Trevor welcome to the daily show im trevor noah wow you guys are amazing thank you so much my guest tonight the Supreme Court correspondent from slate, Dahlia Lithwick is here, everybody cheers and applause trevor but we begin with unsettling news out of iran. Claims this morning from the rogue nation of iran, the revolutionary guard now revealing a shocking new report on what it calls the truth about Kim Kardashian. They sayshes a topsecret spy using instagram as a weapon posting sexy pictures for the sole purpose of corrupting the iranian youth. Trevor busted laughter it makes so much sense. Of course, Kim Kardashian is a spy thats why shes always trying to prove shes not wearing a wire. laughter like, iran, this is so impressive. How did you guys track her down . She only stars in six reality shows how did you guys do this . You know who i feel bad for . Khloe kardashian because iran didnt accuse her of bleep . Right now shes doing, hey, iran, what about me, khloe . I could be a spy, too. And iran is, like, sorry, we dont know who you are. Im kims equally famous sister. Yeah, never heard of you. But tell us about your brother and his black market in china. laughter you know, the worst part of the situation is the u. S. Government cant defend kim from irans accusations. What are they going to say . Hey, shes not a spy. Shes a celebrity. Oh, yeah . Why is she famous . Well, shes very, uh, talented at, um she maybe shes a spy laughter but todays a great day for us to talk about something else. The Supreme Court. This week, they have been dealing with a major decision, and it wasnt who gets to keep scalias minifridge because that was buried with him, obviously. No, the decision this week was for the ladies. The battle over Birth Control at the Supreme Court, a highly anticipated decision. One of the biggest cases of the term, whether obamacare can require religious groups to offer contraception coverage through their insurance plans. Trevor can i just say for a second i dont know why certain religious groups worry so much about contraception. After all, they know better than anyone that even virgins can be pregnant. laughter but if these religious groups asked if they really had to provide their notnecessarilyreligious employees insurance for Birth Control, an issue affecting thousands of persons right at the tricky intersection of religious rights on the one hand and the scope of government on the other hand, this is exactly what the Supreme Court is for. Everyone wanted to know how theyd decide. Then yesterday they dropped the bomb. The Supreme Court expresses no opinion on any of those big questions. Its a big decision, its a big nondecision. Its a threepage unsigned order from the Supreme Court today sending the case back to the lower courts. Trevor wait, sorry, i dont get it. If it was a nondecision, why was it three pages . Its a nondecision. What was the nondecision . Was it like a cover page and then the shrugging emoji . laughter then the last page is, like, about the author burb at the end blurb at the end . I like what the Supreme Court justices did, theyre, like, who am i to judge . Who am i . laughter the Supreme Court decided to do the best congress impression by taking an important problem and doing nothing about it. Why . There is a vacancy on the court. Today the justices apparently did not want to risk a 44 tie. If scalia were still on the court, what do you think would have happened . I think the Obama Administration would have lost. Trevor oh, actually, sorry to break it to you, but if scalia had been there, it still would have been a tie because hes dead. laughter but this does raise some important points. First of all, why even come into work if you near to going to do anything . Supreme court justices, you could be off doing your hobbies instead. Ruth bader ginsburg, you could finally get back to your kick boxing classes laughter with scalias passing, the court, already ideologically split, down from standard nine justices to eight and the Supreme Court can deadlock and that is fundamentally unamerican because americans hate ties. Yeah. Just look at american sports. Like in europe, if a game ends in a tie, both sides are like, hey, man, good game, clearly were both equal, let us depart as peers, im so glad we share the same currency. Well done, well done but in north america, you dont play that came. In america, its, like, coach, its a tie. Is the game done . No you get back out there and dont stop smashing brains till somebody wins hold on, muah, muah, now get out there and win cheers and applause right now, you may be wonder, trevor, wasnt there a guy supposed to save us from all this madness. A Supreme Court nominee with a Supreme Court sounding name like rutherford justice or marshall van judgington or america our land oh, yeah, thats it, Merrick Garland laughter remind me again why he isnt on the bench . Senate republicans are pulling