Silent and party and Rob Rhinehart wants to replace all meals with a nutrient rich shake with soylent. Hes people. Police in arizona arrested a man trying to shoot the moon with a handgun. What an idiot. Have you to wait until its full. This is the colbert report. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [cheers and applause] welcome to report, everybody. Whoo, whoo good to have you with us. [cheering] stephen it was all over the place. Thank you, so much. Folks, we have have to settle down. Im sorry. We have to do this. Im sorry. I understand the feeling but there is no time for your celebration. Because tonight im reporting on a surprise balloon drop Whoo Whoo Whoo [ patriotic music ] stephen now are probably thinking, stephen, why are you celebrating at the top of your show. Well, greg, for months now youve been fed a vicious lie that the tea party is dead but it turns out its alive, its alive its alive stephen its alive its alive jim. A teaparty take down. House majority leader eric cantor sent out of office sending shock waves through washington and the country. The stunning election no one saw coming. Stephen no one saw coming least of all eric cantor who helped create the tea party by stitching together dead ideas and then filling them with rage giving it a jolt of power and letting it loose on the countryside terrified of fire and science. I mean, who who [cheers and applause] stephen who could ever imagine it would come back to kill its creator. Who know who it will devour next. Daddy loves you, tea party. Oh, god, we have to keep it happy. We must find it a bride. Yes yes so life like. Now, i want you to know, tea party, that the candidate you chose is someone i backed since day one if you started counting today. Cantor, seven terms thats incumbent lost to virginia primary the economics professor, david brat. The sitting House Majority leader losing in the primary to his own party to a heretofore obscure College Professor dave brat who a mans Wikipedia Page was two lines. Not any more. Here we go. Stephen edit that page a little bit. Brat has enjoyed the longtime support and friendship of Stephen Colbert who was the best man at his wedding and who future president brat, plans to appoint as ambassador to bikinitown and wicki true. All right. [cheers and applause] stephen of course i dont have to tell you good people that brat is an economics professor at Randolph Macon college. Go fighting hyphens. And he is a great teacher. Reviewers on rate my professor dotcom have noted hes title eye candy. Hes so charming you forget to be mad at him and at least hes hot. Yes, he is. I wouldnt kick him out of bed for kick mexicans out of the country. Now in a strange twist, brats democratic opponent will be jack trammell. Another professor at Randolph Macon. Dont know about the college but other professors seem to be looking for other jobs. My only problem with the professor is he won without economics. He spent 50 times more than brat and while brat spent barrel 100,000. Were watching steak houses alone than his opponent dave brat spent on his opponents campaign. He got dethroned while eating a ribeye. He got electorally whipped while eating new york strip he was way late eating fillet. Hit in the groin with a te tenderloin. Poor house, porterhouse. London broil. Steak au poivre. Dry rub. No, no, no. Now heres may beef with cantor no nation, heres the deal. As a former super pac, super player who raised cash for lets say political stuff, im personally offended the man with less money won. If violates the golden rule of politics. He who has the gold thats the end of the rule but the evangelical dave brat got one important endorsement. The reason we won the campaign and theres one reason because dollars do not vote, you do. The miracle that just happened, this is a miracle from god that just happened. Stephen yes, brats victory was a miracle from god. Hear that only jewish republican in congress . Oh, oh, so close. You were just one jesus short. Of course, now that cantor is out were going to need someone to appeal to the jewish community. Looking at you, louie gohmberg or should i say you, louis gohmberg. Lets circumcise the head and cantors loss wasnt just unexpected or unprecedented it was unexpressed. He was the first to lose the job. Eric cantor was widely considered to be the next speaker of the house. Stephen but now cantor rides in the sunset while john boehner remains the sunset. And cantors downfall. Folks, eric cantors downfall, like Everything Else wrong in america was the immigrants fault. Immigration was a central issue in virginias republican primary. He was accused of rushing towards a Reform Program his opponent labelled amnesty. It is time to provide an opportunity for legal residents and citizenship for those who have brought to his country as children one of the great founding principles of our country was that children would not be punished for the mistakes of their parents. Stephen boo no compassion for mexichildren. Folks, i believe its only fitting his man was defeated on taco tuesday. So let this be a lesson. Let this let this be a lesson republicans. You stay away from helping lose illegals because not only can the tea party smell fear they can smell cilantro. Well