Attack on humanity itself. One thing that made me smile is people in paris showed us the only way to overcome inhumanity is humanity. Taxies turned off their meters to get people home for free. Lines and lines of people waiting to donate blood. The thing that sums it up the most for me was a spontaneous which is which is port ouverte which means open door, offering anyone in a need a safe place to sleep. People of france, we commend you. I will say you are ruining our stereotypes because the french are supposed to be cold and unwelcoming, then you do these beautiful things, and who do we make jokes about now, finland . Because we will, we will make jokes about finland, if we have to. But our prayers will be with paris and the people. But lets not forget, before we fight, to love. And now lets get to the show. Lets turn, ladies and gentlemen, to the democratic debates ha that happened saturdy night. The only three candidates left in the race battling it out to be the partys nominee. Not only was it held in allimportant iowa, it took place in drake university, not to be confuse confused with my e university, the university of drake, which is the school of drinkin, smokin, plottin, schemin, gettin money, and contemporary dance. laughter and since were at drake university, lets start at the bottom. With former Maryland GovernorMartin Omalley. Weve actually found a way to governor, youre breaking the rules. Im sorry. Were going to have to cut for a commercial. Well be right back. Trevor oh poor governor Martin Omalley he lost the debate to commercials it went hillary, bernie, geico, then omalley laughter senator Bernie Sanders had the night of his life, on the other hand. Senator sanders, lets say youre elected president. Congratulations. Thank you. cheers and applause trevor you cant do that hes an old man hell get confused i bet right when bernie got offstage, he called his wife and said, jane im the new president put your face on, were going to the nicest diner in town no, not schmukeys im not a money tree president sanders was out to shake things up. In order to bring about the changes we need, we need a Political Revolution trevor yeah millions of people are going to have to stand up trevor yeah urn off the tv trevor oh, no, no. No. Whoa, whoa. No, im out. laughter im on tv. Plus, if the revolution doesnt include new girl, ill stay oppressed. Another part of the sanders retch luges, raising the tax rates on rich people. Well not come up with an exact number yet but it wont be as high as the number under dwight d. Eisenhower which was 90 . Im not that much of a socialist compared to eisenhower. Trevor this is weird. The second debate in a row where a candidate compared themselves to eisenhower. Last time it was donald trump. Reminding us eisenhower deports hundreds of thousands of mexicans. Now that i think about it deporting mexicans and taxing the rich this eisenhower guy sounds like the ultimate candidate. He could unit both sides and dominate this president ial race. In fact. I want to get ahold of this guy who seems like hello, operate . Yes, get me dwight d. Eisenhower, please. What . When . laughter oh, i see. Was it peac peaceful . laughter okay. Thank you. Hes in a meeting. Hes going to call back. laughter bernies one other big moments is when he called out secretary schinten for Getting Campaign contributions from wall street. Lets not be naive, over her political career, wall street has been the Major Campaign contribute tore Hillary Clinton. Now, maybe theyre dumb and they dont know what theyre going to get, but i dont think so. Trevor ooh kick to the neck. laughter just look at hillary hashtag that face you make when they call you a corporate hole. laughter bernie says youre a wall street tool, hillary. Defend yourself. John, wait a minute. Wait a minute. He basically reduced his answer to impugn my integrity, lets be frank here, and i represented new york on 9 11 when we were attack. Where were we attacked in we were attacked in Downtown Manhattan where wall street is. I did spend a whole lot of time and effort helping them rebuild. It was good for new york, it was good for the economy and it was a way to reduce the terrorists who had attacked our country trevor yeah yeah thats the wait, what . 