By not by a lot, so were number two, were number two, were number two audience were number two, were number two stephen and folks, i cannot wait for the next round. Like you, ive been bitten hard by the soccer bug, also known as luis suarez. Im not alone, folks. A record 25 million americans watched sundays game against portugal, which is what has me so worried. Americans dont care about the world cup. Whats wrong here . Well, if you want experts on wrongness, you want fox business. Why, stuart, are we seeing soccer suddenly skyrocket . Why are people so ready to be entertained . Ill tell you why this has happened. Its because the news about our country, our economy and our standing in the world is overwhelmingly negative. It is awful. Were afflicted with recession, believes iraq. Were downgraded the world over. We dont want any part of that. We want to escape. Heres the world cup. How convenient. Stephen yes, how convenient. Stu and angry zigy smell something fishy, which is why its time for another installment of Stephen Colberts bat [bleeped] serious. Now, folks,er know what youre thinking. Youre thinking, stephen, didnt you just do your bat [bleeped] serious segment last night to uncover the secret forces behind the surge in young immigrants . Maybe. But heres a better question why can i hear your thoughts . [laughter] because, nation, im starting to suspect the world cup might be some sort of organized global sporting event coordinated by dozens of foreign nations in an attempt to grab ahold of our attention, even worse, theyre grabbing our attention with their feet. And theres more. Dr. Keith, ablow me. Heres the world cup. Thats whats going on. Its little too convenient when we have a president who i contend has it in for americans and we elected him because we were fearful at the time. We better elect someone who is not very patriotic, because, god, we could have Terrorists Attack us for being american. Okay. So we did that. Stephen okay. So we did that. Check that box. Okay. Which brings us to the world cup. Follow me down the rabbit hole, or as they say in soccer, follow me down the rabbit gooooooooooal how often does barack obama run for president. Every four years. How often is there a world cup . Every four years. Now watch this. [laughter] that doesnt just happen, folks. But theres a more Sinister Force at work here, and as usual, its jazz cigarettes. Jim . Its kind of strange. Theyre rolling out the marijuana. Theyre getting everybody high. And theyre getting everybody to watch more and more entertainment. Does that sound like perhaps, i dont want to be Conspiracy Theory guy, but why is that. Stephen yeah, he doesnt want to be Conspiracy Theory guy, but does that sound like perhaps but why is that . And marijuana is clearly involved here, folks, because youd have to be baked out of your gourd to be that paranoid. [cheering and applause] nation, the hidden truth of global marijuana mind control that dr. Ablow has uncovered is a huge relief, because the idea of a vast government conspiracy to drug me into sedation while i watch Mindless Television is far less disturbing than the alternative. That i enjoy soccer. [laughter] folks, if you watch this show, you know everyone has their own point of view. Mine just happens to look over the gorgeous landscape of me being right. This is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. [cheering and applause] first up, folks, its never too early to start making your plans for new years eve. Thats why i run drills to stay sharp, every night at the stroke of 12 00, i chug a bottle of champagne and then weep when no one kisses me. This year im going to clay county, North Carolinas annual possum drop. For those unfamiliar with rich southern heritage, heres what possum drop means. They actually take a live possum. They put it in a box. And then they drop it. [laughter] steep sorry if that got a bit technical, but you get the idea. No surprise, folks, the fascist furscists of peta thinking this event is cruel to possum kind. I assume because it keeps them from their natural possum destiny of being crushed under the tire of a keya. Way back in 2012, a judge in North Carolina ruled it was illegal to use a live opossum for such an event. Odiculous. The next thing you know, the pc police will make it illegal to have the live possum nativity scene. Losing the possum drop was a blow to tradition dating back to 1990. Thats right, since the time of the dinosaurs, which is why im giving a tip of the hat to the North Carolina state legislature for saving the celebration with a new bill excluding opossums from state wildlife laws between december 26th and january 2nd in clay county where the annual possum drop celebration is held. So now. [cheering and applause] so tonight weve got some huge fans of people who enjoy watching rodents affected by gravity. So to recap, to