Stephen right there. Is this it, is this were welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you for joining us. Steveen, stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. Nation cheers and applause thank you so much. Right through the uprights. Thank you. Nation, thank you, please, sit down, everybody. Nation, if you have been watching the news, and i hope you have been, Vladimir Putin takeover of crimea is a sobering reminder that we cannot trust the subans unless they have a scottish accent. And folks, things just went from bad to borscht. We learned that it included taking ukraines combat dolphin, thats right, the dolphins like the ones pec tured here, they were trained by the Ukrainian Navy to attack enemy targets. Stephen yes, these dolphins were trained to defend ukraine. If only their soldiers had been. laughter nation, we in the United States are defenseless against this dolphin army because due to bad planning our ocean Defense System is merely a series of colourful hoops. laughter and i think i speak for everyone when i say japanese mass dolphin slaughterers, we owe you an apology. They tried to warn us. They tried to warn us. laughter im sure i will never live to regret that statement. And make no mistake, folks, these dolphins are ready for war. They have been trained to attack enemy combat swimmers using special knives or pistols fixed to their heads. Thats right, dolphins with pistols on their heads. We will be in serious trouble if they ever develop head fingers to pull those triggers. Vigilance. Folks, you know, i love the big morning news shows. There is a perfect combination of information, entertainment, infotainment and whatever matt lauer is doing doing here. Other than haunting my dreams. And Competition Among these shows is fierce. So to attract young tech savvy viewers theyre creating special areas on their sets featuring interactive social media. For instance back in september the today show launched its web connected orange room hosted by nbc youth correspondent carson daly who is 40 years old. laughter thats like three teenagers in one. And the orange room has been such a huge hit for nbc that recently Good Morning America unveiled their own brandnew youth zone. Jim . Youth nize me. Youve seen the internet sensation here all morning long. And now its time to reveal why. So gentlemen, everybody, social square, this is your room as much as it is ours. I love this craze. It is hip, it is young t is fun and its all about you. Stephen that talking glow stick is right. laughter kids cheers and applause kids, kids, you know something is young, hip and fun if a middleaged woman tells you at 8 a. M. And gma social square or soshsqua as no one will ever call it, has all the same social media apps as the mobile home in your hand but with the convenience of a stationery room youre not in. Jim. Right now we have the instagram chat wall. All you do is, look at that, four viewers already checking in with questions for us for our guests. We also have our social slot machine. You pull it down and this enables you to ask us questions and tell us how you feel from google plus, from twitter, from facebook. Stephen a slot machine. Who knows, if you keep pulling the lever eventually news might come out. laughter and gma knows who is drawn to slot machines, young people. But folks, its not just about dope apps and fresh vertically integrated corporate tieins, theres other fun that Network Marketing research has indicated teens enjoy. In this space which i would imagine we will all be using quite a bit during shows there is foosball. Stephen foosball thats awesome. Why didnt Walter Cronkite tell us about the kennedy assassination from behind an air hockey table. laughter and what web interchat kill zone 2. 0 would be complete without internet celebrities. There there be celebrities like this gal. Hi . Kristen bell, star of frozen. Give me five. You are a huge social media star, 1. 4 Million Viewers or tweeters. Twitter people. Stephen tweeter, twitter people t doesnt matter, its the star of frozen. Thats the kind of things thats going it to allow Good Morning America to lock down generation y are they doing there . And folks, i was so inspired by their example that i have created my own branded inf infoenternewsment hangspace that targets an even younger viewer. Tonight introducing the colbert reports new play date plaza cheers and applause this is an innovative they love it. The kids love it. Play date plases plaza folks, it is an innovative fun scape thats all about relating to the crucial four and under demographic. Its where we will be covering all the major news stories toddlers want to know about. For example, where did the ball go . laughter is it gone forever . Tweet your thoughts using the objectpermanent. And i will be taking your pretend calls on this