist of this story, but hes still got his role. Hes the magical negro who helps the protagonist become a better person. Yeah. Bernie sanders is hillarys bagger vance. Or hillarys kazaam. Look at hillarys speech from last night. You tell me who it reminds you of. Those with the most wealth and the most power seem to have forgotten that basic truth about america. Corporations that avoid paying their fair share of taxes. What we need in America Today is more love and kindness. [cheers and applause] is that you, bernie . Thats right. The Hillary Clinton who sucked up to wall street and voted to invade iraq is running on a platform of equality, love, and kindness. And that, my friends, is thanks to Bernie Sanders. When it comes to americas president ial primaries, theres a quirk in the democratic process, and its a quirk that everyones been talking about. Its all about the delegates, all about that math. Hillary clinton and Bernie Sanders vying for delegates. A delegate death match on the republican side. Yeah, delegate death match was my favorite Jeanclaude Van Damme movie. [laughter] now, it turns out the only vote that matters when nominating a Party Candidate is the vote at the party convention. And the only people who can vote at the convention are the delegates. On the democrats side, they have superdelegates, all right . Its a group of people who have been bitten by radioactive spiders and can now vote for any candidate that they want. Its the most boring superpower ever. It really is. Well, right after hawkeye, right after hawkeye. No, im sorry, cause archerys not a superpower, people. Yeah, you shouldnt be fighting aliens. You should be at the olympics. That is not a superpower. No one gives a [bleep] about this normally, but because this race is so tight this year, everyone is acting like this. Its a system rigged against people that go to voting booths. Its disenfranchisement. Its not one person, one vote. The rules are no good when you dont get democracy. The rules are no good when they dont count your vote. You are a superdelegate. Im a superdelegate. What powers do you possess . [laughter] not that many. Its never in the history of the Democratic Party since weve had superdelegates ever been a race which was decided by superdelegates, and im pretty sure the superdelegates are gonna vote for whoever has the most pledged delegates. The big news last night came out of the democratic primary in michigan. Bernie sanders with a big upset victory over Hillary Clinton in michigan. The polls show clinton leading sanders by 20 points in michigan, and she lost. That is as big a polling failure as we have seen. The longer this race goes on, the more tense its getting between the candidates. Sanders and Hillary Clinton have been slugging at each other over fossil fuel donors, over campaign tone. They are at each others throats. He demanded an apology for being called a liar. She called him desperate. I dont know if hillary is the right person to call Bernie Sanders desperate. You know, its rich coming from her. Have you ever seen anyone whos wanted to be president that bad . Its creepy. Yesterday was the new york primary, and for the democrats, it was no contest. Hillary clinton beat Bernie Sanders bad, and bernie knew it wasnt just because fewer people voted for him. Tens of thousands of people as i understand it have been purged from the voting rolls. Thats a little bit crazy that in upstate new york, they opened the polls at 12 noon. You know what many people love about Bernie Sanders . His blunt honesty, yeah. He speaks his mind. Although you have to admit, sometimes he comes off a little paranoid, just in moments. He sounds like a Senior Citizen who doesnt trust his jamaican nurse. Shes laughing at me. She thinks i dont know. But shes stealing my goddamn snickers. Bernie sanders bolstered overnight with a surprisingly big win over Hillary Clinton in indiana. I understand that secretary clinton thinks that this campaign is over. Ive got some bad news for her. Her husbands cheating on her. Oh, what, she knows . Because i just got this fax a few minutes ago. You know, just when you think sanders is finished, he bursts back to life. You know, hes got the tenacity of jon snow and the body of what the red woman actually looks like. 43 of sanders voters said theyll defect to trump in the fall if clinton is the nominee. I knew some of bernies voters were young, but i didnt realize they were children. You know, just like, fine im just gonna go vote for trump. Hillarys stupid, and she smells like benghazi well, if you ask me personally, i think Bernie Sanders popularity has nothing to do with policy. I think its because hes opposite trump. Bernie is the yin to trumps racist yang. The issue is the huge amounts of money that it takes to run a campaign. I have a huge company. Huge issue. Im a huge Second Amendment person. Huge tax breaks. Huge problem at the border. Just think of it. Trump versus sanders. That would be. Magnificent. Enormous. Humongous. Big. So close. Well be right back. Your current gel antiperspirant wet ais. Sticky now, were going to show you how degree dry spray is different. Degree dry spray. Degree. It wont let you down. Our food was pretty darn close, too. Were keepin that spirit