recap, for one week, you can do whatever you want with a live possum in a cage. You can raise it, you can lower it, you can move it sideways. The Entertainment Options are endless. Dont worry. Possumkilling season is still on year round. So if you want to hunt them for sport or just catch one rooting through your gashage and gas it in a bucket, you go to down, specifically brasstown, North Carolina. Next up, if i know two things, its that children are our future and that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So it logically follows that childrens breakfasts must be the most important meal of the future. But a disturbing new report is upending everything we thought we knew about this complete breakfast. We have a new medical alert now with a warning for parents that fortified cereal we give our kids to give them vitamins may be doing more harm than good. Millions of children are eating cereal with unhealthy amounts of vitamin a, zinc and niacin. Were overfortifying our cereals. Stephen you maniacs. You overfortified them. The trix rabbit tried to warn us. Trix arent for kids. And, sonny, yes, he was coocoo, but coocoo for the truth that we werent ready to hear. Thats why im giving a wag of my. My its begun to affect my speech. A wag of the thinger to cereal manufacturers. Your precious vitaminpacking left our children vulnerable to liver damage, rashes and immune problems because nutrients are add in amounts calculated for adults, which itself is ridiculous. Adults would never eat those childish foods for breakfast. We prefer the sophisticated taste of poptarts wildlicious. Theyre baked with real fruit asterisk. So until our cereal can be denutritioned to safe fortification level, please, parents, feed your children something thats just as colorful but better for them, like the box. Well be right back. Now tmobile is setting music free. Stream all the music you want. Data charges do not apply, on the data strong network. Thlook what i got. P. Oh my froot loops [sniffs] lets do this . Get up get up get up get up loop me bring back the awesome. Yeah yeah yeah with the great taste of Kelloggs Froot loops. Follow your nose a mint flavor that hointensifies as you chew. 5 ascent gum. Stimulate your senses. Am rich. My Social Circle includes captains of industry, former secretaries of state, oil tycoons, and ambassadors of countries known for their fine cheeses. Yes i am rich. Thats why i drink the champagne of beers. The bites are back. And were making them just as cheesy and popable as ever. Thats right. Pizza huts cheese bites pizza is back try one now for 11. 99 or get any other pizza for just 11 online. Pizza hut [cheering and applause] stephen welcome back, everyone. My guest tonight is an awardwinning actor who stars in the new romantic comedy called they came together. Im going to tear them apart. Please welcome paul rudd. Hey, paul. Good to see you again. Thanks for stopping by. [cheering and applause] nice to see you. Stephen nice to see you. Nice to see you, too. Stephen thank you for wearing tweed in june. Seemed like the wrong choice. Stephen it is ballsy in that i guess youre sweating your balls off right now. You are correct, sir. Stephen for the few people in the western hemisphere who may not know it, youre an awardwinning actor price is righter producer, best known for 40yearold virin and clueless. You have a new movie called they came together. It comes out tomorrow. That sounds like a dirty movie. Is there any hardcore action in this . Surprisingly no. But the title is meant to infer it id say. Stephen okay. Why would you say there is hard core action in it. Theres a ton of it. It is. Jon you go to bonetown . You go to bonetown. Stay in bonetown for about 80 minutes. Stephen thats nice. Thats kind of impressive. [laughter] i got a twopart question. What is the movie about, and given our modern overscheduled lives, that leave us so little time to read books or even be with lowferred one, should people be going to movies . [laughter] i think thats a very valid question. Stephen thank you. To make it easier, you can watch it on your phone. Its available on all phones tomorrow, and you. I dont think you need to Pay Attention it to. Heres the thing, the movie is paper thin. Theres no substance here at all. Stephen really . Me likey. You can kind of half Pay Attention to your children. You can kind of half Pay Attention to making dinner, and you can just watch. And its quick. Flies by. Stephen can you really get this on your phone . You will be able to get it on your phone because all movies are available on phones now. Stephen i could watch it while im driving. Yeah. Stephen its the last thing i see before i go off the abutment, you and amy poehler going to bone town. Steep. And you can text somebody while youre watching. Stephen youre opening against transformers age of distinction. To say our movie