cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central ready to go stephen welcome to the report, good to you have with us. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Im sorry, i apologize, folks. cheers and applause thank you, ladies and gentlemen, i apologize. I didnt mean to get past your chanting am i just thought i could sneak past the castlegates of your love but you stopped me, thank you am folks, if you are one of the millions of americans obsessed with knowing what day it is, then you know that today is Cinco De Mayo. Which this year is landing on the 5th of may. laughter now unfortunately, one person is making a cinco demockery of american values. Casa minority leader nancy pelosi, in honor of this years Cinco De Mayo she released a statement saying quote there is no better way to acknowledge the important contributions to our country of americas Latino Community than by enacting comprehensive Immigration Reform. Oh, that is ridiculous. We already do so much on Cinco De Mayo to acknowledge their contributions. We drink not un but dos equis. And Many Americans are eating taco os today, even though it is not tuesday. laughter and frankly, latinos should be deeply insulted that pelosi loves all of you together under a mexican holiday. Thats what the puerto rican day parade is for. laughter but pelosi really stepped in it when she said the time is now for House Republicans to emulate the bravery demonstrated in the battle of puebla. Excuse me . The bravery of the battle of puebla . Only American Battles can be brave, madame. May i remind you the battle was between the mexicans and the french. Who exactly are you rooting for in that fight, nancy . Mexican commander Ignacio Zaragoza or french count charles long ronz, doesnt matter because the mately the french came back and crushed the mexicans like guacamole in the second battle installing archduke maximillian as emperor of mexico who evidently narrowly escaped a canon shot to sears. If nancy pelosi really wanted republicans to get behind Immigration Reform she should have invoked an American Battle with mexico like the all a alamo. Im pretty sure we won that one, otherwise why would we keep remembering it. laughter now hey, folks, i will be with you in just a moment. I just need to put the finishing touches on this Little Mermaid i have been working on here. Oh, pretty hair. Pretty hair. I couldnt find one, a good one at the store so i duct taped the top half of a barbie brand fashion doll to the tail of a herring. laughter should really keep that refrigerated. Im hoping that norfolk, virginia, will add this to the 130 mermaid statues already on display in the city. And coincidentally norfolk can be found in the 77th install am of my 434 part series better know a district. Tonight virginias third, the fightin third cheers and applause the Third District abuts jamestown, americas First PermanentEnglish Settlement where colonistses john smith was captured by the powhatan indians and had his life saved by poke hantas an chafed saved again centuries later by poke hadnt as on ice. An when Patrick Henry uttered give me liberty or give me death while Thomas Jefferson said i dont know about that. During the civil war richmond, virginia, was the capitol of the confederacy. Today that title belongs to Cliven Bundys ranch. The third also houses the Norfolk Naval station, americas Largest Naval base. Fun fact, i just gave way the location of americas Largest Naval base. laughter the third borders the chesapeake bay, sometimes the bays pollution causes oxygen seeking crabs to mass at the shoreline in what is called a crab jubilee which is a little like calling a syrian relief camp a refugee party zone. laughter and just who has the rich butter milk districts to represent this district, none other than 11 term congressman bobby scott. I sat down with him in his washington office. Congressman thanks so much for talking with me today. Good to see you, thank you. Congressman robert scott do you have a last name . Yes, scott. Stephen robert scott scott. No, Robert Cortez scott. Stephen oh, Robert Cortez scott. Right. Stephen are you no, my grandfather was a phil pynno. Stephen oh, im sorry, aloha, tell me about the fightin third. Is a great district it starts in capitol richmond, virginia, and goes down the hampton road. Stephen richmond has been ranked the third most that few tattooed city in the united states. Congressman, do you have any tats. I dont. Stephen i mean obviously i cant sow but from the neck down, like a did you think about getting an American Flag tattoo to show your love for america and your love for your constituents. No. Stephen no . What do you have against the American Flag . I dont anything against the person flag . Stephen you wont put it on your body. I have a tattoo of Ronald Reagan wearing a cowboy hat riding coming up out of my butt crack. I will take your word