9 11 . You take money from wall street because otherwise the terrorists win . Hillary, you cant just bring up 9 11 to answer anything i mean, if we wanted Rudy Giuliani in a dress, we would just look at the actual photo of Rudy Giuliani in a dress laughter in fact, it wasnt till half an hour later someone followed up on imlint clintons 9 11 dodge from an unexpected source. Secretary clinen one of the tweets we saw said i never saw a candidate invoke 9 11 to justify millions of wall street donations until now. Trevor not the moderators, twitter nice work, twitter i now look forward to an indepth analysis of clintons tax policy from tombradyboner 69 laughter its harder to round up the democrat debates than the republican ones. Democrats dont do as much crazy bleep . Republicans do it smarter. They do so much crazy bleep no one pays attention to the policies. This from ted cruz last week. Five major agencies i would eliminate department of commerce, the department of energy. The department of commerce and h. U. D. Trevor its hilarious he forgot how to count to five but we were laughing so hard at ted cruz forgetting the five Government Agencies he wants to get rid of, it doesnt sink in that ted cruz wants to get rid of five Government Agencies do you know what i say to that, ted cruz . Well played, my friend. Thats a lesson hillary can learn from. Dangling 9 11 is the oldest trick in the book. If you dont want people probing your wall street connections, you have to step up your crazy game hillary has to say, yes, wall street is a major contributor to my campaign and, also, i think pokeemon is real then ill spend the whole show saying, do you believe Hillary Clinton thinks poc pokeemon is . Then they well talk about it for six weeks exec 1 well, directv beat us in Customer Satisfaction again for the 15th year in a row. But we have a plan. exec 2 when our customers are on hold, lets up their satisfaction with some new hold music. exec 2 thats glenn from the mailroom. He djs on the weekends. exec 3 sorry, who is it . exec 2 its glenn, from the mailroom. He djed bills wedding. exec 3 he what . exec 2 he goes by dj glenn, he works way downstairs. exec 3 whatd he say . exec 2 glenn, from the mailroom vo get rid of cable. And upgrade to directv. Call 1800directv. [siri] sprince oseph sent you man email about. Lifechanging opportunity if you please it says, i have a once in a life Time Investment opportunity for the making of many of millions of currency. [siriwould you like to reply . Uhhh, yah. [siri] okay, what would you like the email to say . Sign me up. [siri] okay bill, heres your email message to prince oseph. Thank you, siri. My credit score for free, right . And then youre gonna ask me for my credit card so you can charge me on the down low two weeks later. Look, credit karma oh, are you talking to websites again . Its sayin free credit score. credit karma . Yeah, its actually free. Look, you dont have to put in your credit card information. Credit karma. Really free credit scores. Really. Free. Fist bump. Im s ding g. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys, im back new snack bites from. ding hot pockets trevor welcome back to the daily show you know, one good thing about saturday nights democratic debate is it gave all three candidates an opportunity to promote and defend their plans for america using hard numbers. And one problem of the debate was none of the candidates are very good with hard numbers. For a look at whats what, we go to seen your analyst desi lydic and the actual facts. cheers and applause thanks, trevor. Last week we saw the republicans debate, and on saturday we had the democrats. So i guess one of these people is going to be president somehow. Lets see whos got what it takes to mislead their way through the next four years and well start with Hillary Clinton. As we saw earlier, clinton and Bernie Sanders got into a spat about where their Campaign Money came from. Sanders said his was small donors while hers came from the wealthy, and clinton did not like that. Not only do i have hundreds of thousands of donors, most of them smawcialtion and im very proud for a first time a majority of my donors are women, 60 . 60 of hillarys donors are women. My sisters, this is a feminist milestone. In the 1920s, we got the right to vote. In the 60s, we got the pill its 90 effective. laughter and now we can write checks to Hillary Clinton so that parts true. But lets take a look at the first part of her statement, that she has hundreds of thousands of donors, most of them small. Now, heres the 76 million clinton raised this election cycle, and heres the amount of money that came from small donors, who gave less than 200, and thats not counting the 40 million raised by her super pac. So even if most of her donors gave small amounts, most of her money comes from the donors who gave very big amounts. Her statement is true but meaningless, like how hitler was nice to dogs. laughter i give that one a pawstika. laughter next up, Bernie Sanders. More income and wealth inequality than any country on earth. We have the highest rate of childhood poverty. Really . the United States of america has the highest rate of childhood poverty . Well, i hope food stamps cover crow, Bernie Sanders, because youre about to eat some. According to the unicef