He was a big Charlotte Rae fan. [dramatic music] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor thank you so much, everybody thank you so much welcome to the daily show im excited to have you guys thank you for tuning in. Im trevor noah. Our guest star, couldnt be more excited, knicks star Carmelo Anthony in the house cheers and applause lets get straight into it. Ted cruz is on the campaign trail. Consider this a warning, folks, he might be calling your house. Hi, this is ted cruz calling. I was calling to encourage you to come out and vote on election day. This election is critical for the direction of our country, and i urge you to come out and support freedom and constitution and the bill of rights. laughter trevor i feel so bad for this guy. No, because, i mean, you know if he actually reach as trump supporter, that call is not going to go out, right . Hes goin going to on the phone, like, hi, this is ted cruz. Mmhmm. Lying ted. Im just surging you that mmhmm, my father killed kennedy. Mmhmm, i want you to vote for well, okay, i dont see how that okay, fiefn, im a pretty little pony and i want you to vote for trump. Okay, thank you very much. applause saddest thing ever. Do you know what the saddest thing is . Not that cruz made the call but as soon as he said, hi, this is ted cruz, the person hung up. Of course they did. No one actually talks to ted cruz, that doesnt happen. The rest of the time because there was a camera, he was faking it so people wouldnt think hes talking to no one. The phone wasnt probably plugged in, he was talking by himself. Hi, ted cruz, i think this is how a conversation would go if i actually had friends. laughter speaking of bad phone calls, samsung, lately their phones have been having reception problems because its hard to hear someone when your phones just exploded. Even after they recalled the galaxy note 7, still having issues. A man says his replacement galaxy note 7 phone started smoking on a flight forcing the plane to evacuate. I noticed smoke pouring out of my pocket. I threw it on the ground where it continued to smoke and burn and smolder into the carpet. Trevor they were, like, sir, this is a no smoking flight that includes phones that is terrifying, though. But this is the definition of white privilege. You get on a plane, have smoke coming out of your pocket, then whip out the device and throw it on the ground and theyre like, sir are you okay . Oh, my god you poor man are you okay . You must be so shaken up you cant even hunt pokemon now laughter you know if that dude was middle eastern, they would have tackled the bleep out of him middle easterners get kicked out for having working phones this guy is like, my phone is going to blow up now word of trouble for another samsung product. Exploding washing machines. Trevor really, samsung . You know youre doing something wrong when youre making a box of water explode laughter lets move on to the world of news media. Joined by senior media correspondent ronny chieng, everybody cheers and applause hey, trevor, im not sure if youre familiar with the internet or tv, but if you are, youve probably seen this bleep that happened a few days ago on fox news. In the first president ial debate, china was mentioned 12 times, so we sent watters down to new yorks chinatown to sample political opinion. Opinion. Okay, first of all, let me get this straight they say china in the debate so you go to chinatown . In new york . So when they mention mexico, do you send someone to taco bell . Chinatown is nothing like china they have nothing to do with each other. Its like womens rights, i decide to go to fox news to get opinions. laughter as dumb as that premise, is it is nothing compared to the idiosy that followed. By the way, we havent added anything. This is original footage from fox news. Am i supposed to bow to say hello . speaking Foreign Language i like these watches, are they hot . J. C. Penney. Who are you going to vote for . Clintons wife. Whats her name . I forget. Snap out of it. Do you know karate . Yeah. Hit my hand. Oh, thats the spot. Is it the year of the dragon . Cravat no, its actually the year of go bleep yourself cheers and applause what the hell was that . House of that on the news . In fact, house of that even on tv . Everyone was wondering who was the target of 2016 worst racism, i didnt even know asians were in the running. If youre going to with racist, at least get your stereotypes right, you ignorant sack of bleep , chinese isnt japanese and youre doing it in a theater full of jackoff serious, mr. Miyagi, update your reference material. Thats like me making fun of americans for saturday night five around mr. T. If you want to make fun of china, make fun of their high pollution or censoring internet. This may be good since no person in china will have to watch your garbage attempt at comedy. Donald trump beating up on china at the debate. Trump has been beating up on china, how does that make you feel . Why dont you speak asshole, they dont speak english, thats why theyre silent. Its easy to make fun of someone when they cant respond. Ill show you. Door bag, why do you look like a guy who carries around a pack of roofies just in case . Why do you look like you have a hooker on speed dial . And is it hard to fit bill oreillys entire scrotum in your mouth . laughter this might come as a surprise, but Chinese Americans do actually have genuine thoughts on this years election. I went to chinatown to speak to people in language they understood, human. speaking in Foreign Language wait, you understand american politics enough to lodge a protest vote . Definitely. speaking in Foreign Language queens. What are