for it. Stephen i notice a lot of your constituents have government jobs. So not a lot of real jobs. They are real jobs. Stephen the government cannot create jobs this is an accepted fact. Some people will think that until they meet some government need government help. Stephen that government help, assistance, a handout. When you need your mail delivered you want government jobs, airtraffic controllers those are government jobs. Stephen im not big on airtraffic controllers. I let the free market determine who get its land. Everybody else would like the to see aircraft being controlled so they are not bumping into each other. Stephen in 2014 are you willing to sit there and say Big Government, lets keep all the government jobs that is your Big Government, lets protect the airspace, Big Government lets protect the water so that when you drink water, its safe. Stephen why not just buy bottled water. A lot of people do buy bottled water but you want the tap water to be safe. Stephen of course you want safe water but you have to take responsibility. Are you turning the safety net into a hammock boy turning on the tap and depending on some government observation who doesnt even have a real job determine whether that watt certificate clean or not. And you he tasted it before i do. I dont want to taste somebody elses backwash. That is exactly what is going on in washington today. Stephen you heard of global warming. I have. Stephen do you believe it is happening. I do. Stephen you are worried about the sea level rising. Norfolk is one of the second most at risk for sea level rise. Stephen the watt certificate coming to attack us and yet you want to protect the water. Whose side are you on . I dont. Stephen you dont have a response. I have knocked you back on your heels that is okay. It happens all the time in these interviews. This is your 11th term in congress. You were first elected in 1993 so you are i was elected in 92. Stephen 92. You get elected in 1 year and start sebbing the next. They say if you have been a member of Congress Since 1993, i was elected in 1929. Stephen but it says 93 here. laughter stephen i have been a member of Congress Since 1993. Stephen i accept your apology. laughter okay so much of your focus has been on justice in education reform. My policy perspective were trying to reduce crime and a lot of the gut reactions actually increase crime. A lot of things sound good, sound like they are tough on crime. Stephen three strikes, youre out. That has nothing to do with the plan. Stephen it increases prison term. It increases prison term. Exactly. Stephen therefore it leads to crime because the criminals are where, in jail . Well,. Stephen check me. Thats one of the problems with the policy. Unless it rhymes or it sounds. Stephen people dont think you know your stuff. Right. Stephen but what dow have against rhyming. That is the problem with rhymes is that it creates an illusion that are you doing something about crime when are you actually doing fog about crime or even increasing criminal rate. Stephen the fact is rhyming is working am we have more people in jail than any other country on earth. By far. Stephen u. S. A. Number 1. laughter you want to apologize. I want people not to commit crimes in the first placement if you invest in prevention and Early Intervention you have less incidence of crime and will you save money in the process. Stephen you almost rhymed there. You said prevention and Early Intervention, this is all i can put at the democratic convention. This is something people can understand. Put your rhymes into your crime talk, people dont think you are walking the walk. That is a nice rhyme. Stephen my weiming is sublime, i can rhyme on a dime, see im trying to help you. You have got to help me out. You have to drop a few lines yourself if were going to make the world a better place. That is the problem with polls crime policy that is why we are pushing so hard for, evidencebased approach, you look at the studies, at the evidence. And you support things that actually work rather than things that. Stephen make you seem like a jerk. I dont i dont think so. Stephen thanks so much for talking with me. Thank you so much. Stephen good to be here. cheers and applause stephen lets put the third up on the big board. Oh, it looks like union troops burned richmond to the ground again. Troops burned richmond to the ground again. Well be right back. Yo, untamed larger than life, troops burned richmond to the ground again. Welmove fast fruit flavor, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. Hey, welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. cheers and applause stephen folks, thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Ladies an gentlemen, i dont know if you watch television. They got some good stuff on there. You should check it out. This weekend the tube was loaded with people rehashing the racist comments of l. A. Clippers owner and man who eats only one side of the black and white cookie Donald Sterling. Now as i said last week, sterlings comments are reprehensible. No one condemns them more than i do. And yes, it is a contest. laughter but the man was fined 2. 