be right back. Well, were Peanut Butter and chocolate. Were perfect together. He says when somethings good, why change it . What if you were to try Something Different . [ chocolate laughs ] [ male announcer ] its a whole new way to love Peanut Butter chocolate. Smooth and crunchy butterfinger Peanut Butter cups. Smooth and crunchy butterfinger no, nobody says that. Build your own chicken wraps, all you can eat pancakes, everyday value slam, baja quesadilla burger its four meals for four bucks boom case closed, my friend. [ding] hey, welcome to dennys. Oh, hi there bill. Hey are you in town for another meeting . Yup, i brought my ateam. Make the most of the weekend before its gone. This is my family. This is joe. Hi joe hi there be a weekender and book your stay at hampton. Feel the hamptonality. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Folks, if i know my nation i dont have to remind anybody americas the greatest nation on earth. Its got the greatest people on earth. Theres me, you, the list goes on. We both have the greatest worse people on earth because america puts more citizens in prison than any other nation. Were number one we this bullet and number one with an ounce in your pocket and confining so Many Americans comes at a material price which it turns out is money. The annual cost of incarceration was 29,000 and in new york city its 168,000 though a broker will tell you thats good for a 6 by 10 studio with intoilet. Fortunately theres way to shift the cost and it brings us to tonights word. Debt or prison . Folks, our Justice System has found so many ways to cut corners. For instance, eliminating nonessentials. For example, governors in utah, idaho, texas, indiana and arizona have refuse refused fed funding for the prison rates elimination act. Reminds me of a joke, pro prisoners are in the shower and one dropped soap and one says whats about to happen is fiscally irresponsible to prevent and the savings dont stop at Sexual Assault but theres cheap labor. The federal government depends on them to buff hallways usually for a dollar a day or less. Some are even paid with just candy bars i know, that sounds bad but their next payday could be a hundre hundred grand. Its winwin. They come to our country to steal our jobs so we arrest them and force them to do our jobs. It cannot be enough to save money. Prisons need to turn a profit and believe it or not, were well on the way as reported by another criminal enterprise financed by taxpayers, m. P. R. After a yearlong investigation, nipper has found that across the country defendants can be build for their probation and supervision for the electronic monitoring devices theyre ordered to wear and charged room and board for prison and the best part is the fees are selfsustaining investments. 25 of the people in the county jail are not there for mif misdemeanor offenses. Stephen if the defendant cant pay the fee theyll go to fail to add up more fees thus increasing their debt which gives them longer prison sentences. You know what they say, dont do the crime if you cant do the time or if you dont have a dime which is a crime resulting in more time. And theyre resulting in serious sentences for the poor. A judge in georgia recently sent a man to jail for his court fees and he terrorizes the community by stealing a can of beer worth less than two dollars. If he wanted to stay out of jail he should have stuck to petty crime. This is great stuff. Were missing out on all kinds of other charge opportunities. For instance, what about womens prison. They should include an entertainment fee because theyre watching a live presentation of orange is the new black. And death row inmates. Death row inmates always request last meals but why should they be allowed to skip out on the check. And if criminals think getting tased stings, wait until they get the electricity bill. Now, some may say that jail and people makes poverty a crime. If thats true maybe we should cut out the middle man and put all poor people in jail. Of course, this will require new prison facilities which we can build using people who cant pay their prison fees. Not as workers, as the bricks. I say we just stack them up in a cube and leave an opening to cram more in and lock up and throw away whichever prisoner is the key because its the only way to cover the rising cost of prison because for some reason no matter how many poor people we throw in jail it keeps getting overcrowded. And thats the word. Well be right back. [ male announcer ] if you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. Hurry, before this opportunity cools off. Was killed june 28,2005 in afghanistan. My husbands death was the hardest thing ive ever faced. The special Operations Warrior Foundation stepped in to help. Now you can help, too. Purchase new cherry 5hour energy now through july thirtyfirst and a portion of each sale benefits special Operations Warrior Foundation to help families of fallen heroes. I will always miss my dad, but thanks to special Operations Warrior Foundation i will never feel alone. Tap it here, Digital Insurance id card. And tap it here, boom, roadside assistance. Ontday ooklay, its axwellmay. The igpay . Otallytay. Take an icturepay onephay, onephay really, pig latin . [ male announcer ] geico. Anywhere, anytime. Just an aptay away on the geico appay. Longhorn knows why the best gparts they get eaten. Last. Introducing longhorns grilled tastes of summer. Summer flavors, grilled up and served fresh. Like our juicy, new hawaiian ribeye and grilled asparagus. Or the rich, savory lobster chops and chargrilled corn on the cob. If its in season, its on your plate. Tonight. The grilled tastes of summer at longhorn steakhouse. You cant fake steak. Now try new lunch burger combos. Like our longhorn cheeseburger with soup or salad, starting at 7. 99. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight has invented a drink he says replaces the need for food. We already have that. Its called beer. Please welcome, Rob Rhinehart. [cheers and applause] stephen thanks for coming on. Youre the culinary man of the hour. Youre a 25yearold ceo of soylent that manufactures Food Products designed to be nutritionally complete. The latest reports you have 10,000 in new orders coming in every day. Lets look at the stuff. Heres a pouch. Its called soylent and its a powder, right . Yes. Stephen and its an oil blend that goes with it. The body needs it as well. Stephen why just not eat foods . Americans are not lacking in food. Americans are not lacking in calories or balance and americans demand convenience. The food is convenient, nutritious and fits the criteria people desire. Stephen you made it up for us. There it is. What was the inspiration for this . Did you see someone in a coma with a feeding tube and you thought ill have what hes having . I found myself frustrated. Stephen what were you doing . Working for a tech company but working hard and enjoyed my work and working on complex products in wireless communication and food was a huge burden. Going to the Grocery Store and cooking and cleaning over and over and i thought why cant we optimize it and deconstructed food and got down to the core and balanced it ahead of time based on modern information of nutritio nutritional biochemistry. Stephen youll make an excellent server. Is this a supplement for a meal . The food. Anything to be healthy. You can live ton entirely if you so desired. Stephen how long have you been living on this . Its been about 90 of my diet for the last year and a half. Stephen for the last year and a half youve been living off a primarily liquid diet. Whens the last time you form a stool . Its completely normal. As far as the bodys concerned it has a full nutritional diet. Stephen cheers. Im getting notes of a little vanilla tasting. Is there flavor . Minimal flavor. Its designed to be very nonspecific. Stephen you had me at nonspecific. Yes, okay. So okay. Have i ruined it or made it better . If you like chocolate i think you made it better. Its a staple like flour. I expect it to be a component of all different foods stuffs. Stephen its used by coders. People who dont want to leave their terminal while theyre coding. Were for all sorts of people. People can fit it in their lifestyle however they see fit. If you want to spend for the time coding you can use it and i think its great people can spend more time doing other things. Stephen food is pleasure like melted cheese, my friend. This is america. Melted cheese. I dont expect anyone to give up cheap dip. You wont live very long on cheese dip. Stephen but youll live american style. How many a day . This is about 2,000 calories. Stephen how much is it costing me . Nine dollars including shipping. Stephen living on nine dollars a day. Cheaper than fast food. Im not asking to give up nuggets. Its not very healthy. Its still expensive. Not very balanced. The environmental burden of animal products is massive. Just the sheer scale of animal protein. Stephen whats wrong with that . So youre trying to get me off meat. Is this selfveganism . Caught me, dude. I dont want to start wearing the shoes with toes in them and get white boy dreads. Thats not going happen. Use a crystal rock as deodorant. People are getting concerned about environment and conservation is as much as development. Stephen Teddy Roosevelt also said im going to go kill and eat a moose. Mr. Reinhardt, thank you very much. The product is soylent. Its delicious. Well be right back. Will new twizzlers mixed berry bites ever end their rivalry with new jolly rancher filled gummy bites . Not today. Bites. Little greatness. [ male announcer ] if you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. Hurry, before this opportunity cools off. Abecause the more you know, the more we can help you. Cut. Lower. Shave. Chop. And drop your insurance rates. If you want to save hundreds, talk to farmers. We are farmers bum pa dum, bum bum bum bum [announcer] the more you know, the more you could save. Farmers could help you save hundreds on your auto insurance. Call your local agent or 18004708496 today. Stephen thats it for report everybody. Good night. Comedy central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org im going down to south park, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation going down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor heading on up to south park, gonna see if i cant unwind mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday, dear grampa