As you can tell from the colbert nation march is on the victory again tonight. Folks it is night two of my coverage what for legal reasons im calling su superb all 48. The same way i cover hockeys championship, the stand lee cup. [laughter] folks we all know footballs americas sport but my beloved gridiron is under attack. Roger goodell said the legal is considering a proposal that would eliminate points. Why are we debating the merits of the extra points. An example of the nfl cant helping themselves. Theyve got to change every fing year. Stephen yes, every fing year. First they changed the field goal from 4 points to 3 points in 1909. And now this. When will it end. [laughter] folks its not just the extra points. Theres talk the kick off will eventually be eliminated. Come on, how can you, i agree, how can you even call it if nobody touches the ball with their foot. [applause] that is right. Thats the subway calling their sandwich a foot long if they didnt use their feet to make it. And most importantly, place kicker was the last nfl Position Available to lumpy middleaged white guys. Luckily there still might be a place for me. Championship quarterback. I mean how hard could it be. You put your hands between some guys legs and scream. Welcome to my daily staff meeting. Meeting. [laughter] so folks just in case i ever lose this job right here i set out to learn the secrets of corporate backary in the latest installment of Stephen Colberts fall back position. I began my quest with ledge tree Washington Redskins coach joe gibbs. Four nfc championships. Three super bowls. I was eager to show off myra at my raw athleticism. Coach thanks for talking with me today, its a real honor. Good to be here. Coach joe gibbs. Broadway joe. I was never that. Youre not. Is broadway joe not available. [laughter] did he call . This is a waste of mankind. Well once again, what an honor. I can tell. Thank you so much. I can tell. Obviously a legend in the game of football if i may call it that. But what do you do with your time these days. Mostly a lot of its ministries and racing cars. Do you do those together. Do you have a minister in a race car. No. Whats the name of your ministry. Game player for life. Com, they can see what were doing. The head coach is playing the biggest game of all. And an all powerful coach would have a good game plan. You have three super bowl rings. Thats part of gods plan. Chuck noel has four super bowl rings. God likes chuck noel more than you. He does a better job than i did. Let me ask you this. Are you ready for some football . Yes. A redskins fan born in washington dc, obviously the hey day, fantastic time. John riggens, sandra day oconnor, john g. Marshall. What was it like to coach that team in the 80s. It was the greatest experiences. Its the greatest town because of him. I think its the greatest sports franchise in the world. Three super bowl victories. Huge deal. I think its probably the greatest thing that man could create in a super bowl. Moveable print. The pyramid of gee sa geaz gizae super goal. Not necessarily in that order. [applause] i have a dream, all right. Ive already got my emmy, ive got my grammy and my time 100 award. I got the coveted webby award. What i really want is the super bowl ring. You have three super bowl rings. Can i see one of them. Yes, grab one here. Take a look. Tell you what, you let me keep this ring and were kind of done. I got what i wanted. It takes a lot of hard work to get that. Not really. I asked you for this and you gave it to me. [laughter] [applause] wow thats nice. Might be a little big. Hold on. That one got away. All right, were fine. [laughter] lets go back to a great nfl player. I want the most attention, the most money and the most super models with the least amount of physical contact. You definitely want to play quarterback, you get hit back there. You do get hit. Really. Most guys that make it start when theyre five, work hard of it. I dont see a lot here. Oh. Im always working the core. I do a fair amount of hot yoga. I go through my flow and i play a fair amount of hacky sack. It gets a lot of people. I want to tell you that going in. What do you think my chances are of being on the field on sure bowl sunday . I think you got a lot of work to do here. Okay great. You ready to do this man. Im ready. Come on. Boom. First, i had to learn how to quarter back from this guy, steve clarkeson, the dream maker. Hes trained over 75 quarterbacks including ben rothsberger, tim tebow and sphefstephen colbert. Steve, may i call you steve. Yes. Steve, may i call you steve. Yes. I always check twice. Coach, what does it take to be a good qb. The ability to own the room. What does that mean . You can basically people know youre there without you saying anything. Stephen anything. Its