fisherprice phone. Brrg, brrng. Oh, hello saddy, youre having a tea party with teddy and mr. Ruffles and secretary of state john kerry. Okay, ill come by on my pirate ship. Im not going. And play date plaza is where well answer the tough questions like what sound does a particular animal make. Thats a cow. Mooo. laughter stephen thank you for that report, cow. And folks, who knows who will show up in our celebrity ball pit. Hello cheers and applause stephen broadcasting legend and anchor cbs this morning, charlie rose whoa charlie charlie, how are you. Im here to tell all the kids, tomorrow on cbs this morning, well have Scott Pelleys exclusive interview with president obama from rome stephen all right. Be sure to check that out, kids. Thanks, charlie. applause stephen and now, now that ive got play date plaza, im ready to go toetotoe with all the other newsfree fun zone, social square, the orange room and the empty space behind steve doocys eyes. Behind steve doocys eyes. Well be right back. Ifyou may be muddlingble withrough allergies. Nger. Try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. And zyrtec® is different than claritin. Because it starts working faster on the first day you take it. Zyrtec®. Muddle no more™. Unwrap your paradise. Soft, sweet coconut covered in rich, creamy chocolate. Almond joy and mounds. Unwrap paradise. The allnew Chevy Silverado from the family of the most dependable, longestlasting fullsize pickups on the road. The truck that beats any ford f150 in fuel economy. And the 2014 north american truck of the year. 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These chips have red peppers you can actually see. Mmm [ male announcer ] no wonder they taste like fajitas. Tostitos. Bring the party. Is here without all the hassle. Bud light lime strawberrita is perfectly mixed with a refreshing twist of bud light lime. Just pop, pour over ice and enjoy. And now try new mango and razberrita. Stephen welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. Folks, i hope you know that there is absolutely no bigger supporter of the police than yours truly. They should have every tool at their disposal to keep us safe. But now a bunch of weak kneed lawmakers are trying to take away a critical Crime Fighting tool. They dont want you Police Officers to have sex with prostitutes could be on the last leg. Cently on Duty Officers are exempt from hawaiis prostitution laws. Today state senators held a hearing and voted to remove a police exemption in the law. Stephen did you just hear that . Lawmakers want to take away hawaiis cops right to have sex with prostitutes. Also, did i just hear that hawaiis cops have the right to have sex with prostitutes . applause you know what, folks, well, they should. Its just like new yorks stop and frisk policy, except once they start frisking, they dont stop. Folks, this is an essential tool. As the Honolulu Police say, the ability to have sex with prostitutes is an important part of fighting crime. Yes, because soon as the crime is committed, the police are already on the scene. laughter i dont know why they dont let cops murder people too. But this new restriction would leave our boys in blue with blue boys. laughter because it allows Police Officers only to touch adult prostitutes but not sexually penetrate. These lawmakers are playing with fire. And im not just talking about the chlamydia tearing through the honolulu pd. Because as the police warned, without this vital legal protection, prostitutes would engage in cop checking, where they would demand to have sex before receiving money in order to filter out cops. Yup . Hookers do it all the time. They have sex with you, then refuse any money to make sure youre not a cop. laughter a classic scam. The point is, the sex is essential. And in one case, it was essential with three different officers in one evening before the prostitute was arrested. So obviously the first cop had to make sure she was a prostitute. The second cop had to make sure the first cop wasnt crooked. And the third cop was a ride along. laughter here now with an insider perspective on why police cannot do their work unless they have sex with prostitutes, is undercover Honolulu Police officer randy farrar, thank you, good to see you. Now mr. Farrar, thank you for joining us. Aloha, my man. Stephen now randy, are you with the honolulu pd. I would rather not say. Stephen you dont want to blow your cover. Yes, also im not on the force. But i am a member of the neighborhood watch. Stephen is that your job. Well, minot i drive food truck downtown, sometimes the working girls like to have a sandwich, if you know what i mean. laughter stephen you mean like a couple pieces of bread, maybe some meat or lettuce. Oh, so youre hip to the scene. Stephen i just want to understand. Youre not a cop. Says who . Stephen