out any chance of a hearing for Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland before the next president take office. Republican senator Chuck Grassley and Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland break bread this morning sitting down with Senate Judiciary chairman Chuck Grassley for breakfast. Dont expect to break through when it comes to a confirmation hearing. Glassily vowed to block garland or any other nominee till a new president takes office. Trevor damn, thats cold ice cold garlands having lunch with the same guy thats job blocking him . Thats like asking a girl, hey, lets go out for dinner some time and see what happens, and shes like, oh, trust me, nothing is going to happen. But ill take the meal, though. Pick me up at 8 00 . laughter youre at brunch and the person youre with is blocking you from your dream job for partisan reasons. Think how hard you would struggle to act well. Its a pointless brunch with Chuck Grassley and Merrick Garland. Please enjoy. cheers and applause you know, senator grassley, these eggs benedict are pretty good. Bet they, are merrick. That they are. Not as good as if you would allow me to have a confirmation hearing you obstructionist piece of bleep . Im sorry, what . What . I didnt say anything. More mimosa . Oh, no, i have plenty right here. Thank you. Thats right you get drunk on those just like youre drunk on power you turdeating denying monster. What . No, nothing. I can only hear people who are actually only going to be Supreme Court justices. Whats that . Oh, nothin. Yes please. Delicious. Trevor im proud to say that play is up against hamilton at the tonys. Since theyre democrats, theyre actually making things worse. Senate democrats practicing theater. Holding a mock hearing for a man who cant get a real one. A Top Republican calls these mock hearings a desperate act. Trevor i thought republicans were bad for shutting down garland but democrats stringing him along in a hook hearing might be worse. How far will they take this . If the mock hearing goes well, does he get a seat on the imaginary Supreme Court . The poor guy will spend his whole life ruling on fake cases like unicorn abortions. You know what would be so humiliating is he cant even win a majority. With them hes, like, you guys arent even real how am i losing . i feel so gad for Merrick Garland. Its hard to imagine it getting sadder. Supreme Court NomineeMerrick Garland is returning home to his High School Alma mater in niles to deliver this years commencement address. Trevor oh, no. laughter because you know when the high school booked him, they thought they were getting a Supreme Court justice. Not some lame chief justice of the second highest courts of the land. What is he going to say . And remember. Always wear sunscreen. Because youre going to be standing outside the Supreme Court looking in for a long, long time laughter well be right back cheers and applause rebecca my name is rebecca. Ive struggled with depression for years. I thought i needed cigarettes to cope. But then i started losing my teeth. That was a wake up call. I was able to quit smoking, and then i started running. Now i feel a lot better about where im going. My tip is, when life gives you a wake up call answer it. announcer you can quit. For free help, visit cdc. Gov tips. I have an orcogram we for an owen. E. Thats me. You should hire stacy drew. She wants to change the world with you. She can program jet engines to talk and such. Her biggest weakness is she cares too much. Thank you. My friend really wants a job at ge. Mine too. Im a wise elf from a far off shire. And sanjay patel is who you should hire. Thank you. Seriously though, stacy went to a great school and shes really loyal. You should give her a shot. Sanjays a team player and uh. Out here there is no me and no you, there is only us. And occasionally them. But then we turn this way, and its just us again. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show you know, america is a country of immigrants who seem to delight in hating newer immigrants. Lately, the muslim kind. But your neighbors to the north have been a bit more welcoming. As hasan minhaj reports on the first of a two or part series. Canada, from their awful beer to their godawful canadian tuxedos, theyve got a lot to apologize for. But now they have a new reason to say sorry and its coming to destroy america in canadian accent . Talking about Syrian Refugees. Thousands of Syrian Refugees entering canada will sneak across the bored and some be i. S. I. S. Supporters. There is little we can do to prevent refugees from permeating our border and coming in. Its very, very, very scary. Very, very, very scary. Canadas Prime MinisterJustin Trudeau allowed 25,000 of these potential terrorists into canada and theyre going to transform canada from this to this. Winter is coming its up to me to stop it. Luckily, i had allies across the