study of advanced economies, the United States only has the second highest rate of childhood poverty totally ahead of romania so were still pretty bad, but only the second worse. I call this a daniel baldwin. laughter and those are the two Democratic Candidates oh, shoot Martin Omalley. laughter now, he took on the tough job of trying to convince conservatives that raising taxes isnt so bad. Under Ronald Reagans first term the marginal rate was under 70 . That seems high. What i meant to say is you seem high. Governor omalley, reagan ran against the 70 tax rate americans had in the 70s. One of the first big things he did was sign a law lowering to 50 and later drove it down to 28 . So Martin Omalleys statement actually proved the opposite of the point hes trying to make. Just like how just just tried to prove hes mature by letting paparazzi take naked pictures of him. I give this one bieber penis or bienis trevor thank you, desi desi lydic, everyone well be right back cheers and applause 30, 29, 28. Tick, tock. 25 years old and youre still playing in the mud. 15 feet in the air, thats where you feel most alive. 10 meter maids waiting to wallpaper your truck. Better get out of town. 5, 4, 3. The allnew tacoma. Toyota. Lets go places. This is violet. Shes been waiting for this moment for awhile. A moment other kids wouldnt think twice about. Her first bowl of cheerios. Because now that cheerios are gluten free, violet, and many others are enjoying their first bowl today. Im s ding g. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys, im back new snack bites from. ding hot pockets whats happening here. Is not normal, its extraordinary. Because there is no stop in us. Or you. Only go. We are inage neutral. Ageless. Age defiant. Age agnostic. Olay is a purveyor of ageless. Only the best 1 of ingredients make it into our products. For transformed skin without expensive brands or procedures. Its the ultimate beauty victory. Nobody has any idea how old you are. With olay, you age less. So you can be ageless. Olay. Ageless. cheers and applause trevor welcome back my guest tonight is the writer of a new hbo documentary about Ambassador Richard holbrooke called th the diplomat. There was a big gap in our military commitment and our diplomatic commitment in afghanistan. If we didnt make a full press on the diplomatic front, we wouldnt know whether or not this could be some kind of negotiated ending. The military dominated everything, everything that we did. So for your dad to show up, you know, this highenergy, brilliant, funny, engaging diplomat in the region and was just ready to, like, push everybody else out of the way, it was really great to see. It was, like, wow, man, weve got, like, the ateam here. Trevor please welcome, david holbrooke. cheers and applause oh thank you so much for being here. I must apologize first and foremost because you were supposed to be here, but then i had an incident incident, thats what they call appendectomies now. Trevor yes, an internal incident where one part of your body disagrees with the rest of your body. Unfortunately, i did not have an ambassador like your father to sort everything out. You wouldnt have wanted him sorting any of that out. Trevor i dont know about that. He was a fascinating man. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Trevor your father was almost like a political forrest gump. Simple and dumb . Trevor no thats what you said. Trevor when i see forrest gump, thats not what i see. I see a man at all times making his impact. He was in vietnam before and after the war. Mmhmm. Trevor it was afghanistan, pakistan, their official representative, and the biggest thing is brokering peace in the balkans. 20 years ago this week. Trevor yeah cheers and applause so, i mean, a lot of this for those who dont know, why was that his greater achievement. It ended the war. The longest siege in history was in sarajevo. He ended it along with his team. He was the architect of it. The war wasnt being solved by europe. Attend of the cold war, they said well take care of things, they didnt, and americans had to step in. With his diplomatic leadership, they ended that. Trevor i always thought diplomats were like people who threw fancy shindigs in other countries. There is a part of that, like rock stars. Trevor your dad was a rock star. Blintsebill clinton talks aboutw your dad was part michael jordan, excellent at what he was doing, and then a lot of him Dennis Rodman in that he was just wiling out in the streets. Though Dennis Rodman has become a great ambassador to north korea. Right. A future ambassador, perhaps. Trevor but what is that that made him so nood at being a diplomat . I think a number of things. One, his willingness to get tough. Also his ability to be nice and get along. Diplomats