5 million and suspended for life. The story is over. Lets move along. Because i believe racism goes away naturally if you stop talking about it. laughter just like stds. So i was especially hurt this past sunday to see the tallest friend of this show Kareem Abduljabbar on this week with George Stephanopoulos going after whitey. What about the underlying issue that the country is still struggling with lingering racism. Well, this is a problem. I did a little bit of research. More whites believe in ghosts than believe in racism. laughter stephen oh yeah, kareem . Two words. Earnie hudson. applause did this man did this good man, did he give his life for nothing . laughter Earnie Hudsons dead, right . No, im being told he is alive. Are you happy, kareem . I cant believe Earnie Hudson is alive to hear these kind of attacks. Oh, all white people believe in ghosts and dont believe in racism. laughter even if even if that is true, even if that is true lets look on the bright side here. Ghosts give white people something to be afraid of. If i wake up in the middle of the night and hear things rattling around downstairs, i got two options, either its a ghost or its a black guy, okay. You pick, kareem, im going with ghost. But then again im not a racist like some people. I mean come on, kareem we both know if you saw a freaking spec tral figure gliding towards you on a sidewalk you cross to the other side of the street. laughter or if the apparition of a victorian child moves into your neighbors house and wouldnt stop pointing at a bleeding closet door, i think you would worry about your Property Value dropping. laughter but im going to let you get by on this one. I will let you slide. Because youre a friend. An in this case, its reasonable to mix up racism and ghosts. Because Donald Sterling is both a racist and looks like slimer. Slimer. Well be right back. It takes place in anhaha, cleveland. I love it babe. Im not your babe. You werent saying that this morning, when youre like. Mmmmm mmmm mmm alright were done. Break up with lingering food. ding mmmmm mmmm for that just brushed clean feeling. Eat, drink, chew orbit its that voice in your head, making sure you sleep through that yoga class. Convincing you that one donut hole couldnt possibly lead to another. Average. Average blames the camera for those extra 10 pounds. And sets the treadmill on mosey. Or stroll. Or loiter. Need an excuse . Average has em all. Skip the gym. Itll probably be too crowded anyway. Average. Yeah, take it easy there, fella. Average. Has memory issues. man i forgot to work out. I forgot to work out. vo . And memory issues. man my workout. vo its crowning acheivement . Everyone gets a trophy. trophy average is good. boy average is good. vo no. Average is average. You can beat it. And it starts at gnc. Can i pet your cloud please . Sure [ rumbling ] woah aah he doesnt like to be touched there. Mmm [ male announcer ] pet the rainbow taste the rainbow. [prof. Burke] at farmers,we make you smarter aboutbow [bell rings] your insurance,because what you dont know can hurt you. What if you didnt know that collisions with wildlife on the road may not be covered . And that you could be liable for any accidents on your property . The more you know,the better you can plan for whats ahead. Talk to farmers and get smarter about your insurance. We are farmers bum pa dum, bum bum bum bum [announcer] call 1800farmers and see how much you could save. Welcome back, everybody, my guest Edward O Wilson is a biologist without said its true that is why i never let anyone stand over me with a magazine mying glassment please welcome eo wilson. cheers and applause hey, how are you doing, dr. Wilson. Thanks so much for coming on. For the few out there who dont know you are one of the worlds leading authorities on ants. And other elements of biodiversity but you are the ant man, right. Thats right. Stephen youre the ant man. 60 years in the field, you created two scien particular disciplines. You received two pulitzer, have written 30 books and your latest is called the window on eternity, a biologist walk through to the national park. We will get to the book in just one second. Why ants . Why do we why do you why did the queen squirt some pheromones on you or something. Why did you turn into a drone for ants . Why not ants . Theyre the most abundant creatures on earth of insects. Stephen the most a bund ant creatures on earth. Yeah. Stephen a lot of Chinese People laughter there are. Stephen there are a lot of Chinese People. Ants taken all together weigh about as much as all the humans taken together. Stephen so its a fair