says you just now. Then why do i have this badge laughter stephen rajdy, that is a half a Grilled Cheese sandwich. Touche. Stephen okay, randy, randy, hold on, explain to us cheers and applause explain to us why the honolulu pd needs this kind of flexibility. Flexibility is what its all about. As we say down at the 50 you have to touch your toes before you touch the hoes. Stephen i mean im sure thats good advice but i mean the law. Has a prostitute ever co copchecked you. That is why no money changes hands until randy gets the handy. And by the way, can i just say youve got a lot of fine looking ladies here tonight. I would not mind taking them to my luoa. Stephen ranny, please dont talk to the audience. Sorry, just doing my job. Stephen what is your other job. Prostitute. Stephen you take money for sex. They dont pay me for sex, stephen, they may me to leave, sometimes halfway through, im that good. Stephen ranldy farrar, everybody. Well be right back. Randy applause fold up your old map verizon tmobiles network now reaches 96 of americans. Amour best pizza yet,out the allnew hand tossed. Well we hear you america and to return the love were bringing back our 10 any pizza deal. For a limited timeet,out thats any pizza,tossed. Any crust, any toppings even specialties for 10 bucks pizza hut. Make it great. Andrew could you send me the revised deck please. andrew the revised deck. tim i can do that. Your samsung can do that . Mine cant do two things at once. Huh. Huh. christine andrew, are you okay . Yeah. Hes just brainstorming. Very stormy in here. Ah, lets go to slide 6. Andrew, what happened to your tablet . Do two things at once on the galaxy note pro with multi window. Available at verizon. Once wrote something on a sheet of paper and placed it in his factory for all to see. Four simple words where the meaning has never been lost. The challenge always accepted. And the calling forever answered. Introducing the allnew 2014 sclass. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Introducing the allnew 2014 sclass. An entirely new menu created with your busy schedule in mind. Pronto lunch starting at 6. 99. Handmade italian sandwiches, flatbreads, and our signature soup and salad. Starting at 6. 99. And all served pronto at olive garden. Unwrap your paradise. Soft, sweet coconut covered in rich, creamy chocolate. Almond joy and mounds. Unwrap paradise. Qntion welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is an a claimed director whose new film is noah or as animals call it pless welcome darren aronofsky. cheers and applause darren, thanks so much for coming on. Mr. Aronofsky, maestro, okay lets get its bona fiddes out here. You directed the wrestler, the fountain, reqeem for a dream. Your last movie, black swan won the natally portman award for oscar. Congratulations on that. Thank you. Stephen now your new movie is noah starring Russell Crowe, released tomorrow. Why did you do a biblical movie . Did you get a message from god or or someone more powerful like Paramount Pictures . Why do a bible movie. It was my 7th grade english teacher, actually. Stephen really . I had a magical teacher. Stephen magical, like like with wings and a wand. No, she just was very inspirational, wearing all pink, pink eye shadow, drove a pink mustang, and she said one day take out a paper and pen and write a poem and i ended writing something on noah, a poem and ended up winning a contest and it sent me down the path of being a creative storyteller. Stephen how is the story of noah about peace, because it is i mean youre known for doing some dark tales. But all of mankind is killed except one family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen and its a little dark. How is that a story of peace. God kicking ass and taking names in this movie. Absolutely. Im surprised you no he that because most people turn it into this nursery story, with the long white beard, the robe and the sandals. Stephen Old Testament god has some anger issues. Very serious. Stephen he is a jealous god. Very, very andry. Stephen how does he kill nefern this one, is it stillwater. Yeah, we didnt change that. Stephen what is the message of the story for you . Because it gets turned into this, you know god told noah to build him an arky arky. I dont the song. I heard someone else talk about but i dont know it says, you know, in genesis 6 it says that he was grieved to his heart, god. And to me that was like wow,s that is a powerful to want to destroy creation because is the fourth story in the bible, you know, creation, original sin, the first murder cane kills able and then jumps forward ten generations and you are at noah and suddenly he wants to destroy all of creation. To us that was a big emotional decision, you know f suddenly you want to destroy the most beautiful thing that you created, and so we