used all sorts of tools and i think he used them at the highest level. There was a scene in the film where he was ambassador of the u. N. And he threw parties, which were strategic but cool. Trevor you have to decide whos going to sit where to not spark an incident at a dinner party. He loved those. They were his favorite ones. He invited me to the n. B. A. , and i was a short guy among all those. It was amazing. Reporter was it nice for you to look up to somebody for a change . My father was described as larger than life. Hes sixone, im sixsix, im the big man in the family but in this case. laughter trevor in the story, one of the biggest things for me is watching this and going, he seems really opposed to wars. I know a lot of people say they are, but he really seemed to find a way to get around fight ago war, and if you fighting a war. If you look at the situations were dealing with in this day and age, i know you cant speak for him, but how do you think he would be reacting to this situation, with syria, whats happening in the middle east and how the u. S. Is looking to go into these spaces . First, he would say, paris, lets find the perpetrators. But then he would say lets put diplomacy out in front. One of the things that worked in bosnia was diplomacy backed by force. In the clip you showed in the film, dexter said it was all about afghanistan. For bush and obama, it was the military running things. For my father, it was diplomacy followed by force. It was a much more complicated world than he died in. You have airen spring, six weeks later syria, its incredibly complicated. But his take is you have to get nation building and society stable so you dont have crazy follow of refugees coming out of afghanistan, through one of the balkans and other countries into europe. Trevor as a man larger than life all over the world, firstname basis with World Leaders and creating history, one of the best parts is seeing you coming to grips with finding out about your father from other people, which is strange. You said you learned more about him from eavesdropping than him telling it to you. Sure. A lot of things is i set out to understood him better in death than life. He was always gone. The nature of work let me put it this way, fatherhood werent his strong suit, but people said he people said, people are alive because of what he did. Trevor thanks so much for being here. David holbrooke, everyone cheers and applause automated voice to file a claim, please state your name. Carnie wilson. Thank you. Can you hold on . Hold on for one more day really . Hey, i know theres pain. Why do you lock yourself up in these chains . This would be so easy if you had progressive. Our mobile app would let you file a claim and help you find one of our Service Centers where we manage the entire repair process. Things will go your way if you hold on. [ sighs ] someday somebodys gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye. Say goodbye no, you just made it weird. Antlers on reindeer, gifts tied with laces polar bear noses, colorful faces candy canes wrapped up to the top, how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . 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Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys, im back new snack bites from. ding hot pockets todays show. Thanks for tuning in. Here it is, your moment of zen. sounds of crowd milling good evening. Im al sharpton. audience cheering and applauding now, im superskinny now, but for some reason, this camera i dont know. Anyway, republicans are mad because the tea party has been targeted by the irs. Im sorry, what . Excuse me. The i. R. S. But what they fail to realize is that this has been happening to us for the past 50 years. Lets talk about it. President obama has been clear he thinks the i. R. S. Playing politics with nonprofits is nutrageous. But all republicans want to do is spout conspiracy theories. Im sorry oh, im sorry. Excuse me. Conspiracy theories that just dont seem to hold up. Joining me is dana milbank of the washington post. Hello there, reverend. Dana, what is this about . Well, once again, reverend, republicans are taking a real problem and attaching unreal political motives to it. Okay, but i wanna know what is this about . Mmhmm. I mean, you a man, but your name is dana. Well, al, i mean, theres theres lots of men named dana. Well i dont trust it. You know what . Im gonna call you dana. Now, dana, obama says hes getting to the bottom of this i. R. S. Mess, but republicans wont take yes for an answer. You know what . Lets take a look at Jimmy Fallons show, and atake a look at a clip featuring senator mcconnell. Friday night, we had sushi on the lawn. We hadwe had the bar open 72 hours with a sign that said, we will not deny anyone. laughing