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With rage. laughter today president ohandout signed an executive order raising the minimum wage for Government Employees to 10. 10 an hour cheers and applause yeah, yeah. Im mad, too. laughter what an outrageous waste of my tax dollars and, for the record, the only thing i like about going to the d. M. V. Is knowing that the workers are as miserable as i look in my drivers license photo. laughter and applause folks cheers and applause folks, this is just more proof that the president is a wonderful host at im sorry, is a power mad tyrant. laughter and it is time we sent him a thank you note for a lovely evening no i mean laughter . I mean we sent him a powerful message at the ballot box in november laughter . Im sorry, folks, im just not myself tonight. Jim, tell them why. The first state dinner of president obamas second term full of alist celebrities. Actor Bradley Cooper and his supermodel girlfriend. Mary j. Blige, the first openly gay n. B. A. Player Jason Collins and stephen colbert. cheers and applause . Stephen i was at the white house state dinner cheers and applause folks, ive got to tell you, it was a magical evening, okay . Heres ill prove it to you. Heres the card that tells you what table youre at. Theres the white house seal right there. Stay on this. And then table 19, okay, which was a good one, all right . laughter heres the little menu right there. cheers and applause and then see that . See that . Thats a solid gold tassel. laughter you can melt down that down, okay . And also, if you dont believe it, i also stole the gravy boat. cheers and applause folks, this was the state dinner to be invited to because it was in honor of french president and thoughtful croissant Francois Hollande. When last we dished on francois private life la la merde was hitting le fan because he had been caught stepping out on frances first lady, Valerie Trierweiler who hes not married to whos a second later actress julie gayet. So there was one big question hanging over this dinner. Who is going to be bring along as frances first lady . When you have a foreign guest, the first lady would be seated next to the spouse. As of late last night, organizers here at the white house hadnt even decided who would get that coveted seat, typically reserved for the visiting leaders spouse. Stephen so it all came down to who would be seated next to mrs. Obama. Well, lets see, theres the president and theres Francois Hollande and theres Michelle Obama and whos next to her . Its me cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, im the first lady of france cheers and applause merci cheers and applause oh oh thank you merci oh merci, merci cest une grande honneur oh, those flowers were thrown very hard at my face. Okay. Let me get french here. Let me get french here. laughter ive got to smoke. And ive got to get my baguette. laughter and, of course, ive got to smoke my baguette. laughter no, i cant i cant get this thing started. Anyway. Nation, this is so much responsibility. Every first lady has her initiative. Michelle obama has nutrition and military families. Mine will be reviving the guillotine and finally bringing jean valjean to justice cheers and applause no free bread, you criminal but, nation, my new role as premier duh france will not impact the report. The show will now be made with more butter and my classic segments will be renamed tromper la mort, enumeration des menace, and coupe de chapeau remue du doigt. laughter folks, the spoel was ten days ago and america is still buzzing over the embarrassingly lopsided victory of bill oreilly over president obama. laughter everybodys talking about it, from bill oreilly on the Oreilly Factor to bill oreilly anywhere theres a camera. The whole country continues to digest my interview with president obama. I asked him the tough questions that nobody else no one has asked him. We asked you to grade my interview with president obama. laughter 44 get the interview an a. I tkpweurpb tee you that what he said on the road is now going to be the focus of congressional hearings. We estimated it was watched my more than a hundred million people, and thats just in the u. S. A. Hundreds of millions more seeing it on the worldwide net. Big. And pretty much Everybody Knows it. audience reacts . Stephen yes, folks, Everybody Knows on superbill sunday oreilly gave the interview of the decade in that he will be talking about it for the next ten years. cheers and applause and now and now folks cheers and applause a lot of oreilly fans here tonight. laughter and now papa bear is giving us all a chance to own a piece of history. My handwritten interview notes signed by me and president obama are being auctioned