fight. It. laughter stephen a fair fight. Yeah, it is. Stephen what drew you to ants. Were you a child when you were first drawn to them. Yeah, i began i guess as a child. Stephen we all do. And i started getting interested in Natural History when i was a kid. I went through the boy scouts. I looked around and i said what can i do. In the world, and it pite give me a career so i chose ants. What more i can say . laughter stephen okay, all right. So now the book itself a window on eternity, what where is that national park. In mozambique close to the zimbabwe border. Stephen okay. And so you walked through it. Yeah. Stephen okay. Well, thank you for doing that. So i dont have to. Im not a huge nature fanment i dont go for a lot of walks. What can we learn from walking through a national park, not Americas National park, weve got the best natural parks, dont we . We do. Stephen we do have the best national parks. We dop. And we ought to be very proud of that and take better care of them, in my opinion. cheers and applause stephen we should. But to get back, yes, to answer your question, you know, there is a huge amount of biodiversity, variety of species in a park like the one in africa that havent been studied at all am you can be a real explorer. A young scientist can go to a park like that in africa and discover all sorts of new biological phenomenon and new species and so on. Its a voyage of discovery. Stephen now this park recovered after a war in mozambique. Yeah. Stephen is it dangerous to walk through there, are there landmines, unspent shells. Not that i have discovered, fortunately. laughter stephen you make the argument that half of the world land should be set aside for natural preserves like this. Yeah. Stephen okay, but we need that land. We need it. Stephen what if there is oil there . I dont know. Polar solar. Stephen solar . Yeah, well, anyway, yeah. Stephen why would we do that . Why would you set aside half the worlds land. God gave us the earth to be our dominion, to exploit the way we needed to for his greater glory. Youve got to give me that one. That is not the way i learned the bible. Stephen i think you need to reread it. Try shouting the bible. We should, remember genesis, bring forth the countless creatures to swim in the sea and birds to cross the of heaven. He wants biodiversity. Stephen god wants biodiversity. Yeah. Stephen but he killed off a few things. He has, in the p permian, 90 of all life died. That happens one in a hundred million years, roughly. Stephen maybe we are up for another one. Maybe. Were not up for another one, we are the other one. Stephen wait a minute. Yeah. Stephen were doing the extinct extinction or we will be extinct. Maybe both. Anyway,. Stephen you just glide that right by. But as long as your precious ants survive, thats okay. You know, an experiment was made in Brookhaven National laboratory in which organisms were exposed to intense radiation day after day. And all the creatures that were in this compound died away and finally the plants wilted down and guess what came crawling out of their nest and kept crawling around. Ants. Stephen i for one welcome our new ant overlords. And i thank you eo wilson for being here. The book is a window on eternity. Well be right back. cheers and applause hersheys drops. Perfectly bitesized drops of rich and creamy chocolate happiness. When the chocolate is hersheys, life is delicious. Are so soft, chewy, and filled with their fruity selves. They think this world isnt big enough for the both of them. But we assure you it is. Bites. Little greatness. Why get delivery, when you can have digiorno . Delivery or digiorno. Now with a flavorful new sauce, digiornos rising crust pizza is better than ever thankfully its not delivery, its digiorno. What is this place . Where are we . This is where we bring together reliably fast internet and the best in entertainment. We call it the x1 entertainment operating system. It looks like the future we must have encountered a temporal vortex. Further analytics are necessary. Beam us up. Thats my phone. Hey. [ female announcer ] the x1 entertainment operating system. Only from xfinity. Tv and internet together like never before. Stephen thats it for the report, everybody, good captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [hiphop music playing] ready for the bus driver, winger . Know why they call me bus driver . Youve been traveling . Because im taking your butt to school. Nice. Heh, heh. Cool, im up. No, games to 15. Since when . Since you scored 11. Sorry, abed, i have to finish kicking troys butt. All that angry talk about butts. Kick your butt, stomp your butt, punch your butt. Do they say punch your butt . Point is, hatred of each others butts. Men play sports so they can seek out and destroy their own sensitivity. Oh, i never thought about it that way. Mmhm. Think well learn that in our womens studies class