is competition. I know youre saying transformers is competition us to. Stephen yes, it is. I feel as though thats an insult to the word competition. Stephen what are you talking about . This is you. This is amy poehler. Hot american summer. Its a very, very solid and funny cast. Ed helms. Michael ian black. A lot of really funny people. Many others they neement even mentioning. Stephen why are you not mentioning them . Do you not like them . Do you not care for them . You know why. Stephen okay. But its a little bit meta in the way some of davids films are, like wet hot american summer. Stephen lets show the people what you mean. Lets watch the clip. , so molly, how did you two meet . Its a long story. We got time. Waiter. More wine. Well, kind of a corny romantic comedy kind of story. That is true. How so . Well, joel was a typical romantic comedy leading man. Hes handsome but in a nonthreatening way. Vaguely but not overtly jewish. Youre right. Just jewish enough. And molly is the kind of cute klutzy girl that will drive you crazy but you cant help but fall in love with her. Okay. We have our main characters. Not quite. There was another character just as important as the two of us, new york city. Ah. [cheering and applause] stephen so its a movie about what movies are like. Thats right. Well, were kind of poking fun at the tropes of a wellestablished convention. Something i think your audience is familiar. With. Its like serving a meal that is Something Like food, like a hot dog. Were presenting something thats almost like a movie. But it does tend to kind of. Stephen it sounds like thats almost an attack on romantic camdies. Its not an attack on romantic comedies. At the same time, it is a bit of an homage, but as kind of. [laughter] stephen its an homage. Its a toothless attack but a vicious homage. Stephen would have. I love it. Thats wonderful. Its somewhere in the middle. And then just as were poking fun at these things that youve seen a hundred time, it will veer off into just weirdvilleville, where a scene will devolve into something just bizarre that has nothing to do with anything. Stephen wow. Much like the transformers movie. Perfect. Perfect. You see. Stephen that is how you put asses in the seats, paul rudd. Suck on that, michael bay. Stephen can you stick around for a minute, because i think we need more of this. Can you stick around . Ive got to go. Stephen well be right stephen well be right back with more paul ru [ shelly ] as a graduate of Devry University and Keller Graduate School of management, a Business Career was my goal. This was my Career Training camp. My professors. They were also my coaches. And my biggest supporters. Their guidance from start to finish. Helped me get my latest promotion. At microsoft. [ male announcer ] get started now with our merit based career catalyst scholarship. New students could qualify for up to 20,000. Funds are limited. To be considered you must apply by august 29th at devry. Edu. Is building up layer, upon layer, upon layer of bacteria. And to destroy those layers . You need listerine®. Its unique formula penetrates these layers deeper than other mouthwashes, killing bacteria all the way down to the bottom layer. So for a cleaner, healthier mouth, go with 1 dentist recommended listerine®. Power to your mouth. Also try listerine® pocket paks to kill bad breath germs on the go. 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Its delicious [cheering and applause] stephen were back with star of stage and screen, mr. Paul rudd. Paul, i got to tell you, when i think of paul rudd, the one memory that comes to mind for me is one of the first times i ever met you was. I was on the set of somebodys tv show, you were there, my daughter was there at age six, and she was bored, and you sang, oops i did it again with her over and over again to keep her entertained, and my wife and i agree with her, that might make you the nicest person on the planet. [audience reacts] it was the sweetest thing. [applause] thats very nice of do you say, but in truth it was your daughter that was entertaining me. Stephen oh, really . Thats also a very nice thing for you havetohave said. Look, i was drunk. I barely even remember. Stephen i was wondering. Because you often come off as nice, and what i want to know, are you an asshole who is a great actor, or are you a really nice guy who is a terrible actor . Ill be honest with you, i thought this was the first time wed ever met. [laughter] stephen youre great actor. Now, youre getting ready, one thing thats got me excited, one thing i like about actors, one reason i wish i was an actor is you guys sometimes will get paid to get fit, you know what i mean . Right. Stephen like the rock will get bulked up for hercules. Youre going to be ant man, marvels ant man. Right. Stephen have people. Are you like getting jacked before they shrink