off. Nice unique historical item. This is the original. Obviously one of a kind. And we are auctioning it off, opening bid 10,000. audience reacts now, i know thats a lot of money but if you would like a beautiful replica of the signed notes it can be yours for a 20 donation to the fisher house. Stephen yes, in an historic move bills historically auctioning off the historic notes of his historic interview. laughter and the winner will then possess evidence of bills meticulous preparation. From Health Care Web site . To football . To how liberal . Most liberal . To fox news cheers and applause folks, that last one is just a reminder in case bill forgets where he works. laughter plus, these notes were signed by the president but more importantly they were signed by bill oreilly everything this man touches is historic. And thats why tonight im excited to announce that im auctioning my historic bill oreilly artifact. You see, folks, back in 2007 on an historic night i appeared on the factor and bill came on the report. Historians can debate who came out on top, but only one of us came away with the w the others microwave obvious. laughter and applause folks, what you are looking at cheers and applause folks, what you are looking at here is the actual microwave oven i stole from bill oreillys green room. cheers and applause i had to, folks, because this carousel right here . Technically makes this a spin zone. Thats against the oreilly constitution. Folks, this is the most historically important journalistic microwave since 1977s defrost nixon. laughter of course, im a good guy so all proceeds of the microwave oven will go to benefit the Yellow Ribbon fund which helps injured Service Members and their families. I was going to take bills queue and opening the bidding at 10,000 but after research on ebay i found most sixyearold micrmicrowaves go for about 40 bucks. laughter however, this one was used by bill oreilly himself so well start the bidding at 43. cheers and applause which is a bargain which is a bargain when you consider that the keypad on this thing contains more words than bills entire interview notes. laughter and applause plus, the microwave will be signed by me and by bill oreilly if he signs it. laughter please sign it, bill, its for the troops and their families. Oh, and if the auction is too rich for your blood, for 10 you can buy a xeroxed copy cheers and applause of an actual iphone picture of the microwave. laughter everyone of these xeroxes is numbered and signed by you. laughter all right. Im also selling im selling pens. This is a pilot pen and it is still mostly full. laughter so if youve gotten a appreciation for history and or a hot pocket to cook, get those bids in today. Well be right back. cheers and applause along with uh, coding that is a polymer ceramic cross section. Um, with the use of new combinations of materials, stretching the boundaries of our current technology. Weve investigated the use of polymers in conjunction with ceramics connecting the glass to the glass, the concrete to the glass, the steel to the glass, the steel to the steel, [ old spice whistle ] the concrete to the concrete. [ male announcer ] the night starts with so much possibility. Anticipation. Electricity in the air. So, when youre ready to turn up your night. Turn to bud light platinum, the next generation of smooth. Brewed with topshelf ingredients for a bold, slightly sweet finish. Yeah you always make me go whooaaa turn up your night i will find you. [ male announcer ] turn up your night, and make it platinum. Ill tell you what we do. I want you to go out on the field and look for anything with an o. We will win this for mother russia coach, eat a snickers®. Whys that, chief . You get a little loopy when youre hungry. Better . Better. Now lets go for it [ male announcer ] youre not you when youre hungry®. Snickers® satisfies. Were gonna be late. Oh, are we early . [ male announcer ] commute your way with the bold, allnew nissan rogue. Like a ramen noodle everynight budget. She thought allstate Car Insurance was out of her reach. Until she heard about the value plan. See how much you could save with allstate. Are you in good hands . Youre not only getting the most innovative phone on the market, youre getting the nations fastest 4g lte network with no restrictive annual Service Contracts and you can get it for 0 down. Iphone 5s on tmobile, get the phone thats breaking new ground from the company thats breaking old rules. Sand earn store credit that will come in handy. hood closes muffler falls to ground for your next project. Spend 20 or more, 5 times and earn 20 store credit stephen welcome back, everybody, thanks so much, folks. Ladies and gentlemen its not like we havent