your thoughts on Jesse Watters video on fox news. The chicken bleep reporter who came here and thought he was funny because he talked to people who couldnt speak english . What about the one with no testicles . The one who came down hero who said let me talk to some old people and let me put them on camera without asking them and sort of put them on National Television and made fun of them in the worst possible way, that asshole . I think were talking about the same guy. What was the question again . I cant remember. cheers and applause thank you very much. Well be right back. Cozy up this fall with dunkins coffee and espresso flavors. Sip salty and sweet with our new salted caramel macchiato or drink in the season with the classic taste of pumpkin. America runs on dunkin. Or drink in the season with the classic taste of pumpkin. Oh with a little bit of uh uh, and a little bit of i said, its getting hot in herre new limited edition cherry from limearita. The bold margarita. Officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. Hillary clinton as the first female major Party Candidate for president , hillary serves as inspiration to all women, but that inspiration can take many forms as desi lydic reports. Its a great time to be a woman. Glass ceilings have been shattered left and right from our first president ial nominee to our womens soccer team getting equal pay. Now on basic cable we can even say pussy. Thats right, pussy, pussy, pussy. Point, is women everywhere are kicking ass. Shining light on unsung heroes. Amy is a successful entrepreneur who staked her claim in the world of political merchandise. What do you all have in comen . I dont know, what do we all have in common . Pshhhewwww, debris, debris. Do you know what that is . I dont know. Shattered glass in my eyes. Can you help me . Im bleeding three women shattering the Glass Ceiling. Its no surprise this strong successful business woman was a hillary supporter. Its a nobrainer. This is an exciting time for us as women to show my daughter that she can be anything that she wants to be. Yeah, that is why its so amazing that you have a platform, you have a voice. I want to see some of your merch. How to make America Great again with duct tape. Yeah, shut up, donald whoo good luck, hillary. Dont blow it. You got it . Yeah, its a blow job joke. Yeah, monica, do you remember her . Yeah, i remember who monica is. Okay. Thats not all she says. I may vote republican, a democrat left a bad taste in my mouth. And this, lifeas a bitch, dont elect one. Okay, who are you voting for again . Hillary. I thought so. I am with her. You are with her. Turns out, amy actually is with her, so with her that she and her family are actively campaigning for hillary, yet shes still selling to the other team. My father taught me many years ago, when it comes to money and business, you be bipartisan. You gonna put that on a tshirt and sell it . If somebody wants to buy it, ill put it on a tshirt. This sweet looking soccer mom was one coldhearted capitalist. But there had to be other scum bags behind, this like her 8yearold, her 7yearold, her 4yearold, and her 93yearold grandma . Come on i made it trevor you made this . I made all of these. Trevor good worker. Do these kids even have any idea what theyre making . My daughter asked me what a blow job was. I told her. Mommy just made 2. Is this the only thing you do, blow job jokes all day . Oh, no, i have a few other jobs. Im a school nurse all the day during the week and a hospice nurse on the weekends. Why did you have to bring hospice into it . All right, shes clearly a good woman, a hospice nurse, for gods sakes, whiekd she just not make offensive bleep . Did you think about creating tshirts that are positive for hillary . I have some positive. Theyre for sale. These just happen to be better sellers. How much of a better seller . Probably 5 to 1. 5 to 1. 5 to 1. Sexism sells, bottom line. Maybe amy is right, sexism does sell and who am i to drag her down from the Glass Ceiling she shattered, . We live in a world where women can be anything they want, president , astronauts, even Business Owners who selma song n. I. S. Ic no, im taking over. Im going to make my own tshirt and im not afraid to use child labor to do it. Can i please go to the bathroom . Lets move this is for women im a woman sherry dont get mouthy with me. Yeah, this is it thats right, huge wall, tiny dick. Maybe this makes me sexist but i like to think im leveling the playing field. Im going to make America Great again. Keep working, all of you. Trevor desi lydic, everybody thank you so much cheers and applause i think that was a great piece, desi, but i cant help feeling sexism is sexism even if its against donald trump. Bitch, dont kill my vibe. Who wants a free tshirt . cheers and applause yeah whoo trevor all right, well be right back. Yeah cheers and applause 30 bucks 20 if you catch one whoo trevor i think theyll love it. cheers and applause and theyre off well, that took a turn. Whats the speed limit in here . Dad should we tell them there are more . Theyll figure it out, eventually. Thats 7,671 moon rises, we created blue moon. 48 eclipses and a refreshing taste thats always stayed the same. Creatively inspired. Artfully brewed. Blue moon. Thunder thunder thunder trevor welcome back to the the daily show. Tonights guest is an n. B. A. Superstar who plays for the new york knicks. Please welcome Carmelo Anthony cheers and applause welcome to the show, sir. Im glad i could be here today. Trevor were glad you can be here. Are you kidding me . This is a dream come i knew about melo my man before i knew what basketball was, man. Thank you for being here. I