border. These canuts crr doing something about the invasion and more pissed off than any canadians i had ever seen. People are really upset. Good. Were demanding the immigration minister bring in more refugees and do it quickly. You want more refugees . Absolutely. We have thousands of people across the country waiting to welcome people into their homes. Are you bleep nuts . Turns out they were part of the problem, something called the private sponsorship program. Only in canada can groups of five or more people raise money and bring over Syrian Refugees themselves its like kickstarter for terrorists almost 10,000 have been brought in by groups of ours. This is like graham of thrones. You will let these brown ice walkers go nuts in the north and then cross the border and kill all americans. This isnt about you. Were doing it for ourselves and the refugees were bringing. It is about me if i die. s not that risk. Look at the facts. We dont say aboot. Im soory. That, we say. Since 9 11 zero terrorist have been crossing the canada border but two people tried and one was a refugee. Sure, he was caught and is serving two consecutive life sentences but you cant say there is a zero chance. Its way more, a 0. 00019 chance. Our border is like a starbucks bathroom. Anybody can walk in there and blow bleep up. Theyre safe. They come here, they canadianize. Oh, you guys. Dont you have more americans dying from gun incidents and Mass Shootings than terrorism every year . But those people arent terrorists. They have mental problems. Theres a difference. The difference being the color of the skin . Yes. White people have mental illnesses. Brown people are biologically designed to kill you guys. Oh, have you met a recentarrived refugee . Why would i meet someone who is going to kill me . I flew back the to new york but my african boss told me i had to interview a real refugee family so i bought a bleep of Life Insurance and headed back to ottawa speaking in Foreign Language i can speak english. Oh, okay. Hello. Hello. Okay. Thank you. Their apartments seem normal, almost demand, but there was no telling what these foreigners were up to back in their homeland. My profession is a dental technician. A ha everybody hates going to the dentist i studied edge lish literature. Wow. My Favorite Book is king lear. I havent even read king lear. Yeah, and i have. Oure making me feel very stupid. Whatever, shakespeare isnt even real english. What if he likes a book. Doesnt mean shes magically loyal to canada. Canada is my dream come true. The difference is the safety we feel here. Safety . Yes, safety. Oh, yeah, safety. I guess when you see refugees on tv, theyre always running away from danger. But its too risky. If even one refugee goes bad, it could cost canadian lives. So were going to decide not to help 49,999 people because one person went bad. Yep. Thats the american way. Thats not how we look at it. We wouldnt blame all syrians for that one syrian. We dont blame all americans for donald trump. audience reacts these guys didnt get it. I decided to seek out the man who started this mess. The one canadian who could shut this whole thing down. Why are you trying to destroy north america . Prime minister Justin Trudeau. Clean out your drawsers, america, its about to get messy. 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Click or call. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. Our guest tonight is the Supreme Court correspondent for slate. Please welcome Dahlia Lithwick cheers and applause trevor thank you so much for being here, dahlia. Thank you so much for having me, trevor. Trevor big fan of your writing, your work. What an exciting time to be writing about the Supreme Court. You would think laughter its like trying to bring the magic of watching grass grow to your readers. Look at Nothing Happened again today laughter trevor do you really think it is that boring with Merrick Garland . Yes. I think that the visual of him walking through the senate hoping for courtesy meetings and republican senators hiding under their desks or in their closets trying to avoid him was funny for the first week or two, and now its just tragic and boring. Trevor so what do you think made it more exciting, then . Well, i think if president obama had not not nominated y kardashian, she would have a hearing and we would be watching it like crazy people. So i think if he had picked anyone but the 62yearold harvard guy, we might be more trevor the safe choice, obviously. But, i mean, president obama came out and said the reason he went with a reasonable choice was to almost demonstrate that hes willing to be a reasonable person, and now the republicans are showing that they are unreasonable by not even hearing him out. Thats exactly right. He picked someone that a lot of the senators on the Judiciary Committee voted for, had said lovely things about, had said, look, if this is the best were going