you down . Have you had to get fit . Ive had to kind of try and get in better shape. I dont get too jacked. Stephen really . It doesnt make sense for somebody thats trying to be at ant. Stephen there has to be that moment of its hot. The man takes off his shirt. Hes got like a sixpack down here. Im working on my mandibles. Im trying to get in better shape. It is kind of par for the course. Stephen youre trying to get in better shape because youre 57 or is it like. Did the studio send like a no nonsense Eastern European man to make your life a living hell until you have shoulders . A little of both. I thought. Normally i have had to change my body a little with, working on movies, but for me its always been the opposite way. Ive worked on several movies with judd apatow who insists that i get fatter. Stephen really . Honest to god. He says i. He has said, i want fat rudd. Thats how he says it. Ive had to eat cupcakes. This is 40 he wants me mushy. This is one of the first times ive had to go the other way. Stephen its like de niro, only doing half of raging bull. De niro and i very similar, in style and approach. And we both. Stephen i do a de niro. You ever seen my de niro. I havent. Stephen im robert de niro. Yeah, see, i run this town. Thats fantastic. Thats amazing. Stephen paul, at a certain point we probably should go to commercial. Hey, its your show. Im not sure it is right now. That seemed aggressive. Stephen that came out very aggressive and rude. Kind of a dick. Youre kind of reevaluating everything you said about the oops i did it again. Stephen i want to thank you, paul rudd. I think we all want to thank paul rudd for being here. By the way, the only reason i got that aggressive, riddled with hgh and steroids. Stephen youre raging right now . Could you tear a phone book in half . Not only could i tear a phone book in half, i could go at least 80 home runs in a season. Stephen are your testicles the size of currents . Little tiny black currents. They are. Stephen i wanted so much just to to be a good experiencer you. I do like you so much. Its a lovely guy. It was. It really was. Ive enjoyed it. I hope i havent let you down. Stephen , no you havent, because none of this is going on afternoon were cutting all of this out. If thats the case, lets keep talking about my testicles. [laughter] stephen hey, talk is cheap. [laughter] [cheering and applause] well, weve got to go. Paul rudd, thank you so much. They came together. Well be right back. [cheering and applause] the cadillac summer collection is here. During the cadillac summers best event, lease this all new 2014 cts for around 459 a month or purchase with 0 apr and make this the summer of style. [music]aye by new world sound sweat. It says i was here. I worked here. It says i only have so much to give. Before i have to take. What i lose. I wanna get back. Sweat says, i earned this. Gatorade. Created to help replace what you sweat out. To pitch in for an industrialsized smoker. Before earning 1 cash back everywhere, every time. And 2 back at the grocery store. Even before he got 3 back on gas. All with no hoops to jump through. Norm used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to enter the bbq masters invitational. Where he smoked 40 pounds of ribs and the competition. Thats the satisfaction of rewarding connections. Apply online or at a bank of america near you. Aland feel proud of that, get out of the way. Because Peanut Butter is about to give it 125 . Snickers Peanut Butter squared. Now with 25 more Peanut Butter. This is lady. Shes a unicorn. And a pegasus. And why is she strapped to the roof of my rav4 . Well, if you have kids. Then you know why. Now the real question. Wheres this thing going in the house . The rav4 toyota. Lets go places. Sometimes the Little Things last the longest. Give extra. Get extra. Stephen thats it for the report, everybody. Well see you in two weeks. Good night. Ponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. My guest tonight, oh, we love this woman, Melissa Mccarthy is going to be joining us tonight. Were so excited about that. [cheering and applause] but first, funny story, remember that time we invaded iraq to remove the threat of the worlds most dangerous people using the worlds most dangerous weapons and it turned out the threat wasnt there . Well, good news, the threats there now. [laughter] in some measure due to the destabilizing effect of our intervention. Youll never guess what the people who hyped the original plan would like to do now. We must grapple our best to help iraq meet this threat. It is absolutely essential that we stop isis from gaining this foothold in iraq. We need air power immediately to stop the advance. We have to act. We must act. Jon we must. [laughter] act. If we do, i think youre going to need acting lessons. But i do look forward to you and your friends starringin