alive with fajitas, a salad, and a mini molten cake for just 10. Chilis. Chilin since 75. And a mini molten cake for just 10. You know, this stage of the campaign makes you wonder if theres anything hillary can do to get people to like her again. And for more on this, we turn to senior Clinton Campaign analyst, michelle wolf, everybody. [cheers and applause] michelle, obviously, this is not great news for Hillary Clinton. I mean, what should she do about the latest controversy . Well, listen, hillary, the jig is up. No one likes you. But you can make that work. You just have to embrace your unlikeability. Hold it closer than the leash you keep bill on. She keeps him on a leash. He needs to be on a leash. But youre not running to be everybodys friend. Youre running to be the boss, and no one likes their boss. Well, i mean, some people like their bosses. No. Not even a teeny, tiny bit. My boss speaks weird. He says things like contraversy. Its controversy. You sound like youre narrating an old childrens schoolbook. Hillary just needs to be herself. Remember this picture . Thats who we need to run the world a nononsense, indoor sunglasswearing, on her own plane boss lady who eats enemies and [bleep] policy. [cheers and applause] the point is, no one likes their boss. And hillary, we need you to be our boss. We dont want you to be, but we need you to be. Because if you arent in a couple of years, were gonna be eating grilled squirrel from a hole in the ground with our children asking, but why do we have to live like this, mommy . And well have to respond, we didnt vote for the smart lady because of some emails she sent from a different server. And then the child will say, well, whats a server . And well have to say, i dont know, kevin. I never [bleep] knew. Now shut up and eat your squirrel before king trump comes back, trevor. Wow. Michelle wolf, everybody. Donald trump is now calling himself the presumptive nominee, and hes turned his attention to last nights other big winner, hillary. Well, i think the only card she has is the womans card. Shes got nothing else going. And frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, i dont think shed get five percent of the vote. The only thing shes got going is the womans card. Yes. Hillary does play the woman card. She does. She does, because shes a woman. Its the same way you play the racist douchebag card. Its just who you are. Its just who you are. We all play the cards we have. So yes, hillary does play the woman card. But do you know what other cards she plays . The legislative experience card. The secretary of state card. The same person we trust with the Nuclear Codes card. The other day, mr. Trump accused me of playing the quote woman card. [audience boos] well, if fighting for Womens Health care and paid family leave and equal pay is playing the woman card, then deal me in. [rock music] that is so cute. No, like, think about it. You havent seen hillary crush for a while. You know, she even said it. Hillary said, im not good at campaigning. Im not good at jokes. And here she is, and shes crushing it. The crowd is love and shes got that smile on her face. You know, finally, a joke landed for her. And you know this is not this is not gonna be the end. When a joke lands, you keep telling that joke. I can see her, like, the night after the thing, shes at the bar, and shes telling the bartender, so then i said, deal me in. This artoo unit must be delivered to the rebellion. Come on artoo artoo welcome to the rebellion. This is for you. Duracell and Childrens Miracle Network hospitals are powering imaginations everywhere. I promise you, hillary. No one can see its like a tiny thing. Yeah, just move your just are you sure you dont all right, fine, fine. Welcome back, and where were we again . Oh, yes, trevor. The Hillary Clinton campaign. Ever since shes clinched the democratic nomination, she has slowly been building up steam. Her previous rival has intimated that hes dropping out. Shes ahead of trump in the polls, and recently, she gained a powerful new ally. U. S. Senator Elizabeth Warren has made her debut on the campaign trail with the Presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton. Hillary clinton and Elizabeth Warren, joining forces today for the first time in the campaign. Hillary clinton will be the next president of the United States because she knows what it takes to beat a thinskinned bully who is driven by greed and hate. Aww, yeah. Thats Elizabeth Warrens badass fighting style. Float like a butterfly, sting like the librarian who just shut up your friends in the library. Lets take a second here to comment on what a historic moment this is. For the first time in american history, the Presumptive Democratic president ial nominee is a woman, people, and shes joined on stage by another qualified, powerful woman. I am sure i am sure that the news recognized this. Hillary clinton being joined by senator Elizabeth Warren. Did you see the matching pantsuits . Did they select their outfits together . Well, the good thing is that theyre actually selling those painting smocks on the clinton website and signing them. You know that the Blues Brothers were john belushi and dan aykroyd. The blues sisters, there they are right there