tried to draum advertise that we tried to bring that to life through Russell Crowe character. Stephen now you changed some stuff though. Not all. Stephen you have taken some liberties. What say liberty, when you cast Russell Crowe its a liberty, you know. The spirit of the story is told and everyone believes in god in the film. Because for me its not just a biblical story t say mythical story and becomes some of more powerful when you accept it as myth. Like you stake the story o oficarrus, you dont ask if the feathers and wax had that everyone knows the story of hubris, you fly too high and you get burnt but if you start to get into what is real, all of the conversations whether it is historical or not. Stephen like every word of the bible every word of the bibe sell absolutely true and happened. No, but you will get nonbelievers saying how did all the animals get on the boat. Stephen god sent them. But how did they all fit. Have you ever seen the math where they try to fit everything on it. Stephen we know how it happened. Lets show the people how it happened. Okay, here we go. It begins. Stephen looks like theyre going to fit to me. Now i saw a lot of animals. I saw a lot of mammals and birds, were there snakes. Yes, yes, everything is included. That say really funny scene. Stephen at any point in the movie does noah say im tired of these [bleep] snakes on my mother [bleep] ark. You can curse. You know, that was we thought about, you know, being a little bit inspired by that movie but decided to turn against the comedy and look at the drama. Stephen why only make one movie, though. Its four chapters in the bible. Right. Stephen why not turn it into three movies like the hobbit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen where the first one god says build an ark. The second one is ark building and the third one is the storm. We could have kept going for a long time, i know. Stephen who plays god. God, you know, we didnt want to person few him and Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones were sort of busy and george burns is dead so you know, we decided. Stephen is there a voice or anything. No, no, we decided to capture the magic of the creator through image and sound and music because we thought that would be much better. There is actually, there was a big debate because people are saying why doesnt god speak in the film and actually the word is the word say which refers more to dream than it does actually to spoken word. And it is a more specific word that would have been used than the spoken word so we were inspired by that to actually make it something visual and inspiring. Stephen in the movie do you deal with like the fish and the whales. There is a quick shot of it but ran out of money. Stephen okay. And all the dolphins were busy, you know. Stephen that would have been great. It would have been great. Stephen is there any in the Old Testament one of the things i liked about it besides there is a lot of action, because it is a vengful guy, a lot of things happen, sampson, deliea s there any spicy stuff because there is spicy stuff notice Old Testament, onan, is there any it is emma watson and Jennifer Connolly showing up. Stephen really. Very beautiful women. Stephen any black swan situation going on. You know that scene im talking about. I know why you paid 300 million, my friend. There you go. Stephen lets put some did that happen . It was interesting because russell was a very, you know, he really wanted to have an emotional connection with his wife and i was sort of like whoa, but it was nice to see the patriarch kissing and sort of tenor and it was beautiful but i dont think it will float your boat. Stephen what about my ark . Exactly. Stephen darren aronofsky, thank you so much for joining me. Darren aronofsky, the movie is noah. Well be right back. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh im ten feet tall oh, oh, oh, oh, oh im ten feet tall [ male announcer ] the exceedingly nimble, ridiculously agile, tight turning, fun to drive 2014 smart. Ti ht turning, fun to drive 2014 smart. Told ya you could do it. dad vo i want her to be safe. So, i taught her what i could and got her a subaru. girl piece of cake. announcer love. 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Only from at t. Man yeah, scott. I was just about to use the uh. Scott thats a bunch of oundup paper, lad scotts ez seed uses the finest seed, fertilizer, and natural mulch that holds water so you can grow grass anywhere seed your lawn. Seed it s that thats it for the report, everybody, good night. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name jon stewart. Big show tonight my guest, oh, were very excited about nate silver of fivethirtyeight. Com, a web site dedicated to exploring Current Events through cold, scientific Statistical Analysis and it a