like that. Trevor this is insane. Youve been all over the world and done great things. Before we get into it, congrats on your gold medal. Thank you applause trevor was zika a thing you were stressed about at all . No. At first i was. Trevor yeah. But once i started talking to the locals and the people that was over there, they was, like they felt disrespected we kept talking about zika. So, you know, they cleared the air and then, you know, after the first day, you didnt hear anything about zika. Trevor looked like a blast. There was a big difference, i noticed, when watching the olympic basketball and that is you have fewer people on the sidelines telling you to do what they think is easy to do. Because at the olympics, everyone was just like, oh, wow but i have been to a knicks game and sat next to guys who said, melo, shoot it just chuck it in, melo do you hear those people . Of course, you hear them. laughter applause trevor i was wondering, i genuinely want to know, when someone signature on the side with his popcorn and giant drink, come on, melo, you could have blocked that what are you thinking . Be quiet. applause trevor oh, ive had so much fun. I come to the games and watch you. You guys are amazing. Its one of the hardest things in the world. But even tougher than that is the stance youve taken as sportsmen. A lot of people saw yourself and wade and lebron come out open stage and paul, and you guys stood together and took a stand. Thats a scary place to be. As a sportsman, you stood up and said, hey, with regards to violence and police shootings, everything thats happening in this country, we can do more. Why would you do that . Well, we actually wanted to kind of just use that platform. Just to back up a bit, we didnt know we was going to do the espys. I had no intention of going to the espys at all. A couple of guys called me and texted me and said, listen, this is a platform where we can really have our voices be heard and send a message and try to create some awareness of whats going on. Trevor you didnt come from a wealthy background. You didnt come from a world where you had anything. Youre in a space where youve done really well for yourself. You have money, you have opportunities. You know that you could just keep quiet and play basketball. I mean, its gone well now when people understand this is a movement that needs to be supported, but isnt there a split second where you as carmelo go, the fans and all could be gone. Is that a fear . You have to put it in perspective. There are so many tragedies that happened in our country in the past several years. I cant speak up and stand for everything thats going on, but its not until something really happens to you in your backyard and in this case it was a freddie gray situation in baltimore, where i was, like, okay, enough is enough, its affecting me. Its in my backyard and i know the people, the families and the Community Like that. So i wanted to get back there as soon as possible and really feel what the pressure was like after the riots and feel that tension going on back there and i tell you what, i will never, ever wish that on anybody. Trevor moving away from some of the sadder stuff, i guess whats really powerful on your side is youve gotten involved. Everyone wants you to be involved in everything, but youve got your own stuff going on. You have the carmelo foundation doing amazing work. Can you tell us about that . I started the Carmelo AnthonyFoundation Almost ten years ago, and it took a while for me to figure out what i wanted to create, but i realized sports, in a lot of senses, is connected with a lot of things going on in the world. So i wanted to build basketball courts. We created courts for kids where we would go back into underprivileged neighborhoods, we refurbished basketball courts, branded the community, let the kids cut the ribbons. Its a good thing because kids dont want to be outside no more. They want to be on the taplets and phones and all that. I know when i grew up, i was outside every day. My mom used to lift the window up and yell, melo, get in this house. Trevor every mom was doing that. I know. Trevor get your ass back in this house did you also have to be back before sundown . That was my rule. I was in a little bit different situation, man. laughter you know, the way that i was growing up was a little different. Trevor yeah. Yeah, man. Youre an inspiration to many people, what youre doing, you know, the way youre putting yourself out there, and as someone whos been lucky enough to call new york my home, im a big supporter. I appreciate that. Trevor ill be on the sideline screaming, telling you to dunk the ball. I wont tell you to be quiet. Trevor i appreciate that. Carmelo anthony, everyone well be right back cheers and applause catchy upbe music dont be shy. Youre all family. A little bit closer. Act like you love each other. Alright [mom] wheres your brother . [sister] ugh, not again. [dad] buddy, come here. Whatre you doin . Cmon big guy. [sister] weirdo. All right, here we go. Say nuts nuts peaches are members of the almond family. Hm put some flavor in your break. Make time for snapple. crunch crunch crunch crunch trevor thats our show for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in. Stay tuned for midnight coming up next. Now here it is. Your moment of zen. Do you know who i am . No idea. Im watters. And youre my world. cheers and applause its 29 minutes numbering midnight. Make sure you get your in while you watch this, im Chris Hardwick thrk is the midnight program. Bad news for fanned of illadvised man buns Leonardo Dicaprio might be going to mars. I guess theres just nothing for him left to