steven colbert. What else. The first thing before you can learn how to throw the ball, you must learn how to hold the football. [laughter] grab the ball. Make sure you got it. You got the grip. First lesson, you must maintain po soafghts ball. I did have it. I did have the ball. You slapped it out of my has not. Thats what happens in the game. People walk up and slap the ball out of my hand. Do you want to own the room. I own the room. No you dont. Do you want to throw the ball. You cant even hold the ball. Your balance is off. I happen to know youre not wearing a cup. Tell me you dont have testicles. [laughter] here is a drill thats going to help you feel the rush. As a quarterback you dont want to seat rush, you just want to feel it. Shouldnt be establish a safe board first. Theres no safe board. A pumpkin patch. Go. Come on come on. Get up in it. Come on, boy. Pumpkin patch. You got to shoarve yo show everu own the room. Its called the quarterback walk. Practice. Youre looking at your teammate. You got this, okay. All right. Show me a quarterback. Lets do it. Lets go. [laughter] isnt that right. Theres much more to come. There you go. All right. [laughter] take the west side, west side story. [applause] tune in next time when i own the room for coach gibbs. I cannot work like this. With nfl greats isaac bruce and gerald mccoy. What are you doing. That are you doing. Th stephen thanks so much. Welcome back everybody. [crowd cheering] thank you so much for joining us. I got to say, during the commercial break, i heard some accusations that my superb coverage is nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt by talking about sundays trademark lets call it sports gavin 48. [laughter] because superb all contains the same letters of whats happening on sunday in the exact same order. Hello. Have you ever heard of a thing called coin sidence. This is about the greatness of mans best friend all and im committed to these majestic birds of prey as i am for not getting sued for extra right ion fringement. America is bringing with hot al controversy. The spotted all was considered a species in the northwest for 20 years but now the species is facing a new threat by another specials of all. An Invasive Species of the east. They move into an area, theyre very territorial and they spot those owls. They want to skill one species to save another. Folks moved by the Obama Administration raises many troubling questions. Should we kill one specials to protect another. If i dont talk about umps at least once this week, could the National Football league lawyers kill me to protect their trademark. Here to answer those questions is the ceo of the National Audubon society david ur yarnel. Thank you for joining me. Aaron, youre here with an all. With a why are so many owlst superb owl. Its a great hunter, it lives in a lot of different types of terrain and the habitat its invading is habitat thats decaying and its not being well taken care of. Stephen what is going to happen . Do you think theres going to be a calling of the bard owls. It looks like there will be a calling but i think the key is to focus in the underlying habitat problems that those forests in the northwest have been overlogged and not well taken care of. Stephen what is going to happen, how do you think that will take place. Heaven forbid but if i were to smother this owl, i said dont worry, would i then be given the president ial medal of freedal. I thigh thats probably not how the wildlife fish Service Started out. Stephen were just talking here. [laughter] so you also wouldnt want to do that because once you get to know owls you realize what tremendous hunters they are. They are like the stealth fighters of birds. They have amazing, they have different kinds of wings than other birds so that in dark they can fly, they can hunt, they can see in nearly pitch darkness. The wind just whistles over them. You actually cant hear them coming. Stephen that sounds fair fair terrifying. Why can she turn her head so far around. Is she possessed by the devil. Owls are remarkably flexible. They can turn their heads 370 degrees. Stephen what do umps eat owls eat oughtnt t to other t e pops. You know about that. It depends on the size of the owl but squirrels, mice, snakes. Other types of rodents. Even other kinds of birds. Stephen lets talk about the big game on sunday for just a moment here. Sure. Stephen obviously everyone out there knows every year we in the press look to psychic animals. They are clairvoyant octopus to pick the winner of the big game. This year were going with the owl. Ssophia i want you to point your wing at the team you like better. Ive got two adorable bunnies over here, one in sea hawk justy and one in a broncos justy. So sophia let me ask you, which team do