to get, this is a really, really good pick for us now. Theyre saying, no no hearings no votes trevor thats a great impersonation. That was really good. Thank you. Thats Chuck Grassley laughter trevor if were looking at the people who may get into the Supreme Court, lets say the people who might be on the superior courts you have the republicans who are hoping for a win. The problem is now that their win is tied to donald trump, donald trump has suggested a few interesting things. For one, he said he may nominate his hister, were he to win. Thats true. Trevor and shes liberal. Shes a wellrespected sitting judge. You know, she is liberal. She is prochoice. I dont think that the prolife base is excited about her. Trevor thats assuming he actually goes with his sister, not like an imaginary sister like a john miller type situation where its just trump in a wig and a dress laughter i like to tell people, we can withum justice miss tennessee because theres a high probability you will get a miss contestant and hell be but look shes smokin hot and thats going to be the confirmation right there. laughter trevor a lot of people are torn because some people are going the Supreme Court, especially with the most recent ruling, is not doing their job. Why would you come back with an undecided . Why would they not come back with a 44, if thats going to be the case. They have two choices, both horrible for optics purposes, one is the 44 where four liberals do one thing and four conservatives do oovment in this weeks case about the contraceptive mandate, looked like after argument it was going to be 44. That decides nothing. You would have the law in some circuits not be the law in other circuits and the court really means nothing, like never happened, and thats a terrible message to send and very partisan. The alternative is to do what they did yesterday in zubic in the contraception case which is to say yall work it out yourselves, you dont need a Supreme Court. You take it back to lower courts and best of luck, and thats really kind of three page opinion saying, i think you guys can fix this on your own trevor how does this help, though . Youre in a situation now where there are more cases that need to be heard. For instance, in these cases, there are a few cases where republicans have lost out essentially because assuming that maybe Merrick Garland would have been there or scalia and the ruling, he cant be a part of it, but these rulings may have gone in their favor. No question. I think if you had asked me in september what this term was going to look like, it was going to be really the the apocalypser the left wing to have the court because the issues on the docket, abortion, contraception, obamas immigration reform, huge issues, immigration, this is a big term and almost every case we thought would be a gimme for the fivejustice republican block has not been. Trevor if were going forward, youre an expert looking at it from the republican side, they made this choice before donald trump was the Presumptive Republican nominee. The democrats made this decision when they didnt know what they would have been up against. If they knew that donald trump would have won, obama may not have gone with Merrick Garland. Looking as it, is there a way for the republicans to walk this back and say, okay, well take merrick because we dont want miss tennessee . You have to stop saying that. Trevor i said it once laughter weve already heard from several republicans on the Senate Judiciary committee saying, you know, we might be up for lame duck hearings for Merrick Garland after the november election when Hillary Clinton comes in and picks some crazy, you know, hairylegged, potsmoking lefty, and its going to make Merrick Garland look like, you know, scalias progeny, and then we really going to want garland, and the hilarity of saying well wait till the elections and let the people decide trevor yes. Unless its hillary and then well decide and do it in a lame duck session, weve heard several people make that overt claim. Trevor i think this is a lot more exciting than you make it seem. Thank you trevor cheers and applause trevor well be right back. Thank you very much cheers and applause tmobile does data, differently. cheers and applause while the other guys gouge you for every bit of data you use. Now, tmobile lets you stream all the video and music that you want from your favorite services. Free without using one bit of your lte data. Plus, you can roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. So switch today and get 4 lines for just 30 bucks each. cheers and applause trevor thats our show for tonight thank you so much for tuning . going us tomorrow night at 11 00. Now here it is, your moment of zen. A lesson not to mess with men in tights. Video from a drone hovering over a battle at a middle aged festival in russia. A guy in the middle of screen ignoring the batt comedy central