been here before as a nation or as a Congress Looking at our debt ceiling and i am furious at john boehner for once again rolling over on the debt ceiling and handing the democrats a clean continuing resolution folks, i just want to remind you that i went to the white house state dinner last night cheers and applause okay . I sat next to the first lady and my b. F. F. Michelle was radiant in carolina herrera, a very full sky blue floor length gown gathered simply at the waist under a black lace bodice. Pow, pow, pow that is weapons grade, girlfriend that is weapons grade send in the peacekeeping troops. cheers and applause and the floral arrangement. Irises and bougainvillea, upside down Hanging Gardens whose individual elements were deconstructed in the table arrangements in individual long flowered hand blown glass vases, to say nothing of the generous branches of cherry blossoms. Bravo, bravo, bravo cheers and applause but of course its not a state bouquet, its a state banquet. And ive been dying to eat at the white house ever since i begged george bush to invite know one of his hot dog lunches. laughter folks, last nights fourcourse dinner was and i cant believe im saying this better than a hot dog. laughter i loved every morsel. I got the menu right here. I loved every morsel of you know what . Tell them what was on the menu againship. American caviar. Fingerling potato, quail eggs, crisp potatoes. That sounds good. Second course, the Winter Garden salad. Its in quotes so that must be a thing on to itself. Like thats a main thing that description because its in quotes. Thats why its in quotes im assuming. Then mixed radish, merlo lettuce. That sounds very good. Main course, dry aged rib eye beef, jasper hill farm blue cheese, charred shallots, oyster mushrooms and braised chard. And this is the dessert menu. Hawaiian chocolate malted ganache. Im sure the president , you know, from hawaii and Vanilla Ice Cream and tangerines. Tangerines are very good right now. Stephen oh, yes, they were very good last night thank you,ship, for that installment of your Award Winning segment reading a menu. laughter nation, no one, no one, no one on television in the news has more indepth coverage of white house food than shep smith. Why, you ask . The answer . Because shep. Kitty cat, meow, a thousand dollars. Snookis pregnant. Stephen folks, last night last night was not his only dramatic interpretation of a white house menu. He had been covering the president ial pantry for some time now. In fact, on the day of the state of the union he was invited to the white house for lunch and was the only one with the courage to ask the tough question are you gonna finish that roll . There is no better food on planet earth than what comes out of that white house kitchen. Here is the menu. They had winter lettuces with shaved vegetables. They had honeyed pecans in there. The other thing that came with this was a reggian know crisp and it turns out thats like a crack we are air holes in it and it takes like cheese. Man, i dont know what it was but the entree was dry aged piedmontese beef. What is that . Its from the piedmont region of italy. The ka fls are born fawn in color. It comes with a shallot jous, like an au jous. Im assuming thats an au jous that shallots have been infused in it. There were four pieces of piedmont ease beef. And root vegetables. What kind of root vegetables did they serve with that . laughter um little bitty pearl onions and what else came with it . I wrote it down. Radishes. I wrote it down. laughter squash, pearl onions and these terrific greens, i dont know what they were. This is what they served today. This is louie chardonnay from napa, a 2012. Theres sorbet on the side so i looked over to see what diane sawyer was doing and shing a actually ate hers later but people were using their forks. I use midfork and when i tried to cut it it exploded. Almost hit wolf blitzer in the face. [ male announcer ] when i heard applebees had a big juicy steak on its under 550 calories menu i was like, what the what . then when i ordered it and actually tasted it i was like, whaaattt . so yeah, i really liked applebees under 550 calorie roma pepper steak. Just another reason to see you tomorrow. Applebees under 550 calorie roma pepper steak. Mwould not slow down. When they told him he had reached the limit. He just had one thought faster. What was he chasing . What are you chasing . [richard] this, is your money. A billion dollars. A billion dollars. Its whats leftover after people do their own taxes, maybe get a refund and think theyre done. Ive got news. This is a billion reasons your taxes arent done. This is your money. Get it back with block. Get your billion back, america. whooshing punctuated by a loud crunch. whoosh crunch whoosh crunch yeah go team team. . I saved the best for last. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight is a socially conscious filmmaker whose new film is called visitors. Lets hope it has quality kills. Please welcome godfrey reggio. cheers and applause stephen thanks for coming on. Ive been watching your films for many years, havent seen one in a while. For those who dont know, you are the writer, director and producer whose first was koyaanisqatsi. Followed by powqatsi. Perfect. Stephen your new film is called visitors. Thank you for that. laughter before we get to visitors lets talk about your ao uf a f i may be so bold. Being the first lady of france laughter . Your films often had lots of quick camera shots, accelerated time lapse and phillip glass. Indeed. Stephen friend of the show. Okay, what is visitors . Is in the the same tradition . Its in the same tradition in that its a speechless narrative. But stephen im sorry, what is that . A speechless narrative is like watching a painting. Paintings can speak to you if you stand in front of them. So the paint canning speak to you . Indeed. Stephen like in harry potter . Lets show the first clip right here. Stephen im sorry, i should have said spoiler alert gorilla. Was that actually a gorilla . Thats the gorilla in the bronx zoo. How did you get it so still . What was your banana budget for that . laughter how did you get it so still . Well, because the gorilla is still and our job was to not see a gorilla if we had shot in africa because then they spend 30 million to make it look like africa. We took the background out of the gorilla and put her in the blackground and now the gorillas looking at you. Stephen well, and the other part of the film, jim, just roll this part. Dont put the sound, i want to talk over it for a second. This next clip youve got here, now youve got shots of these kids, that kid kind of looks like a gorilla. laughter looking at us. Yes. Stephen and a lot of the rest of the movie, theres no dialogue but a lot is stillness, still shots of people. Its film but its filming of stillness. Why did you think that we needed why did you need to show us things not happening to a large degree . laughter well, theres a lot happening in it, actually. All of these people whats missing in what youre looking at is the screen that theyre looking at. And theyre gaming, basically. Stephen so thats the face of a kid playing a video game . Yes, so what you see is all of the expressions of their faces. This is how we look when older people like myself watch television, we drool. laughter when kids audience reacts . Stephen really . I watch it all the time. Stephen do you drool . Yes, indeed. Stephen how old are you . 74. Stephen im 49. When do i start drooling . laughter well, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you, thank you. Stephen godfrey reggio. The film or not film is called visitors. Well be right back. Called visitors. Well be right back. cheers and yo, untamed larger than life, called visitors. Well be right back. chemove fast fruit flavor, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. Mmnotta ciabatta. He musta forgotta. Introducing wendys new ciabatta bacon cheeseburger. With roasted, chopped tomatoes and rich rosemary garlic aioli. I gotta ciabatta now thats better. Grareal ginger. Real taste. E. Real ahhh you did it right, and you went to the one place that helps you do it right. Autozone. We have the advice, the instructions, we even loan tools. Because parts is just part of what we do. Get in the zone. Autozone. Everyone thinks i want a contract. But without one, ive done so much this year. Nervous fathers the mike. White. 20. Motion. Is that tim tebow . 180. Breathe. Hut, hut without a contract, there he is ive tackled the unknown. Gotcha ive answered tough questions. We can save the whales, we can talk to animals, and we can bring world peace iceland, eyes here. Bottom line. Contracts are limiting. Yes they are. Uh oh switch to tmobile and well buy you out of yours. Rich, chewy caramel rolled up in smooth milk chocolate. All aboard. Rolo. Get your smooth on. cheers and applause . Stephen well, thats it for the report, everybody. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show about jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. Very, very good show tonight. Our guest tonight Joel Kinneman of roab cop, the story of an robo cop, the story of an irish policeman. [laughter] robocop story of an irish robot. [ laughter ] but, of course, first. [laughter] you know the vaguely olympic sounding but yet still Public Domain means it is time for the daily show update

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