you like for sundays match up. Sophia, no. I want to assure everyone that grief counselors will be made available through the audience after tonights show. Well either sophia hates them both or loves them both. Well sift through and see which justy emerge everybody. My guest tonight is the best defensive ends. We wul talk about owls, please welcome justin. [cheers and applause] stephen you are two time super bowl champion, two time probowler, 450 combined tackles, 60 career sacks voted by espn as the 100 top players of the nfl. [crowd cheering] best defensive team, you got denver the best offensive team. So what does that mean. Who is going to take on sunday. Ive got a lot of money running on this. Thats obviously just a joke. I think its going to be a great game. I think they say the weathers supposed to be bad and obviously that gives the defense a little bit of the edge. But Peyton Manning is pretty awesome what he does. Im going to go with a close one and say seattle squeaks by. [crowd cheering] stephen okay. Have you ever sacked Peyton Manning. Only in the pro bowl. It doesnt cowel. Stephen so you didnt hit him very hard. He actually saw me coming and kind of sat down. Stephen how big of a man are you . Im about six five and some change and about 270. Stephen do you like hitting people . Yes. Stephen you do. The only reason i play the game. Stephen really. Youre in it for the crunch. Absolutely. That is the absolute most, i mean think about it. Think about this. For me as a defensive end, and i saw your skit about quarterbacks, i hate quarterbacks by the way so you may not want to take that as your fallback position. Stephen if i were, because obviously im well on my way. You sure you. Stephen you saw the toolkit im working with right now. If i were a quarterback, what look would you give me right before i called the ball. Called the ball. Stephen called the play, called the ball. Called the ball. Stephen called the ball. Come here ball. Stephen is that what you say, here ball. Omaha. If i said omaha, okay. What face would you be giving me . [laughter] we might have to stop for a second for me to change my pants. Is there time. Well keep going. Okay. What is it about hitting people that you enjoy . Honestly, i think especially if its a good one, everything happens like that. But you hear this like mmmm, that noise, that sound. You here like huh, any of those little sounds like that, you kind of push up, you kind of have that smile on your face. Stephen thats like the sound of a cat perking t perkin. Let me show the helmet. That is a mean looking helmet. Thats a darth vader style helmet right there. When youre out in the field are you in a different mind set when youre in the field because people are criticizing Richard Sherman for his antics and he says when youre on the field, youre in a different mind set. Youre three hours of like go go go on the field. Looking to crunch ball and collapse organs, can you turn that off. You have to be able to. And we always say the owl is called the white line. When you step inside the white lines youre a different guy. I mean look, see all that. Thats from those hits that people go eek with. Stephen these deep gouges in your helmet is from the flesh of other human beings. What about the interview on the field. Do you think he was over the line by the way. Not at all. Stephen i dont think so either. Not at all. People dont understand. Richard is pretty smart guy. I mean stanford grad, 4. 0gpa. Getting his masters now. People want to talk about. You have to think hes a young guy sending the seahawks to the super bowl, just made a great play to send the team to the super bowl and you ask him about it hes going to be amped up right there. Like he said hes sorry for the fact he took a little of the shine away from the team with what he said but i dont think he had anything to apologize for. Thats how i want people to be excited about what they do. The fact of the matter is hes the best at what he does. So i was pretty stoked for him and happy he was able to help his Football Team win football games. Stephen the giants did not make the super bowl this year but the super bowl is being played in your stadium. Any chance you guys just rush the field at some point . [laughter] [crowd cheering] thank you so much for joining me. Stephen new york giants defensive end, from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. Im jon stewart. My guest tonight the great louis ck will be joining us this evening. Lets go. The big news today the state of the Union Address which just finished. [ laughter ] an hour ago. [ laughter ] talk about it right now, of course, since we all just saw it. [ laughter ] and are eager to discuss what happened especially joe
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